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Vet Tech

Sep 06 2023

Numbers Vs. Culture – Does It Have to Be War?

The Uncharted Veterinary Podcast Episode 248 Cover Image

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice management geek Stephanie Goss are deep in conversation after reading a mailbag question from a licensed veterinary technician who work with a hospital that is growing and changing in a lot of WONDERFUL ways! Their team is working together, they are establishing strong standards of care that support their clients and their patients with excellent client service. The team is all in on the changes and growing the practice this way. The problem is there seems to be a disconnect between the team vs. the hospital leaders when it comes to “leading” the team. In their meetings and a lot of interactions with the team, the direction the hospital leaders seem to take is all about numbers & the financial advancement of the business. This is rapidly dividing the team – they already lost a few good people over the hyper focus on the business and numbers and this tech is worried they are walking down a path they can't come back from! This is a great set of questions to discuss – Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 248 – Numbers Vs. Culture – Does It Have To Be War?

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.

Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag! We want to hear your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit your questions here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


Upcoming Events

Are Clients Willing To Wait For It? Making Wait Times Work For You

Are long wait times negatively impacting your veterinary clinic’s client satisfaction and team morale? Discover how to turn wait times into an opportunity to enhance the experiences for everyone in your practice! Join Uncharted's very own Tyler Grogan, CVT in an engaging workshop that combines the fields of operations management and psychology to explore the study of waiting in lines, also known as queue theory. You will dive into the research covering a range of topics including:

  • Common queueing behaviors – what can we let people do more of?
  • Appointment syndrome – what is the sticking point of appointments?
  • David Maister’s Laws of Service
  • The concept of queue rage (and how to avoid it!)
  • The eight factors to consider in the psychology of waiting according to David Maister.

You’ll also interact during practical activities to discuss case examples and develop customized queue management systems that you need in your individual practice right now, with a focus on managing client expectations, effective client communication, team communication, and increasing value through queue experiences.

Get ready to walk away with practical solutions to manage the different ways people wait in veterinary medicine, and tools to start making wait times work for you!

When: September 13, 2023, 8:30-10:30 PM ET/5:30-7:30 PM PT

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Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:
Hey, everybody! I am Stephanie Goss and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week brings us another letter from the mailbag. We've got an email that came in from a lead technician who is really struggling with finding some middle ground in their role because in their practice they seem to be having some culture issues. They've lost some team, they've maybe had some toxicity happening, and they've really been working hard as a leader within the team to grow and overcome these challenges. And they are really struggling because they feel like the practice leaders and the practice owner and practice manager just want to focus on numbers and metrics and practice growth. They're wondering if it has to be numbers versus culture or if there's any balance to be had here. Let's get into this. And now, the Uncharted Podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And we are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark and the one and only Stephanie stuck in the middle with you Goss.

Stephanie Goss:
How's it going, Andy Roark?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh man, it's good. It's really good. Yeah. Summertime, it's hurdling, hurdling towards a close at our house. It is, as we record this, we're coming up in the last week of July. And then I'm doing the fast last family vacation. I'm getting the kids back from camp and then we're heading out of town to go do that. And then we come back and the next Tuesday is the first day of school. We start back early in August here, and then we're into the fall and right back going. And that, man, summer was just a blink of an eye.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, this year seems to be flying by so, so, so fast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, it's scary how fast it's going.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, I am definitely ready for some cooler weather, but I'm not ready to give up the sunshine and the beauty of summer here. So I'm going to soak it up for a few more weeks before we go back to rainy Washington and take all the sunshine we can get. But I feel you, the summer is going by really, really quick. We're at the middle of our summer highlights. We're going to see Taylor Swift tomorrow.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh you are?

Stephanie Goss:
We are.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Wow. That's a big deal.

Stephanie Goss:
It is. I told my kid it is her birthday and Christmas and everything for the next five years.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. Oh, man.

Stephanie Goss:
She is very, very excited. So I will be taking a gaggle of gymnasts to Seattle this weekend and there will be lots of Starbucks involved.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's going to be lots of singing just so you know.

Stephanie Goss:
There's going to be lots of singing.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Lots of excitement.

Stephanie Goss:
Lots of excitement. Lots of glitter and outfits and all of the things. And it's so funny because everybody keeps asking me like, “Oh, do you have your outfit planned?” And I'm like, “No.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
When we went to the AVMA convention in Denver, Taylor Swift was playing there and a hundred thousand people came to Denver for… She had to take two concerts and apparently it's easier to get tickets there. Everywhere you look there was pink and sparkles and glitter and sequence. But at least with Taylor Swift, at least it's like a positive vibe. Everyone seemed to be in a really good mood. It was actually a pretty wonderful thing to be around. I don't know, I was pleasantly surprised. It was really cool.

Stephanie Goss:
This has been weeks on end of excitement in my house and so we are looking forward to that. And then heading into the end of summer, so it's crazy busy, but it is still summer for everybody. And we got a summer crazies related email in the mailbag that I wanted to fish out and put forward sooner rather than later because we got a letter from a lead technician who is struggling with being super overwhelmed in the clinic. I thought it would be a good one for us to talk through. Actually, this was a wonderful, wonderful letter and I read it and I'm like, okay, this is like three, there's like three podcast episodes in here.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, that's a lot.

Stephanie Goss:
But basically, it came from a lead technician and they have had some awesome changes and some challenging changes in their practice over the last couple years. So they have been really working on culture and have made some real improvements and then had some changes with their staffing and actually lost a doctor. So they went from having a couple of doctors down to really being essentially a one doctor practice with some occasional help. And it's gone well because they really like each other as a team and they get along. There have been some significant challenges as they have gotten smaller and summer has hit, so they've got some summertime help, but they've also got everybody taking vacations so they're shorthanded even though they have lost a doctor. And that is causing some significant challenges because this lead tech who used to be doing culture work and having some admin time off the floor and helping lead the team, do interviews, try and hire, all of those things that happen when you are not in role for your entire shift are now on the back burner.
And this tech has stepped back into being in their role and they are struggling because there seems to be some growing disconnect between themselves and the practice owner and the practice manager because the leadership is looking at it and it's like, “We're shorthanded, we're not making our numbers, we're down in revenue.” And the lead technician is like, “Yeah, duh? I know it feels really busy, but we've cut out appointments because we have less doctors, we have less staff, we can't see as many drop-offs, fit ins, all of those things.” So they're looking at it from a place of trying to protect the culture and trying to protect the team. And they are feeling the pinch because they are feeling like the hospital leadership is just looking at it from a spreadsheet perspective and is like, we're not making our numbers. We need to do more and more and more.
And this tech is really worried about the consequences on themselves and on the remaining staff if they only look at the numbers. And ultimately, they were asking some questions at the end about, “Given everything that I have shared, does it sound like I'm just burnt out and being difficult? Or how do I get my head straight really? Because what I want to do is bridge the gap between the team and the practice leadership and I'm feeling like I'm kind of failing at that.” And so there's a lot for us to unpack as we kind of get into it. But I thought it's such a great question and I think this is going to be one of those episodes.
As soon as I read it, I was like, oh, I know that feeling. I've been there where I feel like I'm worried about the team and the culture and the people and the people above me are looking at numbers on a spreadsheet. And you have that disconnect between the numbers and the culture and it really feels like it has to be one or the other. And so I thought talking that piece through would be something fun for us to do.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I am excited to do this. I'm going to try to wrangle my emotions in on this because this is a really hard one for me to talk about. Because here's the thing, I have been the guy at the top looking at the spreadsheet.

Stephanie Goss:
I know.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I have a very specific perspective on this, and also empathize. I empathize with our writer, but I really empathize with the panicking leaders at the top. Because I've been there. So anyway, we'll start to unpack this because I think we can do this justice. I think we've been in the different positions around the board and so I think we can talk to them a little bit in an empathetic way. So I'm excited to start to unpack this. One thing I would say is if you are a team lead, just like this team lead who took the time to write to us and you are balancing pressure from above with trying to look out for the team below, you might want to check out our Uncharted Team Leads Summit. It's on November the eighth. It's a one-day virtual summit. It's open just to team leads.
And so whether you're head CSR or lead technician, this is for you. And so we will talk just exactly about managing pressure from management and looking out for the team and managing teams. Anyway, but that's the first thing I'll throw. Let's get into headspace here. Sound good?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, that's sounds a great place to start.

Dr. Andy Roark:
So that's generally a good place for us to start. All right, two things can be true at the same time. The first thing I would say is numbers are important. If you don't measure it, you can't manage it. And there are some unquestionable forces of practice life which is payroll is coming and you have to have the money to do that. As much as I hate it, money is like food, it's not what life is about, but buddy, if you don't have it, it becomes a very hard thing to ignore and your options for spending your time get really limited. And so money is like food in that way. And so paying attention to numbers is really important. Watching your metrics, watching the numbers of the appointments, things like that, it is critical to be able to set clear expectations. Everybody wants to know if they're doing a good job and how they're doing and how are we doing. And if you don't have some general ideas that have some numbers tied to them, you don't know how we're doing. And it's really hard to set expectations about yes, we're doing a good job, or hey, today wasn't the best day for us or things like that.
If you can't measure it, you can't manage it. You've got to have some numbers and metrics just to know how you're doing so you can organize people and get them to work together. And on the other hand, nobody got into this job to hit number targets, right? No one's like, yeah, I'm going to vet school so I can smash those pet per day numbers. Like nope, culture is critical and people want to believe that their work, it matters, and they don't want to feel like they're in the vet clinic to generate revenue. That's not why they're here. And it feels kind of gross because they get accused of just trying to build people for dollars and they don't want to believe that there's any truth to that at all. And when everything is number focused, you start to wonder sometimes, well, is it true? Do we really need to charge these things?
That is also true. So you have to hold both of those things. And then the two things swirl together where in my experience, if you have a good culture and people feel like their work matters and they feel like they're appreciated, then you generally tend to have a financially healthy practice. And if you have a financially healthy practice and you reinvest back into the culture and the people, then they tend to take care of you and it spins back up. And so they really do go hand in hand. I think that that's where the point of our writer is they're feeling like there's a lot of pressure about the numbers and not about the culture. And the culture is starting to fall apart under pressure for numbers. And I have a hundred percent seen that. So I just want to start with that.
There's this leadership pitfall and this is why this spoke to me so much and why I said I'm going to try to not get emotional about it, it's just because I've seen it so much is one of the hardest games as a leader, especially small business. But this also happens in the corporate practices where you are the medical director, you're the regional director, you're the practice manager, and you have this force from above that's holding you accountable to dollars. They're like, you need to make this money. There's very little panic that I think most business owners feel like running out of money and not being able to pay people. I will tell you that there have been times when I have looked at the numbers and been like, I don't know if everybody can keep their job. If we have a couple more months like this one, this last one, I don't know if I can keep their job.
And man, that is a hard emotional experience for me because I do, I feel like I fail people if I can't keep them employed. I hired you for this. I feel like I owe it to you to be able to take care of you and give you a good job. And I know that that's my own stories I tell myself, but man, it is really challenging. And where the real trap comes in though is when you're looking at these numbers and people are saying, these numbers are important, these numbers are important. If you want to pass that information down to the team and say, guys, I'm just being honest with you. We're in trouble. We're not doing well, we are not meeting our numbers. We are from above, the way we're being ranked, whether we're independent and we're trying to make payroll or whether we're from a bigger group and we have these expectations, we are not succeeding and I'm getting a lot of negative pressure because of that.
And so you want to be transparent with the team and let them know that. The tricky is, the problem is that if you do that in less than a graceful way, which is what you tend to do when you're actually stressed out and feeling overwhelmed is you don't tend to be your most graceful. If you do that, then the team generally knows that things aren't going that well and now they're feeling pressured about money, and each individual person has very limited control over the practice finances. It's not like Michael, the CSR, can step up and make the practice finances change by himself. He can't. And so they feel like they have limited control, they're getting kind of beaten up over something that they as individuals don't have much control over. And at some point it starts to wear you down because then you do start to feel like you are being judged on the amount of money that you make.
And as we said, a lot of people have a really negative knee-jerk reaction to that. And so I've just seen this spiral where a practice starts to struggle and it sounds like that's what happened here is they lost. They were two doctors and down to one doctor and so they lost a lot of revenue generating capacity and then other people left. And it sounds like leadership, the practice owner, the practice manager are starting to panic. And when we panic, sometimes we are not super graceful. So they're starting to talk about money and nobody wants to be in a practice that's struggling and the owners only want to talk about money. And then more people are leaving and that makes the panic worse, which makes the pressure worse and the whole thing spirals down. And that is one of the biggest leadership pitfalls I see. And I have been in that driver's seat of going, God, we're bleeding money everywhere.
And I want to be honest with the team because I don't want them mad at me because they're not getting raises this month and I need their help. I can't do it on my own. I need help. And so I feel like I need to be honest with them about why I'm panicking. But the thing is I panic and they hear it, and then a week later I'm still panicking and they're like, “No, we talked about this last week.” And I'm like, “But I'm still panicking.” And then the end of the month comes and I am panicking again and they're like, “Look, dude, three times this month you have told us that we need to make more money for the practice. I get it.” And you can see how it quickly goes. As they get resentful, I panic more because I'm like, no, you guys are not hearing me. And then you end up in this horrible beatings will continue until morale improves situation. You know what I mean? Where you are making the culture worse.
Yeah, you're making the culture worse and the culture has to get better for you to actually get out of this nosedive. But the thing that you are doing to try to get out of the nosedive is just killing the culture, which is the thing that you need to get back out of the nosedive. So anyway, it's a horrible situation. A hundred percent, I have felt this before and it's awful. It's an awful, awful feeling.

Stephanie Goss:
It is. It's a vicious cycle. And I think I'm glad that you tackled a big chunk of the headspace because I have strong personal feelings and connections because I've been there on both sides of this. I've been there as the leader and the practice owner who is like, oh, I know we need to make these numbers or there's consequences, whatever those consequences are. Whether it's like you said, are people going to be able to cash their paychecks? Been there. Or is it just like, oh, well, we're starting to trend down and I know that I'm going to get called to the hot seat with my boss and have to explain why things are happening. There are varying degrees of that, but I have definitely been in that seat and I have been in the seat of the team where it's like, to your point, none of us got into this because we want to manage numbers.
The vast majority, and by majority, I mean probably 99.9% of our profession got into it because they care about the patients. And so when you start to focus on the numbers and the business side of it, it is that head and heart disconnect for people where they're like, I'm here for the heart, I'm here for the patients. I'm here to take care of people and their pets and all of the touchy-feely things. And when you lean into the numbers and the analytics, they're just like, they shut you off. And to your point, then it spirals because both sides are like, you're not listening to me, you're not listening to me. And it's this big swirling pit of despair. And so I definitely empathize with this writer because it is a hard position to be in and it's a really, really hard position to be in from the middle, the way that they are.
Because as a lead technician or as a lead CSR, as a team lead, and honestly even as a practice manager, but much less so, more as a leader on the team, you're in the trenches. You're still working on the floor. You're part of the team, and so you see and feel and bleed the day-to-day effects the same way that they do and you're also beginning your leadership journey where you're being asked to think beyond yourselves. You're being asked to think beyond the floor and the team and you're really starting to have to try and think a little bit with a business cap on. And so I appreciate this leader asking questions and asking perspective on are they just being difficult wanting to advocate for the team and for the patients and don't burn us out. Let's practice good medicine. And to your point, shouldn't the money follow? And so I think that this is a really hard position for someone who is in a team lead role to be in. And so I really appreciate them taking the time and asking the questions because they're good questions.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I really love it. I'll give you a quick analogy how it feels to me. It's like imagine that you had a bakery, a magical bakery where the food was only good if it was cooked with love. That's it. Joy and love makes the things you make wonderful. And the bakery is about to go out of business. That's the scenario here is you're like, guys, we're going to go out of business. It's really hard to bake with joy and love when-

Stephanie Goss:
They're stressing. Anxiety, yup.

Dr. Andy Roark:
The business is about to go… Exactly, there's stress and anxiety. And it's like the thing that makes the magical cookies is being killed by the stress of needing to be more successful. But the only path to success is to bake with joy and love. And so that's exactly like the spiral. And when you're the practice owner and practice manager, you are acutely aware of how the business is doing and so they have that pressure. But I feel for the CSR or the lead tech that's in between of going, I get that financially we're struggling or that there's a hardship. And if we do not lean back into the joy and love, then this is never going to work. And that's really the position this person is in. So anyway, I think the first thing, and the reason I started with that is I think to be successful when you are in this in-between position, you need to obviously empathize with the team and know that they're not here for the money. They're here because they want to feel their work matters. They don't want to feel like they're doing this to generate revenue. That's not what they're here for.
And you also want to empathize with the management and leadership that's like, hey, we are held accountable to these revenue numbers. We just are, and they're real. And so the most savvy of leaders, it's like if you want a real test of your skill, you have to be able to hold both of those things in your hand at the same time. Which means you have to know that financially things are not going well and still lean into the culture, talk to people about why their work matters, and talk to them about how we are doing a good job. And we're doing it for the right reasons. And be transparent about like, hey, things are not going that well. Just so you guys know. And there's really this dance here. The team lead, they've got a number of options here now that we lay this out and go, okay, great, as long as you can empathize with management and where they're coming from and the pressures that they're feeling and the team on the floor, it's your job to then say, okay, can I balance these things? And sometimes you can't.
A lot of this is to the credit of the owners and managers. If you've got a leadership team that is not going to back down and they are just going to every day, they're going to hammer on this and make it a thing again and again, you're going to have a really, really hard time. Part of this is I really, as I looked at this, I'm really having to struggle to not try to coach the leadership team because that's not who's asking this question. But just if leadership team, if you happen to be listening, just as a real quick aside, recognize that the team doesn't want to hear about money. Tell them, be transparent, but then shut up because they don't want to hear about it. And you have got to lean into the culture and the purpose to make this thing happen. Make a plan, decide what you're going to do, how are we going to turn this back around, communicate it to the team, communicate what the importance is, and then shut up and stop. Try to stop looking at the numbers as best you can.
If you're going to look at the numbers, set a deadline and be like, great. We are not saying anything else about money for the next two weeks. So we've told them we are trying to do things, we're adjusting our plan. We are not going to talk to them about money or revenue or anything for the next two weeks. We are going to push the programs that we came up with and really try to push them for the right reasons knowing that good medicine, taking care of people. Look, I have a mentor who's just said to me a number of times, “Andy, if you work hard and you take care of people, things tend to work out.” And it's like, I have found that oftentimes that's true. But you got to just decide to lean into that. But I tell you, I would stop looking at financials except for set times. I would be like, I can't look at the numbers every day because it's not helping me. It's like it's not helping me. I get it. I know generally what's going on.
I know what we have to do. I need to stop looking at this and lean into trying to do good work on the ground and then we'll stop at the end of the week and we'll look at how we did. But man, I know people who look at the numbers multiple times a day and I go, this is not helping. This is helping you. And so that would be my side coaching to the leadership.

Stephanie Goss:
No, it's not helping and it's not healthy either. That obsessive managing to a spreadsheet perspective, it's not healthy because the reality is that veterinary medicine, there's a lot that we can control. And this is where I do empathize with the leaders who are looking at the number of perspective because there are a lot of things that we can control and there are a lot of changes that we can affect here. And we have a lot of people in veterinary medicine who are in leadership positions and who succeed in spite themselves and who don't have the understanding and the education background to know how to impact and affect change when it comes to the numbers. And so I have some thoughts on this when we get into the action steps perspective, but there's often this knee-jerk of things are going wrong and I know I need to fix it, but I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to fix it because I don't really understand the business side of it.
And so I'm just going to throw all the spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks. And it just is often there's more chaos and madness and it's like, let's not do that. Leaders, if you're listening. We'll talk about some ideas. When you think about managing to a spreadsheet, and that tends to be this knee-jerk reaction like you were saying, Andy, I should look at it more. Because if I look at it more, then I'll know what's going on with it. But the reality is in veterinary medicine, we can't control all of the things and there are things we can control. We can add more visits in. We can try and get patients who haven't been coming in to come in. There are things that we can impact and we cannot control every minute of every day. And there is so much up and down that has to happen over time.
And I think that so many people from the business perspective look at it and go, okay, there's a plan and we're going to put the plan in place and snap our fingers and poof, it's going to magically change overnight. But when you think about it, and in this case, it's actually a really good example because this team lead was like, we've had a downward trend in our numbers over the last three months, and this is typically one of the busiest times of the year for us. Which is part of what is so worrisome, I'm sure for the practice leaders, it's like if in your busy time you're really, really down. Well, it didn't happen overnight. That's three months worth of numbers and you're not going to make a change and put it in place and poof, overnight it's going to be back to the way that it was.
And so I think that hyper-focused, hyper obsessed looking at the numbers constantly is really unhealthy. Really unhealthy for so many reasons. And there is also truth in that it is not going to change overnight. And so it does no one, particularly not the people involved who are working their butts off, good for them to see you hyper-focusing and hyper obsessing and looking at the numbers constantly because those numbers will take time to change. And so I love your perspective, Andy, about let's take a certain point in time whether it's the end of the day or the end of the week or every two weeks where you're like, okay, I'm going to sit down and review this and I'm going to implement change. You don't want to go a super long period of time because you need the time to impact the change. And if it's not working, you want to adjust sooner rather than later. But to your point, it is really, really unhealthy to do that obsessing. And so from a headspace perspective, if that's part of what is happening here, that conversation about that obsessing is probably a healthy one to have.

Dr. Andy Roark:
No, I completely agree. The dials of control we have are not so fine that you need to look in the morning, in the afternoon. That's ridiculous. Everything you do takes, it takes time. And time, not in hours, not even day, but in weeks. It takes weeks to get things turned around. And so one of the skills that I've learned over time is looking at trends and going, okay, this is not going the way that I want. And so I'm going to just to tell you how I do it is I look and I say, I'm going to set this date as a significant inflection point. And if things are not trending back upwards and they continue to trend down, at this time, whether it's a date or whether it's where I hit in the savings account or whether it's when we cross into the emergency account for our business, it's like I have a plan for when we have to dip into the emergency account. And it's the get small plan and it's going to suck. We might not be able to carry.
At some point you say, I tried to carry the staff for two doctors with just one doctor, but we have not been able to replace that second doctor and now I cannot carry that much staff. I just can't. And that sucks. But you not owning that and continue just to freak out about it and pound on the staff to make more money is like that's not helping anybody.

Stephanie Goss:
You're going to lose them anyways if that's the way you approach it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
You're going to lose them anyway. I mean, quite honestly, sometimes the best call is to say, we have hit this mark, we are now into our emergency fund. I am going to let some staff members go and restructure down to a one vet practice that can be profitable, that I can afford to keep. And my hope is that one day I will be able to add a second doctor and then we'll have to rehire staff. And yes, that's not as great as if we already had them here, but it's just what we're going to have to do. And it's just funny. Again, I don't know this has happened here. And again, we got to stop talking about the leadership team, but I just can't because I just empathize so hard. There's this idea when you're driving the team and you are in charge and you're trying to make these things happen and you're trying to make good calls, there's this tendency to just white-knuckle the steering wheel. You're like, we're going to pull this out.
We're either going to pull it out or we're going to crash and burn. There's a middle path which is, well, we're going to have to make some hard choices along and along and we're going to adjust. We're not going to crash and burn. We're going to end up with a smaller team and that will suck. But we're also not going out of business. But I've seen people just drive it right out of business and I'm like, you know, if you would make some hard calls along the way and let some people go or things like that just along and along, you could have kept a smaller team and kept going and kept playing the game. But we don't think that way. We're not like, oh, what adjustments we get, it's just all or nothing thinking is we are going to make this thing fly or we're going to crash and burn.
You go, how about this? How about you're going to make something different fly because you're going to make adjustments based on what you need to do. And not in a moment of panic, but by watching and trying things and setting some guardrails where you say, well, if we're still trending down at this point, we're going to have to make some adjustments. But I tell you what, honestly, everybody's better off if you can do that and treat people with kindness and still lean into culture and honoring the work that you do and then saying, I'm sorry guys, we have to make these calls. That actually does much better for you than screaming the whole way that this isn't working and people are not showing up the way they're supposed to.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. Okay. So do you have anything else headspace? We started a little bit talking into the action steps, but before we make that switch, do you have anything else headspace-wise?

Dr. Andy Roark:
No, I think the last thing that I would say, again, it's just for the lead technician that wrote to us is empathize, right? Understand where it's coming from. Nobody's trying to be a monster. Everybody's fighting a battle. Just try to recognize. When you see people at their worst, try not to sum them up as a person based on their worst day. You know what I mean? That's it. And at the same time, we got to make some changes. And so let's take a break and we'll come back and then we'll get into if you're this lead tech, what do your playing cards look like?

Stephanie Goss:
Okay. Did you know that we offer workshops for our Uncharted members and for our non-members? So if you're listening to today's podcast and you are not a member of Uncharted yet, you should be. But this is not a conversation about joining Uncharted. This is a conversation about all of the amazing content that we have coming at all of you, whether or not you're a member through our workshop series. You should head over to the website at unchartedvet.com/events and check out what is coming. We have got an amazing lineup on the regular. We've got something every month, sometimes two or three things in a month coming at you to expand your brain, to talk about leadership, to talk about practice management, and dive into the kind of topics that Andy and I talk about on the podcast every week.
So now's your chance. Stop what you're doing, pick up your cell phone, I know it's not far from you, and type in unchartedvet.com/events. See what's coming and sign up. They are always free to our Uncharted members and they have a small fee attached to them if you are not currently a member. You can get all of the details, pricing, dates, times, and register, head over to the website now. I want to see you there.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, so let's take this. So you're the lead tech, the practice owner and practice manager keep beating the drum about money and the morale is down. You are stuck in the middle trying to help the culture on the ground and also to deal with the pressures that are coming from above. Right? Cool, sweet. As I said before, I think culture is your better motivator for your staff, right? Lean into what we're doing, the fact that we're a team, the fact that we're trying to make a difference. Remember what your team cares about. Everybody's got motivators, right? Sometimes it's patient care, sometimes it's making an impact in the communities, sometimes it's educating pet owners. What do they care about? Who are we? What are our values? And I would intentionally try to lean back into that and try to rally the troops around the values.
I would go and have a conversation with ownership. And I think the best thing that I think you can say the owner, it depends a little bit on the individual, but I think if you are stuck in the middle here, the best thing that you can do when communicating with a leadership is to make sure that they feel heard. And I will tell you as someone who's had to fly the ship and been like, oh no, I don't need people to freak out with me, but I just needed to hear someone say, Andy, we understand the situation. We got it, and now we're going to get into problem solving mode. And that's all that I needed to hear was because that's the concern is you think, boy, do they not get it? Do they not know that things are not going well? Do they not know how bad our month was? I've walked in the treatment room and people are whistling and high-fiving and I'm like, how could you be so happy right now? That's ridiculous. But the first thing you say is, I get it. I know this is important. I know we have to turn this around.
And so just try to make them feel heard and let them show you the numbers and blah, blah, blah. But just go, yep, I get it. So starting first is to try to empathize and understand, but mostly to make leadership feel heard and then remember what your team on the ground cares about.

Stephanie Goss:
And I think it's possible for this lead technician to recognize that this may not be one conversation. So there's two big things here at play. There's the conversation about the numbers and about needing to be a part of the leadership team and the solutions and figuring out how, to your point, recognizing that everyone has jobs because the business exists and if we don't run the business, we don't have jobs. And so part of this lead tech's role is looking at it from that perspective. And there's a lot going on that have to do with relationship pieces that don't have to do with the numbers that aren't the analytical piece. And this tech is feeling overwhelmed. They care about the team, it's impacting them physically. They're working extra because they're shorthanded. They're on the floor. They're impacted and they want to have things change to improve their own situation and the situation for the team.
And so recognizing that if their practice owner and their practice manager are worried about the numbers and stuff and they're trying to combine those two very different things, the relationships and the numbers into one conversation, the chances for success are very minimal. So your best bet in my opinion would be to break those things apart and be fully engaged with both conversations completely separately so that you can have the relationship conversation, you can pull those levers, you can talk about the impact to you. We'll talk about how would you set up a conversation like that. That conversation is going to go so much better when you're both in agreement that that's the conversation that you're there to have versus them wanting to have a conversation about the numbers and you wanting to have that conversation.
Because you do want to grow and this person wants to develop as a leader and also they care about the team, they care about themselves, they've got all of this other stuff. That conversation never goes well on either side. And most of us, I think it's just human nature, try and have the conversation together. I know I did, and so did my bosses. It's like, let's just sit down and let's just have the come to Jesus and let's just hash it all out in one mega long meeting. And then everybody leaves in tears. It never goes well.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And then we all cried.

Stephanie Goss:
Everybody cries.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Okay. Yes. Okay, I completely agree. I see this a million times, it is a terrible idea because this is not a let's hash it out problem. There are things where you're like, this is a hash it out problem. I guess we talk about, is this a head, heart or hands argument, right? A head argument is we are not understanding, we're looking at different facts. A heart is it means different things to different ones. And a hands is understanding how we get things done. Can we actually get this thing done? This is going to cycle between head, heart, and hands. Every time the numbers come back or they're looking like, it is going to cycle. If it's just a head problem, which means the staff does not understand this thing and we understand it and we need to make them understand it, it's possible you could get together and hash it out. And everyone goes, oh, okay, all right, I get it. I see where you're coming from. And then we put it down.
But that's not what this is. I would tell you as somebody who is looking at the numbers, like I said, it takes a long time to turn these things around to make real changes, things like that. This is not a problem you're going to hash out in an afternoon and then we're not going to worry about it anymore. It's going to continue to be a thing, which means if you are a writer, this is a relationship management thing, right? Think about it like you are supporting a friend, someone you care about who has a medical problem. It's like you're not going to hash out there a medical problem in an afternoon, be like, no buddy, listen, I empathize and I am thinking about you and I'm sending thoughts and prayers, and if we could just not talk about this anymore, that would be great. Thanks. But just know that I'm thinking about you, but also it's awkward and it makes me feel weird.
If you could just not bring it up again, that would be great. You know what I mean? It's not that. It's for the people who are trying to fly the ship, it's going to be an ongoing thing. And so I do think that as your lead technician, you are going to be in a relationship management thing. And that's not bad. It just means, trust me, this is going to come up again. It's going to keep coming up because it's not going to go away. And every time they look at the numbers or every time payroll goes through and the accountants drop or whatever, they're going to have another panic attack. And part of the challenge in managing this is you're going to have to be patient and kind every time. You're going to have to continue to say, I hear you. I understand. These are the things that are going well. I think we have a good plan.
You're going to have to reassure and then you're going to have to go back to trying to work on the culture as we do in a way that also helps support the practice. You're going to have to reapply yourself to the practice. And again, I think a lot of people think that there's something disingenuous about using different messaging to leadership and to the team, but I really don't think that there are. You know what I mean? Different people are motivated by different things or different people need different things. And so for example, this is going to be terrible because I'm just shooting from the hip. If you went to me and my wife and you were trying to get us to go on vacation somewhere, you're a vacation salesman. The thing you would say to me is very different than the thing you would say to my wife.
You would go to my wife and you would be like this, it's convenient, you're going to have the things for the kids to do are wonderful, the whole family will be entertained. And you'll look at me and be like, oh dude, it's got an open bar. I'm like, yeah, and I'm done. I'm sold. It's something stupid. It's not that. But you get the point, right? And none of that is untrue. It's just knowing who you're talking to. And so if you're the lead technician in this scenario, the conversation you have to try to support leadership to try to make them feel important, to make them understand that you understand what their needs are, that's just a different conversation than you're going to have with the team where you let them know that their needs are important, that you hear them, that you are trying to achieve what they're trying to achieve.
Again, it's not disingenuous. If you're straight up lying to one of those people, that's bad. That's not what we're doing. But the messaging up and down the chain can be different and we can still act with integrity because ultimately we are taking care of our team on the floor. Because we know and believe that if we do that along with some systemic adjustments, we can accomplish the financial metrics that are making us sweat. Things like that.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, absolutely. And I think that you have a significantly higher potential for success on both sides, no matter how you're framing it to your point. Like, okay, if you are the vacation salesman, ultimately you want them to buy in and go on vacation. And as you're listening to the salesman, you want to see yourself going on that vacation. And so the ultimate success for everybody is that thing happening. And so I think for this lead tech, whether they're having the numbers conversation and they're helping and stepping into that leadership space or they're having the conversation about, Hey, this is how this is impacting me on a personal level. Or they're having the conversation about, Hey, this is where the team is at. All of those conversations have a very different frame, and it is okay for them to step into that conversation and focus solely on that piece because they're going to get to the others.
That's the thing is that you're not lying. You are going through the pieces. But trust me when I say that, when you break it apart and try not to just conquer it all at the same time, nobody succeeds there. And so pick one from an action set perspective, pick one and start there. And so for our writer, I would say what feels… There's two ways you can approach it. What feels the most urgent? Is half of your team really looking for other jobs and they're going to quit in the next week if you don't address something? That might be more of an urgently flaming fire than your practice owner being worried about the numbers. It might not, but that's a gut call that you're going to have to make. Are you yourself at the point where you're just like, I'm exhausted, I'm overwhelmed, I physically cannot keep working on the floor? And if you don't change my schedule soon, it is going to break me. Is that the biggest fire? Part of it is that from an action steps perspective is figuring out where do you start. Because you can't have all those conversations at once, and so which one is the most urgent?
And then when you're communicating that and you are sitting down and having conversations. So I think your first step, we always talk about having safe conversations and we're going to get to that. The first step is to ask to sit down and have the conversation. And so when you are asking to sit down and have a conversation, I would frame it for my practice owner and my practice manager in that, Hey, there's a couple of things that I want to talk to you guys about and I would like to set up two meetings or three meetings or whatever. Because I would like to talk about this and I would like to talk about this and I would like to talk about this. I want to be in the right headspace for each conversation and I want us to really be able to focus and accomplish things, and so I would like to break them apart how can we accomplish that.
If you came to me as the practice owner, even if I was worried about money and I was worried about the numbers, if you came to me as a member of my team, I would admire that so much that you are acknowledging my concern and be much more willing to set up the safe space conversation where we're going to be able to sit next to each other or we're going to be able to assume good intent. Where we're going to be able to look at how have we maybe not set the team up for success? How have we failed the team? And ultimately, get to the E in safe, which is what is the end result, which is the problem solving, which is ultimately where the practice leaders want to get to. We all want to skip the hard stuff and just get to the end result, but the reality is we can't do that. And so we have a better chance of working through the stuff in the middle together as a team if we can acknowledge, hey, this is multiple conversations.
So I would ask to have that conversation and set it up in that way. And so I think our writer needs to sit down and think for themselves, what are the pieces that feel like they're on fire and what feels like it's the biggest fire? And then figure out which one to approach from that. That's how I would approach it anyways.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree. I agree with all that. And I would also frame it in terms of asking for help. And I just find asking for help to be a really powerful approach is to go in and say, I hear you guys. I see what we're trying to do. I am concerned about what's happening on the ground, the way that people feel about these things. I need some help. I need help in delivering this experience. I need help in trying to try to take away some of the things that are most bothering to people so that I can get them motivated on whatever the initiatives are that we're going to try, things like that. But you go in and you put yourself as, Hey, I'm your friend. I am your lead technician. I am trying to help manage on the treatment floor. These are some things that I need help with. I need your support in this area.
And a lot of times, that's what people need to hear rather than saying, you need to do this, or the staff doesn't want that, or blah, blah, blah. And then you're not wrong, but it's much more productive to say, I need your help because I think that some people feel this way and I want to make sure that they know that that's not true and that X, Y, and Z are the things that we care about. And so I need your support in trying to frame these issues this way or to take some of this pressure off or to make this situation better.

Stephanie Goss:
I love that. And I think you also have, it is a good superpower to use to flip the help, you need their help and you should absolutely ask for it. And also to tell them, I want to help you, because ultimately that is a piece that is driving this person as a leader, which is I want to help be a part of the solutions here, and so I'm willing to try some things. And so I think it's a little bit about compromise. Our writer ultimately ended and was asking, am I just really burned out? Am I being really difficult? Here's the things that are weighing on me. And while we didn't get into a lot of those pieces in this conversation, I just want them to know, no, you're not wrong. Things like this impact all of us. It's a relationship and it has to be a two-way street.
And so you can dip into that trust bank and you can say, Hey, I need this and here's what I need and here's why I need it. And if you have a really strong relationship, there's going to be some give and take there. And also recognizing that as a leader, sometimes you feel like you only have 80% to give, but you figure out how to give a hundred percent anyways. And you can't do that over a sustained period of time without it becoming unhealthy and without getting to the place of burnout. And so if you are in a place where you're like, I literally can't take this anymore. This is physically impacting me, or this is mentally impacting me and I'm going to break, you have to lean into that aspect of the relationship, to your point, Andy, and say, I need your help.
I want to help you, and I feel like I can't help you until I help myself and this is physically impacting me or it's mentally impacting me, or whatever it is. And so I think leaning into that on both sides and having that honest conversation because it opens that door to the human space. And the reality is, if you've been working together and you have a good relationship and you've been there through the things, even if you're not friends with the people that you work with, you care about each other. And so I have never once leaned into that magic button of asking for help and trying to give help and not had it work out because we care about each other.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, no, I agree. I really like how you characterize this too. And this is a triage job. When you have things like this and you've got financial pressures and the metrics and you've got culture issues that are stemming from this and people are unhappy and all those sorts of things. I really do look at it like a triage job. It's one of those, it's like a multi-part surgery where you go, okay, we've got this horrible broken bone, but we're going to need to stop the bleeding before we deal with this bone. We're going to deal with the bone, but if we don't get the bleeding stop, we're not going to be able to fix the bone. It's a lot like that. And to your point, you go, okay, great, well, this is what I need. And so I've got to clamp my pain off and make sure that I can be okay. I'm going to clamp this off, and then we're going to go look at these things that the staff is really upset about that's undermining our ability to come together and be efficient. Let's see if we can fix that.
And all of that stuff is working towards the actual fixing of the problem, which is running a two vet practice. We want that. But we got to do all that stuff. But it's all interrelated, you know what I mean? It's morale gets down, so then people start showing up late, which makes the clients unhappy, which then beats up the front desk. It's like, you just got to stop. You got to try to figure out, do a little root cause analysis, try to figure out what the underlying, most painful, problematic parts are. Try to fix those things. And I'll tell you this, let me shine some sunshine here. What I have found is, because I said, you can tell I've driven this. I've flown this plane before, but what I have found is often it's not as bad as you think it is. It's not as bad as you think it is. A lot of good comes from setting some deadlines and then not looking at the metrics, like putting them aside, doing the work and then coming back at a designated time to see how you've done so you're just not beating yourself up.
And the other thing that I've found is your team wants you to succeed. They want you to succeed. They do. You can ask them for help and you'll be amazed at how if you are vulnerable and honest and you ask for help, it's amazing how people will pick up and come and get you. They'll come to where you are. And the real last part is when we have things like this and it looks bad and the staff is unhappy and things, you don't have to magically fix their problems, I found. But you have to show them that you're trying and you have to make progress. Most people, if you're making progress, if you're making an honest effort to address the problem and to get better and they can see a visible effort, they'll give you some time and they'll give you some grace for the most part. You know what I mean? But it really is, often it's that perception of are things changing? Are they going to change?
So you don't have to have the magic wand, you don't have to have the magic solution, but you have to try some things and you have to work on some things. And just say to them, Hey, we're not going to get everything right, but we're going to try and we're going to keep trying. And if this doesn't fix it, we're going to keep working. This is probably going to be a multi-step process in getting us back where we need to be, but you have my word. We're going to keep trying to fix things and we're going to keep working on them. And I've just found that it's funny, people will give you grace as long as they believe that you're trying and that things are changing. I think the biggest fear that people have is nothing is changing and nothing is going to change, and this is what it's going to be. And that's when I think people really lose heart.

Stephanie Goss:
I think the last thing for me, I'm going to talk to the practice leaders a little bit, but also to our team lead here. When we think about this from a numbers perspective, one of the things that happens to a lot of us, it's happened to me on both sides of this, which is why I'm bringing it up, is that we have this sense of panic. And Andy, I think you might be able to relate to this too, we have the sense of panic because we know that things are not going the way that they should. And so we start looking at the numbers because we know, everybody tells us, well, you should be monitoring your KPIs, you should know. But so many of us in veterinary medicine don't actually know why we're looking at each of those things. And so as a practice owner, this is what happened to me when I was a manager, was my practice owner, we got into a position where we had lost some staff and we were doing less appointments.
And so our numbers started trending down. And all of a sudden, it was like, let's obsessively look at all of these numbers because someone told us that we should look at the numbers. But I was like, are those the right numbers? What matters? And so I think your point about root cause analysis, the best thing from trying to bring the numbers and culture perspectives together, besides breaking apart those conversations is for this team lead to try and understand what is being looked at and why is it being looked at and doing that root cause analysis. So to your point, Andy, is the practice owner sitting there and they're truly worried that people might not be able to cash their paychecks? Those numbers are different numbers than if you're worried about the overall number of new clients, or you're worried about the fact that people can't get in for three months.
The root cause there is very, very different. And so I think as a team lead, stepping up and saying, I want to help this because that's how you are going to help drive the team, is to understand what are we looking at and why are we looking at it? Why do we need to impact the change? And that will, I think, unlock the ability to have that conversation on both sides for this team lead.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. Okay. I love it. I could do a whole nother episode right here based on what you just said because you're spot on. So I made some assumptions about why this is a big deal. Because I'm like, oh, you're looking at this and the number's not where they need to be. And they went from two vets down to one. And so I imagine it's fairly dire, but I do think it's probably a very, very good choice to try to understand why these numbers are important. Why are these numbers important? Because there's two things that I see. I've seen them in myself, I see them in a lot of other people who run teams is one is comparison is a thief of joy, which means, are we doing these numbers? Because your friend from vet school has a hospital and their numbers are much greater than yours.
I'm like, I have seen people a hundred percent grab onto that and they just trash the thing they have. And the truth is, the person probably didn't tell you their actual numbers anyway. But I've seen people be like, I have to get numbers like they have. And I go, they're in a different demographic, they're a different area, blah, blah, blah. Forget it. But I have a hundred percent seen people be like, yep, I have to do this. And so comparison is the thief of joy because I'm comparing to someone else. The other thing is what a practice should be, and this is something that I think tortures a lot of people, is we read management journals and we talk to consultants or we go to talks and things like that. People are like, well, your practice should be doing this and they should be doing that.
And the truth is, there is no should. There's what you hope for. There's what other practices are able to do, but there is no should. And so I am a hundred percent seeing people be like, well, I should have my practice ready to sell and blah, blah, blah. And you say, but are you planning to sell? And they're like, nope. And I'm like, okay, then that's something we should aspire to but it is not mission-critical. I felt that way at different times in my career of like, I will tell myself a story about what my business should be or how my practice should run, the practice where I work should run. And the truth is, none of that matters and it's not real. And there is no celestial body of judges who will say, yep, you ran your practice the way it should be run. That doesn't mean anything. So anyway, are we doing these numbers because these are numbers we should have? Are we doing these numbers because we're comparing ourselves to someone who's not us?
Or are we looking at the numbers and saying, well, the payroll is coming. I'm not comparing myself to anything other than I want to make sure I take care of my people and I'm worried not being able to do that. Those are three very different things.

Stephanie Goss:
We could totally do a whole separate episode on that. And to your point, I think the success for this conversation is to help me understand, start wide and ask the questions. I want to understand what we're looking at. Why are we looking at these numbers? What numbers are we looking at and why are we looking at them? I think that's a great place of inquisition to come from as a team lead. Because that's part of your journey is learning and understanding, and you might help yourself, but you may also help your practice owner and your practice manager along the way. And so I think it's a good place to start that conversation for sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree. All right, cool.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay, well, this was a fun one.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I agree.

Stephanie Goss:
And now I see two more episodes coming out of this.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I know. This is a robust question, I'll tell you that.

Stephanie Goss:
Have a fantastic rest of the week, everyone.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. See you, everybody.

Stephanie Goss:
Well gang, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. And as always, this was so fun to dive into the mailbag and answer this question. And I would really love to see more things like this come through the mailbag. If there is something that you would love to have us talk about on the podcast or a question that you are hoping that we might be able to help with, feel free to reach out and send us a message. You can always find the mailbag at the website. The address is unchartedvet.com/mailbag, or you can email us at podcast@unchartedvet.com. Take care everybody, and have a great week. We'll see you again next time.


Written by Maria Pirita · Categorized: Blog, Podcast · Tagged: culture, management, Training, Vet Tech

Jul 26 2023

When is Burned Out TOO Burned Out To Continue Working?

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast Episode 242 Cover Image

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice management geek Stephanie Goss are diving back into the mailbag to tackle an email from a team leader who is worried that one of their technicians has reached a point of no return with their “I don't give a flying fig” attitude. This tech used to have a ton of heart and their pride in their work showed through everything and now it seems like they just brush off every mistake they make and they are making a lot of them! This team lead is Concerned-for-her-but-also-the-patients and asking Andy and Stephanie to weigh in on a very important question – When is burned out “too” burned out to keep going? Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 242 – When Is Burned Out TOO Burned Out To Continue Working?

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.

Submit your questions here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


Upcoming Events

Calling all Team Leads – if you are a lead CSR, a lead Technician, a lead Kennel tech – we want you to come connect with your peers and our Uncharted Community! We have a brand new event we want to see your faces at.

Uncharted’s Team Leads Summit is an immersive 1-day virtual event designed to connect team leads and help you tackle the challenges unique to your role in veterinary practice. Kick off the day with an inspiring general session, learn from some of the brightest minds in vet med, and then dive in to gain exactly what you need with a discussion-based format to create game-changing connections for your career. This Summit features interactive workshops and Choose Your Own Adventure sessions, a signature of Uncharted events. Start the day telling us what you need RIGHT NOW, and leave having worked on exactly that.

✨ Sessions on navigating burnout, thriving in veterinary practice, motivating your teams and team training techniques

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December 7-9, 2023: Uncharted Practice Leaders Summit

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Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:

Hey everybody, I am Stephanie Goss and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I are diving back into the mailbag. We got a great letter from a technician who is concerned about one of her fellow techs. This person has been a long-time tenured employee, was previously really engaged and a rockstar on the team, and now just seems very burned out. And the technician who wrote us is really concerned about some of their behaviors and wondering when is burned out too burned out to keep on going. Let's get into this one.

Speaker 2:

And now, the Uncharted podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:

And we are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark and the one and only Stephanie, the point of no return, Goss.

Stephanie Goss:

How's it going, Andy Roark?

Dr. Andy Roark:

Oh my God, Becky. Look at my summer, it is so out of control. I am on a rollercoaster that just hasn't stopped back at the station five times and I'm like, “This was fun.” And now I'm just holding on and feeling kind of beaten up.

Stephanie Goss:

I'm ready to get off.

Dr. Andy Roark:

I'm ready to… I have to go to the bathroom and I would like this rollercoaster to stop. I need everyone to stop screaming around me. I would like… stop the summer. I'm ready to get off and go back to real life. It is ready for kids to go back to school and ready. I have done all the things I wanted to do this summer, but yeah, it's been good. How about you?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, it's crazy right now. First of all, I miss seeing your faces, so I'm so glad that I'm staring at you right now because I haven't seen you in a week and a half because I was on vacation. But yeah, same. I had that coming down from the vacation high on Monday because I was unplugged, I spent time with my kids and I was trying really hard to not have a repeat of last summer's failures. And in fact, our friend, Eric Garcia and Tyler and I are going to do a repeat podcast about this year's challenge.

Dr. Andy Roark:

About your failure to unplug?

Stephanie Goss:

For unplugging. I did much better this year, but in my effort to do much better, I didn't look at anything until I sat down at my desk on Monday morning and then it was like, shit exploded.

Dr. Andy Roark:

And part of that was me and here's why. Because you're not the only one who hasn't seen me in a while. No one's seen me in a while. And not because I've been doing things, because everyone else has been doing things. My children are at different summer camps. My wife went on a business conference. It's just me by myself. The first thing I did was watch all the movies that I don't get to watch when other people are around, and that took about a day. I watched Renfield with Nicholas Cage as Count Dracula. I watched The Expanse, the TV show, watched a number of things and then I was kind of done. And now at this point, no one has come home, it's still just me by myself. I'm into weird shit now, Goss. I ordered a whetstone from Amazon and sharpened my kitchen knives to the point that I throw fruit in the air and cut it in half. That's how sharp my knives are right now. I bought patio furniture last night because it was Prime Day and I was like-

Stephanie Goss:

I was going to ask because it's Prime Day when we're recording this, so what did you trip over your fingers and buy?

Dr. Andy Roark:

I bought a whole set of patio furniture that my wife is going to be-

Stephanie Goss:

Surprised by.

Dr. Andy Roark:

[inaudible 00:03:46] she's going to be surprised by. I sent her a text message that says, “I made a purchase. If you hate it, we'll send it back.” And then that was the text. And then I went to bed and didn't respond to any of her follow up questions, which got increasingly frantic [inaudible 00:04:02].

Stephanie Goss:

Because she's on her business trip and she's imagining that, did he buy a car? Did he… What just happened.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah. I guarantee if you made her list the things, patio furniture wouldn't have come up. It was not a family purchase we were planning on, but I was just like, “I'm doing it. No one's here to stop me.” It's like when you leave your dog and they just chew something up and you're pretty sure it's out of spite, but you can't prove it. She's like, “I left him, and so he bought patio furniture. I think he was resentful, but I'm not sure.” Anyway. I went to a CrossFit pool party because the 4th of July party was held late, and so I went to the CrossFit pool party, which you would've really enjoyed. I love the CrossFit people that I go to the gym with, but I'm not going to lie, there was very small swimsuits and lots of posing around the pool.

Stephanie Goss:

I was going to say. I mean, I would expect no less for a CrossFit party.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah, there was-

Stephanie Goss:

I mean you like to show off your guns. I can only imagine people who are hardcore, hardcore, hardcore, hardcore CrossFitters and their amazing bodies showing up to guns out.

Dr. Andy Roark:

There was lots of drinking beverages in ways that really made your biceps stand out. A lot of that was going on, you know what I mean? There was a lot of just standing and… You know when models stand casually, it was a lot of that. But yeah, that was it. So I went to the CrossFit pool party and I was like, “Stephanie Goss would never stop giggling if she was here.”

Stephanie Goss:

Oh man, I would not. I would've been highly amused for probably 0.5 seconds and then I would've felt wildly uncomfortable and been like, “Yeah, this is not my thing. Why did I let Andy drag me to this?”

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah. I would've been like, “Come on Goss, let's go to the CrossFit pool party.”

Stephanie Goss:

I could make them all feel good about themselves because I would just be rocking my middle-aged mom bod, and just be like, “Hi.”

Dr. Andy Roark:

No, that was me. It's funny, I have a role at the CrossFit gym and it's the floor. I am the floor above which others soar. Basically that's my experience in vet school where I help make the top half of the class possible.

Stephanie Goss:

Look really good.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah. I provide the bottom part of the CrossFit experience so others can monitor their progress as they shoot past me, as I get older and older and older. All right.

Stephanie Goss:

Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:

That's it. So that's what I've been doing.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, and not only that, so it's been busy for both of us personally and work has been insane. So came back on Monday and my desk was piled full of crap that my kids dumped there, but also like 9,000 messages and emails and everything. And so we did a thing this week. In fact, we did a thing just yesterday. We did a really big thing. And so it's been a little busy.

Dr. Andy Roark:

It has been a little busy. It's been crazy. We opened up registration for our Medical Director Summit, our Team Lead summit, our Culture Conference and our Practice Leader Summit, which is open to in-person and open to practice owners and practice managers, and so that was… We opened up all those things just yesterday and we're not done for the year. But those are the big things. So yeah, I'm super excited about this stuff.

Stephanie Goss:

There's multiple new events in there and revamping of old events that we have done before in lots of different ways. And so it has been a busy time for the team and like you said, we're not done. And so it was like, okay, we're just going to coast over the top of this hill and then we're still running, running, running because there's another hill in front of us. So it has been busy. I am very excited to see you this weekend because we are headed to AVMA.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah. AVMA in Denver.

Stephanie Goss:

I can't wait to see all of our friends and have that midsummer energy.

Dr. Andy Roark:

And you're speaking there, you're speaking on Friday at AVMA, which is the day before I get there. They moved you forward and so I will not able to see you.

Stephanie Goss:

You're going to miss it.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

But you know what? You have a history of trying to miss out on my lectures.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Not being able to get into the room because they're crazy packed is the history.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, fingers crossed that AVMA goes well. This'll come out after that, but I'm excited to see your face. I have a feeling there's going to be a lot of conversations like what we're going to talk about today there with our colleagues because it's summer, it's crazy, it's busy, and I think this… We got a message in the mail bag that kind of fits with a lot of that summer crazy for people, but also long term. We got a letter from someone that I just loved. It's from… “Concerned for her, but also for the patients”, which I thought was a great moniker for themselves. So it was someone who wrote in and said, “Hey, we have a technician on our team who has recently just seems to decide that she just doesn't give a crap anymore. She's very polite to pet owners and other team members when they talk to her and interact directly. But she just doesn't seem to be trying and she's not doing things, she's making mistakes and she doesn't seem to not be trying to not make mistakes.”

So they gave some examples, recently sent home a patient that had been dropped off without all of the vaccines that they came in for. And when someone brought it up and they were talking to her, she just kind of was like, “Whatever.” And this is a team member who previously had a ton of hustle and heart and cared and the team is worried, this person included, because it seems like this tech is just super, super zoned out. And the person who wrote into us is also a fellow technician. When they tried to talk to her one-on-one, the response was kind of just like, “Hey, it's just a job. The fact that I'm making more mistakes…” it didn't seem to bother her.

And this technician who wrote us was really concerned because they were like, “Look, I know we've been shorthanded. Everybody is burnt out.” It's summer, it's busy, we're shorthanded, but at what point does it get to the point of no return? At what point does it get to burned out being too burned out to be allowed to keep going because this tech is concerned for her fellow tech but also for the patients. And I just thought this was a fun one for us to talk through.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah, it is. This is a good one. I see this a lot. Boy, it's really sad. What breaks my heart the most is when you were working with somebody and they love their job and they were really into it and then they are not in love with it anymore. And the thing that breaks my heart is one, clearly something has happened in this person's life and that has taken their joy away. And that's just frankly really, really sad. The other thing is that it's worse to have someone who really loved their job and did a great job and then just ends up quiet quitting, than it is to have someone who was never good at the job or never really loved it because you know how happy they were or they could be.

And it's almost like I'd rather not know that they could be so happy because then it doesn't make it so stark when you look at them and go, “God, that you're really in a very, very different place.” And I'm not serious about it, about wishing to not have seen them happy, but you get the point. It really is that dichotomy is really significant. You have something to compare to. You can compare where they are now to where they have been in the past and it's really hard.

Stephanie Goss:

Right. I think subconsciously you know the difference and you can see it. And so the subconscious expectation on your part is if they had previously been at 100 and you've seen them at that point, you subconsciously have that expectation, and so it makes it all the more stark when it drops off. We all have good days and bad days and we all have days where maybe we generally perform at 100% or 110%, but then we have days that are crappy days. That's easy. But when it falls into that pattern, subconsciously, we can't help but judge how different it is now compared to how it was previously.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Oh, totally. I mean everything. The way we're wired is about comparison. I think that's why we pick up on that a lot. A lot of times there's people who are you've… I mean you've seen people who are happy, happy bouncy people and then one day they're not and you go, “Oh my gosh, are you okay?”

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Versus other people that are not happy, happy bouncy people and they might behave the exact same way and you wouldn't think twice about it, it's just who they are.

Stephanie Goss:

I'm laughing because I'm actually thinking about you and me, you and I have had this conversation because I am one of those happy people.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yes.

Stephanie Goss:

Shocking I think to everybody who's listening to the podcast right now that I could be bubbly and happy and outgoing. And I recall several occasions where you called me and you were just like, “Hey, I love you. And what is happening with your face, because you're normally so happy and upbeat?” And when we have a team meeting or we're working on something and other people can see you and you're not yourself, it is that stark noticeable difference and it impacts everyone. You were teasing me when you're like, “Hey, what's up with your face?” But really it is that stark difference when you have somebody who is so quiet and I mean, so crazy and loud and outgoing and then they're suddenly very quiet. I have gotten that at multiple times in my life as an extrovert, as an outgoing person.

Dr. Andy Roark:

I remember those conversations. I think I remember using the term poopy pants, but it was. But I say it to you, I was like, “This is not fair.” But the fact that you were known for being so bubbly and happy means that when you show up and you're not, people are like, “What's wrong with Stephanie?” versus other people show up and they're just not bubbly and happy because that's just how they are, and no one bats an eye. And I'm not saying you shouldn't be your authentic self, but it is just something to be aware of that people pay attention to who you are and they look for deviations from the mean.

It's funny, it's why we'll put up with jerks sometimes because they're always jerks. But if someone's nice and then they come in and they be a jerk, you're like, “This is a big deal.” But the person who's just always a jerk, you just learn to ignore them because you're like, “That's how they are and I'm just going to ignore them.” And you could write them off. But it's just interesting that contrast from expected norms is what hammers points home for a lot of people, so anyway. That's just what I was saying when I say I was particularly sad. But let's get into talking about this. You ready?

Stephanie Goss:

Okay. Yeah, let's do it.

Dr. Andy Roark:

All right, cool. Sweet. Let's start with some head space. The big thing that I want to start with is this, I think one of the healthiest things that we can do in our lives is develop the habit of separating people from their behaviors and saying… Instead of being like, “This person is toxic,” or, “This person is a jerk,” or, “This person is whatever.” The person is the person and they are exhibiting behaviors and the behavior does not define the individual. My friend is not a jerk. My friend, he is exhibiting jerky behavior, but that's different from being a jerk. And I just think it immediately makes people easier to get along with and to like, and everything doesn't feel so final. If you're exhibiting jerky behavior, then you can stop exhibiting jerky behavior and that will be over. But if you are a jerk, then becoming not a jerk is a long process and much more challenging than just, “Hey, stop doing the behavior that is bothering people.” You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, I do. I do.

Dr. Andy Roark:

And so when we start talking about this person who's burned out, I think it's… One of the immediate head space things that I would do is I would walk back the label, this person's burned out. I would say, “This person is exhibiting signs of burnout. They are exhibiting behaviors that make me worry about patient safety. They are showing a lack of engagement.” But it doesn't make me feel like I'm judging this person as an individual. And that's going to become important when you see where we're going. Do you agree with that?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, absolutely. And I think your point is spot on because when we get into the actual conversation and this tech who wrote us has already experienced that, they had the conversation, they pointed it out and said, “I'm worried because you're making too many mistakes,” it's very… The difference between feeling like someone is calling you a jerk or someone is telling you that you're burned out versus what you said, which is, “Hey, here's an example of behavior that makes me concerned for you. I'm concerned you're exhibiting some signs of burnout. Where are you at?” The way that someone can receive that is very, those two things are very starkly different.

If somebody comes to me and tells me, “Hey, you're a jerk,” I'm going to immediately go on the offense, and I'm going to either get to… I mean they're going to go defensive and be like, “No, I'm not.” Or I'm going to attack back because I feel attacked. Whereas if somebody says to me, “Hey, that thing you just said, you sounded like a total a-hole, maybe think about that.” There is just something very different in that approach to be able to be like, “Oh.” And without even thinking, I pause and think and rewind what I did instead of immediately trying to defend myself or attack back at the person.

Dr. Andy Roark:

There's a reason I put this in head space too is because you're right, one, for having the actual conversation, talking to the person about their behavior instead of about who they are or what they're being, yes, significantly easier, significantly more productive, significantly easier to coach and give feedback to, all those things true. However, I would stress that for me, not only does it make the actual conversation easier, it is an important part of head space. And the reason it's important part of head space is this, what I'm getting ready to say right now, you can care about someone and also decide not to be in a toxic relationship with that person. But you can only do that if you can separate the person and the behavior. Otherwise you're like, “Oh, there's this person and I'm tied to them and they're behaving this way,” and it's blah.

No, I love this person. I care about this person, and as long as this person exhibits this behavior that is unacceptable, I am not going to be present around that person. It doesn't mean I don't care about them, it doesn't mean I don't wish the best for them. It just means they're doing a behavior that I can't be around or it does not work for me to have an active ongoing relationship with that person. But for me I can't… I've never been able to do that until I can separate the person and the behaviors because then I can say, “I really care about Stephanie Goss and until she stops yelling at the staff, she can't come to the staff meetings. I think the world of her, she cannot be on our team because she cannot get along with this one person and it causes damage to our team. I think she's great.”

Stephanie Goss:

I'm a total tyrant.

Dr. Andy Roark:

I mean, I'm completely making up things in case that wasn't obvious.

Stephanie Goss:

I'm teasing.

Dr. Andy Roark:

But you see what I'm saying though, right?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:

But yeah, you've got to separate the person from the behavior and then you have to coach the behavior. You have to give feedback to the behavior. You have to hold people accountable for their behavior. None of those things mean that you don't care about that person. And if you can make that split, now we're immediately in a head space where we can start to effectively manage this person who we like and who we're worried about. And also we're going to hold this person accountable. I can't do that until I make that tactical move of separating the person and the behavior and I send my love to the person and I manage the behavior. And that might be this person is going to be managed out of the practice. I don't want that, but I manage the behavior. And if that's where it goes, because the behavior doesn't stop and it's toxic and it's damaging and it's putting patients at risk, I am going to manage that behavior possibly out of our practice. And it's not going to change my feelings about the person who is exhibiting those behaviors.

Stephanie Goss:

And the thing that I would add to that is I'm sure that there are people listening, even me listening to you, I'm thinking in my head about situations that I have been in where I have had someone who is exhibiting behavior that I don't like. This is really freaking hard. Separating the behavior from the person is really, really hard work. And so if you're sitting here and you're listening to us and you're just like, “Oh, Andy makes it sound so easy.” It's not.

Dr. Andy Roark:

No.

Stephanie Goss:

It's really hard.

Dr. Andy Roark:

No, it's not.

Stephanie Goss:

It's hard for both of us too. And I think that a big part of it for me is if you're that person who's like, “This is really, really hard.” When we get to the what do we do about it piece of it, I think that it's important to recognize that before you tackle the actual action steps, your work might begin in the head space piece and you may have to do some work, whether that is writing out how you feel, whether it's talking it out with an outside perspective person, whether it's a professional like a therapist or someone who doesn't work with your team and getting some outside perspective on it. There is actual work for all of us that has to be done there every time even if the work… For some of us, the work is like, I'm going to work through these things. And it's a relatively short process.

And there have been times in my life where I have had to work through this for someone very close to me. And that head space work was long and painful and hard. And it took me quite a while before I got to the place where I could be like you were saying Andy, “Here is the person, here is their behaviors.” And now I feel like I can move into the action space where I'm starting to have the conversations or I'm doing something about it. I think it's just worth mentioning because a lot of times I know I'll listen to people talk or I'll be at a conference, I'll be in a lecture or I'll be listening to a podcast and I'm like, oh, it sounds so nice and pretty and easy when they talk about it. And I think that's something you and I both still struggle with. And it is work. It will always be work.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Oh, sure. It's always going to be work. It's always going to be easier to say, “I can't stand that person,” than to say this person exhibits behaviors that I can't stay in. But I'll tell you one of those things is much easier to fix than the other.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, for sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:

So that's the first thing. The second thing for head space is remember that management is balancing needs. And we talk about this whenever we talk about people who are having mental health struggles in the practice or people who have outside life challenges that they're bringing. [inaudible 00:23:42] bring their personal life into practice always end up talking about this, but management is about balancing needs, which means you can care about this person. And also it is the responsibility of management to care about that person and to care about the other staff members and team members who are going to have to pick up the slack for this person who's not doing what they're supposed to do. And we have to balance the needs of the pet owners who do not feel like they're getting the service or the attention that they need or they're frustrated because they have to come back because their pet didn't get the services they were dropped off to get.

And we have to balance the needs of the pet that did not get the level of care that it needed to get. And so, I like that perspective a lot because it makes hard decisions a lot easier for me. If I look at one person, I get totally focused on that person and I'm like, “What do I do about this person? What do they need?” I don't know that. I know they're struggling. I know they're having this hard time. Then I can really get bogged down in, “Is it the kindest thing to let this person go? Do I give them another chance? What do you think?” Zooming out and looking at everyone's needs and how they're being affected generally makes the decisions easier. It also makes the conversation much easier because I can go to this person without judgment and ultimately say, “Hey, I'm concerned about this aspect of patient care. I'm concerned about the client experience. I'm concerned about the other team having to pick up the slack because of these behaviors.” Full stop. “I need these behaviors to end in order for us to keep working together.”

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah. Well, and I need your help too, because…

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yes.

Stephanie Goss:

I think about it from a management perspective and my inclination, there were times where I had hard conversations with my team, and I hate to say it this way, but it felt a lot of times, like I was having a conversation with one of my kids and I have two, and they're very close in age, and one of them, the conversation always tends to go back to, “Well, you didn't make them do that. You treated them differently.” And so a lot of time in the practice I would have a conversation that's like, “Well, why did you take the side of the client?” I didn't take the side of the client. I balanced in the moment and said, “Look, this pet needs to be taken care of. They were dropped off. We didn't do our job, so I'm going to make sure that we do our job, we take care of the patient, we take care of the client.” And that may feel like I am taking their side and I'm getting that.

Really what I'm doing from a manager perspective, to your point, Andy, is balancing that. Because now if I take the weight of taking care of the patient and the client off the scale, now I can look at the rest of it and I can sit down with you and I can have that conversation and say, “Hey, this isn't like you. This was the consequence, this was the conversation I had to have with the client. I had to give them their money back or I had to have… And yes, I'm worried about that, but I'm more worried about you because this is not like you. What's going on and how can I help support you?” Because to your point, this is very uncharacteristic and I can't or it can't continue, but really it's about how do I support you as a person, because then you're only weighing that person and the rest of the team. And so now instead of balancing four things, I've dealt with the client and the patient and now I'm dealing with the team and this one individual, which makes that balancing a little bit easier, I think.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah, I do agree. I think part of it for me is a math problem, and I hate to… And this isn't intentionally taking the emotion out of it. You know what I mean? I don't tend to forget the human aspect, that comes very naturally to me. And so I have to work more to take the human aspect out so I can make clear-headed decisions, and so a lot of… This is a math problem because people will come to you and they'll say, “What is…” The question that was asked was, what is the point of no return? And I will say to you, “That my friend is a math problem. Add up the damages to the pet, to the pet owner, the client experience, to the doctors that are delegating the damage to their trust, the damage to the team that's having to make up for mistakes or things that are not getting done and the frustration that you feel and having to manage this and the amount of time you are putting into cleaning up this mess.”

Put that against the convenience of keeping this person, giving them time to work and figure out what the math says. And really, a lot of things really depend on what the collateral is. If the person is not making very many mistakes, and it's a once in a blue moon sort of thing, we're going to keep talking with this person and coaching this person. If they're making serious mistakes and life-threatening mistakes for our patients, that's going to be wildly different equation when we look at it. Anyway, but that's it. The whole part, I guess my first part of head space is separating the person from the behavior allows me to look more clearly at what is happening. And then the whole balance approach lets me look at all of the moving parts and pieces together in sort of a non-emotional way.

So that's where I would start. I think once you do that, then you can go into the human side and you know what the battle battlefield looks like, you know what what's happening, what the consequences of these behaviors are, what the behaviors are themselves, you know all those things. And so you can go and talk to the person and say, “Hey, I'm concerned about you. What's going on?” Is a big one. Start from point of being curious. This is just classic root cause analysis in performance evaluation is what's going on? How are you doing? Where's your head at? I couldn't help but notice these things. How are you feeling? What's going on with you? And just asking the questions. And so we start with those things and a lot of times we can come and we can talk about the behaviors and the person may have a very justifiable reason for feeling the way that they feel. And you can say the way you feel is justified and I hear it and we are working on it, and at the same time, these behaviors cannot continue, full stop.

And now I feel like to me that is a place I'm very comfortable in working because I have done the things empathetically of understanding this person, hearing where they're coming from, and I have also communicated what the obstacles look like going forward. And now I feel like I'm in a good head space to navigate this, what are their needs? What are our needs? Let's see if we can work out arrangement and we'll have to see how it goes and maybe we can get this person back on track and we can help support them and we can bring them through and out the other side. And I've definitely seen that and I've seen people re-engage, maybe they're spiraling downward and they're going to continue to spiral downward and we're going to have to be conscientious and we're going to have to set expectations and set boundaries for ourselves and our practice about what we'll put up with and what we'll tolerate and what's acceptable and what's not.

And then we're going to have to let the chips fall where they may. One of my favorite sayings just to remember is there's three things you can't control, the past, the future and other people. And so you can't make this person do anything. All you can do is be kind and supportive and clear about what your boundaries are and what is required in order to continue to be on your team.

Stephanie Goss:

Anything else? I like that. Anything else from a head space perspective for you?

Dr. Andy Roark:

No. I think that those are the big things for me and just getting my head straight about this is… Yeah. Oftentimes I'm so empathetic of people and I really want them to succeed and I'm such a cheerleader, I have to go through those. So if you're hearing these steps and you're like, “Man, Andy's getting pretty pragmatic pretty fast,” and I go, yeah, my nature to care a lot about people and to want to help and support people, and so I have to actively engage head space. For me, it has to be on the other side, which is going to be like where is the point of no return? I need to try to get some clarity on that so I can coach to it.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah. And I agree with you. I have had to do a lot of work to do the first step that we talked about, which was caring about the person and separating them from the toxic relationship. Separating from a toxic relationship or separating them from their behavior, that's what a lot of work in recovery is about. I've done a lot of that work, so that piece comes easier for me. I would say for me, the head space work is that balancing piece. And so I think that it's about separating the behavior from the person, figuring out how you're going to balance the things.

And then I love your last point about knowing what you can control and what you can't and getting to that space where then you are like, “Now that I've worked through all of this, now I'm ready to figure out what do I do here?” Which is I think the whole point of the email they were asking what is the point of no return? But also for me, the unasked question is then what do you do about it? This is about a personal thing. And so how do you deal with that? Do you want to take a break right here and then come back and talk about the what do we about it part?

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah, let's do it. Okay.

Stephanie Goss:

Hey gang, I want to make sure that if you are in the role of medical director that you hear this. Andy and I talked on the episode about our Medical Director Summit and I wanted to make sure that you knew where to go to sign up because we want to see you there. Whether you're in private practice or you're in corporate practice, the position of medical director is a unique one. You have the challenge of balancing the medicine and quality for your hospital along with usually some management responsibilities and partnering with a practice manager to run the hospital efficiently, effectively, and in true partnership. And so we decided after working over this last three years with hundreds of multi-site medical directors and practice leaders, that we wanted to do a summit just for our medical directors. So we have something coming up in September. It is happening September 27th.

It is a one-day virtual summit and it is going to be awesome. We've got some workshops from people who are in medical director roles, both in private practice and corporate practice, and we are bringing people together across the industry. It doesn't matter what hospital you work for, you've got commonality. We're bringing you all together and building a community where you can share the highs and the lows of being a medical director with your peers. So head over to unchartedvet.com/events and you can see the signup link for the Medical Director Summit. Again, it's happening in September and we would love to see you there.

Dr. Andy Roark:

All right. Let's come back and start to talk about how we actually set this up. The first action step for me always is our safe conversations that we use all the time.

Stephanie Goss:

Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:

So safe, S-A-F-E, S is can you sit next to this person? Can you smile at this person? If they have done something that has made you furious, if you just had to clean up a big mess and an angry client and you're triggered and you're mad at them, that's not the time to have the conversation. We might have to put a pin in this until you can sit next to that person and you can smile at that person because being triggered and being angry is a terrible way to start this conversation. A is assume good intent. Assume this person is trying their best. Don't assume that they don't care and they don't want to be here and they hate this place and they hate you and blah, blah, blah.

That's assuming the worst intent. It's really easy with someone like this, especially someone who's burned out to say they don't give a crap, they think it's just a job because they're telling you it's just a job. It's really easy to assume that they're lazy, they're trying to take advantage of the system, they don't really care about the patients, things like that. It's better to assume that this person is really struggling.

Stephanie Goss:

And don't assume that they're burned out, would be the other assume that I would say here, to your point earlier, which is don't confuse the person and the behavior. You've got to force yourself to be in that place. And if you can't separate that and you can't look at it like, this person is burned out. If you can't have the conversation and assume the intention thereof, I'm worried about the behaviors, you're not ready to have the conversation, I would say either.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah, I think that's fair. I think that's a good point. So assume good intent or assume noble intent. F is has this person been set up to fail? What here is my fault? Have we given this person opportunities to get help or do we have things in place that can be resources for someone who is starting to, say burnout? Let's just say, if that's what's happening. Have we been working shorthanded, it sounds like? Yeah, this person in some way, they kind of have been set up to fail. We know that everybody's been really busy. One of the things I would do is make sure when I go and talk to this person, I'm not going to go, “Hey, look, your behavior is not where it needs to be.” I think what I can say is, “Hey, I understand we have been really, really busy and I think everybody is struggling a bit under the workload.”

And I think by owning that as a leader, I can help take some of the pressure off this person's shoulders and hopefully help them feel less defensive. A lot of times when you go in and say, “Hey, I want to talk to you about your behavior,” the person immediately gets defensive. When I go in and say, “Hey, I understand the situations that we've been working in are not ideal. I get it. And I know that we have been shorthanded for a long time and everybody is tired and I understand all of that.” And that just as a nice opening hopefully lowers the chances of the person going immediately super defensive and shutting the conversation down.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, for sure. And I think that that's it, that's a piece. It's hard as a manager and as a leader sometimes to look at that because it feels like by acknowledging that you're saying that you couldn't do your job and that can feel really, really personal. And there have been times where I have been having a conversation with someone and I feel myself starting to defend the thing and focus on their behavior because that is a really hard thing to say, but if you… I think you are so spot on that if you can say, “Hey, the schedule sucks. I realize that I am not… I am doing the schedule as best I can and I'm still short three people, and so you are working shorthanded with three less technicians. I recognize that. I know that I can control that, and I am trying really hard and it's still doesn't change the fact that I see you and I see what you guys are all working through.”

That just puts someone in a very, very different place. If there's one skill that I learned to master or that I hope to master as a manager, but that I use, it's that, because let me tell you guys the difference that it makes for people in starting with vulnerability and being honest. It just changes someone's demeanor when you start there versus, “Hey, you're doing this thing and we've got to talk about this thing that you're doing.” It just takes away that attacking feeling, I feel like in so many instances.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah. I completely agree with that. And then E in safe is the end result. What is the end result you want? I would caution you against the end result, I want this person's behavior to be 100% changed and them to be their old self. I don't think that that is a reasonable end result for a conversation. The end result for me is I would like to have a clear understanding of what is going on that has caused this person's behavior to change. I would like them to understand my concerns and my needs, and then I would like to leave with ideas that I can implement that might support them, and understand how I can try to help them get back on track. That's it. And you'll say, “But Andy, you haven't actually affected the behavior.” And I would say, “No.” My first conversation is going to be an expectation communication, understanding conversation, and we're going to start to talk about what we need and then based on what is said, we'll figure out how to go from there.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah. For me, that end result always is, I want to leave the conversation with a plan and I am 110000% okay with deciding the plan at the end of that conversation because I might go into the conversation thinking this is going to be a disciplinary conversation and I might let this person go, but what if, hallucinate with me for a second, what if I ask them what's going on and they share information that radically changes what I was thinking? I want to be okay to say, “Oh, I'm going to throw that plan out the window and now I'm going to make up a new plan.” But I think that as a leader, one of the areas where we can let our people down, to your point, making sure that they have access to the resources is hugely, hugely important because it's not our job to be mental health professionals.

It's not our job to get into their personal lives and support them. And so I think part of that action step is if you're getting information from them that there is stuff going on in their personal life, you need to support them and have resources available to separate yourself from that. And I think the E should always be, what is the plan? What is the next step? When are we going to circle back to this conversation? Because 98% of the time I would say these are not one and done conversations. Occasionally, yeah, maybe it is a one and done, it was a fluke thing, but most of the time you're sitting down because there's a pattern and there has to be some sort of follow up. And we have to be able to tell the people on our team as leaders and as managers what that follow-up plan is going to be and then actually execute on that plan.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah. I'm really glad you added that. That absolutely needs to be part of the end result is where do we go from here? When will we meet back again? How are we going to measure success? I think that's exactly right. That was my point when saying, what's the end result? And this is going to be a multi-step process. Anytime you have multi-step process, you need to have clarity about what the next step is when we're getting back together. So I love that. All right. So the first one for me is safe. The second one for me is how you set yourself up. And I think a lot of people who are managers go into these conversations and they are like, “I am the law and you are going to have to meet my needs and demands.” And they don't say it that way necessarily, but in their mind they are like, “I am the enforcer of the rules. I am the one who is going to make you do the… I'm going to make you behave.”

Stephanie Goss:

They're going in with the stick of accountability.

Dr. Andy Roark:

They're going in with the stick. Exactly.

Stephanie Goss:

They're going to whack you.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yes. All right. So you can do that. But there's another way to do it that I think is really important. And I really think this is a huge differentiator between fairly inexperienced managers and much more advanced managers. And it's where you position yourself on the playing board, on the playing field. The 4th of July, I go to this cookout and these are my wife's friends, so my wife is amazing, just so you know, my wife is, and you know this, Steph, but my wife is a amazing.

Stephanie Goss:

I do.

Dr. Andy Roark:

And she is so brilliant. I mean so much smarter than me. So much smarter. She's a college professor, she's a total badass. She does Olympic weightlifting as a hobby. She's freaking amazing. So she's badass. Anyway, so we go to the same 4th of July party every summer and one of our work colleagues puts it on. And so we're there and the husband of the work colleague comes up to me and he says, “Hey, I'd like to ask for some parenting advice from you.” Me? Alison's there. He does not ask Allison, he asked me, “Andy, I would like some parenting advice from you.” And I was like, okay. If you want to make my head swell, ask me for advice. I'm like, “No one…”

Stephanie Goss:

“I would love to give you advice.”

Dr. Andy Roark:

Exactly. No one has ever been like, “Andy Roark, talk to me about parenting.” That's never happened to me. If you want to talk to me about knife sharpening, I'm the guy right now. I got it. I've been practicing for a day straight and I have sharpened every knife I can find. I am raring to go, parenting, not so much, but anyway. So he says to me, he's like, “In our house, my husband sets the gold standard. Nothing gets done part way.” And this is why I never miss 4th of July is because everything at their gathering is just so, it is the food is amazing. The garden is weeded, the shade umbrellas are set up just so. There's lovely outdoor patio furniture, not as nice as mine when it gets here, but real good. Anyway, I might have gotten inspired by their cookout. Anyway. So he says, “Our son…” So their son is probably five.

He has recognized that one parent sets the bar real high in everything and the other parent doesn't set it as high. And what is so funny is this person was like, “Who else has a family like this?” And he looked right at Andy Roark like that's a guy who does not set the bar as high as his partner does, and totally nailed it. I was like, “I see why you walked through a room of highly intelligent, accomplished people and came directly to me.” It's like, “You look like a man who does not push for excellence the way your spouse does.”

Stephanie Goss:

It must be because he knows that you have a bad dog.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Oh, 100%. So anyway, he was like-

Stephanie Goss:

Not because you're not a good parent.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Well, Finn is like, “Hey, I'm done cleaning my room.” And Michael, it's his name. Michael has to say, “Well, you know this is not going to fly. This is not going to fly.” And so he's like, “I don't want to undermine my spouse. I don't want to roll my eyes and say, I think this is ridiculous that you have to get your room this clean. I want to be supportive of my spouse and also my kid 100% sees what's going on and knows that I would not clean the room to the level that he's being required to clean the room to.” And so I thought about for a second, and I just started talking as I do. And I was like, “All right. How familiar are you with the Hunger Games?” And he was like, “Oh, I know all about the Hunger Games.” Bear with me, I promise this is going somewhere.

The Hunger Games, I was like, “Okay. Remember the coach in the Hunger Games, Haymitch?” And he was like, “Yes, I remember Haymitch.” I was like, “Haymitch wanted the contenders to succeed.” They were his charges and he was their mentor. He wasn't their friend, he was their mentor. And was he also, he couldn't control the Hunger Games and he was respectful of it. It was like, “Hey, I love you, but…”

Stephanie Goss:

You might die.

Dr. Andy Roark:

“… this is what the deal is in the Hunger Games. I'm here to help you be successful given that this is how the world is.” That's the role I'm talking about in management. I know there's a long way to go, but instead of being like, “I am the law, you are going to do what I say because I'm holding a stick,” I see myself more as Haymitch who says, “Look, these are the rules of the Hunger Games and I'm rooting for you, and I want you to be successful, and I'm going to be your biggest cheerleader.” And so that's what I'm talking about, about putting yourself in a different position. If you go into this and you're like, “Look, I'm sorry, but I am the law and you will do what I tell you or else you'll be gone,” that's just fundamentally a terrible place to be. And no one means to be in that place, but they don't think there's an alternative and there is an alternative.

The alternative is to say, “Hey, this is what is required for our teams to feel safe, for our patients to be safe, for our pet owners to be happy and coming back for us to live up to our values. This is what is required. And I am here to support you in achieving those goals, those requirements. How can I help you get there and how fast can we get there because we cannot continue on not meeting these requirements, but I'm here for you.” And so anyway, I know that's a long weird story to get to, but it was in my mind recently, it just really crystallized the idea of, you don't have to be the law to respect the law and to say… And again, when I was giving parenting advice, I was like, “Honor your spouse. Be supportive of your spouse and also just don't BS like, “No, I would totally make you do this.” This is what it's going to be required and it's going to be required. And I am not going to undermine,” just like the manager.

I'm not going to be like, “Look, honestly, this is what the practice really requires, but I'm going to let you just…”

Stephanie Goss:

Look the other way.

Dr. Andy Roark:

“Yeah, I'm going to let you get off. No, that's not an option. I'm going to support you and I will help you in meeting the standards. And that's who I am as a leader.” So I'm communicating the standards to you and then I'm helping you to cheerlead to get there. So anyway, I know that was one of the weirdest examples I've probably given in a while, but you don't have to be the law. You can be Haymitch who is cheering and coaching and guiding someone to meet the harsh expectations that are reality. And if they fall short, then they still fall short. And you can say, “I'm sorry, we can't continue on,” but it's not make me happy or else.

Stephanie Goss:

I love that you told that story because I think that is definitely a piece of the management puzzle is that, look, ultimately maybe this person is exhibiting behaviors that are unacceptable and maybe that can't continue. And if I don't look at the F in safe and I don't look at how I set them up to fail, if I don't feel like I have been their cheerleader, I have supported them, and I have done all of the things that are within my power to do to help, then I will… If I have to let them go, I will struggle with that and I will feel bad. And I will tell you the times that I have felt bad letting somebody go, it's because I damn well knew that I didn't do my job good enough. And if I feel like I have done my job and I have supported them and I have been their cheerleader and I have been clear about the expectations and I've done all of the things, I still feel bad because I know that it's impacting someone's life on a human level.

But I don't feel bad letting them go because I have done my part. And I think your point about the Hunger Games is a true one because if you've done your role as a mentor and you have given them all of the tools and they die like that, you've got to live with that. You've got to be able to sleep at night. And so for me as a manager, that's the way that I sleep at night is to say, “Look, here are the requirements and I'm going to cheerlead you. I'm going to give you the resources. I'm going to do all the things.” But at the end of the day, to your point in the head space, I can't change the person. I can't control other people. You have to do the work. And if you don't do the work, I don't own that. And so I think that that's a really, really important part in the action step perspective because it really helps, I don't know, it helps me sleep at night.

Dr. Andy Roark:

And I completely agree with that 100%. And I agree also about being okay with it because I always wanted to be okay with this because, again, I can't control the people, which means I have to be okay if this doesn't work out. And that whole laying down the expectations, helping coach, that's a big part of it. The other thing that I messed up the most early in my career, and honestly it's probably the most common way I see people mess up, is they don't start early in enough. They wait until the behavior's become so bad you can't ignore them, and then they intervene. That's when I have felt bad before because I'll be like, “Hey, look, you've got three weeks to make a significant impact on your behavior.”

Stephanie Goss:

Right. Because the team is ready to mutiny.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Because the team is done. They are about to mutiny. And then that is a thing where I dropped the ball because I saw the behaviors. I just didn't say anything. And if I had intervened six weeks earlier, I could have… I don't know if I could save the person, but I could have probably… First of all, it's a whole lot easier to change behaviors before they get ingrained and become habits. And so I could have done a lot more if I had intervened early. So that's another one for me is start early. Too many people wait until things just can't be salvaged. The team's about the mutiny, there's high pressure and the whole thing is just too late to save.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Stay on task. When you start to talk to someone, especially if they have other things going on in their personal life, it's really easy to get drawn into what's going on with them. Don't let yourself be drawn in. You can be empathetic without drifting off task. Stick to what is required here at the clinic, what the impacts at the clinic are, what it is when we're here at work. And then you can provide resources for people. Like I said, we talked about employee assistance programs, things like that. You can be sympathetic to the person, but avoid being drawn into helping them fix their personal outside of work problems. That's just not your domain or your purview.

Stephanie Goss:

And I love that you said that because I don't know from this email if this person is a coworker, a peer of this technician, if they're a team lead and they're somewhat responsible for this person's behavior as a fellow technician or if they're a practice manager or some combination of all of those things. And I think knowing your relationship to that person and knowing how to stay on task because it's so easy to get drawn in as a peer to other people's. Easy across the board, especially if you're a peer to that person, likewise, know when to ask for help. So for me, the saying on task has to do with, have the conversation and have it in the context of your relationship with this person.

So if you're a peer, oh my gosh, go to this person and say, “Hey, I'm worried about you. I care about you as a coworker. What's going on?” And if you're getting information back that you can't do anything with and you're like, “Oh, this person needs resources,” and that's not your job, that's when you have the conversation with your team lead or your practice manager and just say, “Hey, I know someone on our team is struggling. Are there resources that are available for us as a team?” If you know what the resources are, sharing them yourself obviously, but also recognizing what is the context of your role here and not being afraid to ask for help for the conversations, that will help it stay on task here, because maybe you do need.

Maybe you are a team lead and maybe you've been struggling with this person because it is your responsibility, but look, if it's becoming a pattern of behavior, to your point about don't wait too long, the practice manager needs to be involved in that before it's to the point of like, “Okay, I've given this person 19 write-ups and now I would like to fire them.” No, no, no, no. Your practice manager needs to know when you're starting to have those conversations. “Hey, just a heads-up, this is a thing that's going on. I wanted to just put it on your radar.” Because then it makes the ask for help when you need to actually deal with the situation that much easier.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah. Well, if you're a team lead, you know the first thing you need to do.

Stephanie Goss:

What?

Dr. Andy Roark:

Is sign up for the Uncharted Team Lead Summit on November the 8th. It's a one-day virtual event. It's only for team leads. There's nothing else out there to help team leads deal with this exact type of stuff and we're on it. So anyway, I know where you could find that, it's unchartedvet.com, team lead summit. I'd love to see you there. If you are the team lead, if you are the manager, if you are the peer, and this is so simple, but it gets overlooked a lot, lean into positive reinforcement. If somebody's tired and they're like, it's just a job and they've lost their passion for the job, one of the things that you can do that, A, helps correct the behavior and, B, helps respark their passion is give them-

Stephanie Goss:

Pull out the good things.

Dr. Andy Roark:

… positive feedback, catch them when they are doing a good job and just say, “Hey, thank you. That meant a lot to me. “Hey, I saw you do that thing. Man, you were amazing with that case.” “Hey, you were such a huge help for me. I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your help.” And you'll say, “But that's not fixing the negative things they're doing.” And I go, “Nope, it's not.” But we all know how training works. If we positively reinforce behaviors, I don't care who you are, you can be trained if we positively reinforce behaviors, we can cause those behaviors to happen more frequently. And the other thing is, everybody loves to feel appreciated. Everybody likes to be recognized. It does not mean… And again, here's the other thing, some people are like, “But if they're making mistakes, I can't positively reinforce them.” And I go, “I don't know. Let's think about training that you and I know and have seen.”

Do we not give positive reinforcement to a dog that we're trying to train if they have a mistake somewhere? No. We immediately set them back up to succeed and praise their successes. And again, I've said this a million times in case you haven't heard me say it. When I talk about training dogs, look, we are all simple animals. I don't care who you are. I don't care how many degrees you have, I don't care what your role is, you're a simple animal. And so when I talk about this, parallels between training dogs and people, I don't care who the person is, this is how mammal training works. It just is.

Stephanie Goss:

I love that.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Just making that clear.

Stephanie Goss:

I love that.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Cool. We're going to wrap up here real quick. I think you already hit on the big ones. If you're management, one-on-one meetings are your friend. Let's set a cadence. Let's get back in. Let's do check-in meetings so I can continue to support you and see how things are going. That's it. Pick your metrics. How are we going to measure success? What are the things that we're looking on? You don't need metrics as far as, I want to see your customer satisfaction scores, blah, blah, blah. I want to try to give clear examples of what I'm looking at and what I care about and how I'm going to measure success so that me and the person are both looking at the same things. I want to avoid the thing where they come in and go, “Man, did you see how I turned it around last week? I was amazing. Man, I did all the things right.”

And you're like, “Actually, the three things that I care the most about you did again, and I am wildly unhappy with you.” That is such a hard thing when they think they did good and you think that they didn't do good, and you have to tell them that, heartbreaking. And so just try to get that clarity. But again, that one-on-one, doesn't have to be a ton of time. It can be a five-minute check in, but set that cadence, put it on the calendar because otherwise you know it's not going to actually happen. Put it on the calendar, make sure it happens. Lock eyes. Talk about what we're doing, remember to lead into the positive reinforcement. A lot of these people, the fastest way to turn them around is to celebrate them. And that may not seem like it's true, I promise you it is.

Stephanie Goss:

I love it. I love it so much.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Cool.

Stephanie Goss:

Okay. I think that's all I've got except go sign up for the events that we've got coming.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Exactly. Right.

Stephanie Goss:

That's the ending of this episode.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah. Head over to unchartedvet.com. We'll put a link down the show notes. Like I said, virtual Medical Director Summit. Again, there's not a lot of leadership training, there's not a lot of support from medical directors. If you are a regional medical director, you're a medical director over a… If you're a doctor and you oversee multiple hospitals, this is the best thing I think you are going to find for your role. I think you have a lot to add here. We've worked with literally hundreds of multi-site veterinary medical directors. We have done so much of that in the last couple of years. I think we got something really special for you, so come and check it out. Anyway, that's all I got.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, I love it. And if you're a peer and you're listening to this, good for you. I mean, good for you if you're a manager or a team lead, but especially if it's a peer who was writing this, good for you for recognizing it and asking the question. And this is what Culture Conference is all about. We're going to talk about all of that there. So there's something for everybody. You can head over to the website, unchartedvet.com/events. We'll show you all of them and you can sign up. Otherwise, have a fantastic week. Andy, I'll see you face in a few days at AVMA.

Dr. Andy Roark:

[inaudible 01:00:15]. See you very soon.

Stephanie Goss:

Take care, everybody.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Bye, everybody.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, everybody, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. Thanks so much for spending your time with us. We truly enjoy spending part of our week with you. As always, Andy and I enjoyed getting into this topic. I have a tiny little favor to ask, actually, two of them. One is, if you can go to wherever you source your podcasts from and hit the review button and leave us a review. We love hearing your feedback and knowing what you think of the podcast. And number two, if you haven't already, hit the subscribe button. Thanks so much for listening, guys. We'll see you soon.

Written by Dustin Bays · Categorized: Blog, Podcast · Tagged: culture, management, Technician, Vet Tech

May 31 2023

When Non-Veterinarians Disagree with Veterinarians on Medicine

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice management geek Stephanie Goss are in the mailbag to take on a question from a practice owner. One of their managers is disagreeing with one of the associate veterinarians and there are some hurt feelings and upset on both sides. There also happen to be good points from both the manager and the doctor involved in this instance and this practice owner needs some help keeping the peace! Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 234 – When Non – Veterinarians Disagree With Veterinarians On Medicine

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.

Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


Upcoming Events

Upcoming events: unchartedvet.com/upcoming-events/


Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:
Hey everybody, I am Stephanie Goss, and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, we are tackling an issue that Andy and I had a really good time talking through. We have a friend who is a practice owner and they are struggling with their practice manager, having some disagreements with some of the doctors over some of the decisions that they're making on the floor.
There are good points on both sides of this situation and argument, and this practice owner needs help figuring out how to keep the peace. This was a fun one. Let's get into it.

Meg:
And now the Uncharted podcast.

Andy Roark:
Hey, and we are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark and the one and only Stephanie. Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself, Goss. Oh man.

Stephanie Goss:
How's it going, Andy Roark?

Andy Roark:
Oh, it's good. It's good. I took my daughter to a 5K fun run on Saturday, and our friend Tyler Grogan, had signed us up to go. And so I was like, “Okay, Tyler's going and some of the other people in the Uncharted team are going. And I was like, I'm, I'm going to go as well.” And I was going to take Hannah, who's my 11-year-old, and it would be sort of her first cross country. She's never ran more than maybe two miles I think, something like that.
So my expectation was we were going to get there and we were just going to kind of run-walk, and it was about being together. So we would do that. And so we go to this 5K, and it's put on by the local animal shelter. And so there are dogs everywhere because they were like, “Bring your dogs.” And I'm like, “I like dogs, I love dogs, I love dogs, I love pet owners.”

Stephanie Goss:
This will be fun.

Andy Roark:
This will be great. And then I got there. And I was like, “This a terrible idea.” It's a terrible idea to bring together literally hundreds of people with the objective of running 3.2 miles and then be like, ‘Bring your dogs.'” And so there we are. And they're like, “Thank God they didn't have a starting line.” But a couple things came into my mind.
Every time I go to a place where there's people and dogs, I am reminded of how pet owners tell themselves stories about their dogs and just hold onto those stories despite all evidence.

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Andy Roark:
There was the dog having a full on panic attack, and people were like, “Look at him. He loves coming to things like this.” And I'm like, “That dog, his eyes, bulging out of head just trembling full body shakes, nails dug into the ground.” And they're like, “He's such a social dog.”
And I'm like, “He's too scared to move. What are you doing?” Before they started, they were like, “If you plan to run fast, come to this end of the group.” And all these people just moved down there with their chihuahuas on leashes. And I'm like, “What? This lady with an English bulldog?” And I'm just like, again, the stories that they tell themselves about their pets is amazing to me. So anyway, so they all do it and finally they're like, “They don't have a starting gun, thank God.” But they're like, ‘Ready, set, go.'” And hundreds of people take off running at the same time. And as you can imagine, it's pandemonium. And there's this woman with this big pit bull running up out of ahead of me and Hannah. And the pit bull is morbidly obese. It's a BCS 11 of nine, and then it runs about a hundred yards.
And then stop. It's like, I'm done and just sits down and the lady runs right into it. She goes down.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh no.

Andy Roark:
And the people behind her go down and then all the dogs around them are like, what are you guys doing? And they come pulling over and now these leashes are pulled out like trip wires.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh no.

Andy Roark:
And there's like retractable leashes everywhere. It's everything that's completely horrible that you can ima … It all happened. And I was like, “Hannah, we're going over.” And we lept over. Did not stop to help. Just so you know, I'm kind of like lady, you know thy self, know thy dog. And you didn't. And so I get it. She was in the middle of hundreds of other people. And again, it's a race. I told myself that stopping would have caused more problems.

Stephanie Goss:
So you were also telling yourself stories in your head.

Andy Roark:
Exactly right. Survival stories, Stephanie Goss. Stories about-

Stephanie Goss:
Someone else is going to help that woman. It's fine.

Andy Roark:
She was shielded by the dog, really it was like-

Stephanie Goss:
I'm sure there's another vet in the crowd who could have made sure the dog was okay.

Andy Roark:
I'm sorry. She didn't need a vet. And the pit bull was fine because she was big and he just laid down. And no one's stepping on that dog, I'll tell you that. That lady is to fend for herself. But that dog was fine.
We got like two miles into the run, and there's this lady sitting on a bench and she's holding this Chihuahua and he's 100% asleep just like nose under her chin, you know what I mean? She's holding him like a baby and his legs are up in the air and we go jogging by, and my daughter and I look at her and she looks at us and she goes, “He's done.” And I'm like, okay, I love it. But she says, “He's done.” That's what I wanted to be. We're two miles into that. I was like, I would like to lay down and just be done, but everyone …
So anyway, it was, again, I loved it. Wonderful time with my daughter. I still love pet owners, I still love pets. I'm just not a hundred percent bought into hundreds of pet owners and pets together doing a thing at the same time.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, that's fantastic. But it's for charity.

Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
That's a real good cause.

Andy Roark:
Felt very good about supporting. I felt very good about supporting. And it really was fun. And so that was that.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh gosh, Tyler's take on the event was radically different than yours.

Andy Roark:
Oh, well, see, she just walked.

Stephanie Goss:
I don't know that there was ever running in the idea, although I could see Tyler being a runner, but it was like, we'll do this fun thing together as a team and we'll talk and just meet, make our way through and it'll be bonding.

Andy Roark:
I showed up with my itty bitty booty shorts.

Stephanie Goss:
I'm taking off.

Andy Roark:
Yeah, I showed up tan lines-

Stephanie Goss:
“Let's get this done.”

Andy Roark:
Out there so that everybody could say like, “Little tiny runny shorts.” I was doing the quad stretch where I'm holding my ankle and other ankle, and Tyler's like … She was wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt.

Stephanie Goss:
And I saw the picture, and Steph's got her coffee in her hand and I'm like, “There was never the intention.”

Andy Roark:
I was like, “Are you guys going to put your coffees down before the race starts?” And they just both just looked at me like I was so dumb.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, it's fantastic.

Andy Roark:
We're wired a little bit differently, Tyler and I.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh man. Well, glad to know that we haven't even started this episode, and we're off the rails.

Andy Roark:
Oh yeah. Well, you asked how I was doing. That's how I'm doing. How are you doing?

Stephanie Goss:
Fair. I am excited about this episode because when I read this episode I was like, “Did I write this in our ideas database and forget that I wrote it?” Because it is a hundred percent a situation that I had in my practice, and it came from someone else. But I think this is going to be one of those episodes that people are like, “Hmm, I think they might be talking about my practice.” So it came to us from a practice owner who was struggling because they have someone on their leadership team who is fighting with some of the doctors.
And so they unpacked what fighting means and it was a really good unpacking, but they kind of framed it with like, “Help. I need help figuring out how to keep the peace on my team.” So there are some disagreements when it comes to the quality of medicine that is being practiced.
And so this practice owner was like, “Look, I set the standards for my practice and I trained my manager to uphold the standards that I decided on.” Fair. And now the practice has grown and there's multiple doctors on the team, so it's grown from a small practice to a bigger practice. And so they were like when an associate doctor wants to do something differently than our standard, this member of the leadership team and one of the managers has somewhat of a spicy approach to disagreeing with the other doctors.
And this practice owner was like, “Look, I get it because on one hand, I appreciate and want them to do their job and I want them to enforce our standards of care. I want them to enforce the protocols. That's what I've asked them to do. And on the other hand, they didn't go to vet school, the doctors went to vet school and the doctors are making decisions in real-time, and I need to figure out a way to make this not be a spicy conflict when it arises and figure out how to manage the situation when a non-DVM leader in the practice disagrees with one or more of the doctors on the medicine side.”
And they were like, “It's a really fine line. I have no idea where to start. Please help.” And I just thought that this one was a fantastic one. It's one that we haven't talked about before. And like I said, my mind immediately went to the treatment room into this situation that happened in my practice, and I was just like, “I could have written this.” So I'm excited to talk about this one.

Andy Roark:
I like this one a lot. This is one of those fun balancing different people type problems that I really enjoy. So yeah, this is good. All right, cool.
Well, let's start with some head space just to get into this a little bit. The first thing I'm going to say in head space is this is a classic example of what we're fighting about is not what we're fighting about. Absolutely, there is so much baggage here. The first challenge here is to get everyone to understand what we're actually talking about because otherwise they will not. And so we've talked a lot about this.
I tell a story sometimes about forgetting to get a babysitter when I had told my wife I was going to take her out on a date, and my oldest daughter was like 11 and my youngest daughter was eight. And she was like … The night came and we were getting ready to go in an hour or two, and she was like, “Who's the babysitter?” And I was like, “We don't need a babysitter.” And she was like, “Yeah, we do.” And I was like, “No, we don't. Jacqueline is old enough to watch her and Hannah and we can go.”
And Allison was like, “No, she's not.” And I was like, “Pretty sure she is, and I'll Google it and see what I'll see the legal.”

Stephanie Goss:
Shut up.

Andy Roark:
Ah well, there's legality here. There's a legal precedent. And I am going to investigate it and see what it is. And so I googled it. And 11 years old in the state of South Carolina is the answer. And so clearly I won the argument and then we both just agreed that I was right and we went on a lovely date. That's not what happened. We did not finish the argument the way that I had hoped. It escalated, if anything.
Ultimately, this is an example of the fight is not about the fight. The fight was not about how old the children need to be in order to be left alone. The fight was about Andy didn't get a babysitter even though he said he was going to take his wife on a date and now this is a thing and he really dropped the ball, and he hasn't apologized for dropping the ball– he has made excuses instead. And so that's an argument that's not really about the argument. The same thing is here too. When you go to the doctor and say, “You are not upholding the standard of care.” You are saying a lot of things you are saying you did not take acceptable care of the patient, you possibly don't know what you're doing, you are not worthy of being here based on this result.
People get real defensive about those things really fast. There's a lot of stuff about identity, self-worth, your medical knowledge, your values. Are you doing a good enough job, are you walking your talk, all of those sorts of things. There's an ethical component. You are doing something unethical. You were negligent. “When you say you didn't meet the standard of care,” what I hear is you were negligent in your treatment of the patient. And that's not what the person said, but boy, you better believe all of those things, depending on the individual you're talking to, they come right to the top of mind. And so the first thing we've got to do is know that when you go to the doctor and you confront them this way, if you walk right up to them and say, in this case you did this, you're going to get a lot of strings attached to the response you get back.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. Well, I mean to your point when you were telling us the story at the beginning of the episode, it's about the stories that we tell ourselves in our head. And I think that's from a head space perspective, I agree with you a hundred percent. It's never the conversation or the argument that's about the thing. It's always something else. And the question is it about something else on both people's parts? On one person's part on? You have to figure all of that out. And so I think from a head space perspective, for me, I think part of it is about where we always start, which is part of the talking about having a safe conversation. And when I think about looking at this, one of the questions that I try and ask myself … putting myself in this practice owner's shoes, one of the things that I would hope that I would do would be to ask my manager, “What else could this be about? What could the vet have – are there things you think that the vet could have been thinking about to help assume good intent?”
Because there are things on both sides. The vets are thinking about other things. They are weighing in things that the manager may or may not know about. And to the practice owner's point, they went to vet school, they have a medical degree that proves them perfectly competent to make those decisions. And there is reasoning there and getting curious about what that reasoning is and why it happened is really I think important to assuming good intent.
And on the flip side, getting curious about why the manager is asking questions is also important because to this practice owner's point, the manager's job is to care about the decisions that the doctor's making because they are supposed to be thinking about things like patient safety and client experience and the impact to the practice and staff retention and staff satisfaction, and all of those things. So they have a vested interest as well. And when you have two parties that are both potentially telling themselves stories in their heads, I think where you have to start is with that assuming good intent and asking yourself part of, am I safe to have this conversation for me in problem-solving this, and I know we're not to actions yet.
But is to ask yourself what else could this mean? Why might they have made this decision ahead of the conversation? It's also one of the action steps that I am going to encourage to the manager to ask in the moment, but teach them a healthy way to do it. But it's important for them to ask themselves that question of, why else could they have made that decision?

Andy Roark:
That is exactly the approach whenever you have these conversations that are not about the conversation, whenever you have these emotionally-loaded things, I would say the little two-pack combo that I would put front and center in head space is exactly what you said, it's assume good intent, first of all. If you go in and say this person failed or you didn't do what you're supposed to do, this thing is already going to go … It's already going to go sideways. It's like right off the bat, this thing is already going to go badly. Just count on it. Assume good intent. Assume the person was acting with noble intentions.
And then the second part is seek first to understand. I'm assuming this person had a good reason for doing what they did. I want to understand what it is so I can understand how it fits into the context of our medical standards. Do we need to make changes to our medical standards? Do we need to make changes to our medical standards or how we talk about them so that in these cases, this is something that it fits into our standards so that … and we can get into it in a second, we're going to start getting into what are the consequences here, what we want to make sure that the team understands what's going on, we want to make sure that the team is able to support you, but they can't support you if they don't understand what's happening.
So all of those are very productive ways to unpack these sorts of things. But I think there's two pieces here. I think number one is when you start to unpack what happened, you better get into a good, healthy, curious, positive head space. And then number two is I would say unpack it and then you need to put all of this aside and you need to talk about what you're going to do in the future. And then you need to have a positive, productive conversation about where are we going in the future. If this turns into the manager arguing with the doctor about a case that happened yesterday, the manager's going to lose, and they should lose because they're not a doctor. They're like, “That's it.” Anyway, I'd say they should lose again, but you get my point. It really does come down to two people, have a clear disagreement about a case, the person who's a professional veterinarian should probably have a stronger leg to stand on.

Stephanie Goss:
Well, and I would say I disagree with that slightly in the sense that I think there have been times where I have had two doctors who disagree on what to do with the case. They're both educated, they both have the veterinary degrees, and they have different opinions or different perspectives. And so I think it's about finding that middle ground to your point about getting curious where you're seeking to understand why are you doing the thing to figure out how are you going to be able to move forward in the future.
It's not about making someone feel right or wrong or you know less than they do because I'll tell you, I've worked with a lot of managers who know a whole lot of things and who will bring about medical concerns that others on the teams may not have brought up. So, I think there's validity there, and it's hard. I get fired up and on my soapbox as a manager who didn't originally come from the medicine side of things when people are like, “Well, you're just a manager, you don't know anything,” and not that's what you said because that's not how I took it at all.

Andy Roark:
No, I didn't want to bring that across. I might need to restate that, but …

Stephanie Goss:
No, that's not how I took it at all. And I think it's important to recognize that we're all telling ourselves some degree of story and filtering it through the lens of our own experience. And so it doesn't matter whether you went to vet school, or didn't go to vet school because you can have two people who even went to the same vet school who have radically different perspectives on how to treat the same case. And so I think it's about that finding that … I'm so glad that you said the seek first to understand because a huge part of that head space is like what are we doing and why are we doing it, are we doing it simply because as the business owner I said we need to have protocols, these are the protocols I set up and you're enforcing them.
Wonderful. I appreciate that so much. I appreciate you doing your job fantastically well. And protocols change. Medicine changes. Medicine is radically different now than it was 20 years ago when I started. We're using different drugs, we're using the same drugs in radically different ways. Things change and things have to be flexible. And so I think getting curious on all three sides of this, because there really are at least three sides here and you brought up a fourth when you talk about the rest of the team, getting curious and asking those questions about, “Why? Tell me more,” is really going to help us get to the heart of how do we tackle this and how do we fix it. And it being future-facing is so important and I'm really glad that you said that.

Andy Roark:
And just to give some color to this because as I say sort of the veterinarian should have the stronger leg to stand on. What I mean, I don't mean, hey, if this person's a vet, then they're right and the other person is wrong and that's all there is to it. I don't buy into that vet worship stuff. And you know that. I think when I say that, I still stand by that as a general rule. And it's a lot of it is because one, yes, there's a difference in medical training, but the bigger part for me is the veterinarian is the one who is in the room. And yes, they're a human being and they're making decisions in the moment on the fly. And I feel like whenever possible, we need to support the person who was in the room making decisions in the moment and who could actually talk to the client and read the situation and see what's going on.
And this is where my point comes from, I'm always a bit wary of someone picking up the medical record two days later and saying, “You clearly did this wrong.” And going in there, I think that that's a recipe for disaster. And so I don't want to overstate that or make it about positions– this person's in the right and this person's not. I just think that when we start to get the benefit of the doubt. I'm a big fan of giving a benefit of doubt to the person who was there, who was looking the pet owner in the eye, who was looking at the pet and who was trying their best and who was working with the information that they had at the moment as opposed to standing back and saying, well, clearly, we have it written down that this is how we do these cases. So that was sort of the point that I was trying to make there.

Stephanie Goss:
Sure, for sure. Well, that feels like armchair quarterbacking, right?

Andy Roark:
Yeah, exactly.

Stephanie Goss:
It's like you're being asked to make a call or make a judgment when you weren't in the middle of things. And so I think there's validity there. And I certainly felt that. And like I said in the beginning, this is … I could have written this and I struggled because to your point, I wasn't in the room but my manager, my leader was– she was the tech on the case with the doctor. And so now I have that situation of two people with medical backgrounds with experience who have radically different takes on how to manage the thing. And now I wasn't in the room, but I'm being asked to make judgment calls on how do we move this forward and holy hell, it's hard. It's so hard.

Andy Roark:
And I have 100% seen those things where a doctor and technician were on the same case and they had very different opinions about how it went. And it's very hard. And if you're the manager who gets brought into that and you weren't there and you didn't see what was happening, boy, it's a nightmare case, it's a hard case. I do want to point out at this point, this is a problem of success in a lot of ways, which means you get problems like this when people care a lot about what they're doing and they care about doing a good job. And so these are not awful problems to have in that they only come around because you have people who are really engaged and who really care. And so I do think that that's a good thing.

Stephanie Goss:
And I think that's one of the most powerful tools for when we get into action steps because leveraging that and acknowledging how much they care on all sides will go a tremendous way towards making this a future-facing conversation and dropping that anxiety level over, “Hey, we've got to talk about the disagreement.”

Andy Roark:
I completely agree. I guess my last part in head space is I would 100% make sure that this conversation is not framed as right and wrong. “That the technician is right and the doctor's wrong or the doctor's right and the manager's wrong.” I would not frame it that way. I don't think that's productive. I think it leads to hurt feelings. There is no arbiter of medical care in the sky who says, “Yes, this was the optimal way to proceed.” That's not even possible. I mean, I'll say I've seen cases where the doctor practiced the pinnacle highest premium standard of care, and the pet owner left and got really angry when they got home because they were like, “I couldn't afford this and you did all of these things and now I'm not coming back because I can't afford you guys anymore and blah blah blah.”
And again, medically speaking, the doctor did the best thing. Yet, there's a client who's angry on the phone saying, how dare you do all of these things when I just wanted my pet taken care of in this basic simple way. And you go, “I don't know what's right.” If you work the case up to the point that the pet owner never comes back again, was that optimal? I doubt it, but I don't know. You know what I mean?
So anyway, that's why … I try to throw those shades of gray in there, not to irritate anybody about what the standard of care should be, but just to say there's not a right answer. There's only guidelines, there's only sort of our values and how we position ourselves. There's only consistency, and consistency is really important. And so when we start to get into action steps, we're going to start to talk about what matters and what's important. But I do think that … I guess we can put this as groundwork, starting to have some agreements in our team about what our values are, about what we care about. Those things are really important for having these conversations. If you don't have sort of team values, core values, things like that that say these are the things we care about, this is a really hard conversation to have. If we can come up with some things that we all agree on about what's important in the way we treat each other about the what's important in the way we treat the pet owners, then we can use those as touchpoints to start to make some standards.
But if we don't have any conversations about what's important to us, what our identity as a team is, then it's really hard for us to make standards because the standards that you are interested in and the standard that I'm interested in, they can be wildly different. And we've seen that. Anybody who's been in vet medicine for very long has seen some practices where they just let the doctors completely run however they want. And you've got one doctor who may or may not be the senior doctor who's like, “No, we're doing it. We're doing old school.” And you've got new doctors who go, “I can't look, I just can't. Look at that.” And I'm not trying to throw anybody under the bus or ageist anything, but just give an example of a common one we see is people who practice medicine very differently.
I've seen old-school doctors who have kept up and done a lot of learning and they are amazing, much better doctors than I am. So it's not anything about anything other like that. I use that as a classic example of doctors doing very different things in the same building. And it happens a lot. And boy is it hard to get them onto the same page, and they can get really defensive really fast.

Stephanie Goss:
For sure. And I think your point is a great one, and when you do have agreements about how you're going to work, what your values are, even like you're going to talk to each other or manage through conflict, which is one of our action steps here coming up. But even if you don't have that, your point about this is a problem of success, they both care. The doctor cares about the patient and is trying to do the best thing for the patient. And this manager or managers or whoever is concerned about it, cares about the patients as well. It's not less or they're caring about … And maybe they are caring about different things, but they both care.
And so starting there and being able to say, Hey, I know we're having this conversation because I know how deeply you both care about your work and I want to use that to figure out how do we come to some agreement on how do we deal with this in the future. Using that works whether you have stuff formalized or not. And it works whether you have … The problem is with all doctors, I had that exact conversation when my doctors all disagreed on how to manage a certain type of case and what kind of drugs we were going to carry. And I was like, “Look, you guys all agree, you're all really smart. I don't have a degree in veterinary medicine. I'm not going to make the call here, but I need us to work together to figure out what is going to be our agreement between us” because the team can't have it four different ways.
And so it's about how do we find that common ground. And so I think that head space of “this is the problem of success” is a really healthy one to help move into those action steps of talking about it.

Andy Roark:
I also think to some degree, it can make the conversation easier when you have multiple points of view because then you can clearly say, “I'm not picking sides.” We need to come together and find a path that has us all doing the same thing. So anyway, I think that's probably where I'd be for head space. So it's just sort of summarize real quick. Remember this is a problem. We're not really talking about the problem. You have to be very careful here about people's emotions, self-worth, self-identity, values, things like that. So just we want to be really, really careful here. The combo to start off with is going to be assume good intent and coach to assume good intent and then seek first to understand is try to understand what's happening, what's going on.
Remember to put your standards of care forward as a living document. Whatever your standard of care is today, that's not going to be your standard of care in 10 years. You're going to continue to evolve and change as we learn things. And so that also makes the standards of care a less scary, chiseled-in stone thing. It's something that we can talk about, and that's okay. Remember the end result that you want to try to get. The end result is important. The end result is not to make the doctor apologize or to take the manager down a peg. If that's what you're trying to do. You are off base. The end result is to come to an understanding so that next time the case comes in, we have some agreement about how we're going to proceed as a team so everybody feels included and safe and onboard, and that's the end result that we're looking for.
And so if you pull the flaming raging sword of justice and you go seeking to figure out who is right and who is out of line, is it the doctor that is wrong and negligent, is it the manager that is overstepping her bounds, none of that's going to end well. In any sort of way, it ain't worth it. Just go in there and talk to everybody and figure out what's happening and what we're going to do next time.
And the last thing I would say is remember just to lay down why are we doing this. And that's going to be my first part in the action steps. “Why is this even important?” And I think a lot of people fall into the idea of, well, this is a test, and there are rules and you broke the rules or you didn't break the rules. And I go, “Who wants to play that game?” That doesn't make any sense. “This person was wrong, and I know the rules and I'm going to show them they were wrong.” I go, “Okay, if that makes you feel better, you can do that, but you should really enjoy it because you're going to have weeks of pain in the neck trying to get past this conversation, and it's fallout.”

Stephanie Goss:
For sure. Okay, well, let's take a break and then come back and talk about where do we go from here, how do we manage this.
Hey friends, I just wanted to talk for a quick second about some maths with y'all because I've been thinking a lot about the workshops and normally, here's where we tell you what's coming up and we've got some great stuff happening. So you're going to want to head to unchartedvet.com/events and check out the upcoming calendar. But I want to talk about maths because if you are not already an Uncharted member, you can attend any one of our workshops and pay $99 a piece. Most of them are just $99. You can do it as a one-off, great and fine. However, that adds up really quick. And if you do the monthly workshop with us, and I've seen some of you there as repeat customers, which is amazing, but you could spend almost $1,200 over the course of the year doing workshops with us. Or you could pay $699 and get a 12-month membership, which means you get all of the workshops that we do at no extra charge.
You also get access to our amazing conversation in the community, our community members, and all of our community resources. And it is hopping over there. We've got conversation 24/7, we have got activities, we've got book club. We're writing our handbooks together in handbook helper group this year. We are talking about development and leadership growth, doing our development pathway this year. We are doing hallway conversations where we're talking about topics. These are sessions that are community-led, community-driven. It is topics about things that are going on in your practice that you want to talk about with your peers. All of that is happening and it's all included for your $699 membership. So simple maths, do you pay almost $1200 for the year or do you pay $699?
If you're not currently a member, you should head over to the website and use this argument to convince your boss: “Hey boss, I need to be a part of this amazing community because Stephanie told me so and because she's telling you that you will save money.” Hopefully that works, but I couldn't resist. I hope to see you at our upcoming workshops again unchartedvet.com/events for everything that's coming. And now back to the podcast.

Andy Roark:
So when we start to manage this action steps, this is just some multipart approach. This is not one where you roll in and swing for the fences. I don't know, maybe other people are better than me. There's no way I walk into this with the idea of we're going to have a meeting and this'll be over. That's a fool's game. That's not going to happen. This is a series of meetings. This is a meeting with the manager and separately, a meeting with the doctors or doctors, and then it's going to be a meeting together. And the reason it's because I'm going to need to get both of these individuals into the right head space to talk to each other. And if I don't do some pre-work to set them up to have this conversation, the whole thing's going straight in the ditch.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes, I would agree with that for sure.

Andy Roark:
So let's talk about the manager. So the manager's the one who's looking at the record and she says, “This is not up to our standard of care. I have a problem with this, I'm upset about it.” Seek first to understand. Same thing here. “What's important to you about the standard of care? You're clearly really in this. Why is this important, I want you to tell me why it's important.” And they'll think to you that you're jerking them around and “I need to understand why does this person care about the standard of care? Is it because they feel like it's important for them to know what's going on as the manager? Is it that they're worried about the perception of the staff of this happening? Is it they're worried about patient care?” I don't know what's important to them about standard of care until I ask them.
And a lot of times, we skip this step. We just start talking about the standard of care as if it is by itself important. The standard of care is just a guideline, but that guideline means things, but it means different things to different people. And it's important for different reasons to different people. And so the first question for me is, what's important about the standard of care? And I need to start to find that out. So do you agree with that as kind of an opening position?

Stephanie Goss:
I love it. Yeah.

Andy Roark:
All right, cool. So I want to talk then, and I want to start to put into the person's mind the idea. So we're talking about the standard care and we're talking about this why the standard care is important. And then what I need to generally do is introduce the idea on standard of care. I need to introduce the idea to this person that standard of care is flexible and it is highly context-dependent.

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Andy Roark:
Meaning now it's never okay to be negligent. We know that. However, it's never okay to be negligent, full-stop period. And there are different approaches that we take based on what we see in the exam room and also what the pet is going to allow us to do. We have all sent patients home at the end of the day that should have been hospitalized. They should have gone to the emergency clinic, but they weren't going to the emergency clinic. And we all see that. And so there's plenty of examples about standard of care. It's flexible. And I would sort of say, how do we know what's acceptable, how do we know what makes a good standard of care? And I always try to get vulnerable with people here and say, “You know what, I'm a doctor. I do a podcast for a living where I talk to people about medicine all the time, and I'm constantly learning and I'm constantly updating and things that the inflow of data is absolutely unceasing.”
And then also, spectrum of care data is really blowing up. We're starting to see a lot more coming out about more conservative treatment options and what are the outcomes with this and we didn't have that data before. And so anyway, I'll put forward when we start talking about things like that, the classic one for me was the Colorado State parvo outpatient treatment. And when I was getting trained in everything, hospitalization of parvovirus patients was absolutely critical. That's it, it had to happen. And lo and behold, we end up getting this protocol out of Colorado State that's an outpatient treatment protocol.
And only when we see the numbers do people go, “Oh wow, this is a radically different than what I anticipated the outcomes would be.” And so inpatient parvo treatment gives you about a 90% success rate. And Colorado State's outpatient parvo treatment gives you 80% success rate. So not the same. In hospitalizing inpatient does give you a higher success rate. However, I don't think many of us would say, oh, the outpatient is unacceptable, but we didn't used to know that. That's fairly new. And so anyway, I start to have some conversations about medicine changing and standards changing, and it's all sort of figuring these things out. I'm trying to get this person to recognize that the standard has some wiggle to it, and there's some reasons that we move around it, and it's not a perfect measure. And so what I'm really trying to do is set them up in a position to give the other person grace.

Stephanie Goss:
Well, and I love that. And I think the other thing as a leader, as a business owner, and as a manager that might come out of that conversation is where are the gaps in learning and potential opportunities for learning with the team. And what I mean by that is if you ask the question, how do you know what's acceptable? And the answer is, well, you said that that's what the standard is, so that's what I expect everybody to do. That's an incredible opportunity to teach not only your manager, but also probably other members of your support team about the why. And that is a huge opportunity that is only going to get identified if you ask that question. So I love starting there.

Andy Roark:
Well, and then roll that together with the why is the standard of care important– what's important about it to you? And now you've really got something, and you can see me starting to get the manager rocking just to where they're not going to be so rigid that it's right or wrong, do or die. Depending on the person and where they go, I would start with all of those things and get them to hopefully buy into the idea that this isn't as set in stone as we wish it was. It's just not. And we deserve to at least try to figure out what the other person was looking at and what they were dealing with. And then oftentimes, if I can get them to empathize, and I would love … Again, all of these things are priming this person to have another conversation. And so I want to then try to get them into empathizing a bit with the doctor.
And maybe they don't need to; maybe they're already empathizing but a lot of times just getting someone into that head space makes all the difference in the world. It's like when your kid comes home and they've had an argument at school or somebody was mean to them, and you say to them, “Well, how do you think that person was feeling?” Or “What might have made them act that way?” And it's an example, I'm trying to teach my kid empathy. I'm trying to get them to say, okay, I can understand how that person would've been mad. They shouldn't have hit me, but I also shouldn't have called them Johnny Big Teeth.

Stephanie Goss:
Great.

Andy Roark:
Or whatever. I get it. I said, “But I get it. I understand why that would make him mad.” And again, it is trying to get that. So the same questions I start to have with the manager, and this is not a punitive conversation, it is a hundred percent an empathy conversation, but I'm going to try to get them to think about, Hey, if you were a doctor and the staff was looking up to you and the manager came in and started challenging your medical decisions, how would you feel? What emotions do you think you would feel? And this is just us talking, “Getting ready to go talk to Dr. Smith, but what do you think Dr. Smith's emotions are?” And just get them to hear, “Well, I'd be embarrassed, and I would feel like I'm not being supported.” Totally. Those are all emotions Dr. Smith has. And again, this is me talking somebody else into a healthy head space to go have this conversation.
So, anyway. And then the last part too is I would start to talk about some consequences of what are the downsides of conflict like this that we want to try to mitigate. So for example, if these are things that are happening and the staff is aware of them, I'm worried because here I've got my doctors, and I want to build a workplace that's built on trust. I want my techs to trust my doctors.

Stephanie Goss:
Of course.

Andy Roark:
I want my doctors who trust my techs. I want everybody to trust our team manager, and our manager to trust everybody on the team. And so undermining the doctor credibility and unless we have a really, really, really, really good reason to, is generally a bad idea. And I don't want to undermine the trust that the staff has in this doctor. Definitely not until we get to talk about what happened and where are we, you know what I mean? And again, I can't change what happened yesterday. We can only go forward. And I feel like here at the end, I should go back and put the statement in. I feel like I've tried of made this point, but just to be totally clear, I'm not talking about a doctor being negligent or doing awful things. I'm 100% talking here about a disagreement over standard of care that is well above negligence, but not what our stated standard is for this hospital.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. A common example that I can think of is … So, the standard of care for a diabetic patient is we're going to do a full glucose curve and an exam, and you have a set … this is what we're going to do and this is how frequently we're going to do it. And then the patient comes in for the exam. And to your point, the doctor takes in all of the information in the exam room, they take in the info from the owner, and then they make a decision that deviates from that standard of care. Maybe it's doing a mini curve instead of a full curve, or maybe it's sending them home to do a curve at home versus doing it in the hospital.

Andy Roark:
They didn't do an exam because they did an exam three days ago or last week.

Stephanie Goss:
When they were here for an ear infection. And so they were just like, “It's fine.” But it's one of those things that's a deviation that someone is like, “There's a reason why we say that we're going to do it this way.” And that is 100% true. It is also a hundred percent true that the doctor's job is to take all of that information and make decisions with it. And so that's why you're in this middle ground. You are right, and they are right. And now I need to figure out a way for us to work together so that nobody feels like they were wrong here because you're both doing what you're supposed to be doing. And veterinary medicine is about the shades of gray. And there are always going to be times where the doctor says, I'm going to do this instead of this time, or I'm going to make this decision. Or as a manager, I'm going to make this exception for customer service. We live in a world of gray.
And so that's where, to your point, getting them to put their empathy shoes on and imagine, ask themselves a question, what else could this mean, what else could they have been thinking, why else could they have made this decision even if they can't get themselves to have empathy … because I've been in situations where someone has been so fired up and so hacked off that if I ask them, “Could you imagine how they could have been feeling when you called them Johnny Big teeth,” they're going to be like, “Screw you.”

Andy Roark:
That's sticking now. Now that we're using it, that kid's Johnny Big Teeth forever.

Stephanie Goss:
They're like, “No, he couldn't have been feeling anything else except for my fist before I put it in his face.” But there is still a way to get them to feel the empathy. And so if that lever doesn't work, getting them to ask the questions about what else could this be about because we live in a world of gray in veterinary medicine, and there are … That is the job as a manager, that is also the job as a doctor, is to make those game time decisions. And it doesn't matter whether you're a practice owner working with a practice manager, whether you're an associate doctor working with a technician. We have to be able to lead the practice, whether we're leading for our patients in the moment in the exam room, or we're leading the team in front of everybody at a team meeting, we have to be able to lead and do our jobs knowing that we trust each other as a team.
And so we have to come to that place of common ground. And so your job as the middle ground person is to figure out how to get them to find that common ground and acknowledge the fact that you're both doing your jobs. No one is wrong. And we still have to find the shades that talk through the shades of gray hair.

Andy Roark:
Yeah, I completely agree. I just had a recollection of … I got in trouble for this one time of sort of a standard of care thing like this where it was like, I had this little miniature schnauzer and it had a bad corneal ulcer. So one of his eyes, and I don't remember which eye or anything … it was a bad corneal ulcer and that thing was not getting better. And I was wrestling with it and wrestling with it. And I had this, and the lady was this wonderful sweet old lady, but I had her coming in every five to seven days and I was restaining it. And every time she came in, it was our policy at the hospital to charge a recheck exam and to do it. And finally, after four or five times, I said, “All right, well, I'll see you back again.”
And she was like, “Dr. Roark, I think you're so great. Are you going to charge me $100 again today for this?” And I couldn't do it. And I was like, [inaudible 00:50:46]. At this point, I knew exactly what I was looking for. The dog didn't need a full physical exam, I just needed to get that eye stained. And she was wonderful. And she said that to me, and I stopped charging for those exams because I was like, Nope, she's going to come in. I'm going to stain her eye. We're going to see where we're doing, we're going to make adjustments and she's going to go. But she was so wonderful. And again, I understand that some people would be like, no, Andy, you can't do that. You should have charged her a hundred bucks every time. And was it the fact that she was a sweet little old lady? Yeah, that probably had something to do with it. Yeah, it probably did.
And again, but if you sat me down and … And they did. The management said something to me about, Hey, it's not standard of care to do this.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, how can you do this.

Andy Roark:
And I kind of said, “I hear that; I'm not going to do it.” And I told them. And again, it was one of those things too where I said, “You guys know me. You know that I take care of my cases, and I work up my cases, and this is rare. But in this case, I feel that this is warranted to be able to continue to give this person the care that they need for their pet.” And again, it was a one-off; it was not a common thing, but again, that was a thing where they said, “No, our standard of care is a recheck examination and a fluorescein stain.” And I was just like, “Come and look at this chart with me. Let's see what we're looking at here.” Anyway.

Stephanie Goss:
Well, you're talking about the why, right? So you have to do that with the manager, but then you also have to have the conversation with the doctor because you got to prime that pump, too.

Andy Roark:
I agree. So let's talk it through. So all of that stuff is the things I'm trying to do to get the manager ready and empathetic and open to having the conversation. And so then you got anything else you would say to the manager or are you feeling pretty good.

Stephanie Goss:
No, I feel good about that.

Andy Roark:
Okay. All right. Cool. So then we go to the doctors. The big things that I want to talk about where the doctors is, this is all much healthier if I can frame it as a forward-facing conversation of like, Hey guys, let's talk about medical standards. How do we want to set our medical standards, how do we want to get the team on board with these? Really, a lot of it is a temperature check on where your doctor's about medical standards. And if you have a team that generally agrees that medical standards are good and important, then we're going to start with the understanding that, hey, medical standards are important. If we have a team of doctors that all want to do it their own way and they don't agree about having consistency across the practice, we're going to step backwards, and we're going to do it.
Just know that it's going to increase the timeline it's going to take us to get to where we want to be. And that's okay. Be kind to yourself, be patient with yourself. The first thing we're going to have to do is get everybody to agree that it's important for us to be consistent, and we're going to have to talk to them about why consistency is important, and we're going to have to sell them on the fact that their jobs are going to be easier because the staff will be able to help them more when they know what we're doing and how we're doing it. And we're going to have to tell them we're going to do better medicine and they'll be better patient care and they'll make more money, or whatever their motivators are, we're going to have to get them to buy into a consistent approach across the board.
So that's the first part. And then after we get them to buy in for the needs of a consistent approach, then we're going to have to have the conversation with them about how do we set these medical standards. And that's sort of the conversation that we're going to need to have.

Stephanie Goss:
The only other thing that I would say about the doctors is that I would probably try and do some poking to get them to maybe … especially if there had been already disagreement and emotions, I would probably do some poking to try and get them to unpack the stories they might be telling themselves in their head when somebody who is non-medical staff is questioning, or even if it was a technician who has license is questioning a decision that they made. I would probably try one-on-one before we have the other conversation, get them to poke at that because if I can get them to be vulnerable, if I can get them to acknowledge to the other person, “Hey, when you ask me the question like this, this is the thoughts that went through my head,” I can help set the stage for the empathy to pour out and for the other party to say, “Oh my gosh, that was not what I meant, I never would have wanted you to feel that way.”
So I would probably do some digging with them to try and unpack what are the stories that they might be telling themselves in their head.

Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree. If there's a specific case where it's this specific type of case where there's a disagreement, and especially if it was based on something that happened last week, I would do the same thing I would do with the manager of assuming good intent, seeking to understand what happened with this case, “walk me through this, walk me through what's going on,” stuff like that.
And then I think it's good to talk to your doctors, not at this time, not about this, but at some point separately talking to the doctors and saying, Hey guys, we've got our medical standards. How do you all want to be made aware of questions about our medical standards?

Stephanie Goss:
Sure. Yeah.

Andy Roark:
And I would say it to the group so that no one feels targeted out. Like, “Hey, Stephanie Goss. If a person has a problem with your medicine, how do you want to find out about that?” It's not that. It's just, Hey guys, the … So now it's presented as education is constant, standards are always changing, the staff wants to know what's going on. If they have questions, I want them to have-

Stephanie Goss:
They need a process.

Andy Roark:
… the ability to ask. And so I'm going to have them. Any of those questions will come up to us, how do you want me to ask you guys about that? Is this a phone call? Do you want me to do it in our one-on-ones? How do you guys want to want to hear about that? And by talking to all the doctors at the same time, I'm setting the expectation that this is a thing that's probably going to happen and it's going to happen to any of you. And it's not bad, it's just they're going to have questions. And so that if and when it happens, it doesn't feel like this horrible, nightmare, scary scenario.
And the last thing I would say is, great guys, we're going to work together on our standards, and I want to keep those things up to date with you guys. What is the best way for us to educate the staff about what our standards are? How do we want to communicate these things so that people know what to expect and how to best support you guys? And those are the types of questions.
Again, what I'm trying to do here is to get the doctor or the doctors into this head space of, Hey, medical standards are important, and the staff cares about medical standards and they're going to have questions about medical standards. And we are a collaborative team who talks through things like that. How do you want to participate in those things? How are we going to send good communication down the chain? And how are we going to receive questions coming up the chain? Because this is how we work together to make sure our hospital continues to function well, and everybody feels good about what we're doing.
And again, all of this is happening before I put the manager and the doctor or the doctors together. This is all priming the pump.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay. So we have meetings with them all separately, and then we've got to get them all on the same page.

Andy Roark:
Yeah. So we got to get them all on the same page. So bringing it sort of together, I'm a big believer that it's probably best if we have medical concerns to have them go through a medical director. And if we don't have a medical director at all, I think that that may be a problem. It's very dicey for the manager to walk in and drop medical concerns on the doctors. I think that's really hard. Part of my setup for this would be … I think this is where you use your medical director is those complaints and concerns should come to the medical director. That way it's almost like a peer reviewing the case and someone who's got some perspective of being in that situation and has some letters behind their name to carry weight of bringing it in. Oftentimes they may be able to add some context that affects how this is presented.
But I really do think working through your medical director is going to be the way to go. And then going into this, if we're going to have this group conversation, we say we're going to sit down with the doctors to talk about what our standard of care is going forward, or making adjustments or things like that. For God sake, start with commonality. And I think you touched on this at the very beginning. Like, what do we all believe in, what are we all trying to accomplish, what do we all think is important, what are we doing here? And I think if we lay down the commonality, what we're all in, we're all looking to do the best for the pets, we're all looking to do a good job, we're all looking to make sure that we make a positive impact in the world, we're all looking to feel like we're making impact day to day on our patients, us, the support staff, the pet owners, we're all doing this.
Now let's talk about standards for all of us so that we can all feel good about this. So start with commonality first, and then start to lay out the spectrum of what guidelines look like. There's a lot of flexibility in what we can do with guidelines. And so I often like to frame the spectrum to show the absurd extremes because it makes people feel not so far away. So for example, I would come in, I would start to have this conversation. I would say something like, “Hey, look, we do not want to have a zero consistency practice wild west. Everybody's free styling. The patient experience, the pet owner experience is radically different every time they come in. Nobody knows what we're doing or why we're doing it. The techs don't trust the doctors. We are not going to have that kind of practice. We are not. We're also not going to have a practice where we dump patients out in the street without any treatment because their owners can't or wouldn't pay for this set standard of care that we chiseled into a piece of stone. We're going to recognize that pet owners are out of our control. The pets are out of our control. And sometimes we have to adjust to the situation to get the best care possible and to protect the relationships that we have. So we're not dumping people out on the street if they're not willing to do everything we recommend. We're also not running a wild west show where everybody's just shooting it out over each case about what we're going to do and what we're not going to do. Let's get somewhere in between those extremes where we all feel good.”
I like that style of setting down two ridiculous extremes, and people go, “Well, obviously, we're not going to dump people on the street,” but what I'm trying to do is to get the people who like rules and who like to see right and wrong. If I set that down just as a joking way, just like I just did it, it frames the issue to say, there's not a right answer, there's a spectrum, and we are picking a space in that spectrum, and that takes a lot of the no subcutaneous fluids are in, or they are out. It's like, no, look, we're trying to land here in the middle. So anyway, I can lower the stakes a little bit and take away that right or wrong mentality. So I try to set it up that way. But that's the big thing.
And the last thing is focus on the future, not the past. Let's talk about what we want to do next time. And some of this stuff is going to be picking a hill and making it beautiful. I tell a story sometimes when I started landscaping, I didn't know where to start because I was just overwhelmed, and my dad told me to pick a hill and make it beautiful, and then pick another hill and make it beautiful. In a couple years, you're going to have something great.
And so a lot of times in management, you just pick a hill. You're not going to create standards for your whole practice in a week. if there's a thing and there's an issue, let's work on that. We're going to work on nutrition recommendations, and then we're going to work on pain control, and then we're going to work on dental standards, and we're going to keep going. And people say it's going to take years. And I'm going to say, you know what, you got years. This is going to be a lifelong process. And then here's the thing, when you get done, it'll be time to start over again and remake the first ones. So that's that. That's all I got.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, that's where you choose to end.

Andy Roark:
That's it. That's all I got. All right.

Stephanie Goss:
That was a good one.

Andy Roark:
I just ran because we were getting long. Stuff was getting along. We got to get out of here. So I talked us all the way out.

Stephanie Goss:
You talked us out. No, that's great. I love it. I think that's a wrap.

Andy Roark:
Cool man. All right. Thanks for doing this with me. Thanks everybody.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, have a great week, everybody.
Well, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. And as always, this was so fun to dive into the mail bag and answer this question. And I would really love to see more things like this come through the mail bag. If there is something that you would love to have a talk about on the podcast or a question that you are hoping that we might be able to help with, feel free to reach out and send us a message.
You can always find the mail bag at the website. The address is unchartedvet.com/mailbag, or you can email us at podcastunchartedvet.com.
Take care of everybody, and have a great week. We'll see you again next time.

Written by Dustin Bays · Categorized: Blog, Podcast · Tagged: culture, doctor, management, Practice ownership, Vet Tech

May 03 2023

They HAVE To Be Talking Behind My Back, Right?

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice management geek Stephanie Goss are in the mailbag to tackle a question about what to do when you think people might be talking about you behind your back at work. In fact you are pretty darn sure it is happening because your bosses are alluding to people being unhappy with you but you aren't actually getting concrete examples or feedback to work with. Plus at least one team member was recently EXTRA salty with you on a shift, seemingly out of nowhere. This tech is feeling Undefined and Rudderless and asking for help. Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 229 – They HAVE To Be Talking Behind My Back, Right?

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.


Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


RESOURCES

Upcoming events: unchartedvet.com/upcoming-events/


Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:
Hey everybody. I am Stephanie Goss, and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I got a letter in the mailbag that tugged at my heartstrings. We got a letter from a technician who called themselves Undefined and Rudderless, and he is really struggling as a male in a female-dominated industry now because he is having some challenges where he feels like his team is talking behind his back at work and he is really struggling. He has asked for feedback. He has talked to his bosses who actually have commented on the issue, but have provided no concrete feedback that has helped him change his behavior and he is really struggling. This one was one that Andy and I really enjoyed getting into the weeds on. So let's dive into it, shall we?

Speaker 2:
And now, the Uncharted Podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark :
And we are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark and the one and only Stephanie, give it to me straight, Goss.

Stephanie Goss:
That is very appropriate for today's episode.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Yes. Don't send no mixed messages. Give it to me straight. Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
Give it to me straight. I will give it to you straight.

Dr. Andy Roark :
I know.

Stephanie Goss:
That is my M.O. I shoot straight from the hip.

Dr. Andy Roark :
There you go. There you go. How are things?

Stephanie Goss:
Things are trucking.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Things are trucking.

Stephanie Goss:
Trucking along.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Yeah. Holy moly, we're busier than a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs, as they say where I'm from. Oh, Appalachian Mountain sayings.

Stephanie Goss:
I was going to say got to love the Appalachian sayings. None of them make any sense.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Oh, well. Oh, man.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, man. No, things are good. We are slammed. We are busy. We are recording this and it is the end of March. So we are just couple weeks away from the April Uncharted Conference, which is going to be amazing. I'm super excited about that and getting to see everybody. We just had Practice Manager Summit last week, so still riding the high from that was amazing.

Dr. Andy Roark :
That was amazing. That was a one-day virtual event. It was freaking amazing.

Stephanie Goss:
It was.

Dr. Andy Roark :
It went so well. And it's like our virtual events are not webinars. They are interactive workshops, and discussion groups. And especially, I really like this one-day format because people did a great job of putting the clinic aside for one day and just being all in on it. And man, it was great. I mean, it was really good.

Stephanie Goss:
It was.

Dr. Andy Roark :
We had a good number of people. I'll tell you my favorite part of that was we have some French listeners for this podcast.

Stephanie Goss:
We do?

Dr. Andy Roark :
And I see it on the statistics. I'm like, “There's a couple people in France listening.” We met them. It's a pair of sisters.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark :
It's Martine and Maryanne. Yes. And Martine was there. It was in the middle of the night and she was like, “I am here for this.”

Stephanie Goss:
It was 2:00 AM. I know.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Here I am.

Stephanie Goss:
It was absolutely amazing to me. And Maryanne has actually written into the mailbag, we have done several podcast episodes with questions that she has asked. And when you guys told me, I got a message during the conference and you are all like, “Have you seen Martine? She's here and she's from France.” And I was like, “Oh, I wonder if,” and I was just like, “It's her sister.”

Dr. Andy Roark :
Oh, man.

Stephanie Goss:
That made my day because it just, it's so surreal.

Dr. Andy Roark :
It was amazing. Yeah, it was amazing. And she was right in there. I was like, “Buddy, if you think the things you're struggling with in your practice only apply to you, you are so out of your mind.” These things are so universal and everybody is fighting different battles that seem quite familiar and similar in a lot of ways. And man, just getting really good managers together in that session for those days, for that one day, God, that was great.

Stephanie Goss:
It was. It was awesome.

Dr. Andy Roark :
I was so happy when it was over. I was so energized.

Stephanie Goss:
And it's funny to me because to your point, we all think that we're the only ones having the problems, right? And that's the number one thing that I think you and I both get told about the podcast is, “Oh my gosh. You guys were talking about exactly my issue.” And I think that's the thing is that we're not alone and we just did Manager Summit and Martine was there and it was 2:00 AM in France. And then last night we had a workshop with our teammate Tyler Grogan talking about creating fans in our practice. And we have a handful of members that are from Australia and one of them, Terry was there last night and it was today, it was a day ahead. And she's there and she's rocking. And you were talking about practice differences from country to country, place to place, it doesn't matter. We have similarity. We're all facing different facets of the same challenges. And so man, it's a good time right now. I'm jazzed about all we're doing and all we're talking about, whether it's in the community or at events. It's a fun time.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Well, especially if you're into management, the benefit of having people who have wildly different practice styles and cultures is huge. I was speaking in the Netherlands a while back. And so their economy is a little bit different. They have high taxes and they do a lot for their people. They have high taxes. And so employing people is very expensive. So most vet clinics are very small, like a doctor and two technicians and that's it. And they answer the phones and they do all the things, and it's just a wildly different model in a lot of ways. But man, when you ask them, how do you guys do this? The ideas that they have and the way they set their businesses up, you just go, “Oh, man. Boy, we can learn some things about efficiency from them.” And then they look around and go, “Wow. You guys, you do things wildly different because of how you're set up.” If you like new ideas, boy, doing some international work like we do with Uncharted every now and then, that stuff is so good. It always just cracks open my creative part of my brain.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, for sure. For sure. Well, we have got a great mailbag question.

Dr. Andy Roark :
I like this question.

Stephanie Goss:
And I'm excited to see where we're going to go with this because you and I were just talking getting ready for the episode and I was like, “I think we have multiple different problems in this question.” And you're like, “Nope. We've got one hour.”

Dr. Andy Roark :
I don't know. But we'll see.

Stephanie Goss:
I love it.

Dr. Andy Roark :
There's one question that needs to be answered and fix this problem. I don't know if it can be answered. I don't know if we can fix it, but I think that there's one.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay. So we got a mailbag question and it's from Undefined and Rudderless. And they wrote in and said, “How do you address the problem if it's not defined, if you don't know what it is?” So they've been dealing with people talking behind their back at work because the bosses keep eluding with comments and/or talking about problems during reviews or one-on-ones. And they were like, “Well, but of course I ask, ‘What am I doing wrong?'”

Dr. Andy Roark :
What is the problem?

Stephanie Goss:
“What is the problem? How can I change my behavior? What can I do to avoid these situations?” And repeatedly they are getting told, “Don't worry about it. You're doing a great job. Just keep working on being a team player,” alluding to the fact that it's not you, it's someone else, right? We've all had that conversation, “It's not you, it's me.” I got the sense that that's what they were being told. But then they said, “I was at work today and one of my teammates came up to me and literally started shouting at me about how I was lying about work that they were doing. And that they didn't want to work with me anymore and that they were sick of working with me. And this happens to be a letter from a male in our industry.” And they were saying, “As a man in a woman-dominated industry, I am often very careful about what I say. And when I get stressed during busy days, I tend to withdraw into myself and focus on my work.”
And so they were like, “I want to fix this. I want to be a good team player. I want to work well with my colleagues, but how do I address the problem if I don't actually know what it is? And how do I address my bosses continually telling me not to worry about it, turn up and do my job? But then have days like this where my colleagues are clearly angry at me not wanting to work with me. Clearly there's a problem and I want to do something about it.”

Dr. Andy Roark :
Yeah. I felt this. Just reading through, I imagine the frustration of being like, “I'm sorry. What did I do?” And they're like, “I think you know.” That really is, “I don't know,” “I think you do, the issue.”

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, man.

Dr. Andy Roark :
It's just the issue. What is the issue? It's the thing you need to work on.

Stephanie Goss:
I would be seeing red. I would be so angry.

Dr. Andy Roark :
I would like, “Are you pranking me?”

Stephanie Goss:
Am I on Punked?

Dr. Andy Roark :
I'm like, “This is it.” So that's why I said, “I think there's one problem here.” I'll come around to it at the end. But here's what I think the problem is and I hope that my old man brain will hold on so I can remember what it is at the end. I forget what I was going to say. It's a real… Should make a note for myself. All right. But let's start with that case. So I want to approach this from the perspective of the person who wrote the letter, right? Because they asked, “What do I do?”

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark :
And so I can look at this from a lot of different ways, and my gut is always to look at it from a leadership, mentorship, manager position looking down. That's not what we're dealing with here.

Stephanie Goss:
No. Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark :
And so I really want to help out Undefined and Rudderless from where he is in this situation. Okay?

Stephanie Goss:
Yep.

Dr. Andy Roark :
So the first thing is I would say, you have to try to be positive in this situation, right? And you have to try to be positive. This is not fair. What I'm about to say it's not fair and I want to own that it's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair that other people seem to have a problem with you and they won't tell you what it is, but if you get mad, you are going to look like the bad guy.

Stephanie Goss:
Sure. Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark :
And that's not flipping fair, but fair is where pigs win ribbons.

Stephanie Goss:
That one actually makes sense.

Dr. Andy Roark :
The first one made sense too. Have you ever seen a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs? She doesn't sit still.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay. I digress.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Fair is where pigs win ribbons, right? If you get mad, there's a decent chance this is going to get tagged onto you as the bad guy. And that's not fair. It's like when you're an older sibling and your younger sibling keeps messing with you, and you know if you get mad, you are going to get in trouble. And your sibling knows if you get mad, you're going to get in trouble. It's that thing. And you go, “I thought I grew out of this at age 12,” but you didn't because people are children their whole lives.

Stephanie Goss:
As an older child, I am feeling the pain right this second because I know that pain.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Well, that's why I said I felt this so much is like, I'm like, “Oh man, that's such a sucky position to be in,” where you're like, “I feel like I'm getting treated unfairly,” and it sounds like you are. And if you mishandled this, there's a chance you're going to end up looking bad. They can hang this on you as the bad guy, and that sucks. But know that up front, we're going to take some deep breaths and that's why we got to get our heads straight here. We've got to get into know that, but don't let that burn resentment into you. Just know we need to be careful in how we handle this. So careful in how we handle this is the first thing. The second thing is I'm going to say you have options. Never forget that you have options, right?
And so we're going to fix this or I'm going to recommend that you consider going somewhere else. That's where we're going to go, that's the ultimate solution here. So it's not fair, but we're going to fix it. And if we can't fix it, I'm going to recommend that you go somewhere else. And I think you're going to find a lot of opportunities because men are diversity in this industry, which is ridiculous, but true. There's a lot of vet practices that would love to have some dude energy in their practice. And so you will have opportunities if you want to go somewhere else.

Stephanie Goss:
Fair, fair.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Okay. All right. So that's that. Okay. So the first thing, start in good faith.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Start in good faith and come from a point of curiosity. I actually really like the way that this was written of like, “I don't know what I'm doing and I ask about it, and I'm not being told what the answer is.” I think at one point, I think the big thing is, look, at this point out, take some deep breaths. We're going to take a step back. We're going to hit the reset button. We're going to go at this with a blank slate. And so let's get our head straight. So we're going to go over the blank slate. We're going to go back into this and from a genuine point of curiosity and to ask questions, and to ask for help and understanding.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. Yes. Okay. So a lot of times when we talk on the podcast, we talk about safe and we talk about having a safe conversation. And certainly if people are shouting, that's not the time to have the conversation. But there's two pieces of safe that are I think are really important here. One is the assuming good intent. And so getting your point about getting curious with your bosses and just asking questions is a great one. And before that, I would start with the pre-work and ask yourself, “What else could this possibly mean?” And the reason that I say that, and when we talk about safe, we usually talk about, how have you been set up to fail? And one of the reasons why you should ask yourself, “What else could this mean?” Is that as a manager from an HR perspective, when there are multiple people involved, I can't always tell you what you want to hear, right?
And so I could totally hallucinate a situation, especially with some of the additional information we were given with the other person literally shouting and yelling at you. I could totally hallucinate a situation where maybe you have a coworker that is not behaving the way that they should. And as a manager, I am dealing with that situation from an HR perspective, I can't necessarily disclose that to you, I can't necessarily talk to you about specifics. And so I think assuming good intent and then asking yourself, “What else could this mean?” helps set you up for a good head space to go into a conversation with your bosses where you can get curious and ask questions.

Dr. Andy Roark :
I agree with that. I think this conversation, I think there's two conversations here that could potentially happen, which is why I think you said that there were two problems when we started. I would say I think there's two problems or two conversations that you could have. And so the first one is up at management, which means if you say, “I feel like there's people who are unhappy with me. I'm not sure what to do. I'm not receiving feedback. I don't know what behaviors to change or how to address this.” That's the conversation to have up the chain. And it sounds like this person has gone that way. I'm going to say when we do fresh slate, I'm going to go have this conversation again. And I really want to push you to push harder in this conversation, because you've tried it and it didn't go anywhere.
And so the conversation I would have up the chain is you go in, I'm going to go in with a spirit of curiosity, but I'm also going to remember that clear is kind and I want to be kind to the management because I'm getting tired of this. I'm tired enough about this that I'm writing to Andy and Stephanie, and calling myself Undefined and Rudderless, right? That means something. You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Okay. This is not like, “I had a rough afternoon.” This is like, “No. This is weighing on you, my friend.” And so I'm going to go have that conversation. I'm going to say, “Hey, I continue to feel like people are unhappy with me. I had someone come up and shout at me and I don't understand why. I genuinely don't know what I'm doing here and I really need feedback because this is affecting me.” And if they say, “No, just do better and be more of a team player,” I would then push back and say, “I need specific action steps and I need areas to focus on and develop. And so I need feedback on exactly what that means so that I can make changes or address problems. And I don't know what it means to be a good team player or to do better.”

Stephanie Goss:
And I would also tell them how it's impacting you, because nobody wants to go to work and feel like people are talking about them behind their back. And so if you say exactly what you just said, Andy, which is like, “I need to know what that looks like. I need to know what that sounds like. Give me the feedback,” and then it's crickets. Or they tell you, “You're doing fine. Just be a team player,” then that's where you need to say, “I can't actually accept that as an answer because this is affecting me. I don't want to come to work in a place where I feel like people are talking about me behind my back, where I feel like I'm making people angry or I'm upsetting people. This is not working for me. And so I need you to help me, or I am going to have to make changes,” that could involve leaving your job. And it's not a threat, right? “This is how it's impacting me and I need you to understand how serious this is to me because that's not fair.” It's not fair.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Yeah. When I have this conversation, I'm exactly with you. That is step three is to say, “This is the impact it's having on me.” I completely agree. When I have those conversations, I never want to threaten, I never want to be like, “You're going to tell me or I'm going to quit.” Oh, don't do that. That's nasty. And people don't like ultimatums.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark :
And it just escalates the whole thing. It's not worth it. The language, however that I specifically honestly use, but I'll say, “This is how I'm feeling and this arrangement is not working for me. And it's making me uncomfortable to a level that is not sustainable.” And that's where I stop because I'm not saying I'm going to leave and I'm not bluffing. This is not a negotiation tactic. This is clear as kind. But I see a lot of people who don't say that. They don't say, “This is not working for me, and the experience that I'm having at work it's not pleasant and it's not sustainable for me. So I'm going to need a resolution here and I'm happy to do what I need to do on my side to make that happen, but I need guidance in what that is so that we can resolve this. And I can get back to being comfortable here.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. Because I think otherwise you run the risk that they don't understand how much you're bothered by it. They don't understand how much it's impacting you. They don't understand how much it means to you. And there have been conversations in my life when I think about it where I had no idea that the other person felt the way that they did until they said something that made me realize the gravity of the situation, right? And this is the moment where you have to figure out how do you do it in your language, in your comfort level to say what you're saying, Andy, which is, “This is affecting me and I can't keep doing this.”

Dr. Andy Roark :
Yeah. You don't have to be wildly dramatic too.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark :
And I don't know how much to play gender into this as being a man and having these feelings of not fitting in and being bothered by that. And because I don't know this person. And when you say, a lot of times people don't know how other people are feeling. At one point this person mentions in their email, “I tend to get stressed on busy days and I withdraw to focus on my work.” If you're kind of the quiet guy who's just doing his stuff, people make assumptions about how much or how little you're affected by what's going on. And again, this doesn't mean you have to be an emotional presentation if that's not who you are. You can be calm and reserved and also articulate about, you can say, “This is how I feel and this is the impact this is having on me. And this is where I am as far as my feelings coming into work in the morning.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. I think you were spot on where I think that there's two separate conversations, right?

Dr. Andy Roark :
Sure.

Stephanie Goss:
And I think from an action-step perspective with this first conversation is you have to have the conversations with your boss. Because they are the only ones who can do something about it, right? This is your relationship with them. And if you are not getting what you need and your needs are not being met inside of a relationship, the only other person who can solve that with you is the other person or the other people. And so you have to have the conversation with your bosses and use the language that is going to matter and tell them how it's impacting you, how it's affecting you, and ask them for their help in resolving the situation. Because there's something going on here, whether it's that they are just avoiding conflict, whether there's an HR issue and they can't actually talk to you about it. Maybe they just don't know how to manage really well. There's a bunch of different reasons why it could be going the way that it is. We don't have enough information and can't hallucinate why that would be happening, but they're the only ones who can help you solve that problem.

Dr. Andy Roark :
I agree. The last point in this conversation up the chain that I would really emphasize is, remember speak in specifics, especially since this person came up and yelled at you. I would go in specifically reference like, “Hey, on Tuesday of last week this person came in the treatment room and yelled at me, and this is what she said. And I do not understand. I didn't know what that was a reference to, but I'm literally being yelled at.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark :
And put that forward because that's not okay. It's not okay for someone to come in and yell at another employee in the building. That's not professional. That's not how a place with a good culture would people treat each other. And so we need to talk about that. And again, I'm not going to necessarily tattle and like, “Oh, you need to fix this.” I am going to say, “This is what happened. This is a case in point. I am not making things up about people seeming uncomfortable or talking behind my back. This altercation happened.”

Stephanie Goss:
And it is their job to provide a safe workplace. And no one should be working in a workplace where people are literally shouting at each other, or screaming at each other, or there's physical altercations, that is a hard stop. It is their job as an owner, as a manager to provide a safe work environment and that includes a psychologically safe work environment. And so that is your opportunity to very clearly give them the specifics and then ask them for help in resolving the situation. Knowing you're going to do your part, you want to get better, you want to work on things, and you're asking them openly for that feedback. But if someone comes up and just starts shouting at you, if that's what happened, you didn't do anything wrong in that situation. So there isn't anything for you to work on in that instance that is about them doing their jobs as leaders.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Sure. Well, I agree. And to put an even tighter pinch on the leaders. Let's say that he did do something wrong. Let's say that he's doing something that's really hacking people off. He's microwaving salmon for lunch or he has shoes that squeak really loudly all the time. Yelling at him is not how we handle this problem, right? The person who is frustrated has two options. They can go and talk to Rudderless and say, “Hey buddy, we need to have a talk about the break room in lunchtime.” Or they can go and if they don't feel comfortable talking to him, then they can go to management and say, “Hey, this is a problem,” and then management needs to talk to our writer, Rudderless. At no point is rolling up and shouting at another worker. That's not step three, that's not on the list of steps.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark :
So anyway, that's it. That's again, if this person who's frustrated feels like they have a legitimate concern, and one of the things I really liked about this letter was the writer seemed very open to the idea that he might be doing something that's frustrating people, he just doesn't know what it is.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark :
That made me like him a lot. I've said it a bunch of times. The number one most underrated leadership, communication, teamwork skill that exists is self-awareness. The most underrated. Because if you're dealing with somebody who does not have self-awareness, they are never going to get better. You know why? Because they don't know that they need to, or they don't have an accurate view of how they could get better. When somebody says, “Hey, I might be messing this up, I would like to know how so that I can fix it.”

Stephanie Goss:
Right. So I can work on it.

Dr. Andy Roark :
I generally immediately like that person and go, “You, my friend, seem to have the potential.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark :
And again, that's an initial reaction. So putting the squeeze on the leadership, our writer is not getting clear feedback, which should not be the case, especially if there's something that's bothering him and he's asking for feedback. They're letting him down.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark :
If this other person is angry and has sent that complaint up the chain, leadership is also letting her down because her concerns are not being articulated at all in a clear way to the person who would be able to address them. And so both of those are squeezes on the leadership. And so that's my thought there. And again, I'm not passing sentence here because as you said, a lot of times with HR stuff, we can't tell people different things and I don't know, I don't know what's going on about this.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark :
So that's the first conversation with me is up the chain.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark :
The second conversation is obviously going to be with the other person, and I would not do this. So we always start with timing like, “I'm not going to go talk to this person 30 seconds after they yelled at me.” But the next day I would go and say, “Hey, can we talk about yesterday?” And then when they say, “Yes,” I would say, “I don't know what I did to upset you. It was not my intention to upset you. I want to be good to work with. Can you tell me what I did or what you think or heard that I did that made you upset?” And then I would stop and listen, and that's it like, “Can you tell me what's going on?”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Yeah. I would open up with the why, which is, “I want to be good to work with and I honestly don't know what I did. And I just want to understand. Can you help me understand what did I do?” And then listen.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. Because hopefully they're going to jump into the conversation and you're going to get some clarity that you're not getting from your bosses, number one.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Yep. Sure.

Stephanie Goss:
And then number two, when you practice active listening there, then hopefully it opens up the path for the last part of that conversation, which has to be, how do you move forward? Because it wouldn't for me, I'll own it. And on a personal level, I do not want to work somewhere where colleagues are going to shout at me. And so it would not work for me to continue to work with this person. And so I am going to listen to them and I am going to hear them out. And it may be that I need to actually process what they're saying and I might not be able to resolve it right then and there. And I still want to figure out a way, whether it's in the moment or the next day or after I've had some time to process whatever that looks like, to come back to the conversation and talk about how are we going to move this forward and make the ask of them.
There's a few a things I could hallucinate I would want to ask for, “Hey, if you've got a problem with me, let's just talk about it. Before you're ready to full-on, be screaming at me in the treatment room, right? Let's talk about that.” But also setting the expectation. “I don't want to be screamed at. It doesn't make me feel good and I don't want to work in an environment like that.” Whatever the ask is, and it's going to be different to different people because there are some people who could be like, got full on, got screamed at rolls right off their back and could care less, and they just want to know what they did wrong so they can fix it. And you'd have other people who might be like, “Oh, I will fix the thing that I did wrong, but also don't scream at me,” right? Everybody's going to have a different response to that.
But no matter what your response is, you have to figure out a way to move it forward and ask for something different. Because being undefined and being rudderless is not, to your point, Andy, is not a sustainable place to live. And so I love that you said like, “Just shut up and listen,” and practice active listening skills and engage with what they're saying. Repeat back to them what you hear them saying, asking for clarity, asking for more detail. Tell me what that looks like. Tell me what that sounds like. Because what they tell you could go a million different ways.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Sure.

Stephanie Goss:
But practicing all those active listening skills that we employ in the exam room every single day with clients, with your colleague, and then figuring out, how are you going to move the conversation forward? What do you need to ask from them? How do you need to resolve this situation? Do you need an apology? Whatever that looks like, what is the forward motion going to be?

Dr. Andy Roark :
Yeah, I agree. I completely agree. Well, do you want to pause here for a second and take a little break, and then we'll come back and we rolled headspace and action steps together this week. But let's come back and I want to get into what this second peer-to-peer employee-to-employee conversation looks like. Sound good?

Stephanie Goss:
Okay. Yeah, sounds great. Hey friends, I want to make sure that you know about an upcoming workshop that you're not going to want to miss. And I know I say that about a lot of our workshops, but I mean it about this one. Well, I mean about all of them, let's be real. But this one holds a special place, near and dear to my heart, two reasons. One, my friend Dr. Jen Quammen is leading the workshop. Number two, it's about technology. And if you've listened to the podcast, you know what a techno nerd I am. I super excited to have Jen with us. Thanks to our friends at TeleVet. She is going to be talking on May 24th at 8:00 PM Eastern, so 5:00 PM Pacific, about trending technology in the veterinary space. Now, I love technology. We've talked about it on the podcast. We've had guests on the podcast. And one of the conversations that has been going around and around in a lot of the groups I'm in lately has been about ChatGPT or artificial intelligence, AI.
And so if you've ever wondered about using AI in your practice or if you have wondered about wearable technology for pets, communication tools and techniques that use artificial intelligence or advanced technologies, those are the things that Jen is going to dive into during this workshop. Because most of us have wondered when we've talked about those technologies, if they actually will save us any time or energy, or if they're just a new trend. So Jen is going to dive into some of the things that have come to market, some of the things that are actively being used in veterinary medicine that you might not know about, and ways that we can incorporate technology into the veterinary space in a way that works with us and not against us. So if this sounds like something that you'd love to get in on, head on over to the website at unchartedvet.com/events to find out more. We'll see you there. And now back to the podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark :
All right. So when we go into these conversations, especially if we're dealing with somebody who yelled at us yesterday. I want to go in with a good, healthy mindset for this specific conversation, right? And so the two things that I want to do is the first thing I want to do is lower the stakes, and we talk a lot about lowering the stakes.

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark :
I do not want to engage this person in a cross swords battle for justice and truth. I just, “Hey, I know what you say yesterday. I want to understand what I did. I want to be good to work with. Can you talk me through where your frustration is coming from? Because I want you to enjoy working with me.”

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark :
And that's it. Not, “I need you to justify what you said. I need you to prove that you're right, and I think that you're wrong, and how dare you.” No, no, no, no. It's got to be lower the stakes. “Look, I would like to understand because I want us to work well together. Can you tell me where you're coming from?” So try to lower the stakes down. Okay? Remember that sometimes people can give us good feedback, but not in the way that we like. And I've had to learn this in my career on social media and being pretty well known is I get emails that may have valid feedback, not in a kind way. It doesn't mean their point's not valid, they just did not deliver their feedback in a way that I would liked. You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark :
There was definitely ways they could have given me the feedback that would be much nicer, but I don't get to control how people give their feedback. It doesn't mean we're going to let people be abusive to us, of course. But it just means sometimes people will say something in a mean way, but their point is not entirely invalid. And so I'm going to try to parse out and so to say, “Okay. This person might not talk to me. They might not give me the feedback in the way that I want. But I'm going to really try to hear what is their complaint? What is their concern? What is the piece of information that I need? And I'm going to try to not let the rest of it affect me too much. I'm digging for what I need.”
The last part or the next part at least anyway, is going to be, I'm going to take it, and this is where I take it. I'm going to hear what they say. And at this point, we're going to have to get a little bit flexible. If they say things that are untrue, I'll probably say, “That didn't happen,” or, “Look, I promise you, I did not say that. I don't know where that came from, but that's not what happened.” And so I am definitely open to having those conversations. Again, I'm here to listen. That doesn't mean I won't respond, but I'm going to have to choose not to actively jump in and defend myself. I'm going to have to say, “You know what? I may not agree with what she says, but I'm going to be here to listen and where possible, I'll provide some clarity.”
And if there are some things that she's saying that are not true, I'm probably going to say, “That's not accurate.” And I'll put that forward, “I don't think that my goal today is going to be to reach a resolution in this first conversation.” And I think a lot of people really want that. They want to go and hash it out and be done. And maybe you can, but I think for a lot of times what I want to do is go in there and hear what they're saying, and then I'm going to say, “Great. Hey, I appreciate you giving the feedback. Can you tell me where you're coming from? I'm going to process this a little bit. So let me have some time with this, and then I may ask you some more questions if that's okay.” And then I'm going to end the conversation. I'm going to end it there. I'm not looking for an apology, anything like that, but I'm trying, I came here to hear and understand what the behavior was.
And then for me personally, what I'll often do is I'll go away. And now the question is when you get feedback from somebody, I fully reject the idea that all feedback is valid. I, as a public figure, I get a lot of feedback and a lot of it is dumb. And again, I'm very warmhearted and I like everybody. That doesn't mean that everyone who opens their mouth has good feedback, you should take in and internalize and follow.

Stephanie Goss:
True story.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Some people have feedback that's dumb. And so I'm not going to tell them it's dumb, but I'm not going to follow it like a religious text like, “I'm going to take it.” And sometimes in the moment things that sound dumb might have some more truth to them or they might require some follow up questions, but I am going to take it away. And the next part of me is say, “Okay. Of what feedback I received, what do I think is valid or may have some validity?” And so I'm going to sit with that a little bit. This is often a point where I call in other people, people that I work with that I like, people who know me, who work in the clinic, and I can say, “Hey, I got some feedback about this or behaving this way. Have you ever seen me do that? Or do you think that that's an accurate representation of what it's like to work around me?”
And sometimes I need that external validation of the scenery because it's hard to see ourselves. And if someone says, “Andy, when you get busy, you make these faces and you look really severe or you look really angry.” I didn't know that I did that with my face, let's just say. Stop laughing. I don't do that.

Stephanie Goss:
Let's just say.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Let's just say. I don't think I do. But if someone said that, I would go ask other people and say, “Is this true?” I don't know. I don't know what people would say, but I would ask other people who know me, “Hey, have you seen this in me? Do you think this is valid feedback based on working with me?” And again, I'm trying to keep it low stakes because I want the person to feel safe and comfortable saying, “Yeah, Andy, I've seen that a couple times.”

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Okay. So I'm trying to figure out for myself, and sometimes I'll put other people what is valid, and then I'm going to go back and I'll probably either rehab the conversation or I'll take this feedback and I'll start to put it into practice. But that's generally what that looks like. If this person just goes off the rails and says hateful things or mean things, I'm going to hopefully screen that out as not being valid. And then those would be the things I would have a conversation with management again. I would say, “Hey, I feel like I'm being mistreated. I'm being called these names. I asked what the problem was and I got yelled at again. And so I'm really at a standstill. I don't know how to engage with this person.”

Stephanie Goss:
Right. I need help.

Dr. Andy Roark :
“I'm going to need some guidance and I'm going to need support in ending this conflict. And you take it back to management.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. And I think the important piece of that process that gets skipped a lot in the clinic is the initial step of talking to each other. And sometimes there are instances where it truly might not be safe. And that's why I said if someone is threatening or intimidating or physically, verbally, which I could see an argument here where this is the case. I could totally see a case where you bypass having the conversation with the person and just talking to your boss about it. Because if you truly are not, if it's not a safe situation, that is absolutely appropriate. However, in the clinic, a lot of the time there is conflict and there is…
That it is very often that people will come and sit in my office and tell me about conflict where they have not actually had a conversation with the other person. That they're mad about something or the other person did something to them, or whatever it is, perceived real, what have you. And so for me as the manager, going back to the bosses here, normally I would say to my team, “What is your plan to do something about it?” And so I like your part about you have to at least have the conversation with them as long as it's safe to do so. And then if you're not getting help, then it's perfectly, to me, it's perfectly acceptable to say, “Okay. This is what I tried.” Now, like you said, “I'm at a standstill. I don't know what to do with this. I tried, here was my try, here's what I did, here's how I did it, and then I need your help.”
But I think that's a step that gets skipped a lot in the clinic. And it is a trick as a manager that we need to stop trying to be the hero and the conflict mediator before we ask our team to learn the communication skills. And if Undefined and Rudderless can go to their teammate and say, “Hey, look, I want to be a better team member, and I am sorry that I did something that clearly upset you because you were to the point where you were shouting at me, and I don't want you to feel like that. Can you please tell me what I did? Or tell me more about the situation so I can understand because I truly don't want to put you in that position again. I don't want you to feel like that.” Even if I was crazy hacked off, if somebody came to me and had that conversation with me, I would engage with them. I would have a rational conversation with them. And so I think definitely having that conversation with the colleague is the other piece of it for me.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Yeah. Yeah. No, I completely agree with that. So yeah, I think that's how I would take this. The worst case scenario is you come all the way back around after this and you're right back where you started. And you say, “I still don't know what I'm doing here. I feel like people don't like me or they're talking about behind my back.” I think if you've gone all the way through this exercise and you still don't know what is going on and you don't feel comfortable here, I think we've got a couple of options, right? We've got a couple of options.
The first option would be to try to say, “All right. This is not bad enough for me to leave. I'm going to stick it out for now and see what happens. I think what I would try to do possibly is find a mentor in the practice, someone who I could say, ‘Hey, I'm having these feelings. I don't feel like I'm getting along with people. Would you be willing to give me some feedback as I could go along, or look out for me, or give me any insight about where people's heads are so that I don't continue to deal with these problems?'”

Stephanie Goss:
Well, that goes back to your point that you made earlier about sometimes we get feedback and it is dumb. We shouldn't believe it all. And sometimes there's truth to it. And so I think everybody needs to find what I call their inner circle and find someone or some ones that you can truly ask and trust to tell you the truth. And candidly, you and I just had one of those conversations where you were like, “Hey, you were in this situation with me.” This is what I did and said, “Did I do anything wrong? Could I have done it differently? What do you think?” I think finding those people who you trust to give you that feedback are really, really important because we can all improve.
And if your bosses aren't going to tell you the truth and if you can't get it out of this other person, to your point, finding someone in the practice and just say, “Hey, look, I want to get better at doing my job, and in particular, I want to get better at being a better teammate. So can you help me work on it? What are some things that you think that I could work on?” And asking them to help you facilitate that is great.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Yeah. Yeah. I agree. And the last part is you look around and you say, “I don't feel comfortable here. Management is not helping me. I don't see this problem getting better. I'm not getting any coaching or guidance on what I need to do to try to address this problem for myself. I don't want to keep being here. This is not where I want to be.” Especially if you've worked to other places in the past and not had any problems like this, I would say. Well, this may be a place where they've got a bully, or a toxic person, or a cultural problem, or something like that, and management does not seem willing or able to bring this under control. So it's a positive work experience for you, then you have options.
As I said at the beginning, which is to say, “I'm going to go on and go somewhere else and give it a shot, and hopefully get some feedback or have a culture where this is not a problem.” I don't think that's wrong. I don't think it's a failure. I think it sucks if you're asking for feedback or asking how to address this issue, and nobody will tell you until you have to leave because you're unhappy. That seems awful, but fair is where pigs win ribbons.

Stephanie Goss:
Well, it goes back to what you were saying earlier too about self-awareness, right? If there really are things that you could work on and you have that self-awareness, then you can see the feedback, right? You can hear the things that are true in the mixture of things that might not be true or noise, right? And I can also sleep just fine at night with the self-awareness of knowing, “Look, I asked for the feedback. I worked on things that I thought that I could work on. I didn't get any more information out of anybody. I have no problem changing jobs. I have no problem sleeping at night,” right? That's where the self-awareness comes in and works in your favor sometimes.

Dr. Andy Roark :
Yeah. No, I agree.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay. So we weren't as far apart as I thought when you said, “I don't really think there's two things.”

Dr. Andy Roark :
But I do think it's one problem and that one problem is we are not getting feedback. We're not getting feedback from management. We're not getting feedback from our peers. This is a feedback and feedback solicitation problem. I do lay this at the feet of management based on what the information that we've got, because not all employees are equipped to give good feedback, and that is when management has to step in and say, “This person is asking for feedback. They're feeling uncomfortable. This person has feedback they want to give. I'm going to step in and facilitate this feedback.” Or if this is something where other people are having this feedback and only one of them has blown up so far, again, those things should have gone through management. They should have been made part of the personal development plan for the person who wrote to us and said, “I'm unhappy and I'm feeling like people are talking behind my back.”
Those are the things that management should have intervened and have given that person more clarity. If this is something that they're handling elsewhere, like say a toxic team member or something that needs to get snuffed out, then they need to be abs- They don't have to tell our writer what's happening.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. But they need to be clear.

Dr. Andy Roark :
But they need to be absolutely clear that, “You are doing just fine. Your performance is excellent. This is not a problem about you.” You can't be vague and say, “Try to be more of a team player.” What does that mean?

Stephanie Goss:
No. Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark :
You've got to either have to come with more details about what this person could do, or you need to tell them, “No, your performance is exemplary. You don't need to change anything, and this is an issue that we are addressing that is external to you. So if you can ignore it, that is the best thing while we work through it.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. Well, I love that language. Oh, man. Okay. I think that's it for me. Anything else for you?

Dr. Andy Roark :
I think that's it from me too. Thanks for talking through it with me.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. Hopefully, Undefined and Rudderless, they still love the podcast after this.

Dr. Andy Roark :
I hope so. I hope so. I hope it's helpful.

Stephanie Goss:
I know. Take care everybody. Have a great week.

Dr. Andy Roark :
See you guys.

Stephanie Goss:
Well, gang, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast, and as always, this was so fun to dive into the mailbag and answer this question. And I would really love to see more things like this come through the mailbag. If there is something that you would love to have us talk about on the podcast or a question that you are hoping that we might be able to help with, feel free to reach out and send us a message. You can always find the mailbag at the website, the address is unchartedvet.com/mailbag, or you can email us at podcast@unchartedvet.com. Take care everybody and have a great week. We'll see you again next time.

Written by Dustin Bays · Categorized: Blog, Podcast · Tagged: culture, gossip, management, Technician, Vet Tech

Apr 26 2023

We Paid for EVERYTHING and Then They Resigned

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast Episode 228 Cover Image

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice management nerd Stephanie Goss are in the mailbag to tackle a question about what to do when you are supporting your veterinary assistants becoming technicians. A manager was asking about how to proceed after feeling like they were burned hard after paying for tech school for one of their rockstar team members, only to have that person resign and head to another clinic in their area within months of completing their licensing process. Stephanie felt this deep in her soul after experiencing something just like this in her practice so her soapbox might have even been on fire this time, just maybe not in the way you think. Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 228 – We Paid For EVERYTHING And Then They Resigned

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.


Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


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Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:
Hey, friends. I am Stephanie Goss, and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I are diving into the mailbag. We are tackling a question that came to us from a manager who was wondering what to do when you're supporting veterinary assistants becoming technicians. Now, this seems like a no-brainer. We know we have a shortage of veterinary technicians in the industry. We know that we need to train from within, and yet there's some curve balls that come with this set of questions. This one was a fun one. Let's get into it.

Speaker 2:
Now, the Uncharted Podcast.

Andy Roark:
We are back. It's me, it's Dr. Andy Roark, and the one and only Stephanie can we find love again Goss.

Stephanie Goss:
How is it going, Andy Roark?

Andy Roark:
Oh, man, it's good, I think. It's good. I don't think about the world.

Stephanie Goss:
You were in the clinic today. Did you see any cute puppies and kittens this morning?

Andy Roark:
I did. I saw a number of cute puppies and kittens. Eyes on no kittens, only puppies.

Stephanie Goss:
So you lied.

Andy Roark:
Not by choice.

Stephanie Goss:
So you lied right off the bat.

Andy Roark:
I know I did. When you said puppy and kittens I'm like, “I saw cuteness this morning,” and then as I drilled into it, I was like, “Oh, I only saw puppies this morning.” Yeah, I saw a Great Dane puppy, which always I do. They make good puppies just because they're all feet-

Stephanie Goss:
They're real cute.

Andy Roark:
Yeah, they're feet and ears. I saw a Cocker Spaniel, whose ears were perfect, and I was like, “Good. Oh, thank God.”

Stephanie Goss:
“Keep them that way.”

Andy Roark:
Yeah. So a cute little dog, but yeah, it was good. It was really good.

Stephanie Goss:
Good.

Andy Roark:
So things are. All the things that matter are good. You know what I mean? It's a good time of year. How about you?

Stephanie Goss:
Things are good. We had sunshine yesterday, and it was beautiful here. We have been having peeks of sunshine, which is fantastic. It's back to rainy and foggy today, but it is sunny and it's busy. Man, it is busy. It's that time of year where you're going different directions and the days are getting longer, which just seems like you're trying to cram more stuff into the same time period.

Andy Roark:
The sun goes down late at night and it means that I feel like the night is truncated. I'll just be hustling and hustling and also just time for bed.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. Yesterday, it's the time of year where, especially because we're so far north, once the days start lightening up, we have daylight hours. I mean, in the summertime, it's light out here until almost 11:00 PM, but this time of year, I looked up yesterday and it was 7:15 and I was like, “Oh, my gosh.” A, it still feels like daytime, and B, I got to go because I'm late to go get my kid and I was still sitting at my desk working on some stuff. So it's that time of year, for sure.

Andy Roark:
Yeah. Well, cool. Let's dig into our mailbag a little bit. You want to?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. We have a great one. So it's funny because this is going to be one where I think people are going to be like, “Are they talking about me?” Full transparency, I could have written this word for word in a lot of ways at my prior practice. So I was talking to a manager and they had a technician resign, and it was not just any tech, but their rockstar. If you could clone them, you would want an entire practice worth of this person kind of tech. This tech happened to have just graduated tech school and passed their VTNE and gotten their license.
The big caveat is that the clinic paid for all of the things. So they helped pay for school, they paid for licensing, testing, all the CE, all the things. So that just finished, and it's only been a few months, and the tech submitted their resignation. So the manager was really, really frustrated and angry and bitter and all kinds of emotions for several reasons.
They were just like, “Dude, am I the A-hole for wanting to be angry and bitter and hacked off that we bent over backwards to accommodate this person? We supported them. We were their cheerleader. We helped them with schooling. We did all of these things and then they just up and left.”
Then they were also really, really frustrated because they were like, “This is a really great employee. This is a really great team member. I have a great relationship with them and I'm feeling really hurt that they didn't come to me and talk to me about it,” because the reasons for the resignation were that this tech said, “I need more money and more hours, and I've therefore accepted a leadership position with another local clinic that is going to give me both of those things.”
The manager friend was just like, “I'm super, super frustrated because I feel like I have an open door. I feel like we have a good relationship, and I can't believe that they didn't come talk to me about it.” So they were just like, “What do I do with this in the future because I'm hurt, I'm angry. I don't want to get burned twice. So do I create a contract? Do I not pay for school anymore? What do I do moving forward to avoid these things? How do I do better next time?”

Andy Roark:
Yeah. I see this a lot, and I think this is a really good one. I think this is going to be a really heavy head space episode and really light on the action steps, and you'll understand why when we get into it unless you have action steps. I think when you lay out the head space for me, unfortunately, I don't know that there's a whole lot you can actually do about this. I'll lay out why that is.
Let me just go ahead and give a trigger warning at the very beginning. What I'm going to say is going to hack some people off today. Some people are going to really love it and some they're going to really hate it, and I get it, and I won't begrudge anyone who says, “Shut your face, Andy Roark. I hate what you're saying.” I 100% understand why some people don't like what I'm going to say, but I do think this is really important and I got to call it like I see it, and this is definitely not a new issue that I've run into. All right?

Stephanie Goss:
Okay. Fair. Yup. Got it. Okay. Warning accepted.

Andy Roark:
Warning accepted. Now, the first piece of controversy that some people might get upset about, which is not what I was referring to, but the first thing that might hack people off that I'm going to say is right here at the beginning. I want to pause this show for one second and step up onto a soapbox that I promise it's related to. I'm going to step up on the soapbox.
Number one, we talk a lot about the virtues of our employees and our staff, and we talk about how great they are, and we should talk about how great they are, and we should beat that drum, and we should make our employees feel appreciated and things like that. However, praise and appreciation and celebration often go down the chain way more often than they go up the chain, which means a lot of owners, a lot of managers, a lot of bosses celebrate their staff like they should.
It's much less common to see celebration of bosses. You know what I mean? Appreciation should go down the chain, and so that's not it, but as the owner of a small business, I just want to say for one second, it's hard. It is really, really hard to be the person who invests into other people and puts a smile on your face and trains and grows and cheerleads and celebrates and supports and pays the bill, picks up the tab. You know what I mean?
Ultimately, just think about what would happen if the payroll came out of your own personal checking account. That's the reality for a lot of business owners. Just think about that and that pressure and that stress and trying to keep the lights on. I think a lot of small business owners quietly carry that weight on their shoulders. It's a heavy weight.
So when you have something like this where you say, “We invested in this person and we did this training and we did these things, and that person left,” I think it's important to empathize with that practice owner upfront and say, “I understand how somebody would feel this and feel this really deeply.”
So I see a lot of times these conversations go immediately into what are the workers' rights and what should the business have done and blah, blah, blah. I just want to pause for a second and just empathize with the emotions of someone who is the owner or even the manager who said, “We made these sacrifices and we reallocated these resources and we did these things and it didn't work out. I'm hurt by that. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm hurt by that.”
I think that's a very human thing, and I don't think you can have a meaningful conversation if you don't allow the owners or the managers to be human beings for a moment. So I think that's where I would start from a head space standpoint and say, “You know what?” and we're going to do that for our employee too. Don't think I'm going to villainize the technician that left and be like, “How dare that person? She owes her soul to this practice who paid for her education.” That's not true either. She's a human being and she's got needs and everybody's trying to do their best, but I want empathy to go both ways as we start to talk about this.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, for sure. My response immediately was, “No, you are not the asshole.” The reality is, look, the thing is, to your point about being human, humans experience a wide range of emotions, and emotions are not good or bad, they just are, right? It's how we're processing what is happening to us, what we're thinking, all of those things. So you have every right to feel disappointed, angry, hurt, whatever the emotion is that you're feeling like. There is nothing wrong with that. Feel it. Embrace the suck, wallow in it even for a day or two.
For me, that's the giving yourself space to be human, right? You can't stay in that place as a leader because staying in that place is how we find ourselves heading down the road of being the slippery slope that leads to toxicity, right? So I totally empathize with them and feel them. Like I said, this was literally me and I was real, real mad.
I went home that day and I was really happy for my team member. There were the conflicting emotions because like you said, Andy, I'm not going to villainize them. I'm not going to begrudge them. I understood on a human-to-human level why they were making the decision, and I still felt like crap and I went home and cried because I was sad. I was sad to lose this person that I genuinely liked. I was also angry that I had put time and energy into it. I was frustrated that I was going to have to start hiring again. All of those emotions are valid and real. So I agree with you. I think it has to start with, “That's okay,” and, “No, you're not the jerk for wanting to feel those things and even wallowing it for a little bit,” but the difference for me is how you choose to move on from there.

Andy Roark:
Yeah. I agree with that. Whenever we have conversations like this, there's a cartoon I always bring up. It's one of my favorites. It's these two veterinarians and they're arguing and one says, “What if we train these people and then they leave?” The other one says, “What if we don't train them and they stay?” I love that cartoon because that sums up so much of this.
We have a choice about, do you grow people and develop them or do you not? If you don't develop them, then you have to work with people who are not developed. If you do grow and develop them, there's a chance that their interests might take them away from your practice or opportunities will become open to them that have not existed in the past that they might decide they need to pursue. That's just the reality of the choice that we make. There's no escaping from that choice, I don't believe. So I just think that that's important to lay down.

Stephanie Goss:
I think that about the cartoon and about which choice do we make, and we think about our team members, you made the point of you want to work with someone who is developed, right? You don't want to work with undeveloped people. So here's the thing. I could do nothing for my team members and life could still happen, and they could get a job opportunity elsewhere. They could have a partner who needs to move. There's a million other reasons besides talent that would take someone away from my practice.
So if as a leader we allow ourselves, that's what I mean about the wallowing, if we allow ourselves to stay in that place of fear and anxiety and emotions that are in that vein when it comes to our team, we will never go anywhere because the reality is life is always going to happen, and whether we engage with and support and encourage and grow our people from within.
So for me, that's a big part of the head space piece is that philosophical stand that you have to take as a practice owner, as a practice manager on, do you want to work with people that you were trying to grow and develop and better or do you want to just take people wherever they're at and leave them where they're at until they leave your employee? It seems so simple, but it's also not.

Andy Roark:
Yeah. Oh, it is totally not. So the second thing I wanted to put down, which is very related to that, is it is this idea of impermanence. You said, it's frustrating this person went to another vet clinic. What if she had, this is terrible, what if she'd gotten hit by a bus? What if her spouse had moved to another town with his job and she went with him? There's a million reasons that people leave a job or what if they get injured, they're unable to do the job? There's a million things that can happen to someone that makes this not go the way that you imagined it going.
I think that part of it is holding onto that idea of impermanence just like, “I don't know. I want to support this person in their education, but who knows what's going to happen tomorrow or next year?” I think where we get in trouble is trying to convince ourselves that we have a lot of control and that this is permanent. So that's where I get into this idea with teams.
I think that this is a huge trap and a huge pain point for people who are leading teams. I have been very guilty of this. This is one of the most painful lessons in my career is I really love the people I work with and I love the people who work for me, and I care a lot about them. I've always had this idea that I would build this wonderful culture with these great people, and we would all live together for 30 years, and we would all retire on the same day. You know what I'm talking about?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Andy Roark:
It's like a sitcom like Friends. We would all be there hanging out, having fun for 12 years, and then we would all be like, “All right. It's been a great career.” There would be an ending montage for each one of us going off into the sunset, and that would be it, and we will have come together and all been there for each other the whole time, and then we'll all go off our own ways, all with the same decision to do so so that no one's unhappy, but we all decide that this is where our clinic ends-

Stephanie Goss:
Together.

Andy Roark:
… and we leave together, and a new group of veterinary professionals moves in and starts the season, the next season of the sitcom. It's just new cast, and they all start over. That's this beautiful stupid idea that I have had forever. So the pain of Andy Roark is seeing my team torn apart every three years. That is what I have lived with in my life is I will get people and they will be wonderful, and then the world will change or they will change or their needs will change or what our company is doing changes, and that team gets pulled apart or it grows and new people join, and suddenly the dynamics change and the friendships shift around, and the time that we spend with certain people shifts around and it's just not what it was anymore.
I know I'm not the only one who has this experience. Think about your friends in high school and you had this friend group. Then think about your friends in college and this different friend group. Then think about when you had your first job, and then when you moved and you got a new friend group. Your whole inner circle has been torn apart and reassembled multiple different times.
That's life and that is what life is and what it's supposed to be, but gosh, we lied to ourselves. We just keep telling ourselves, “Nope, we're going to get it right, and we're going to get that friend group, and then we're all going to be the golden girls in 60 years,” like, “60 years from now, that clinic will be the golden girls. We'll be really, really old people who've been together forever.” It's not how the world works for the vast, vast majority of us.
So I think internalizing that is important and saying don't be afraid of impermanence. So if you buy into what I'm saying and you say, “Okay, Andy. I get it. As much as I want to believe I'll bring these people in and grow them and we'll bond and they will just stay here for the rest of their career, that's probably not going to happen. Well, what the heck is the point then, Andy?”
My answer to it is, I think the most zen way to look at this is to try to get yourself into a head space where you have people who come through your doors and they join your team and they have a good job and they enjoy the work and they grow as people and as caregivers and as colleagues. Then ultimately, they almost certainly move on to do something else, but you've hired new people who have come in and they're going to grow and they're going to develop. If you're lucky, you get them staggered out enough so that somebody wonderful is leaving and that opens up a hole for somebody else to grow.
Don't feel bad if you look around and you have someone who leaves, your A-plus rockstar tech, and you're like, “I don't know who's going to step into this hole.” It happens, and it might not happen the way that you think. There's this saying. The cemeteries of London are full of indispensable men. The idea, it shouldn't be gendered, but the old saying is, but the idea being, we all want to look around and say, “Boy, we've got this person. We couldn't do it without her.” Yeah, you could. You could and you would. The world would turn and you would figure it out and people would flex and shift and step up in ways you didn't expect and know that person would not be replaced, but the team itself would change and that place would get taken.
So it's just amazing where two other people would expand and cover that job, and then you would hire someone and they would not replace the person who left, but they would take workload off of the people who shifted over, and now you're like, “This team functions entirely differently.” That's normal. That's how it's supposed to happen. So those are my big things is, what if we train these people and they leave? What if we don't and they stay? Then the idea of impermanence of your team is … Our whole lives are spent trying to … We're all on a river, we're on a stream and we're all trying to gather a raft around us that is stable, that we can rely on, that just is going to take us down this raft in as much comfort as possible. Then our raft gets torn apart every two years, and then we spend two more years trying to rebuild a new raft.

Stephanie Goss:
Put it back together.

Andy Roark:
Then we do, and then it all gets torn apart again, and that's the human experience. So it is just part of it, and it's just built into having the team. So I wrote an article a year or so ago that I really liked, but it was in a response to a question basically identical to this, and I thought, “What if we could get into this place where our goal was to bring people in, give them a great place to work, grow them, run a good healthy business while we did it, and then when they left, we celebrated them and said, ‘Thank you for being here. Good luck to you on your adventures. I'm glad we were part of your growth.'”
I know doctors who have that experience. I know doctors who are just proud of the people who come up and they go on. You see it a lot in people who come in as assistants and they work and they work, and at some point they go to tech school and then they decide they want to be a tech somewhere else or in another city or an emergency clinic or they come up and then they go to vet school and they become a veterinarian and they go live in another state. Then that doctor will see that young veterinarian or that young vet tech, and there's no awkwardness about, “Oh, why didn't you come back to our clinic?” but it was rather, “I'm so proud of you.” Isn't that beautiful?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, it really is, and that is one lesson that I learned on a personal level, and by watching my former bosses, that was my experience at my first practice. I was growing and we hit that place where I wanted to do more things and I was ready for more things and the clinic wasn't really ready, and they could have been. I was doing a lot in the clinic at that point in time and they could have chosen to be negative or to be sad or disappointed about me leaving. Instead, they looked at me and they said, “We're really excited for you. We wish you the best of luck.”
I remember I moved towns. I was still living where I was, but I was commuting about 35 minutes then for my new position. I remember running into them at our state VMA conference. It was a few years later, and it was so good to see them, and they gave me giant hugs and they were just like, “Tell us how everything's been going. We're super excited to hear how it's been going.”
I carried that with me, that feeling of it didn't feel awkward, I felt supported, I felt encouraged, I felt believed in. I've carried all of those feelings forward with me as a manager and felt really lucky that I had that example set for me because that's how I want to make my team feel.
That's what I mean about, and this starts my action step section, honestly, is the philosophical conversation as a practice owner in particular, but as a practice manager, if you're working with an owner or medical director, sit down and have that philosophical conversation about the impermanence and the truth that we are working in an industry with a massive shortage of qualified personnel.
The reality is if we all sit around and wait for a certified veterinary technician to drop out of the sky at all of our practices to solve all of our problems, there's going to be a whole hell of a lot of us sitting there waiting forever, right? So I think we have to have that philosophical conversation about, what does growing people from within look like? It really has to start with getting on the same page about the impermanence of it because no matter what you decide to do, whether you have just a homegrown on-the-job training program or whether you're going down the road like this clinic did, where you're paying for structured school and you're supporting them in different ways, So that philosophical conversation about impermanence I think is the first place to actually start.

Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree with that.

Stephanie Goss:
Hey, friends. I want to make sure that you know about an upcoming workshop that you're not going to want to miss. I know I say that about a lot of our workshops, but I mean it about this one. Well, I mean about all of them, let's be real, but this one holds a special place dear and dear to my heart. Two reasons. One, my friend Dr. Jen Quammen is leading the workshop. Number two, it's about technology. If you've listened to the podcast, what a techno nerd I am. I super excited to have Jen with us. Thanks to our friends TeleVet. She is going to be talking on May 24th at 8:00 PM Eastern, so 5:00 PM Pacific, about trending technology in the veterinary space.
Now, I love technology. We've talked about it on the podcast. We've had guests on the podcast. One of the conversations that has been going around and around in a lot of the groups I'm in lately has been about ChatGPT or artificial intelligence, AI. So if you've ever wondered about using AI in your practice or if you have wondered about wearable technology for pets, communication tools and techniques that use artificial intelligence or advanced technologies, those are the kind of things that Jen is going to dive into during this workshop because most of us have wondered when we've talked about those technologies if they actually will save us any time or energy or if they're just a new trend.
So Jen is going to dive into some of the things that have come to market, some of the things that are actively being used in veterinary medicine that you might not know about, and ways that we can incorporate technology into the veterinary space in a way that works with us and not against us. So if this sounds like something that you'd love to get in on, head on over to the website at unchartedvet.com/events to find out more. We'll see you there, and now, back to the podcast.

Andy Roark:
I think the second part for me in where you go is this, and this is another lesson hard learned. When I was a young business consultant, so I was practicing as a doctor and I've been doing more consulting and media and things on the vet side and for big vet companies. So I was doing some of that work early on, and I've been in practice for three years as a doctor. I was doing that and I was balancing it. I had this idea that if I worked with these companies and I really went above and beyond and I really did all that I could to help them, especially as they were getting up and getting going or getting projects started, that when the projects worked out, then they would remember or recognize the extra work that I had put in and how much I had tried, and that would come back to me and I would get more opportunities or I would at least be celebrated for, “Oh, man, Andy, you really pushed this and you did these extra things and you opened these doors.”

Stephanie Goss:
“Thanks for making this happen.”

Andy Roark:
“Thanks for making this happen,” and I really went after it and just didn't really set personal boundaries for myself because I was like, “No, they're going to be so happy when this is done. They're going to be so happy when this turns out.” What I found is that it usually didn't happen. It almost never happened. I don't think those people were being jerks. I think people are just innately self-centered and they have short memories. You know what I mean? It is a what have you done for me lately thing because that's what people remember.
So I remember being resentful early in my career because I felt like I had thrown in and did these kind things because I thought they would come back to me. Through lessons like that, I came to believe that you should not do kind things because you would want them to come back to you or you expect that they're going to come back to you. You should do kind things because you want to do kind things. Then if everyone forgets that you did the kind thing, you still feel fine with it because you wanted to do it right and-

Stephanie Goss:
Right, yeah, you were doing it.

Andy Roark:
… it was not about, “Am I going to get recognized later on? Is this going to come back to me? Am I going to benefit in the future?” I learned that lesson painfully, but it stuck with me and I still believe it, and I still do it a lot. I feel like one of the big headaches that I see a lot of leaders struggle with is appreciation programs where they're like, “We did this appreciation program and nobody cared. Nobody said thank you to us.” You know what? That's really crappy, and I totally understand, and just in this instance, the person who does that and says, “I took a whole day and decorated everybody's lockers, and I hired a masseuse to come in, and no one even said thank you.” Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch. I fully understand why that would hurt.
At the same time, the healthiest place you can be is to say, “I decorated their lockers because I wanted to, because I knew I wanted to brighten this place up. It would make me happy to do it and I thought it would bring some joy into their day, and if they don't say thank you, I still did it because I wanted to do it, and I got the masseuse because I wanted to say thank you to them not because I wanted them to say thank you to me. So I just do it.”
So I really do think that that's important in how we look at just giving to other people. It's so much healthier to say, “I'm going to give, I'm going to make this sacrifice because I think it's the right thing to do and I want to do it and not necessarily because I want something in return.” So I think that that's a big part of head space.

Stephanie Goss:
Was that this is probably going to make hack people off? Was that your second?

Andy Roark:
We're coming into it. That was the first step down the path towards we're going to hack people off.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay. Just checking.

Andy Roark:
All right. Tell me when you're ready for the second step.

Stephanie Goss:
Let's go for it.

Andy Roark:
All right. So if you buy into that, the next question that people will always put to me is to say, “But Andy, this is an investment, right? This is an investment. I'm going to pay for this school and then I need to get return on my investment, and shouldn't I have them sign a contract that says that they're going to stay after they're done with this?” You're shaking your head. We both know people who do this in their practices and they're very successful practices, and they would argue with me in a heartbeat about this. I don't care because they don't have a podcast and I do. So just deal with it. I'm the one with the microphone, so here it goes.
I think the answer here is you should have clear expectations and ongoing transparency about how everybody is doing. I think that that is where I think this employee dropped the ball. I think this is where I'm going to criticize the staff member that left. I know that's where I'm going to criticize this person, but I think you have clear expectations and you talk about what you're doing and why you're doing it and what the expectations are, and I think you have those conversations.
I don't know that you want to have someone in your clinic who does not want to be there, but they have a contract that says that they're not allowed to leave. I don't know that you want that. I think the cost of culture are too high. Full stop.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes, I'm on board with you. It's very much our pick your poison, right?

Andy Roark:
Yup. It is.

Stephanie Goss:
To me, people who stay and are miserable because they are too afraid to break a contract, can't afford to break a contract, can't afford to stay working the hours or whatever the reasoning is, there's a million different reasons, that you have that choice where you keep them, and then to your point, I agree with you 100%. Full stop, there's a huge cost to culture with that or you accept the fact that you are going to pay for some things for some people who will leave, and you have to make that choice about the poison that you want to consume and that you want your team to consume, and I am in full agreement with you.
It's funny because I was not always. I was the manager for a lot of years where myself included, when my hospital paid for school and I worked in exchange for going to school, and it was normal. So it was normal for me when I was a team member, and so it became normal for me when I was a manager, and I was like, “Well, of course, if I'm making this big investment and I'm essentially on behalf of the practice acting as a bank and lending you this money to pay for school that I'm going to expect that it gets paid back, either actually paid back in cash or paid back in time served.” It sounds-

Andy Roark:
That's how you thought about your clinic was time served. I heard that.

Stephanie Goss:
Right, but it's an awful frame of mind. When I step back-

Andy Roark:
They're going to have to break a lot of rocks.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. When I step back, I have to look at a lot of freaking fecals under the microscope to pay that back. I'm on poop duty for two years, man, but I feel this way about a lot of things now that were standard and normal when I started in veterinary medicine, and maybe I'm just old now, but I have learned new tricks. For me, the value of having good people who know that I care about them, who enjoy their job, who want to show up and give it their all and who want to work together with the team, I want that over having a body in a position because they feel a debt that they have to repay.

Andy Roark:
Well, because not even that they feel it, that it's written down and contractually they're not able to leave. When you think it all the way through and you say, “Oh, boy, do I want to have somebody who has a contract and they can't leave even though they want to?” most of us go, “No, that's not what we want.” I do think we need to have clear expectations upfront and just say, “Hey, this is a lot of money and this is a big deal and I really want you to be here. What's it going to take to do that? Let's make sure we continue to talk.”
Is there a chance that you're going to get taken advantage of? The answer is yes. This is, again, where people disagree with me sometimes, and maybe I'm hopelessly optimistic or my faith in people is too high. I don't think you close your heart. You don't think you close goodwill just because someone somewhere is going to take advantage and they will.
It's funny, this is the difference in politics is I know people who are like, “We should have so many government programs and they should all be great.” I know other people who are like, “We should have no government programs because people will take advantage.” The truth is you should have smart government programs and know that some people somewhere are going to take advantage, but the greater good overall is served, and that's it. I think that that's the healthy way to run the business is to balance between not offering programs to support people and just having programs all over the place with no metrics and no thought about what we're trying to do and, “Does this make sense?”
The path is the middle. If you work with human beings, you're going get screwed over at some point, and there's going to be somebody who's going to take advantage of the system. There is. This has to be the long game. It has to be part of your philosophy to say, “This is what we want to try to offer to our people.” Some of them are going to stay and some of them are not, but ultimately over time, you're going to end up building a great culture and you're going to build people who are loyal to be there.
I think it's important to also say, you see the emphasis that I'm putting on building loyalty with people after it's over. I really do think you have to do that because if you buy into what I'm saying, there's a lot of people out there who are like, “We're going to pay for you to get this degree and then we are not going to compensate you for having that degree because we just paid for the thing. So you're going to keep working at this lower rate because we picked up the tab for your education.”

Stephanie Goss:
“We just paid for it.”

Andy Roark:
That goes back to what I said before about people unfortunately have short memories and tend up being actually self-interested, which means it's only a matter of time until that person who's now got a degree starts to look around and somebody else goes, “Why are you there, man? You make $5 an hour or more.”

Stephanie Goss:
“I'll pay you more.”

Andy Roark:
They go, “Oh, that seems fair,” and they go. If you try to stop them from going, now you've got a resentful person under contract and that's not what you want. So it really is, it's just hard. This is the situation that we end up in. So anyway, all that to come around and say, I don't have a whole lot of criticism for what this manager did, and I think that they are 100% entitled to their feelings.
There is one thing that I would call bullshit on and say this is not okay, and it goes into a lot of how we teach negotiation up the chain when we talk to people who are working inside of practices. I do agree with this manager that the person not coming to the manager and saying, “Hey, I've been offered this other thing. I'm seeing other opportunities to earn more of a living, and I live paycheck to paycheck and this is a significant deal for me.” I do not think that you can get frustrated at this person for leaving for a job where they got paid more money.
I do, however, think that you can feel betrayed or you can feel like you were not treated fairly by this person not communicating to you that they were thinking about leaving or that they had opportunities or giving you the opportunity to try to retain them. You don't have to stay where you are, but if it really is just about the money, it goes back to what we always say, “What is kind?” Is it kind to just take another job and say, “Hey, I have to go because I've got more money”? It's kind to you and it's kind to your family and it is important, but then the kindest thing overall is to say, “Hey, I've gotten this job and it's what my family needs and I need to do this, but I like working here. I appreciate all that you've done for me. I wanted to ask if you thought there was any chance that you guys could match this so that I could get this thing that my family needs and that I need and that's available to me and still stay on.”
If the practice says, “I'm sorry, we can't pay you that,” then everybody should be sad, but no one should be angry or resentful. I do understand the anger and the resentment in this issue because they didn't feel like they were given a chance.

Stephanie Goss:
I think that's spot on. I think I don't know, and we don't want to assume in this situation, but when we said, “Okay. We don't have very many action steps,” there were two that were really closely tied together for me, and that was as a manager, I agree with you, I can totally understand all of those feelings, feeling frustrated, angry, hurt like, “I thought I had an open door and I'm shocked that they didn't come talk to me.” That is a crappy, crappy feeling. Sometimes you can have that and you can have a great relationship with your team, and sometimes it doesn't matter.
I've been in the same position where someone I thought who would've come and talked to me didn't, and when time went by and we were actually safe to have the conversation, I had a followup conversation with that person and they were just like, “I was really afraid. I was really afraid of what you would say, and so I just chickened out. I could have come to talk to you.” I couldn't have done anything more as a manager to control that, and that made me feel better just getting to that head space of sometimes you can't control what other people are going to do, and sometimes you can do all of the things right and it still works out that way.
So I think give yourself a little bit of grace, especially if you are one of those managers that is sitting down and having active conversations, and from a action set perspective, if you are a leader in your practice and you're not having regular one-on-one conversations with your team, and there's two pieces of it that are pertinent, I think, to this situation that are really important. I would say start having one-on-one conversations, and one of them is developmentally.
If you're not asking your people, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” in some way, shape or form on a regular basis and asking, “Where do they want to go? Do they want to become a licensed technician? Do they want to become a lead tech?” and that was part of this here is that this technician was like, “Hey, I'm taking a role as a lead.” Well, did you know that they wanted to be a leader? Did you know that they wanted more hours? Did you know that they needed more money? They may not have told you, but we've got to have the conversations that would lead to unearthing that information or them volunteering that information. So developmentally, where do they want to go in their career, who do they want to be when they grow up.
The other piece of it, and this is a curve ball, and a lot of managers stray away from it because we're afraid of conflict in veterinary medicine, and we're also afraid to talk about money because it's really personal, but one of the things that we need to be asking our team on a semi-regular basis is the question, “If you were offered a job somewhere else for more money, would you entertain it?” because we need to know what do our people need, right? We still may not be able to change the outcome, but we should have that knowledge and should be having conversations about money and about what we're paying our people and knowing what our pay skills are, and the way that we get to doing that hard work is by asking the questions.
So from an action step perspective, the only thing that I could really think about is if you're out there and you're like, “Ooh, this has happened to me,” and you're a manager who's not sitting down and having those one-on-one conversations with your team, I think that having those conversations and asking them the questions about where do they want to go financially in their career and where do they want to go developmentally in their career are both really, really important action steps.

Andy Roark:
Yeah, I do agree with that. I had an employee recently that I had coffee with, and I had heard at the grapevine this person wasn't really happy and that they weren't feeling included in a number of things that were going on. So I said, “Let's get coffee,” and we went out. I sat down with the person and I talked to her and I said, “You're amazing, and I want you to be here, and I really love working with you. I love your work. It bothers me that I heard from someone else that you were feeling excluded or you weren't being able to do things that you wanted to do. I wish that you had told me. I want you to reach out to me and tell me these things. I want to know.”
She said, “Well, I assumed that you were so busy. I didn't want to bring this up because I knew how much you had on your plate and I knew that you were busy. I knew you were working.”
I said, “Well, I saw you working independently and doing great and so I thought, ‘She doesn't need to be bothered, and she's busy, and I don't need pull her into a one-on-one when she's crushing it.'”
So she was like, “Well, I assumed you weren't pulling me in for these things because you didn't want me there.”
I was like, “No, I wasn't pulling in because I thought you were really busy, and I thought that you would tell me if you wanted to be a part of this.”
She was like, “Well, I didn't tell you I want to be a part of it because I thought you were really busy and you had other things.”
I was like, “Okay. Let's go ahead and let's fix this.”

Stephanie Goss:
This sounds familiar.

Andy Roark:
Yeah, “Let's fix this.” Then it was a fairly darn easy fix because I want her to be happy, and she knew what she was interested in, and I was like, “Okay,” but I didn't know and she didn't want to tell me because she made assumptions about me or the awkwardness of the conversation, and I made assumptions about her. I just say all that in that you can have wonderful people who are doing great and thriving, and we can make assumptions about our need to engage with them with the thought that they're going to come and let us know if they need something, but they make the exact same assumptions that we do about it being awkward or not being the right time or us not having time.
So somebody's got to go first. So really, that was an eyeopener for me about making sure I'm checking in with my high performers. There's a lot of people who make time to circle up to the people who bring a lot of drama, you know what I mean, or who are very vocal about their feelings, and we'll often let our quiet high performers just go, and there's a real risk to that. I was reminded of that soon, more recently.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. I would agree with that 100%. I think it's just human nature. We believe in them. This manager was like, “I would clone this person. This is my rockstar.” So you think, “All right, out of the fires that are …” especially as a manager like, “Look, dude, our job is dealing with the fact that everything in the clinic every day is on fire for a lot of us.” So you're staring at all of the fires in front of you and you're like, “Oh, look, she's not on fire. So I'm going to look at all of this stuff over here.” I think it's just that lesson of that still doesn't mean that we don't need to nurture and take tender care of those relationships. So I think that would be from an action step perspective is really carving out that time because I've had team members say that to me, “You're so busy. I just don't want to put one more thing on your plate.”
I'm like, “No, this is the thing that I need on my plate. I need to make this time. You are important. I need you to feel supported and heard, and so let's do this thing.” I think if you are a manager who has had those conversations or is having those conversations with your team, for me, that was the warning sign or the wake up call of like, “Oh, hey, look, I need to carve out time for these people and be able to sit down with my team where they have my full attention and they're not having to ask for it.” So I think that's what I want is create that space to do it and make it a natural part of your process and make everybody feel heard, but I think you're spot on. We can't leave the high performers out of that.

Andy Roark:
Sure. Well, there is a rockstar problem that a lot of places have where I see a lot of practices that are set up around having a rockstar, and then everybody else is a backup singer and the clinic is fine with that. The risk to that is, first of all, rockstars are the people who are most likely to get opportunities to go other places. If you have a little band and you have one rockstar, the specialty hospital down the road who can pay more money than you, they're going to want to meet that person. Those are the people who might get opportunities with industry because the pharma reps come in and they see this person, they go, “Wow, she's really charismatic. She's super smart. She learns fast. She does all these things.” They're going to get offered other opportunities because they're a high performer.
If you are not growing other rockstars for if and when this person leaves for another adventure, I think that you are being shortsighted. I think it falls into that impermanence thing we talked about before where they're like, “Oh, no, we've got somebody who kicks butt. We're just going to let her keep kicking butt and everybody else can just help her,” and I'm like, “She might not walk in the door tomorrow for a variety of reasons, and you missed the chance to use her to bring up and mentor other people, you know what I mean, to spread the wealth around so you have a more uniformly strong team that's more resilient.” If your team depends on an individual, that's not a resilient team. That's a team that can get decimated in its capacity for work output really fast.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, man, this one was fun.

Andy Roark:
Oh, man. Yeah. This is one of the hard ones where I think this is almost entirely a head space thing. I don't know really what you do about it. Like I said, I wish the employee had said something, but I think we have to own the fact that oftentimes they're not going to, and you can't make people. The other thing too, and I don't know anything about this, but there is a chance sometimes the people say, “Well, I took this other job and I didn't talk to you because I was embarrassed,” or blah, blah, blah. The truth is they were unhappy in their job and they didn't want to stay here, and so they were going to leave. You'll never know that. Don't eat yourself about that. You don't know.
I think we laid down a lot of the key ideas is you got to get yourself in a healthy head space as far as we are dedicated to growing these people. We know that teams are impermanent and they're going to turnover. They just are. We're going to do training and learning and development because we want to do it, not because we are investing for an outcome down the road. You might get a great outcome down the road, but that's not why you should do it. It's a real risk if you are. The last thing is good open door conversation. Check in with your people. Try to make sure that they're doing okay. Stay engaged, all of those sorts of things.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. I love it. Have a fantastic week, everybody.

Andy Roark:
Yeah, everybody, take care of yourselves.

Stephanie Goss:
Bye, guys.

Written by Dustin Bays · Categorized: Blog, Podcast · Tagged: culture, management, Practice ownership, Technician, Training, Vet Tech

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