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Is it Venting, Decompressing or Gossiping?

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice manager Stephanie Goss are answering a question from the mailbag being asked by one practice leader who has a problem with gossip and negativity on the team. They have been facing it head on and working on their culture. And they are still wondering how to help themselves and the team balance the “need” to talk about a situation and/or interaction that impacted you while still following the expectation that there is no gossiping allowed. How do you walk the line between the “need” to vent/decompress and commiseration/gossiping. This one is spicy, let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 223 – Is It Venting, Decompressing Or Gossiping?

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.


Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


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Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:
Hey, everybody, I am Stephanie Goss, and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I are heading to the mailbag. Know that this was a really fun episode for us to record. Not super confident that Andy was bought into this question when we started, but by the end, I think we landed on the same page and we were in alignment, as we say, about how to tackle gossiping, negativity, negative talk, and the need for decompression in our practices. Let's get into this one.

Announcer:
And now, the Uncharted Podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And we are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark, and the one and only, Stephanie, let's give them something to talk about, Goss. Oh, man.

Stephanie Goss:
Aren't you going to sing it for me?

Dr. Andy Roark:
(singing)

Stephanie Goss:
I love it so much.

Dr. Andy Roark:
No, very nice.

Stephanie Goss:
How's it going?

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's crazy. It is crazy. Spring is springing here. I know it's not where you are, but-

Stephanie Goss:
It is not. That is a true story.

Dr. Andy Roark:
But yeah, I got tulips coming up. It's Friday, I got a dump-truck load of mulch dumped in my driveway, and I am psyched about it. I am going to spend the week, the weekend just wheelbarrowing mulch around. When we get done with this, I got one more meeting to do, and then I'm going to pump up the tire on the wheelbarrow for maximum mulch efficiency. I got pitchforks, I got some of the vet assistants at Traveler's Rest Animal Hospital. We're like… I told them, I was like, “Ah, man, shoveling mulch. I really wish I could find some guys that would…”

Stephanie Goss:
[inaudible 00:01:45].

Dr. Andy Roark:
Guys, people, not gendered, of course. “I wish I could find some strong backs to come and-

Stephanie Goss:
To come and help?

Dr. Andy Roark:
… and help me. And Bryant just looks at me and then he goes, “Is this like a goodness-of-our-heart thing?” And I was like, “I'll buy you Subway sandwiches.” And he was like, “No.”

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, that's really, really funny.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Going to try to tempt him and David. I'm going to send them pictures of the mulch pile and then maybe like… I think I may… I'm either going to have to pony up some cash and be like, “You guys can come and…” or I'm going to text them a picture of me holding my back and looking really old and broken, like, “I don't know how I'll finish this job.”

Stephanie Goss:
Oh my gosh.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And see if I can play… I don't think it's going to work, though. They rather… They're dead inside. They're tenured-

Stephanie Goss:
You're so ridiculous. Wait, wait, wait.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… vet assistance, they are dead inside.

Stephanie Goss:
I highly doubt that they are dead inside. But don't you have two kids that you can put to work? Like, what's up with not using the readily-available-

Dr. Andy Roark:
The Roark girls?

Stephanie Goss:
… child labor at the Roark house?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. No. Well, I've got one of them. Jacqueline has already said… She was like… She's so smart. She was like, “I'll be there, Dad.” And I was like, “That's great. You are going to be there anyway, but the fact that you stepped up and said it before I told you it was going to happen, like, good politicking there, kiddo.” You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:
Oh my gosh.

Dr. Andy Roark:
She read the room, she saw where this was going, and she was like, “I'm going to volunteer and take credit for volunteering.” And like, bam, Daddy's girl.

Stephanie Goss:
That's funny.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Hannah, meanwhile, is home from school sick. She's laid out on the couch, and I'm like, “You know, you just stay on the couch.”

Stephanie Goss:
“You just keep your germs away from the rest of us.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Totally. Exactly.

Stephanie Goss:
That's my house too. Well, Riley called me yesterday afternoon, and she is at the gymnastics gym, and she is like… She would live at the gym if I let her. And she texts me at like 3:45, and she was just like, “I have chills and my whole body hurts.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, no.

Stephanie Goss:
She's like, “Can you come get me?” And I was like, “Oh, God. Yeah, okay.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, I hate hearing… Oh, man.

Stephanie Goss:
I know. And it just… She is tough, and she is just like, “I feel crummy.” And I picked her up, and I just took one look at her and I was like, “Oh, she does not feel good.” And so-

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, I hate that feeling.

Stephanie Goss:
… I feel you.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, they're so pitiful too.

Stephanie Goss:
I know.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Like, all of this gets right at you.

Stephanie Goss:
It makes me so sad. So she is here and she's really bummed, because they had their… It's funny because my kids love their school. Like, they actually ask to go to school on breaks, like Christmas vacation and summer break. All of the kids, not just mine. But they love their school. And so, today was book report day, and they've been working on these book reports for the last six weeks. And so, she was really bummed she didn't get to go and present her book report, so. But she's going to do it over their class Zoom, so she's-

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, well, that's good.

Stephanie Goss:
… in her room. I'm like, “Keep your germs in here, please. But also, don't forget to get on your Zoom.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I do wonder about my parenting. And I feel like I have a great relationship with my kids, and also, when they're sick, I do not go near them. I do not go near them. I'm like… And then they're like, “You guys are welcome to stay home from school. I'll be in the basement working on stuff, except when I've gone to the vet clinic for the first half of the day, and then I'll be in the basement, but…”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, that is their dad's MO. He is definitely not the sick caregiver. And when we were in… So we're recording this, and we had just got back from Western Vet Conference in Vegas, and I got a text while we were in Vegas that Jackson barfed in the middle of the night, one of the nights we were gone. And I was like, “Oh, no,” because their dad is not the…

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And he especially doesn't do puking. And so, it was just like… You know, as a parent, all the thoughts that are going through my mind are, “Okay, I hope Jackson feels good, and I hope he's being nurturing and not like, ‘Keep your germs away from me,'” but also, all the thoughts are going in my head, like, “Did the laundry actually get started then, or is there going to be a pile of-“

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
“… vomit sheets waiting for me when I get home?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
That's what Alison says to me. She's like, “You need to be nurturing.” And I'm like, “Look, I'm just… Look, it's time to look at cold hard numbers here.”

Stephanie Goss:
Kids are Petri dishes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's like, “We're past nurturing. We're down to survival, and it's me or them, and let's-“

Stephanie Goss:
“And I choose me.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
“Let's do a cost benefit analysis here, Alison. What's the benefit of me hugging that child? Really? Really? What's the cost of me going down for three days? It's significant. You need to harden your heart, make the… That's why I run the business and you're in academia.”

Stephanie Goss:
And just in case anyone is wondering this, this parenting style extends to his relationship with his employees too, because… Well, I will say that we went to Vegas, and I did not try and kill you this year. Every time we go to Vegas now, Andy's like, “Okay, we made it through a year, and you didn't try and kill me with COVID.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
You are… Well, you're just like… You're like that snotty kid that just has sticky hands, and whenever they're around, you're like, “That kid's carrying-“

Stephanie Goss:
10-foot pole.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, exactly right. You're like, “Don't… Just don't let that kid touch my face.”

Stephanie Goss:
“Stay out of my space bubble.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
“If that kid touches my food, I'm going to go hungry. And I don't go hungry.”

Stephanie Goss:
I'm like, “Hey, Andy, let's take a selfie,” and he's leaning.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, totally. I'm like, “Yeah, just-“

Stephanie Goss:
Leaning away.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Why don't you take a picture of you and then take a picture of me and then we'll-

Stephanie Goss:
And put them together.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… Photoshop them together. How's that?

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, man.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, it's true, all right?

Stephanie Goss:
Like, “Yeah.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
I do have a cold, pragmatic streak. It's not that I don't care about you, it's just that I don't feel the need to care about you while you're sick. There's 360 other days out of the year that I can care about you and you can have my love.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, God.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, let's do this. Let's do this episode.

Stephanie Goss:
All right. I love this one. So we got a mailbag question that is, I think, fantastic. So they don't actually know what their position is. I assume that it's someone in practice management, but the questions that we're working on, we're constantly working on our practice culture and areas of improvement for us. And two of the big challenges that we have been tackling have been gossiping and negative talk amongst the team, like talking negatively about their co-workers or talking negatively about clients or patients. And so, they said they recognize that the negativity and the negative talk kind of goes hand in hand with gossiping. And so, “We've talked about it as a team, and we've set the expectation that those two things are not going to be tolerated,” which is great. The question comes from, “How do you balance the need to talk about something that happened to you or an interaction that you experienced that affected you?” So like, how do you have something happen and talk about it while still following the expectation that you're not going to gossip and you're not going to talk negatively? How do you walk that thin line between needing decompression and commiseration versus it actually turning into gossip? And this was a great question.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I thought this is an interesting question. I thought this is interesting.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I had to really sit and roll this around.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I wonder… It feels to me… This feels to me like a position that my children put me in when they get me to agree that something is true, and they get me to agree that something else is true, and they get me to agree that something else is true, and every step is a little bit more of a stretch until ultimately they end up at a ridiculous position. They were like, “And that's why I need to have a candy jar in the bathroom.” I'm like, “What?” Like, you heard them-

Stephanie Goss:
“How did I agree to this?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. You're like, “What?” And so, I do… I have that experience when people are like, “But Andy, sometimes we need to talk (censored) about a (censored).” And like, they'll… We need to bleep that out. But they'll say things to me that are that off the wall, and I'm like, “What did you say?” And they're like, “We have to say bad things about these people.”

Stephanie Goss:
Sometimes you just need to.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, like, “We need to serve the tea.”

Stephanie Goss:
Sometimes you just have a doodle that's so bad that you just need to talk smack about doodles.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, exactly. They're like, “And some people just need to be judged by us.” And I'm like, “What?”

Stephanie Goss:
I'm reserving all my judgment for you, Andy Roark.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. I could… I'm interested in your thoughts on this too, and when we need to have negative talk.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And I am being honest when I say I'm struggling a little bit with this need to have negative talk.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And I do wonder how much truth there is to it. I think I understand what they're saying, in all seriousness. I think I understand what they're saying.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
But I just… I need to work through it a little bit. I wonder if there's not other ways to approach the situation that don't involve us having this negative talk, but still making sure everybody feels heard and supported.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay, I'm with you. It's funny because I read this and I immediately was able to put myself in their shoes in a specific context, and so I'm… I could be totally in the wrong context, but I read it and I was like, “Oh, I know those moments.” And for me, there was a very clear definition on what it is and how it manifests. And so, yeah, let's talk about it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. All right, cool. So let's start with some sort of headspace here. So the first thing, I just… I always have to throw out, whenever we have negative talk, we have gossip, we have things like that, I've always got to get… And just, headspace for me is, “Just remember, remember, remember that you got to check your diagnostics here. Like, make sure that you know what this problem is.” And I just say that because a million times I have seen people wrestling with a gossip problem, a negativity problem, and the truth is they had a toxic team member problem, they had a bully problem-

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… they had some sort of a engagement buy-in problem, and the negative talk was coming out of frustration or out of bad behaviors from some other problem. And it's funny, I have seen a lot of, lot of, lot of practices say, “How do we fix the gossip? How do we fix the gossip? We're talking to the team about the gossip. We're coming together about the gossip. We've got a workflow on the gossip. We had a vision session about what a practice without gossip looks like.” And it's like, “How did it end?” “Well, we fired Donna, and it went away.” “Oh, okay. I got it. I see that.” And a lot of times-

Stephanie Goss:
So you didn't really have a gossip problem.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… that's how it goes. You didn't.

Stephanie Goss:
You had a Donna problem.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It was like, “Ah, turns out it was just Donna.” And I do see that. So in all seriousness, the first part of this is, make sure you run your diagnostics, root cause analysis. Where is this negativity coming from?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Are we really having this many negative client interactions, like over-the-top client interactions that require negativity? You know, are people… Is it all different people and everybody's responsible for this, or are there chronic offenders that are driving it and who are not changing their behavior because they're not getting that feedback or just because they don't want to?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. So I think that what you just put your finger on is this, and when you said, “Is this chronic people or chronic behaviors?”, that was a fundamental difference-maker for me in the conversation. So my question when I read this was, “Okay, are we gossiping? Are we talking directly about another person to other people? Are we venting, like a situation happened, a thing occurred?” And this is where I could easily put myself in their shoes that like, you know, you have a client who comes in who is super rude or who is really hurtful to a member of the team or to yourself. It is human nature to want to let that out, because bottling up the frustration or the emotions is also not good, and so I recognize that. And the third piece of it for me is this, “Is this is a one-and-done, like, I need to vent because I'm frustrated or I'm angry, I have emotions about this situation, or is this complaining? Is this a constant chronic thing that is happening with one or two people?”
And so, to your point, like, is this a Donna problem or Donna is having repeated behaviors that are complaining or gossiping or other that is impacting it? And so, for me, the headspace starts with some self-reflection and analysis of the situation to try and figure out, to your point, like what is actually happening here, and then be able to do the root cause analysis on the problem itself.

Dr. Andy Roark:
There was a definition of a toxic person that I saw a long, not long time ago, but a little while ago, and I really liked it. And basically it was something along the lines of, “A toxic person is a person who participates in negative activities and has no interest in improving them.”

Stephanie Goss:
Mm-hmm, okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Like, something along the lines of, if a person switches from just being a regular person who has a problem to a toxic person, a regular person who has a problem wants to fix that problem.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
A toxic person does not want to fix that problem.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
They are happy to make the problem persist or even to grow, even to spread, to have more people involved with it. That's what a toxic person wants.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
They want to light the fire, and they don't want to put it out. They want it to grow and they want it to spread. And I've thought a bit about that as well. And so, anyway, when we start thinking about these types of behaviors, I'm always going like, “Just root cause analysis, make sure we understand the diagnosis here. Where is this coming from? Make sure that we don't have a toxic individual or a small group of people who are just driving these behaviors. And if we do, we need to manage them, manage them, manage them, and possibly manage them out if it continues on.”
So anyway, that's kind of my opening place. My opening place here is that. So it sounds like… Let's take this letter at face value and say, “Hey, they work a lot on culture. We don't think it's a toxic person. We just continue to have this sort of negativity.” And the question is really about, what do you do about keeping a positive communication culture while still recognizing that sometimes we need to have an outlet for negative thoughts, emotions, frustrations, things like that?

Stephanie Goss:
Sure. Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. All right. So I think that that's an okay question to ask, and we'll sort of get into it. So I don't know, just in general headspace, seek first to understand, “Where is this coming from? Am I understanding the problem that I think I'm understanding?” And then, “Where are we going to go from here?” is the next sort of question philosophically that I like to talk about. I think it's important when you start to look at problems like this, is, “What does done look like? What does the end look like?” So in a headspace, they go, “Okay, well, if we want to make our practice into a good, wholesome, positive practice, what does that look like when it's finished? Where does that go? Does that mean that people don't say negative things, or does it mean that they say them in a certain way?”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
“What is that way?” And once we have that kind of figured out, of what a healthy practice looks like, then we can put steps into place to get there.

Stephanie Goss:
Yep. Yeah, I love that. And I think that is super… To me, it has always been an indicator of a really healthy culture when the team understands what that looks like and what done is. Because for me, part of having a code of conduct that the team has agreed to… And I'm assuming that no gossiping or no negative speech that was talked about here is part of a code of conduct. Everybody has to understand not only what does that mean, like really, truly, “What is the definition of that for us and the team?” But also like, to your point, “What does done look like? What is not? What is the end? What is not tolerated?” And what is the expectation for how you handle the negative interactions or the conflict when it arises or the frustration that happens. You know, “How are we going to handle that?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. So you said you had an idea in your mind of kind of what this looks like of having some negativity that sort of needed to come out. Can you give me more of a clearer context of what that looks like in your mind?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, totally. So for me, the question was, “Okay, decompression and the commiseration gives me pause, for sure.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right.

Stephanie Goss:
Because those two things are very different. Needing to have an outlet, get something out, not bottling up the emotions. And this is years of my own therapy coming out here. So as humans, it is far healthier, at least for me, it is far healthier to deal with emotions and get them out than to stuff them down and not deal with them, right? So, a long time ago, I recognized that there are situations where I need an outlet and I need to express those emotions safely. And that can look a bunch of different ways. That, to me, is decompression, like, that letting off the steam.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie Goss:
Commiseration, to me, falls into the line of negative talking, gossiping. Because when you are… To me, commiserating means finding someone who is going to agree with you and participate in what you're doing. That feels radically different than, “This thing happened, and I'm insert-whatever-emotion-here, angry, sad, frustrated, whatever, I just need to get it off my chest,” right? That feels very different to me. Gossiping, to me, feels like saying something about someone else, when there are other people present, that you are not saying straight to their face.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, I think, for me, I could totally see situations in the practice when a team member maybe has not interacted with me in the best way possible, or I interpreted how they interacted with me in a way that frustrated me or triggered me in some way. And before I'm ready to have a conversation with them, I need to get out those emotions and process, right? That, to me, feels like the decompression, versus commiserating, like, “Oh, hey. Oh, God, I was just in room B with Mrs. Jones, and she's so snotty, she always comes in and treats us like we're her hired help. And don't you hate having to do appointments with her?” Right? That feels like commiserating, where I'm looking for somebody else to get into that space with me and join me in that negativity. And then the gossiping would be like, “Oh, hey, Andy, did you see what Jamie brought for lunch today? There was so much junk food in her lunch,” right? Something like that, where you're talking about somebody or you're saying, “Hey, did you hear how drunk Sarah was at the bar this weekend?” Those kind of things, where you're talking specifically about another person to another person.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
Do those illustrations kind of help?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And you can imagine those things happening, I think, in a practice, right?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So I think the thing for me, I don't… I still struggle a little bit with the idea that we have to do negativity, but I'll flesh it out a little bit. And I guess maybe this is the part I should put into headspace right here, at the front.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
So, to me, communication should be intentional. Professional communication should be intentional.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Which means you should know what you are trying to accomplish. And when you seek commiseration, that's not intentional usually. What that really is, that's code speak for, “I'm angry, and I need to vent anger out into the world.”

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And even when we talk about decompression, guys, the research is pretty clear. Venting, it does not help you. It really… It helps you maybe feel more satisfied, but venting and putting negativity out in the world actually does not make you better able to handle problems. It just ends up sort of perpetuating negativity. And so, you can look at happiness and satisfaction and outcomes when we talk about venting and we say… This sort of spewing of negativity, it genuinely does not make us more effective, I think. So this is where I push into intentionality. And so, what I would say to people really when I start talking about headspace as negativity is, “Communication should be intentional,” which means, if you're angry and frustrated, I think that you can say, “I'm really angry and frustrated about this thing,” and then we need to state our intention. “I need help processing this,” or, “I am seeking validation of the scenery,” or, “Can you tell me if I'm off base?”

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And guys, that's just an evolution of how we communicate. And I think a lot of times we get mad or we get angry, and we open our mouths, and we don't really know what we're trying to do. And I would say the evolution of these communication issues is to say, “Before I vent, I need to understand, what am I trying to accomplish?” And if I'm not trying to accomplish anything other than to hurt somebody or to take the anger or the pain that I feel and try to make someone else feel pain, that's not something that I want to actually do. And it's not healthy as much as we want to think that it is.It's just not.
And so, anyway, I think that that's just the big thing for me as we start to look at this, is, the rollover here, and honestly, this is a big part of professional communication as you move up into corporations and companies, this is corporate training, we don't vent. You don't make angry statements, you speak intentionally. And I will tell you that if you stop and process it, you can generally be much more productive and also expressive of the problem that you're facing without negative talk. You can 100% say, “This client who came in earlier was really nasty, and he said these things that I thought were very hurtful. And my question is, what do I do about this? Is there a way that I can escalate it? What steps can I take? Am I supposed to shake this off?I'm feeling vulnerable. Have other people had these experiences?” Those are the sort types of ways that I can talk about this thing in a way that I'm not client-bashing. I'm being honest about, “This person came in, and what they said was really… It seemed to me to be very out of line, and I'm looking for validation here. Has this person acted this way in the past?” And anyway, I can still 100% turn and get support and also not just lean into the negativity on the issue. Do you agree with that?

Stephanie Goss:
I do. And I also… And maybe this is just because I have a temper, and I am by no means perfect when it comes to communicating. And I will also say that there have been plenty of times where I have, in the heat of the moment, said things or done things that, if I had stepped away and taken the time to get the clarity that you're talking about, it would've been way better off, right? And also, I'm human, and we don't always do that. And so, I think what you were talking about, for me, has been a very healthy guardrail to recognize that, in order for processing emotions… Because I used to… There was a long period in my life where, especially as a leader, I just stuffed it down and I didn't process, and I would get mad or I'd get frustrated, and I just wouldn't say anything, and it would build up, build up, build up, and then I would explode.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie Goss:
And going to therapy, I recognized how unhealthy that is and how much I need to process things more in real time.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Sure.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, for me, what that turned into was, “Okay,” going in the direction that you're talking about, recognizing that there are going to be times where I trip up. Nobody is perfect. And having a system like you're talking about, having someone, and I think this is really, really important, especially from a leader perspective, having people who are the right people for you to be able to have that conversation and do that processing with is really, really important.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yes.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, it has… But that isn't a natural… I don't think it's a natural inclination. Our natural human-nature, caveman brains, it is far easier to be like, “Oh, hey, Andy, did you… Like, this happened, and I'm super irritated about it,” right? Because you're right in front of me and it's easy to commiserate with you versus to take the time and intentionality to be like, “I need to step away, and I'm going to go outside of the building so nobody else can hear me, and I'm going to call someone who is not immediately involved in this situation,” right?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
That takes intentionality, it takes self-awareness. And I think a lot of us have to learn how to do that. And so, I'm all-in with you on that being a healthy process, and it is certainly one that I have adopted now, but it took me a long time to get there. And I also think it's really important to recognize that we're all human, and no matter how-

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, of course.

Stephanie Goss:
… good we get at it, you're going to screw it up, and you're going to have to…

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And there are things like… Immediately, when I was thinking about this episode, I was thinking about times where I was like, “Oh, dude, we have a straight-up no gossip rule in my teams, and I really try really hard to adhere to it. And also, I can think immediately of times where I broke that rule.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yes.

Stephanie Goss:
And do I feel good about it? No. And so, you know, but how we deal with it and what we do also matters.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, I think creating that goal… I think, good on this team for working on trying to create the culture to change the expectation. I think having the expectation that this will never happen just because you have the rules and systems in place is unrealistic, because we're people, and there's going to be slip-ups. I think having the expectation of what comes next is the really healthy part, and that's the part that I would love to see more teams get to.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. So yeah, I agree with that. And I also think that you're right about being human. This is hard. It is a real challenge, and we all get it wrong. And I'm not going to be like, “Oh, no, I don't get mad.” Of course I do.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
But the hard professional truth, though, is that getting angry or getting nasty feels good, and it's generally self-damaging.

Stephanie Goss:
For sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Like, think about a time that you got angry or you got nasty and it turned out great, and that was the exact right move-

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, no.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… and it opened doors for you, and good things happened. You might have a time, I assure you there's a lot of times that you got angry, you got nasty, and you did damage that you don't even remember or know about, but other people remember it.

Stephanie Goss:
For sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I mean, it's one of those things about being the better person, about being the leader, is carry this. There's the old saying too, and this is kind of a Buddhist meditative thing, is, “Between every action and a reaction, there's a pause,” you know? And I was reading an article recently about this guy who had gone to anger management, and he talked about anger management. One of the big keys in anger and anger management was taking ownership of how he would communicate and being intentional. And so, he said that one of the big things that happened for them is he switched the way of his thinking from thinking things like, “Man, that guy made me mad,” to, “That guy behaved in this way, and I got mad.”

Stephanie Goss:
Mm-hmm. Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And that gave him so much more ownership of like, “Oh, I got mad. He did this thing, and I got mad.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
“And it's understandable that I would get mad, but getting mad was a choice that I made.” And that can be extremely hard, but it is what I think that we should aspire to.

Stephanie Goss:
For sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Cool.

Stephanie Goss:
For sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Let's take a break and come back and get into some action steps in kind of how we start to lay these things out, and how we can set ourselves and our team up to be successful in this regard.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay, sounds good.
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Dr. Andy Roark:
All right. You said in the first half, Stephanie, you talked about having leaders that can help you process or are willing to process with you was really important. I really like that a lot. If we want to get to the place where we get this negative culture, and we're not talking about gossiping, we've done episodes on that stuff before, but really talking about how do we support people who have legitimate complaints, problems, things they're working through, while still trying to keep our clinic positive, I think there's a number of things that we need to do. First of all, culture comes from the top, you know?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And that's really… Our leadership needs to behave in a professional way and communicate in a professional way. It's funny how often the doctors talk to me about negativity of the staff, and the truth is they're showing that behavior, that they do it just as much and it trickles down from them. But a big part of it is to say, “Okay, we know that people are going to get frustrated. We know they're going to have problems. We know they're going to be angry.” Have you given them appropriate avenues to communicate-

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… those frustrations through?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And so, if you say, “Yeah, you know what? Sometimes the clients come in and they're horrible, and we don't want to feel alone. We want support,” I think that's totally understandable. Do we have avenues for people who have had those experiences? Do they know that they can come and talk to someone? Do they know that they can go to the head technician and say, “Hey, I need a minute. This happened, and I'm really upset about it.” And what's funny is the difference in coming and saying, “This happened, this guy behaved this way, and I'm really hurt, or I'm really upset about it, or I'm really angry, and I need a moment,” that's an entirely different experience from walking out of the room and going-

Stephanie Goss:
“That guy's a dick.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
… “This a-hole over here…” You know?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It is.

Stephanie Goss:
100%. 100%.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's an entirely different experience, but the feelings are the same. And I think you get better support in the first example, where you say, “I'm really hurt by this, and I need need a moment.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I think you get better long-term outcome and support if you go that way. But people should know, if the staff feels like a client was abusive to them, do they feel like there's a place they can go?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Is there an open door? Do they know that they can come right into the practice owner's office, or the medical director, or the practice manager, or the head CSR, that they can come straight to her and say, “I want you to come and tell me if this happens. I want you to come and tell me what happened, and let me support you.” But do they have appropriate avenues for bringing these things up?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, I love that. And I think that goes to what this mailbag letter started with, which was like, “Hey, this is a thing we're working on, and we have talked about it.” And so, when I first read it, I was like, “What does ‘talked about it' mean?” Because I think that it could mean, “Hey, we said this thing is happening, it can't continue to happen, full stop,” and that was the conversation, which feels very different from, “We've come together as a group and we've talked about, ‘Hey, we want to have a code of conduct, and we want to have a set of rules that we hold each other accountable to. And one of those things is we care about each other, and so, therefore, we don't want to talk about each other. We also don't want to talk about our clients.' And so, here's what that looks like, good and bad, right?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
Examples. And also, “When the situation occurs,” to your point, “here's what we can do about it instead,” right? Those two things feel very different. So I'm all-in on having a code of conduct. I think it's super, super important. And I think, for me, the only way that I've had it truly be successful in my teams has been for the team to be a part of it, because if they're not bought into it, it won't work, it won't be successful.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And the best way to get them bought in is to have them be a part of that process.

Dr. Andy Roark:
You know, our friend Maria Pirita, who works with us and who is magical and amazing, she has an exercise that she uses with teams. And so, it's the high-performing team exercise, where she would work with her teams and she would say, “Okay, guys, I want to talk about and I want a list from you guys about what a high-performing team looks like, what they sound like, and what they feel like.” And she would have the team make a list of what a high-performing, happy team looks like, sounds like, and feels like. And then, from them, she would write down the things that they thought that a high-performing team would do, and say, and act like, and how it'd feel to be a part of that. And then, once she made the list from them, she would ask them, “How do we achieve this? What are the things that we want to change to do this?” But they're creating the vision of what it feels like to be on a great team or have a great place to work.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And then Maria just ties them to their aspirational goal that they created there together. And I just… I've always thought that that was really… I thought that that was really good, and so I… But I completely agree with you as far as like, they need to be a part of what this future looks like.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And it also is funny when you say, “Stop doing this.” I know we're talking a lot about kids today. I don't exactly know why. Probably because Hannah's here sick, and I'm acting… Because I have a glass wall, and she's on the other side of it, and I've sealed myself. She's beating on the glass. I'm podcasting. Go lay down.
See, but I was talking a lot about kids, but it's like when you start to turn around, you yell at your kids, like, “Stop fighting!” But you don't actually give them a mechanism to resolve the complaint-

Stephanie Goss:
Right, the conflict.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… which is maybe a genuine problem they have-

Stephanie Goss:
Right, right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… and they don't have the tools to not come to blows. And you're like, “Just stop fighting!” And they're like, “Okay, Dad. But how, then, shall we resolve the issue of Roark vs. Roark in the case of the missing hair clip?”

Stephanie Goss:
Right. Yeah, no, it's totally true that we have to give our kids the tools, we have to teach them the tools, and we also have to give our teams the tools, because we don't… These are learned things, and we don't often… We don't focus on it enough. And I love the idea of the exercise that you shared for Maria. And I think the other piece of that for me is that I want the team also to define what great looks like and feels like.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie Goss:
I want them to define what it doesn't look like and feel like to help us figure out some guardrails and some things that we want to steer away from. And then the last piece of it for me is that they have to be a part of, “Then what does accountability look like?” Because accountability cannot look like me, as the manager, momming everybody all the time and doling out the punishments, because that's not how I want my team to work. I want it to be something that they're bought into, and I want them to be able to solve their own problems. And the only way that you get there is to teach them, and give them those tools, and equip them to solve those problems themselves. And that is not an easy thing. It's not a one-and-done conversation. That's a journey.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I completely agree. And so, taking exactly what you said, because I agree with every word of it, and dial it down more tightly to what we got through the mailbag where they say, “well, you know, it sounds like we've got gossip and stuff under control, but what about these specific circumstances when we need to be negative?” I think, to… The way I go with this is, it sounds like we feel like we've addressed the gossip thing pretty darn well, and so I suspect they… And they said they're always working on their culture. I suspect they've done a lot of these things.

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And so now it's like, “Great, you've got the tools, and you've taken care of these big pieces. Now it's time to dial in on these little pieces.” And the way that I would do that is, if it's a consistent enough problem that you're writing to Andy and Stephanie and saying, “What do we do about these specific little things?”, what I would say is, the tools that got rid of gossip will help you get rid of these things. Put them under the microscope, which means go to your team and say, “Guys, I recognize that we have this tendency, or these are the trends. And what I want to do is talk with you guys about how we would handle different circumstances and what it looks like for a high-performing, positive team to handle these circumstances. So last week, we had a case where a client behaved this way…”
Or I would change it up and say, “Let's just pretend that we have a client who comes in and they do this thing, and it's really awful. Guys, how does a high-performing team handle this? What do we say, and how do we say it?” And then… And this may sound silly. I promise you there's nothing more powerful than some role play like that to get them to talk about, “What is a positive way to process this? What is a way to get support or get the help that you need, and feel good about it, and not resort to, ‘The client was mean to me, and so I'm going to put meanness out into the void around me.'?”
And that's the definition of toxicity, is that someone is in a bad spot, and they radiate this darkness out of them that then infects other people and spreads. That's why it's toxic. And so, they don't want to be in a toxic place either. And I think that this is a great collaborative way that we can give them the tools they need and say, “Hey, I've paid attention to times that we've had problems. I'm not going to maybe use those exact problems, because I don't want people who were there to feel judged, but I'm going to recreate those problems in a different way, and then ask the team to break into teams and to figure out what they would say, or what they would do, or how a high-performing team handles these problems or processes them without turning it into a toxic dump.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Or without allowing… And again, I wouldn't put it on them and say… And this is really important. I would not be like, “You guys are screwing up, and you are making it toxic.” I would say instead, “You guys are working hard, and I know how much you want to have a really positive place to work. And I feel like we're a really positive team.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
“When people bring this negativity into our practice, I want us to talk about how we can handle it so that we don't become that negative team.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And so, then we're not doing this because it's punitive.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
We're not doing this because they messed up and they failed.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
We're doing this because I want us to have the tools to handle adversity when it comes to us.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. I love that. And I think part of… I agree with everything that you just said, especially the part about making it forward-facing and not punitive, right? It's disconnected from them, because the reality is we all have bad days. Even the sunniest, most positive person sometimes has interactions that really make you feel things, right? And so, for me, it was about talking to the team about, “Okay, what does safe space look like?” And recognizing that we're all going to have bad days, and we're all going to have moments where we maybe need some support from each other as a team. And so, my team was like, “Okay, what are our safe spaces within the practice?” And so, one of the rules that we agreed on as a team was that we needed a way for anybody to take a timeout. Like, whatever it was, whether you're having a bad day at home, or you're getting super frustrated with a difficult patient or a client or whatever, that there was a way for us to recognize, “Hey, I need a timeout,” and then we defined what are those safe spaces in the practice, like, “Can we go for a walk? Like, go in…” We had a backyard in the clinic. And so, that outside was a great safe space.
We also had a team bathroom that was in a part of the building. This is going to sound crazy, but we had a team bathroom that was in a part of the building that the clients didn't access. And so, we kind of made it into half rage room, half positive space. So we had all of these memes and positive quotes that the team had brought and stuck up on the wall, like things that made them happy. And then that was also the dark room that you could just go in there and scream if you needed to scream into the void for a minute. Look, it worked for us. It's not going to work for every practice, but it worked for us. And then the third space was the office space.
And so, it was… The conversation was, “Look, my door is always open, except when it's closed, but it is always open, and it is a safe space. And you can come in here, you can just sit and have a moment. You can say, ‘Hey, I just need five minutes to myself.' Totally fine. I'm going to ignore you. I'm going to keep working. You also can come in and say, ‘I'm feeling feels, and I need to talk, but I need to process it.'” And so, my golden role for the team was, “You can come in my office and you can say whatever it is that you need to say. You're going to have to deal with it, and I'm going to ask you what your plan is for making it actionable before you walk out the door. You don't get to just come in and go off without there being a forward-facing, ‘What is the plan and how are we going to deal with this?'”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, if you were not ready to get to that stage where you could talk about it with somebody else, maybe going and screaming into the void was the good choice, or going and taking a walk out in the backyard, but it allowed everybody to be met where they were in that moment, right? Because we created the safety as a team to say, “Okay, I need to take a timeout.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, I think that that's really important, figuring out, as a team, what are those safe spaces? What does it look like? And I love your example from Maria. What does it look like? What does it feel like?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie Goss:
And making them be able to see and recognize, “This is the expectation.” So to your point, when a client comes in and somebody is really struggling with the way that they interacted with that client, instead of being like, “God, Mrs. Smith was such a jerk in room two,” they have the ability to be like, “Hey, that was a really hard appointment for me, I need to take five,” right?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And then they can go and do with it whatever it is that they need, because sometimes you just need a moment.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Sure.

Stephanie Goss:
And sometimes I can go take a moment, and I can come back and be like, “Okay, I'm good now.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And other times, I need to go have a moment and be like, “Hey, this is… I actually need help with this, because it's more than a moment, and I need to deal with it,” right? And so that is the second part of it for me, is setting the expectation honestly for myself of… One of my hard and fast personal rules is like, “I need to deal with the emotion and let the emotion out in a safe space, in a safe way.” And then the second piece of that is, “What do I need to do with this?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And sometimes the answer is, “I'm going to let it go.” If I'm going to let it go, I'm really going to let it go.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie Goss:
And the accountability piece is, for me, with my bosses, was, “Hey, if I tell you that I'm choosing to let something go, and then I bring it back up again, I need you to hold me accountable and be like, ‘Hey, you told me yesterday you were going to let this go, and now we're having a follow-up conversation about it. This sounds like you need to do something about it, so I'm holding you accountable. Let's have the conversation about what you're going to do about it.'” Right?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, figuring out, are you actually going to let it go, or are you going to action it and figure out how do you deal with it? And then, if so, the safe space continues. I will totally help you. We can talk it out, I will role play with you, I will just listen while you talk out loud if that's what you need. Everybody processes those things differently. But my role as a manager, as a leader in the practice is not to be a therapist.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree.

Stephanie Goss:
I want to give professional support to all of my team to have access to, because counseling should be something that everybody on our team can access. And at the same time, my role is to listen, but then I also want to help you grow. And so, as a leader, creating that safe space, helping them create that safe space, but also setting the expectations for, “How do we deal with it?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree. I think there's a couple good leadership phrases that push people this way. And I'm just going to warn you, if you use these people, they'll stop venting to you, which is real good for you, but if they just take it somewhere else, it cannot be good. But the basic soft things, I agree, to Stephanie's point, is again, it's about intentionality, right? And so, if I assume intentionality on the other person's part and they go, “Ah, this thing is happening, and God, I hate it so much,” the most productive thing you can do is say to them, “How can I support you in this?” or, “What is your plan for addressing this and going forward?”

Stephanie Goss:
Yep.

Dr. Andy Roark:
“What are you going to do with this?” But the big, like, “How can I support you?”, that's the one that I use a lot, is, “How can I support you?” And they'll look at you like you're dumb, and then they'll go, “I just… No, I was just… No, I mean…”

Stephanie Goss:
“I just wanted to bitch.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
“I was just mad.” And you're like, “Oh, okay, okay. So you don't want to take action on this?” And I'm really honestly not trying to say this in a jerk way.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I'm not doing it in a condescending way. But generally the real truth is, if you come and you tell me that something is terrible, my honest, well, question to you is, “Okay, how can I support you? What can we do to either correct this or try to address this situation, or at least to make you feel like you can accept the situation and go on in a good place?”

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
“What is our plan?”

Stephanie Goss:
Yep.

Dr. Andy Roark:
You know, it's that, “Can we change it, or can we accept it? Those are sort of our options.” And so, anyway, I put that stuff forward. I think the last thing I want to make clear here is, I think you already pointed it out pretty well, but when I do the role play and things like that, I really do like making this forward-facing about, “What are we going to do in the future? How we can we handle this? What should we do?” Not about what we should have done last week or how we didn't handle it well.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And the reason I say that, one is, that's just a good growth mindset position, but number two, how many times have you been angry, and then your spouse criticizes you because you're angry? And how did that go? You know what I mean? Like, it's like, when you are like… Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I'm like rage cleaning the kitchen, and my wife is like, “Look, if you don't stop banging those dishes around, they're going to break.” And I'm like, “I'm rage cleaning, and you are critiquing my rage cleaning, and it's terrible.” And so, all that to say, giving feedback to someone who's having an angry, negative response, is something you should do at your own peril. It's much, much easier to do things that are forward-facing and encouraging about where we're going. And I'm joking, but if people continue to have these reactions, we're definitely going to have to talk about them.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Like, we're going to have to give feedback, and we're going to have to coach them out of that.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
But it's a whole lot nicer to try to give them the tools in a forward-facing away, not in a, “Hey, you got really angry, and that was the wrong thing to do, and now I'm going to make you embarrassed about the thing that you did or said when you were angry.” I'd like to avoid that if possible.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. I think the last thing for me is just sharing one of the most impactful rules, honestly, for code of conduct with my team that I ever learned, and I learned it at my very first practice. But there's the golden rule of “Do unto others,” right? But for us, the golden rule really became, “Take it to the person who can do something about it.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I like that.

Stephanie Goss:
And what that meant was different things in different times, but when it came to gossiping, or it came to talking about other people, when it came to negativity, because we had that rule, it enabled us to listen, because, look, if I am mad at Maria, and I'm having a conversation with you, Andy, about how I'm mad at Maria, if we have the rule to take it to the person who can do something about it, me talking to you about Maria does nothing, because you can't do anything about the situation. You weren't there, you weren't a part of it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Right.

Stephanie Goss:
You can help me, you can listen to me, you can ask me what my plan is, but you ultimately can't solve the problem.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Right.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, part of that rule was, “Hey, look, I can't do anything about this. I can help you practice this conversation, but ultimately you need to go have that conversation with Maria, because the two of you are the only ones who can work this out.” And it applies with clients, it applies with the team, it applies with our bosses. And so, setting that role and then really deciding, as a team, who are those people on the team? And it's going to look different for everybody, but this goes back to your defining what the expectation is, right? Like, who are those people on the team that are going to shoot you straight, who are going to help you identify what is happening in this situation, who are going to help you brainstorm ideas, and then who are going to ask you what the next move is to encourage you to go back and talk to that other person who can actually do something about it?
And as a leader, a lot of the times you have positional power. And so, sometimes talking to your manager, your floor lead, your practice manager, whatever the situation is, sometimes talking to your leader is still talking to the person who could do something about it, because maybe you've already had that conversation. Maybe Maria and I have been beefing, and I have had that conversation with her, and I'm like, “Okay, I don't like the way you're talking to me, and it's really hurtful to me when you use this tone of voice. Can we figure out how to make our communications go better? Because this is not feeling good for me, right?” Maybe I've had that conversation with her, but it's continuing to happen, and now there's that kind of toxicity happening between the two of us. If I have had that conversation once, twice, three times, then it makes sense that I would say, “Hey, Andy, I've had this conversation with Maria three times, and just today, this was another situation that occurred. I'm at the point where I need help, because I don't know what to do next. I've already tried talking to her as the person who can do something about it. It's not working, I need your help.” Right? So it still allows them the space to go to someone who maybe can do something about it.
But that golden rule made the biggest impact for me probably in my entire career in terms of team communication and how we eliminate a lot of the talking about each other, the gossiping, the negativity, because it was something that we all came up with as a team. Someone suggested it, but we all got on board and bought into it, and then we bought into, what does that look like accountability-wise? And it made the biggest difference.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, I love that. I think that's great. I think that's all I got. You got anything else?

Stephanie Goss:
No. I think this is… Now that we're at the end of it, do you see why I thought this would be a fun one?

Dr. Andy Roark:
It is a fun one. It is a fun one. Yeah, it is a fun one. Again, I'm not saying that people shouldn't get mad. We're human beings and we do get mad. I really do think that there might be a problem with the idea that everyone has to get negative and angry in public, and so we should give them an outlet for that. I think that we need to figure out what the intention is and what people need, and give them avenues to get what they need so that sort of negativity out into the team is not necessary. So anyway, I think that that's how… I think this has been a really… It's been a really interesting one for me.

Stephanie Goss:
I want to know, after people listen to this episode, what is safe space? What does the timeout look like in your practice? I cannot be the only practice who had the rage room. I have peers who have giant coloring things up on the wall, and you need to take a timeout and go color, right? I'm super curious, what are people doing to give their teams that outlet? Because there are times where we all just need to take a timeout, whether it's someone on the team is frustrating us, or there's a bad client interaction, and I think creating that safe space is really important, and I'm super curious. I always love when we get messages after the fact. So if you're listening to this and you're like, “Ooh, this is what we do” in your practice, I would love to hear from you in the mailbag, because I think that's a fun part of making our practices unique.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, everybody, thanks for being here.

Stephanie Goss:
Take care, everybody. Have a great week.
Well, everybody, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. Thanks so much for spending your time with us. We truly enjoy spending part of our week with you. As always, Andy and I enjoyed getting into this topic. I have a tiny little favorite ask. Actually, two of them. One is, if you can go to wherever you source your podcast from and hit the Review button and leave us a review. We love hearing your feedback and knowing what you think of the podcast. And number two, if you haven't already, hit the Subscribe button. Thanks so much for listening, guys. We'll see you soon.

Airpods and True Crime at Work?

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice manager Stephanie Goss are answering a couple of questions about what is professional in the practice. At first glance, these two things might not appear to go together. Hang in there with us because Stephanie and Andy tie them together to have an fun conversation about professionalism and how we draw those lines at work. We've got a manager who has CSR at the front desk wearing airpods and listening to podcasts while they work and a front desk team at another practice who are using the front desk Alexa to listen to true crime podcasts while they work. The managers involved are worried that maybe they are just too old to get it because they feel like it when they view it through their lens – this feels like a hard no due to lack of professionalism. Is that the right answer? It might be. And we talk about why we might want to redefine professionalism in the context of our individual teams, today. Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 222 – Airpods And True Crime At Work?

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.


Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


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We know you are unique. Managing the business. Fielding never-ending questions from the team. Fixing broken printers, again. You wear more hats than anyone else in the practice. All of these look great on you, of course. But do you ever wonder “Am I actually in charge if I don’t own the practice? How do I manage the endless responsibilities of this job with limited power and resources? How can I keep growing professionally?”

If you’re itching to talk to people who really get what it means to be a manager, this is the event for you!

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While Uncharted Membership is always encouraged, it is not required for event attendance! Non-members, here’s your chance to see what all the buzz is about and get a taste of the Uncharted experience. 

This 1-day virtual event on March 22, 2023 – don't miss your chance to join us!


Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:

Hey, everybody. I am Stephanie Goss and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I are tackling a couple of questions that at first glance, I wasn't sure actually went together. And when we boiled it down, we decided that they all had to do with what professionalism looks like in our practices. This one was so much fun, we might take the latest set break that we've ever taken in a podcast episode, but we had so much fun and laughed so much doing this. This one might not be so safe for work, although we did try and edit ourselves, but just a warning. Let's get into this one.

Speaker 2:

And now, The Uncharted Podcast.

Andy Roark:

And we are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark and Stephanie, hiding in my headphones, Goss.

Stephanie Goss:

Oh, I was laughing when we started because Andy asked me, “Are you ready?” And I said, “Yes”, and then I was not ready.

Andy Roark:

You were not ready at all.

Stephanie Goss:

I was not actually ready.

Andy Roark:

You just clearly reflexively said, “Yes” when you were not –

Stephanie Goss:

Yes, I'm giving you the answer that you want to hear.

Andy Roark:

And I was like, “All right, we're going”.

Stephanie Goss:

Oh, man. How's it going?

Andy Roark:

It's good. Yeah, it's good. I cannot complain. This year is off to a pretty darn good start. Pretty happy with where we are, that's for sure.

Stephanie Goss:

It is busy. It was like the craziness of holidays and then we immediately launched into the craziness of the new year and travel, and I can't believe it's February already.

Andy Roark:

I know. I was just thinking, I was like it, “It's the new year”. I'm like, “Nope, it's February now as we record this” so yeah, it's flying by.

Stephanie Goss:

It is. It's crazy. Well, it's interesting. We have got some great asks that have come in and I've had some conversations with some managers recently. I think this is going to be one of those episodes where there are going to be some people who are like, “Are they talking about my clinic?”.

Andy Roark:

Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

But they're two radically different things, but they are two radically different examples and they have a lot of commonality and so you and I decided we're going to do these together.

Andy Roark:

Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

So the first one was some asks about team members, and I've heard it from a variety of different positions, from really honestly, the front desk to the doctors to the kennels wearing earbuds or AirPods while they work. And one of the asks was about specifically their front desk, and it had been other people in the hospital in areas where there were no clients who had been wearing earbuds while they did laundry, out in the kennels, no problem, right?

But then it came up that there was a CSR who was wearing AirPods and they have long hair so when their hair was down, it wasn't noticeable for a while. And then someone noticed and the conversation happened and it was, “Well, I'm listening to music or I'm listening to podcasts or whatever while I'm working and if I have to answer the phone or have a conversation or whatever, I take it out. But otherwise, why can't I listen to something while I work? It helps me focus, it keeps me paying attention to what I'm doing”, but the message came from a manager and they were just like, “I feel like this is… Maybe I'm just old, but I feel like this is really not professional, but I also want to gut check, is this the new normal? Everybody just looking at their phones and am I just old?”

And I resonated with that because I was like, I have had plenty of times where I've asked myself, “Am I the crochety old man yelling, ‘Get off my lawn' here?” And then the other one was quite interesting to me, which was some team members, who happened to be younger, all working at a front desk and they were apparently listening to true crime podcasts at the front desk. And so it wasn't over the lobby loudspeaker stereo system, but they had an Alexa or Google or whatever that was playing a podcast for them. And this manager was like, “People come in and come up to the front desk and no one has said anything. We don't have a lot of clients hanging out in the lobby because we do checkouts in the room. And so it's really just the people who are coming in to pick up meds or checking out the front desk, but still, if a client comes up, nobody said anything, but is it wildly inappropriate? Do I need to solve this problem because will a client eventually say something?”

And it was interesting because they were like, “I talked to everybody to see how did they all feel about it? And apparently none of them seem to mind”, but this manager was like, “This seems wildly unprofessional to me”. And so you and I were like, “Ah, this is fun”.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. I think this is interesting. I think shifting social norms are always an interesting conversation. This reminds me of, I mean, I'll tell you other things that people have reached out to us over the years, were tattoos.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

I had someone email a while back, and before anybody reacts, they are in a rural town in Texas, and this was a practice owner reaching out, and her perception was that they had a very conservative client base and there was an older area and they had seen us celebrating a practice in downtown Boston and there were lots of tattoos in that practice. And they said, “My staff showed me these pictures that you guys had shared in this practice that you really liked and celebrated, and all these people have tattoos and nose rings and things. And they're saying that I'm a fuddy-duddy for not letting them have it”.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And my response was, “I'm not saying that things that are totally normal in downtown Boston are going to be totally normal in rural Texas”.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And even in Boston, if you're serving one clientele in Boston, something might be totally fine, but if you're serving a different clientele in Boston, it might not be totally fine with that clientele, so there's not an answer is what I'm getting to. But when we talk about the true crime, I thought that was interesting. I think the AirPods are interesting. I lump them together and I would lump the tattoos in with that as well, of things that are socially normal that we see a lot of places. But I think that there can be some concerns about how are these things being perceived. And I think the conversation on tattoos has evolved even more in the last couple years as they continue to become more and more common, but you get the point of changing social norms and that's why I lump these things together.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah. Okay. So where do we start? Both of these ask questions about, as the manager, “Am I just old to be worried about this?”

Andy Roark:

Yeah, “Am I just old?”, yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

Which is also your ask was the, “Am I the fuddy-duddy?”, right? That, I think it's a legit question and also have to do with defining professionalism, which I thought was a really interesting question.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. So okay. Let's start with Headspace.

Stephanie Goss:

Okay.

Andy Roark:

First thing that I would say is the idea of a professional-level agreement on what it means to be professional does not exist and is not going to exist.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And there are things out there that I see some of our colleagues advocating for that I would say, “I would never do that”. That's wildly unprofessional.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

But they are out there beating the drums and saying, “This should be totally normal”. I'm not saying they're wrong and that I'm right, I'm just… At some point, it comes down to what are your values? What are your goals? What are you trying to accomplish or create? And I really think that therein lies the answer. And I think… I'll give you an example that will get us immediately into hot water. The term vet nurse is a thing.

Stephanie Goss:

Sure.

Andy Roark:

And at the national level, there is no end of this debate coming. It is like there are people who hate the term vet nurse, they hate it.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And there's people who love it and think that it is the path forward for the profession. And at this point, it is absolutely clear that this whole thing is a toxic soup that is just a quagmire. There is no forward progress in this discussion at the professional level.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

Quietly, at the practice level, people are doing what they want. They are coming up with the terms that work in their practice, that match their goal and their clientele, and they are moving forward with making decisions at a local level or a practice level based on their culture and their values and what they think is important and what they want to do and what their needs and desires are. And so I put that forward as this thing where you say, “There are some things that we are never, as a profession, going to agree on” and I think we need to be okay with that and just say, “Yep, I'm going to be respectful of all people and all views and know that other people have their own opinions for me and that's fine”.

But I want to look at what I'm doing and what my practice is, and I'm not beholden to what the practice in downtown Boston does or to what the practice in rural Texas does. Those people are going to make their decisions. And so I think that's the first place of headspace is say, there's not a right or a wrong. There's really not. There's just us and what we decide to do with our little team, and that's it. So that's the first thing I put forward. The other thing that I want to put forward too, classic leadership when we talk about professionalism is, and this is really hard, but it is a is Headspace thing, the old, “Because I said so” is not a valid reason in the eyes of your team as to why they can't wear headphones or have tattoos exposed on their arms or whatever. That doesn't work.

Neither does, “Because it's unprofessional” because there's not a written-down description of what professional is and what you think is professional, what they think is professional could be entirely different. And so it's such a subjective term. It doesn't move things forward, you know what I mean? It's not going to be a motivating idea for them. And so I just think you need to get comfortable with that, of you can say no. And I think when we get into this, there are some things I'm going to be like, “I wouldn't do this and I would be strongly opposed to it happening”, but I'm not going to tell my team, “Because I said so” because that's not fun. That's using that authority lever to lead that I really don't like to use. I'm a big relationship lever guy, which means I want people to feel heard and I want them to understand where I'm coming from and I want them to be on board with where we're going, but I don't want to say, “I'm your boss” and “I said so, so you're not wearing headphones”. I really like to avoid those things.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

So anyway, that's this opening Headspace for me. What do you think about that?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, no, I agree. I do not think that, I think we have changed culturally, we have changed societally. I don't think we're in a place anymore where that top-down leadership style of, “I say you do because I said so”, right? I even find myself at home with my kids. I can't use, “Because I said so” because then, when they ask me, “Well, but why?”, I don't actually have an answer for them, right? And so it's… I think that that era has shifted in the world and I think it's compounded by all of the changes that we've gone through as a world over the last few years where we have experienced this blend of our personal and professional lives in a way that we never had previously as a whole because we were working from home and now, all of a sudden, you could be on a Zoom and your suit and tie, and if your toddler that's at home comes running into your camera or your cat jumps up and there's cat butt in the picture, those are things we can't control.

We never had to face that before. And so I think even just in the last three years, we've gone through this tremendous shift of trying to redefine, define, redefine, redefine again, what does professionalism mean, and I think it's not just us in veterinary medicine, I think it's the world as a whole. And when I think about, I think about it from a Headspace perspective. I think part of it, for me as a leader in trying to find the right answers for myself and my team always was asking myself some questions about what do I think that this looks like? But also really drilling down into what are the things that are important to me. And you were talking about what works in one place doesn't necessarily work in another, and I do believe that there is absolute truth in that. And I think about Disney as a classic example of that as an employer. They have, for years, had very clear-cut dress code rules.

And if you didn't like it, that was totally fine, but you didn't work at Disney like that. It was just that it was who they are, and there was no hiding it. It was like, “This is who we are. If you don't want to do this, fine”. And they have gone through dramatic shifts in the last few years about really wanting to accept their people as wholes and starting to loosen up as whole people and loosening up some of their standards as well. And so I think we're looking at things like that as employers, and like the tattoo example was a good one. For me. It was tattoos, it was piercings.

I remember, there was a time where I literally had to write myself up because I violated our policy for hair color and found myself laughing at the absurdity of that. And also looking at why do we have these rules? And so when I think about it, and I would say from a Headspace perspective, it's a worthy exercise to ask yourself, “What do we think defines professionalism?” Because for me, the answers, I found a lot of answers in what that actually meant to me and what it meant to my team.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. So I agree with this very much. I think this is a great example of shifting definitions of professionalism and shifting social norms. I think that that's really good.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

I also think if you are a little bit cynical, you could look at Disney and say, “Did they make those adjustments because they wanted to accept people or because they realized it's a tight labor market and they really want to not be excluding people based on things like, ‘Do they happen to have a tattoo?'”

Stephanie Goss:

Could be, could be both. Right.

Andy Roark:

But I'm sure it's about loving everyone and not capitalistic hiring practices. I get it. I'm sure. So anyway, but regardless of the reason, I mean, I'm sure it's some of both –

Stephanie Goss:

Well, you have a cynic Andy hat on today.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. Look, I'm like, “Yeah, is it because you love everybody or because you need labor? I don't know. Maybe some of both?” Maybe some of both, I think that's probably the answer. So anyway, but you get the point. Regardless of the reason, these things change and they evolve. And so I want to start with that. Okay. So that's where I want to start. Now, I also want to say there's a difference between people having tattoos and having headphones.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

What? There are a lot of differences. They're different things.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes. Yes, they are.

Andy Roark:

They're different things.

Stephanie Goss:

They are.

Andy Roark:

All right. So Headspace in this is at some point, you have to step back and say, “Because I said so” and “Because it's unprofessional”, those aren't valid rules, or that this in and of themselves don't make a difference.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And so I challenge people to step forward and say, “Okay, seriously, what is my problem with this?”

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And yeah, and it shouldn't be about morality, it shouldn't be about what's proper, it should be, honestly, give me a case against these behaviors. And so cases that I would consider is what is the goal that we, as a team, are trying to achieve?

What are we doing here? Right? What is our brand? Especially things that are client-facing, what is our brand? Are we telling people that we are a fun place to be and we love pets, or are we telling them that we are a white glove, highly-attentive practice that prides itself on communication and listening?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

They're not wrong and one's not better than the other, but they're different brands.

Stephanie Goss:

Right. Yes.

Andy Roark:

And the last thing is, what is the client experience that we're trying to create? And how much emphasis do you put on that client experience?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

What do we want it to feel like when you're a pet owner coming in to our practice? And the last part is what is the worker experience that we're trying to create? What do I want it to feel like when I come to work here?

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

Right?

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

And so I think all of those are really important questions that I would sit down and put these behaviors against. So it's having True Crime podcasts playing. Are they playing in the lobby? Are they playing in the treatment room?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

Or it's someone at the front desk with headphones in? I go, “Well, what's your brand? What client experience are you trying to create? What worker experience you're trying to create?” And just like everything in management, Stephanie, this is going to come down to balance.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

It is. There's going to be like, well, the people at the front desk like to listen to this music and it may help them focus. And at the same time, some clients are going to come in and they're going to feel ignored or they waited on hold earlier today and they showed up and somebody's got headphones in and they're going to make assumptions about how seriously their call was taken earlier. And that's a real thing that could potentially happen. And maybe it won't happen, but maybe it could.

And so anyway, there's a lot of that, “Well, there's this and there's this” and it is not going to be a one side is a clear obvious thing, it's going to be a balance. And I think honestly, if we talk to the staff, we should be transparent about that balance and recognize that yeah, I get that people will enjoy this or that there's a reason that people behave this way. And I would not try to shame anybody by being like, “How could you not be this professional?” But I would also be realistic about what my concerns are on the other side. And I would be willing to hear what other people's concerns, pros and cons are. And I would also really want to make sure, from a Headspace standpoint, that I gave people a confidential way to express their concerns because we have all been around things that were happening that other people seemed on board with, and we really didn't feel super comfortable expressing our true opinion, so we went along with it.

Stephanie Goss:

Right. Yes. It's very easy.

Andy Roark:

Well, we decided it wasn't that big a deal, so we're not going to say anything, but we didn't really care for it. And I don't want to be the person who raises their hand and gets headphones banned or gets the true crime turned off that one of the doctors really loves.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

That is a risky political move for me, and you should just be wary about that when you start to have these conversations.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes. Yes, I agree. I think the Headspace piece there for me has to do with the fact that when we think about whether it's professional, the definitions of professionalism often lead to conversation about appropriateness and inappropriateness, and I think the Headspace piece, for me, is recommending or remembering that whether something is appropriate or inappropriate is truly subjective. And so to your point about creating safe space, that is a risk factor. As a leader, you have to recognize the fact that that subjectiveness is a risk factor because there might be people who are swept up in that peer pressure and just didn't say anything, but really aren't actually comfortable with what is happening. And so you really need to really do your job well here. I think you're spot on in creating a space that is private where you're eliminating the risk factors for them, the political risk factors of speaking up and saying, “Hey, I actually don't feel comfortable with this” or “I have concerns and here's the concerns that I like about the earbuds”.

I might look at it and go, “I don't know that I can really come up with any strong objections or reasons why I wouldn't be okay with this, but you may have a team member who has a valid concern that you don't think about”. And so I think from a Headspace perspective, it's really important to just really hold on to remembering that what is appropriate, what is professional is subjective on our parts and on the parts of our clients, like you were saying.

Andy Roark:

Sure.

Stephanie Goss:

There could be clients who were like, “I don't have a problem with it”. There will be other clients who will be like, “I have a big problem with it and here's why”. And so thinking about it from those different perspectives is important. And I think to your point, doing what we can to see how does the team actually feel about this is really important.

Andy Roark:

Yeah, no, I completely agree. I'm going to take this a whole, I'm going to take this, what is appropriate is subjective and turn it up to 11. We got a letter. We got a letter, it's been a couple years and we didn't do it. And it's funny, I was talking to you about this before and you didn't remember it.

Stephanie Goss:

No.

Andy Roark:

I don't know if it just came to me. It must have been, maybe it's an email that I got, but I got a letter from a practice owner that had an associate veterinarian that was listening to an explicit podcast. Explicit.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

It was called Guys I Blanked or Guys We Blanked, and the blanked was not blanked. And it was.. And so I was familiar with the podcast because it was in the top 10 on the Apple iTunes Store podcast.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

It was very big because it was explicit and people are dirty.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

But it is what you think it is, it was that. But here's the thing that was interesting, is the doctor was listening to this in the surgery room and the techs didn't want to say anything to the doctor because apparently, the doctor was not open to suggestions or feedback, really, but they were like, “Hey, she's listening…” “She's listening to this stuff and it is obscene in surgery”, and I have to sit there and monitor this pet for anesthesia for an hour. And the person reached out to me and was like, “Have you ever heard of this?” And I was like, “No, I'm sorry, I haven't”.

And so I thought about it later on. I was like, “In what world would you be like, ‘Let's put some porn on'?” And so I always try to argue things in the other direction, right? I always try to take the other person's side and see if I can argue their position effectively and what would that look like? And it helps me empathize. And so I think what I would say on the other side is I would say, this was number three this week on the Apple iTunes podcast list.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

And so clearly, it's not obscene or pornographic because this is mainstream media.

Stephanie Goss:

Culturally. Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And culturally, this is there. And of course, again, I was just like, “This is an HR nightmare. There are so many bad things here. This cannot fly”, but it was just amazing to me. One, that it happened, and I'm sure it's happened a number of times in different places, stuff like that. But it just goes to your point of clearly, this person did not think this was obscene or bad. And I go, “It used to be when…” And again, let me talk about back in the day when I walked to school in the snow.

Stephanie Goss:

Barefoot?

Andy Roark:

Barefoot, yeah. Things that were obscene were clearly labeled as such, and you didn't have ready access to them.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And I feel like there was much more agreed-upon norms of this is socially acceptable, and this is not, and I'm not saying it's bad that things have changed because we have definitely diversified and broken out and the world is different and richer and more robust in a lot of ways, but we are now in a place where a lot of things that people don't like or don't agree with are readily available over the counter, if you will.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, it was-

Andy Roark:

And so I just think it's an interesting shift, but the True Crime podcasts, I'm not likening them to The Guys We Blanked podcast, but I do use that as example of content that is put out through easily accessible channels that some people might feel is okay and feel has been culturally validated. And other people would say, “I don't know about this”.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, it's funny because when you were asking me before we started recording about the letter, and I was like, “I do not remember this” and I looked it up and I was just like-

Andy Roark:

You immediately subscribed.

Stephanie Goss:

I was like, “This is 100% something that Stephanie Goss would listen to. Why is this not on my radar?” And also, the flip side of that was I was like, when I read the email about the True Crime Podcast, I was like, “Absolutely not” because I'm one of those people where I am highly sensitive to suggestions. And I do not watch horror movies, I do not like true crime and forget true crime stuff, I do not watch violent movies. I really struggle mentally with a lot of that, and I intentionally go out of my way to remove that. And so to me, I would have found that radically offensive and would have really struggled as a team member because I would've felt like, okay, now I either have to sit here and know that I'm going to go home at night and have nightmares, or put earplugs in so that I don't hear it just to be able to work with my team members.

And I would've really struggled with that. And it was interesting because I was like, “Oh, okay, wait a minute. This is a really good empathy moment from the perspective of what about team members who would find the other podcasts wildly inappropriate and uncomfortable for them to be listening to?” And I think for me, that was that moment of, “Oh, I could put myself in somebody else's shoes”. And as the leader, our job is to think about the fact that it is subjective and what would other people think. And I told you, I remember at my first practice, I'm going to date myself. It was back when satellite radio first was a thing and came out and I vividly remembered one of our technicians getting a satellite radio and bringing it into the practice and was just like, “I want to listen to the Howard Stern podcast”.

And we had a fairly young team at the time, but that also was one of those things that some people are going to find it wildly inappropriate. But the team was like, “Yeah, this is great. Let's listen to it”. And you immediately brought up the concern, as a practice owner, that if you have team members who are doing something like that and you know about it, what happens if somebody doesn't find it appropriate or is offended by it? How does that look on paper, in a lawsuit if somebody sues you?

Andy Roark:

Yeah. I have three things that spring into my head. Again, and we've talked before about I can catastrophize, I can take a situation and tell you how it's going to end in my financial ruin and me living in a box next to the stream in the forest. I can take that. And here's how you listening to Howard Stern ends up with me in a box.

Stephanie Goss:

Okay.

Andy Roark:

Right?

Stephanie Goss:

Okay.

Andy Roark:

[inaudible 00:28:45] living in the forest. Right.

Stephanie Goss:

We're in our imaginary vet clinic. Tyler will find this out. Okay.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. So there's three things that I go to, is what does a one-star review look like? What does a court reporter, or reporting look like? And what does the euthanasia experience look like?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And that's it, is like, I can be like, “What if you are…” And again, bear with me here for a second, but what if someone said, “I went in to get my faithful pet of 18 years euthanized, and I could hear Howard Stern through the wall”. I would go “Ooh”, and it depends on what's going on, but you get my point, right? You go, “Ooh”.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes, absolutely.

Andy Roark:

What does a one-star review look like when someone says, “I was in the waiting room or I was in the treatment room and I was listening to Howard Stern and they were having this conversation while I was waiting for my pet to come out”? I go, “Okay”. I don't like that necessarily, and there are some things there, but the biggest thing is what does the court reporting look like? What happens when you get sued for a hostile work environment and the court reporter reads out the transcripts from these sections-

Stephanie Goss:

What was playing on Howard Stern.

Andy Roark:

… from Howard Stern and said, “This is what, this is examples of things that were played in the treatment room when I worked there”. I go, “Oh”, and that does sound extreme. Like I said, I can catastrophize, but as soon as you said that, I was like, “Hostile work environment”, and I'm like, “I can 100% see that”.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, and as soon as you spelled it out like that, that was the mind-blown moment for me as the manager of like, “Oh, God” because I actively, in the moment, I was like, “We're a young team, everybody is like, ‘Yeah, let's listen to it'”, didn't think twice about it, right?

Andy Roark:

Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

And didn't think about it from that context, but as soon as you said that, I was like, “Okay, mind-blown. This is an opportunity for putting yourself in somebody else's shoes, but also thinking about it”. I love your comment about the bad review, but also the euthanasia perspective. And I think a lot of us think about it in that way. And so the comment from the manager who asked about the True Crime Podcast was like, “It's not full volume, it's not over the lobby stereo system. It's quiet, and they're just listening to it” and they had concerns because they were like, “What if a client approaches the front desk and hears this? So far, nobody has said anything, but what happens when someone does?” Right?

Andy Roark:

Sure.

Stephanie Goss:

And then the question becomes, it is assuming that it is our responsibility as leaders to help the team navigate these waters, like where do we even start with defining what that looks like in our practices?

Andy Roark:

Yeah, totally. So I would tell you with the True Crime thing, I had two thoughts from a Headspace. So True Crime for me, number one is what about that person in the waiting room who's here for euthanasia and there's True Crime stuff on?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And again, I was telling anybody, bear with me. I'm not saying, “Oh, I can imagine this thing, so the answer is clearly ban it, ban it, ban it”. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying I'm still going through the process of processing and balancing.

Stephanie Goss:

When you asked that question, I immediately had that heart… It immediately pulled at my heartstrings. And I can't imagine in the almost 20 years that I've been in veterinary medicine, I can't imagine a single person that I have ever worked with, including people that I really didn't like. I can't imagine any one of them not being able to empathize with that client and go, “Oh gosh, I would never want a client to experience that”.

Andy Roark:

Yeah, sure.

Stephanie Goss:

That is who we are as a people and so I think if you asked your team that question, it would hit them in those feels.

Andy Roark:

And again, I'm not trying to bully them, but I am honestly trying to think through this and be positive because here's the other thing, I want my people to be happy. And if there's things I can do to make them happy that don't negatively affect the client experience, I want to have as good a workplace as possible. So you better believe, I want to root for them and I want to be cool, fun Andy, but also, it's my job to balance these things. The other thing I would say is this, and it goes back to what you said earlier, but my wife, the only podcast she listens to are True Crime. And the only podcast I don't listen to are True Crime. I don't like True Crime. And again, no shade on people who do.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

I'm not saying anything, but that stuff is upsetting to me. I don't like to hear about those things really happening in the world. You know what I mean? And as a parent, and again, I know I'm a softie, but I don't want to hear about, as the parent of a 15-year old daughter, I don't want to hear about the college girl or the high school kid getting butchered. I don't, that's really upsetting to me. And so I just don't engage with that stuff, but I'm not opposed to other people like, “Go on, do your thing”. And I don't think it makes other people bad people or anything at all. I just, it's upsetting to me and so I step away from it. If I came in and the whole staff was listening to True Crime, and I'm an associate vet or a relief vet, I'm not going to say anything. You know what I mean? Because I don't want to be the guy who's like, “Hey, all you people who are into this, I don't like it and so I'm turning it off” and I'm just being honest about that.

It's like I would just suck it up and be like, “It's not that big a deal, but I don't like it”. And if I had to do it every day, I think my perception might change over time, or I think at some point, I'm not a shrinking violet. At some point, I would say, “Guys, I don't like this. Let's listen to something else”, but a lot of other people would not do that. And I would have to be pretty sure about how I felt before I played the fun police because I don't like to be the fun police.

Stephanie Goss:

Right. Well, and I-

Andy Roark:

But it would bother me.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, and I think about it on really… The same thinking about it and listening to you say that, I'm thinking back to when I first started in veterinary medicine, and it was not dissimilar. The feelings that you got when we did put on… Clients were all out of the building. We weren't allowed to play music that was not classical or elevator music. When clients were in the building or when clients were out of the building, we could put on whatever we wanted and it's not dissimilar to that feeling that I got when everybody was like, “Let's listen to heavy metal” and I was like, “This is not my thing”, and it's really hard for me to concentrate and I can't finish doing the day-end deposit. And so I would literally put in earplugs and it's that same, it's a much hipper, newer version I guess, of that than old Stephanie, but it's that same argument of how do we make sure that we're providing, to your point, a comfortable work environment for everybody?

And I think it feels, I remember then feeling like maybe I'm just the fuddy-duddy, like really, I'm the only one who doesn't want to listen to this. But I think it is an important point as leaders that we have to think about. And it's funny because when I was thinking about the True Crime piece, and I said at the beginning, I promised these two things tied together because my solution was, okay, if that's what is happening and everybody else is okay with it, I'm going to want to stick my EarPods in and tune it all out so that I can actually keep working and get the work done.

And then does it become a problem if I'm sitting there at the front desk trying to do the end-of-day reports or trying to get through chart audits and I have earbuds in, and then I am now becoming the person or the persons in the first example of, well, still is this professional if people are wearing earbuds and listening to whatever their choice is because they're then not affecting anybody else on the team because it's streaming straight into their ears, but how does that affect the client experience? How does that impact their interactions with their teammates? Do they hear the phone ring? Do they hear when people are trying to talk to them, but they have something else happening in their ears? So I think they're good questions to ask.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. And now, we're spinning up too, because of this behavior, these other things are now happening, which are also things. And at some point, you get this weird cacophony of different things happening, all that come from this underlying thing. And you go, “I don't know. I don't know if this is a good idea”. Okay. So I want to try to… I'm going to try to make one more pass at this and I want to frame it up a little bit more to try to give it some structure. Okay, cool. So the first thing I want to put down is remember what we said about, “Because I said so” and “It's unprofessional”? Those are not arguments that hold water with your people. And so you need to work beyond that. And also, the world has changed. And I think this is important just for thinking about how we provide work environments.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

We made a lot of our work habits back when people did the work that is now automated by machines, right? When they worked on assembly lines, things like that, they showed up, they did manual labor or things that are largely replaced by machines at this point. And when that used to happen, we got into the habit of tracking time as an outcome, right? We're like, “I'm going to pay you for an hour of your labor”, and you could do that because people were on assembly line making widgets. You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

But if you look at the goal of our business, which is to provide care and to get pets taken care of and people taken care of, tracking people's time, boy that's really removed from actually taking care of people. It's a really sloppy, crappy metric, right?

Stephanie Goss:

Sure.

Andy Roark:

And so I've been enjoying recently thinking a lot about what do we really do? And so one of the things that's interesting about Uncharted that I really like about the way that we work is we're all remote. Everybody works from home. I have no idea what you guys do. Also, I don't track your hours. You don't clock in, you don't clock out, and you have unlimited vacation. You can just go, if you want Wednesday off, you can just take Wednesday off. That's how we work at Uncharted.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And people go, “That's bonkers” and I go, “Well, why would I do it any differently?” Because I know what work we do. You know what I mean? I know what our projects are, I know what our deliverables are, I know what timetables we need to meet. I know you guys are working hard. And if you can get a day's worth of work done in five hours, I'm not going to make you sit at your desk for three hours. You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:

Right. Yes.

Andy Roark:

That's good, that's good for you for being efficient and getting things done, but the work is getting done.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

And so I flipped my mind a long time ago to paying people for the work that they do and the outcomes that they create, the effects they have, the impacts they make instead of the hours that they work. Now, I know that's a different part and our business is weird, and it's not a vet clinic where we have to have people there at certain times when the pet owners come in, but I want to make this point because I think it's really important, the idea that the only way to compensate people is for the hours that they put in behaving in very specific structured ways, I don't think that makes a lot of sense and I think the younger generations are really not on board with that.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes, I would agree with that. And I think it applies to the vet clinic. I remember young manager Stephanie, I remember thinking about those days where a team member would come up to me and they'd be like, “We're done with appointments. We've gotten all the stuff done. Can we go early?”, and feeling this pressure of like, “I can't let them go early. They haven't worked their eight hours” because that is the mentality of we're trading the time. And so I remember times when I said yes and then felt guilty, and I also remember times that I said no and felt guilty because I can see both sides of that argument, right? And I think that it has to do with the fear as a leader of not knowing how we're defining things and how we're defining that value.

Andy Roark:

Yes, and that's exactly where I'm going. That's exactly my point, is how do you measure success? How do you measure value? How do you measure the outcomes? How do you define the experience that you want to create?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

Is it the amount of time that people are clocked in? Is it whether or not they have tattoos? Is it whether or not they have headphones in their ears or not? Right?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

How are defining success? Right?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

I'm a huge believer in hiring good people and training them and then giving them as much autonomy and freedom as possible so that they can innovate, create, do good work, control their own life and schedule. People are not automatons, they're not robots, they're not widget makers, they're people. And so I want to give them this freedom, and I want to pay attention to what the outcomes that I want to create are, okay?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And so I'm putting that down because that's really important with where we're going. All right? Now, that said, I'm also, I'm realistic, right? I can't be 100% hands-off. Everybody needs support, everybody needs clear expectations, everybody needs boundaries, everybody needs to know what is required of them, right? But I do try to balance those things.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And so as we start to think about what is this? What is unprofessional? Is it unprofessional? I would say to you, what is your outcome? What does success look like? And so then my questions really are, when you look at what it means to be successful working in the kennel, is that impacted by wearing headphones?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And it might be that, yes, you can't hear anything and we call for help and you don't come because you have your headphones in. And I would say, that's it. That's the answer. Right there. We're done.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

The experience is not being created the way that if one of the ways that we measure the work quality of our kennel is how quickly they can appear to interact with the medical team when needed, and headphones are reducing their effectiveness in that way, I would say headphones are hurting their performance and hurting the outcomes.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

And so that makes that decision for me, but it's not about what's professional, it's about what is the impact.

Stephanie Goss:

And?

Andy Roark:

One of the impacts… I know, I see where you're going. I'll say one more.

Stephanie Goss:

Go for it.

Andy Roark:

One of the other parts too is, I said before, success for me is a lot of times about how it feels to work in our hospital. And if people have headphones in, do they feel like their coworkers are inaccessible, or that they're not being heard or that they're being ignored? You know what I mean? That they're not getting the attention that they need. And if that's true, then that's a problem. And if the answer to all those things is you know what? It makes zero difference if someone in the kennel has one headphone in listening to a podcast. They're responsive, they listen, the work is getting done, there's no slowdown in our output, then for God's sakes, go have fun. Listen to your podcast.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

If are the clients, they're not engaging with the clients or they're popping them out of their ear before they go talk to the clients, then go with it.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

So that's that. The last thing that I want to say, and this is where all this is coming down to, as the Buddhists say, the answer's generally in the middle. And so we're like, do we say, “Go forth and crank up your True Crime podcast and everybody has headphones or they're banned, don't speak of them again, or you'll have to sit in the corner”? That doesn't have to be the answer. There can be some middle ground here. And it doesn't have to be that because the kennel tech can listen with one earphone, the front desk can listen with an earphone while they're answering phone calls and talking to clients face to face, it's a different job. It's like, that's basically the front desk being like, “Why can't I do surgery?”

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

That's because it's just not your job. It's a different job, it's a different person with different credentials, different skills handling different problems. And just because you can't listen to headphones at the front desk doesn't mean that you can't listen to headphones when you clean the kennels. And that may not mean that you can't listen to headphones after we lock the door and the clients aren't allowed in the building, I don't know, or that that… Anyway, it's nebulous, but the answer is usually in the middle. And there are ways that we can bend. As long as we know what's important, what our values are, what success looks like, what outcomes we're trying to measure and create, what the client experience is, what our concerns are and how people feel, a lot of times, we can try to be reasonable and compromise while still protecting the things we care about.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah. No, I love that. And what I was going to say is I think if, to your point about, okay, if you have a team member who is in the kennels and is wearing earbuds and they're not responsive because they can't hear, I think it is very easy to go to the black and white answer of, “Okay, then the answer means you can't wear headphones or you can't wear earbuds”. And I would also say that I'm glad you brought up about finding the middle ground because that young manager Stephanie would have been like, “It's black or it's white”, like it is one end of the spectrum, or it is the other. And currently where I am in my career is very much about how do we find that middle ground.

And so the question that I asked back was, okay, well, I asked the questions you did, which is are they responsive? Are they still interacting with their teammates? Are those other things still happening? Because if they are, then what's the problem? If they're not, is there still a middle ground? Are they responsive to a… I'm going to date myself here. Are they responsive to a page? And I don't necessarily mean with a pager, although yes, I had.

Andy Roark:

When their beeper goes off?

Stephanie Goss:

Yes. When their beeper goes off, do they come?

Andy Roark:

Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah. When the beeper goes off, do they come?

Andy Roark:

When the landline rings and they have to go pick it up off the wall, do they answer?

Stephanie Goss:

Hey, we actually had wall phones in our kennels, so don't knock it. And-

Andy Roark:

When a fax comes in, do they grab it?

Stephanie Goss:

I can't. Oh my God, I can't. Okay. Where I was going with that though is are there modern versions of that? This is not their beeper, but if they get a page on their Apple Watch and it vibrates on their wrist and then they come when somebody needs them, is it still accomplishing the same thing? And so where current manager Stephanie would lean very much into, how do I find that middle ground where we can still do the job? Everybody is getting… We're serving the clients, we're serving the patients, and I want people to be happy at work. I want them to… We're spending so much time together. At work, I want there to be opportunities where they do interact with each other. So I don't want to remove and intentionally disconnect them from each other. And I've been that, like my kid wears her earbuds all the time and she's usually listening to a podcast and I'm fine with that some of the time, but some of the time, I want to sit there and have a conversation with her, right?

Andy Roark:

Yes.

Stephanie Goss:

And so I think it's about finding that middle ground so that if the team can still interact with each other and they can still build those relationships and there are times, to your point, throughout the day where they can pop their earbud in and listen to it, I don't care. I'm cool. I am fine with that because I want them to be happy to be at work. And so, to me, part of the gift, if you will, that Covid has given us is that blurring of our personal and professional lives to the sense of, this is something that makes me happy. If I'm the True Crime junkie and the new episode comes out on Thursday, can I create a space for them to do that at work and still get the work done? Why do I care? Right? I shouldn't, I don't want to. I want them to be happy.

If we can blend those things together and support each other as human beings, great. There is also still, to your point, I think they were three great questions, which is how does this impact the client experience? What would a client, who is here to euthanize their pet, what does that look like to them? And if it impacts that in any way, it's going to be a hard no for me, right?

Andy Roark:

Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

And I'm okay with drawing that line in the sand. Also, what would it look like? What would it look like on a court report? And I think that that's a really great HR safety mechanism for, could anybody possibly read anything into this? If so, then how do we do that? Now, if somebody wants to sit there and listen to The Guys We Blanked podcast in their earbud during their time in the kennel, great. Go for it. That is to me, finding that safe space where like, “Okay, it's not impacting other people”.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. If it doesn't affect anybody else and yeah, there's no downside, yeah, sure.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

No, I agree with that. That's why I am in favor of employees having tattoos on one arm and half of their face is because it's like middle ground. We let them do it, but not so much. And they know which employee gets to only look at the right side of their body or which staff, which clients see the right side of their face, which side see the left.

Stephanie Goss:

Stop it.

Andy Roark:

All right, let's take the latest break we've ever taken just for a moment and then we're going to just bang out action steps real fast because I'll tell you how I think about this. All right.

Stephanie Goss:

Have you done it yet? Have you headed over to The Uncharted website, the one that's at unchartedvet.com/events? And have you clicked on that link for the April conference? If you haven't, friend, you need to head over and click on that link. And then you need to hit the register button because I want to see you with us in sunny Greenville, South Carolina. In less than 80 days, we are going to be diving deep into tackling internal communications this Spring. We want to talk about how do we improve our communications amongst our teams in a whole myriad of ways. How do we set boundaries? How do we have conversations about affordability of pet care and communications outwardly towards our clients as a result?

How do we use language and maybe think about changing some of the language we're using to have better communication as a team? Just previews of some of the awesome stuff that we're going to be talking about. So if you haven't done the thing, if you haven't put your fingers to your keyboard and typed unchartedvet.com/events, go do it now because I have hugs waiting for you in Greenville and you should not miss out on this. And now, back to the podcast.

Andy Roark:

And we're back for the fastest second half of a show ever. That's right. It's the second half in-

Stephanie Goss:

10 minutes or less.

Andy Roark:

10 minutes or less. All right, here we go. So what do we say to the staff when they're talking or when they got the True Crime stuff or they got headphones, or number one, clear is kind.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

I think what most of us do is we're like, “I don't want to deal with this-“

Stephanie Goss:

“So I'm just going to ignore it”.

Andy Roark:

“… so I'm just not going to say anything” and then half of them wearing headphones and the other half are resentful and there's no system at all. And the clients are like, “What is this? My tech's got one earbud in when she's talking to me about my pet. That seems weird”. And we just don't engage. At some point, clear is kind.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

Tell people what the expectation is and we'll talk about how to figure it out in a second.

Stephanie Goss:

I think the other alternative to that is we avoid it or we want to push it up the chain and make it somebody else's decision because we don't know how to make the decision. We're like, “I don't know how I feel about this. I feel conflicted”, and so in talking to one of the managers, she was like, “I just want to give this to the practice owner and dump it in her lap and say, ‘You figure this out because I have no idea how I feel about it'”.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. Yeah. I agree. So clear is kind. We need to talk about this. Putting your head in the sand and just going, “I don't want to deal with this, so I'm just going to let them figure it out themselves”, that's probably about enough.

Stephanie Goss:

Right. Not a strategy.

Andy Roark:

The big question to the team is, “Hey guys, what's important about this and what are the impacts? And so I like to ask the team, what are the pros of headphones? Why do you guys want them? Why do they make… Tell me, articulate to me why they're good. Articulate to me what's important to you about them” because otherwise, I'm just guessing. But they need to tell me why do they want this thing and what's good about it and when do they use it and how do they use it? And then I'm going to ask them, what are the cons? What are the ripple effects? If we do this, how could it go badly for us? And I said before, I really like the idea of giving people a mechanism to confidentially share concerns they have.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes. Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And so the ripple effects are, “I don't feel like people are hearing me”. We worry about what if the true crime stuff is on and you can hear it through the euthanasia room wall?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

That's a thing. We need to talk about what those cons are because a lot of times, they just don't think about what the concerns are. But I just think honestly putting them out and saying, what are concerns that people have? How could this be problematic? And I say, “I'll tell you what some of my concerns are, they're these things”. And then say, “Are there ways that we can address these concerns and still let people do what they want to do? Is that possible to try?” And I will, again, always, always frame up as pilot programs, pilot programs, pilot programs, which means I want it, I want you guys to be able to do what you want to do, but these concerns need to be addressed. And so if there's a way that we can address these concerns and still do some of this stuff, I'm open for trying it, but if it's a problem, we're going to be right back here again and we might not be able to do this.

Stephanie Goss:

I love it.

Andy Roark:

So last part, clear expectations. I don't have to necessarily decide this in front of the team, but I need to hear them and what the concerns are. I would really like to have their input on how we might try to move this forward. I'll open the floor to those guys, let them come by the office and tell me, let them put forward suggestions, concerns, complaints, things like that. And then finally, tell them what the policy is. Clear expectations.

Stephanie Goss:

Yep.

Andy Roark:

This is how we're going to go forward, this is how we're going to try it. These are the things that I'm going to be really watching. And if response time in the back drops down, if we have people waiting up front, if we get a single client complaint, if any of the clients feel like they don't feel like they're being heard or we're not being attentive to them because of headphones, then that's going to be the end of the pilot program.

And I want you guys, I don't want you to be surprised. I want you to know, going in, what my lines are and let's see how this goes. And the last thing is remember, balance is key. It doesn't have to be ban them or it's the wild west, it can be a little bit of what's important to you guys, how can we make the things that are important to you happen while making sure the concerns that other people have are addressed? And guys, that's just what it means to manage a team that's healthy, that we try to support while also balancing the needs of the pets and the clients in the practice.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, I love it. I love it. That was the first [inaudible 00:56:01].

Andy Roark:

That's all I got. I told you it was going to be a short second half. By definition, not a half, but you get the point.

Stephanie Goss:

Oh, man.

Andy Roark:

One half was significantly smaller than the other half.

Stephanie Goss:

We landed.

Andy Roark:

Those are not halves, Andy.

Stephanie Goss:

We landed the plane. That's the point. I think, no, I'm with you there. And it was interesting because your action steps are all of what I watched unfold in some of the conversations with a group of managers where somebody had asked the question, and it was the shades of gray, right? The perspectives and everybody is going to have a different perspective and so making them feel heard I think is really important. And I love your three questions about what is the client experience, especially from the euthanasia perspective, because I think that is the ultimate empathy tool for everybody on your team. From a leadership perspective, what does it look like potentially in a court document? Because it's a super valid question to ask yourself.

Andy Roark:

Yeah, the what's the euthanasia experience? What is a complaining client with euthanasia?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

What does the one-star Google Review look like?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And what does it sound like if a lawyer reads it back to you?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

Those are three just general guidance questions.

Stephanie Goss:

I love it. I love it. This was fun. I have a new podcast to listen to this weekend.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. Just not, this is why we're virtual. So you can look, you can go listen to it.

Stephanie Goss:

It's not going to impact anybody else.

Andy Roark:

You can listen to it on headphones at work because nobody's there.

Stephanie Goss:

I'm in my closet. Have a good week, everybody.

Andy Roark:

See you, everybody.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, gang, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. And as always, this was so fun to dive into the mailbag and answer this question. And I would really love to see more things like this come through the mailbag. If there is something that you would love to have us talk about on the podcast or a question that you are hoping that we might be able to help with, feel free to reach out and send us a message. You can always find the mailbag at the website. The address is unchartedvet.com/mailbag, or you can email us at podcast@unchartedvet.com. Take care, everybody, and have a great week. We'll see you again next time.

Conflicting Team Members Who Won’t Talk To Each Other

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice manager Stephanie Goss are answering a question you asked in the mailbag! That's right, this is going to be one of those episodes where everyone is asking “Are they talking about my practice? Are they talking about my front desk team? We had a manager reach out and ask us some questions about front desk team members who are butting heads and seem to be at each other's throats. They both have been coming to the manager or the practice owner or both and complaining about the behaviours from their teammate. Both of these team members fully admit they are horrible about talking to each other about the issues first. This manager is at their wits end and wanting to know “do we mediate, do we let them talk it out themselves?” Andy and Stephanie loved these questions. Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 221 – Conflicting Team Members Who Won't Talk To Each Other

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.


Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


Upcoming Events

Calling All Practice Managers – The Uncharted Practice Manager Summit is ALMOST HERE!

We know you are unique. Managing the business. Fielding never-ending questions from the team. Fixing broken printers, again. You wear more hats than anyone else in the practice. All of these look great on you, of course. But do you ever wonder “Am I actually in charge if I don’t own the practice? How do I manage the endless responsibilities of this job with limited power and resources? How can I keep growing professionally?”

If you’re itching to talk to people who really get what it means to be a manager, this is the event for you!

It’s time to connect with your fellow practice managers to share what gets you excited about your role, find solutions for what needs your focus now, and discover new ways to shine even brighter as a manager.

While Uncharted Membership is always encouraged, it is not required for event attendance! Non-members, here’s your chance to see what all the buzz is about and get a taste of the Uncharted experience. 

This 1-day virtual event on March 22, 2023 – don't miss your chance to join us!


Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:
Hey everybody, I am Stephanie Goss, and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I are continuing a conversation that started in our Uncharted community where a manager was asking for some help dealing with two team members who are butting heads. And they keep coming to this person as the manager or it's the practice owner and complaining about each other.
And this manager was like, “How do I deal with this? Do I mediate it? Do I make them talk it out? What do I do?”
And Andy and I had a lot of fun talking about this. I admitted some of my own greatest mistakes as a practice manager when it came to dealing with this in my-not so-recent path actually. We talk a little bit about my lack of poker face and we have a lot of fun. So let's get into this one.

Meg:
And now the Uncharted podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And we are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark and Stephanie I'm way too fine to feel this stressed Goss.

Stephanie Goss:
I don't even know what song that comes from, but I appreciate it very much.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's from your anthem that you didn't know you had called “It's About Damn Time” by Lizzo. “It's About Damn Time.”

Stephanie Goss:
That's fantastic.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's funny, my kids play it. And I refuse to admit that there's bad words in songs, even though it's obvious. And so I just sing really loudly, it's about that time. And they're like, “That's not the words.” And I was like, “I'm certain those are the words.” But the name of the song is “It's About Damn Time”.

Stephanie Goss:
So clearly this episode needs an explicit warning right off the bat.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, we come honestly, right off the bat.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, it's so funny, because we had some community members this week who had the stories of their clinics get published. A friend of mine, Robin Brockton, was writing an article for today's Veterinary Business and was featuring some independent practices and some of the things that they're doing differently to live their truth and be their own people in our field, which is becoming increasingly consolidated in some ways.
And so we had two Uncharted community members who had their clinics featured as part of it, or three of them, excuse me. And one of the doctors, I shouted her out in the community because she's new and she just joined.
And she was like, “Oh yeah, there was a lot of listening to the Uncharted podcast to get to the place where I am and where we filled this culture.”
And I was like, “Uh-oh.” She's like, “I listened in the car with my kids a lot.”
And so I was like, “Oh, I'm really sorry for any swearing we did without a warning on it.” And she was like, “Oh, that's okay. They've heard far worse when I'm gardening at the house.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
We've talked about that before. We're pretty darn clean in our nature. So then people are like, “Sure, the kids can listen to this.”
And then every and now, and there's one bad word an episode, and I'm like, “We're probably in the worst place. We probably swear just enough to bother people who are listening with kids, but not enough to be cool for people who are really hardcore like us.”

Stephanie Goss:
Because let's be clear, when we're not recording podcasts.

Dr. Andy Roark:
So hardcore.

Stephanie Goss:
I definitely, yeah, I'm a swearer. And I told her the story. I said, “I'm that mom. My kids learned swear words from Broadway albums in the car when they were toddlers.” And I would sing the bad words and Jackson would go, “Mama, that's a word you shouldn't say.”
He was that kid though who would refuse to repeat them. He wasn't the kid who heard it, learned it, and went to school and was using the words. He was the kid who was like, “Oh, that's a bad word. You shouldn't use that word.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
I am not that way at all. I am the closet smoker of bad words. I sneak outside. I'll be on the phone outside and I'll be swearing, like, “Oh, you got to be kidding me.” But then in the house it's like, “Nope.”

Stephanie Goss:
It does. It sneaks out and you're just like, “Oh, Andy's on fire.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
I do, when I get fired up, there's something about a couple of bad words to really carry some weight. But I don't know. I keep going. I should just stop. I should be done with profanity altogether. But I don't know, I never quite do it. I wax and wain too. I'll get really good and then I'll just get really bad.

Stephanie Goss:
It makes my world a more colorful place.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I'll tell you why I had bad words just starting this episode off, because I talked to the credit card company today. And of course they're just jerking me around with like, “Oh, you have to provide this information.” I'm like, “No, I don't. What are you talking about?”

Stephanie Goss:
You're like I am me. It's been a very Monday, for a Friday.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And they're like, “We don't believe you.” They were like, “You have to fax us this documentation.” And I laughed. I was like, “Where am I going to get a fax machine?”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, who faxes?

Dr. Andy Roark:
I'm sorry.

Stephanie Goss:
Hi, it's 2023.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I'm just going to head down to 1990 and then I'll be reaching out to you. Anyway.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh man. It has been a Monday. It has been a Monday on a Friday, that is for sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's been a Monday on a Friday, I agree.

Stephanie Goss:
But I'm excited because we had some conversation happening in, speaking of the community, they're awesome and doing amazing things. And we had some conversation about someone was struggling because they have some team members who are really struggling to communicate well and butting heads a lot. And both have independently come to their department leads or the practice manager or the practice owner and voiced concerns about the other person and working with them.
But they are not talking to each other. And they both admit it. They both admit like, no, I haven't had the conversation with them. They have different styles of just in general personality styles. One is really upfront and vocal, and the other one tends to be more passive and afraid of conflict. And gets really easily flustered when there is conflict.
And so the community member was asking like, Hey, how do we help this? Do we mediate between the two of them? Do we let them talk it out themselves and figure it out? Do we just hope that it resolves itself?
And they were like, I feel like maybe you guys did a podcast on this that I should listen to. And you and I both went, “That is a great podcast that we have not done yet.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I looked for it. I went back and looked. I'm like, surely we've done this? And I literally went back, and I was like, I don't think we have, I never found anything that looked like it.

Stephanie Goss:
No, I love it. So I'm excited. I'm excited.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, yeah, I am too. We get a lot of questions like this.
All right, cool. So let's go ahead and start to lay this thing down. We've got two people not getting along. They're both tattling on each other up to the leadership, and we got to figure out what to do with this. So as we do, let's start with headspace.
Where's your head at when you're looking at this?

Stephanie Goss:
My head immediately went to empathy in two ways. One is I have been this team member, I was this team member early on in my career and in a practice. And then also empathy on the leadership side, because oh boy, I have been there. And I think it is really common, this is the episode where everybody goes, “They're talking about my team, they're talking about my practice.”
And so I think that it's one of those things that we can easily recognize the emotions in. The frustration, the irritation, all of the emotions. I read the question and was like, oh yeah, I recognize this. I recognize this tree. I've seen it before.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I went immediately to frustration. This immediately frustrates the heck out of me. Because I'll just tell you, my emotional reaction immediately is “why can't you just grow up and fix it? Talk to each other like you're not six-year-olds.” And that is the crotchety, immediate frustration [inaudible 00:08:33].

Stephanie Goss:
Old man, “Get off my lawn.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, exactly right. Figure it out like you are not infants. And go on. And that is, I'm just being totally honest, with the emotional reaction I have, because I'm a human being and I have dealt with this many times. But it is wildly frustrating. And that's why it's worth talking about because it's easy to blow this up. And that's why headspace is so important.
And so when we talk about headspace guys, I want you guys to know I like to lay down headspace. It is not because I live in a zen world, it's because I do not live in a zen world and I need to get my head straight so that I don't blow my face off when I load into this.

Stephanie Goss:
So you don't come down the crotchety Clint Eastwood and yell, “get off my lawn.” Because that's how you're feeling in your head.

Dr. Andy Roark:
That's exactly what's in my head, is figure this out. What are you, seven? But that's not fair. It's not fair.

Stephanie Goss:
But it's human.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, to empathize with the leader you've got… Here's the thing, here's where this blows me up. This is where I get blown up as a leader, is I have 87 things on my plate. And I have some real fires burning, like real things that need to get fixed. And then I've got Donna and Dave and they're like, “Dave is not talking to me.” And Dave's like, “Donna's just being a nag.”
And I'm like, “Look at my face. What on my face says I'm excited to handle this and I have time for it? Do you see that on my face? Would you look at me, because it's not there. Because I don't.”
And it always gets dropped on top of things that are actively burning. And so the self-control part of this is so important because it really does. It really does needle. It really does needle me.

Stephanie Goss:
It is huge, and I'm going to tell you guys a story. At one point in the not so distant past as a manager, I hit a place where I was feeling really burned out and I was not my best manager self. And I was doing a lot of things very, very wrong. And I was having some conflict amongst my team. And like you Andy, I was like… I'm laughing so hard because I can picture my face, and you have given me the feedback that I have a very expressive face.

Dr. Andy Roark:
You do have it, an overly expressive face.

Stephanie Goss:
I do not have a poker face.

Dr. Andy Roark:
You need to tone down your transparency a little bit sometimes.

Stephanie Goss:
I do not have a poker face. And I will tell you. So I was really struggling with my team and I was really struggling with some of the tattling. And to your point, it would always be when there was fires flaming. And I could not control my face and I could not control the epic eye roll that wanted to happen the second somebody opened their mouth to start tattling on somebody else.
And so I rearranged my office so that my desk, my back was to the door. So that when they came to the door and started to tell me about the thing, I had a few moments to pull my face together so that they wouldn't see my face, which was not, definitely not my best manager moment. And at the same time I get it, and I empathize so hard with that.

Dr. Andy Roark:
First of all, sometimes we need a crutch. It's like if you can't control your face, then maybe you should face away from the door. Just at some point you have to accept that me trying to control my face is not working. I need help.
The other thing is when you said that, I imagined you doing that so that when they come in and go, “Dave is really is being a jerk.” You could slowly turn your chair around.

Stephanie Goss:
That was the other thing that I learned.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Like a high back Dr. Evil chair and you could just slowly turn it around and say, “What did you say?”
Anyway.

Stephanie Goss:
The ultimate passive aggressive physical behavior right there, but I will admit, I leaned into it because it's hard. It's really hard not to be frustrated by that. So I empathize with your statement of immediately going to frustration.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I think that's hilarious. I wouldn't do it. But the idea of your employees coming to you and saying, “Donna is making me crazy.” And then you just slowly turn your chair around away from them so that the high back chair is hiding you. That's funny.
Also, Stephanie's [inaudible laughter 00:13:07], is shaking.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh my God. We're off the rails.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Okay, so hold on. We are and we're not. Let me pull this back around to make the point. What happens is we're busy and everybody's busy, and things are stressful and tensions are high. And that is when the interpersonal relationships break.
So you're not imagining that these things happen when other fires are burning, it's because other fires are burning that these things are happening. It's the overall tension and hustle and pace that cause breakdowns in communication. It's easy to communicate when nobody cares and nothing is at stake, and we're largely bored and got more time than things to do. That's an easy time to communicate.
It's like getting along with your significant other on vacation. That's not super hard. It's getting along with your significant other when you're both trying to go to work and the kids are doing things and the bills are coming due, that's a different beast.
Same thing. And so anyway, I know that felt like a fun tangent, but it also is meant to make the point of that frustration is very real. And that's when people blow themselves up, is because generally the leader is stressed by the hustle and bustle. And the same things that are stressing these people who are communicating are also sitting on our shoulders, so now this feels like a new problem.
And unlike the fact of, I don't know how to get all these pet owners in, I don't know how to get people the raises that they want. You complaining to me about Dave is a very tangible problem, and there's someone who's responsible for it and they're standing in my office right in front of me. And so it's easy to take frustration out on this situation, and I've seen a lot of people get in trouble when they do it.
So the first part of headspace is recognize that this is going to come at an inconvenient time. It always comes at an inconvenient time. And it's just part of the actual underlying drama. First thing is recognize that frustration is a real problem that blows this thing up.
And it's not going to be like, oh, they're going to come to me when I have lots of free time and I'm in a good headspace and I'll deal with it then. Know that that's probably not going to happen. They're going to come to you this time. Okay, so that's it.
All right. Now, there's a significant headspace question that we really need to parse through that I think cause a lot of people problems. And it's separating out two similar but different things. So let me go ahead and put some pieces on the board.
So the first thing, whenever I have two people that are not getting along in the practice and they come to me, we have to talk about the Karpman drama triangle. And so Karpman drama triangle is one of my favorite things. But it's this dynamic, it's called the hero-villain-victim triangle.
And so whenever you have conflict in your practice, look, and you'll see three roles being played. There is a victim who is the person who is being wronged, and there's a villain who is the person who is doing the thing that they're not supposed to do. And there's a hero, which is the person who comes in and saves the victim.
Now, you need to know this if you're a leader, because people will try to graph you into that hierarchy. And you don't want to be there.
What happens often is the victim comes to you, the manager, the doctor, the owner, the medical director, and they say, “There's a villain.” And they want you to go vanquish the villain and save the victim. And that makes you the hero. And so you want to do it because we all like to be the hero. Don't do it. Don't do it.
Because what happens is you train people to be victims and you train them that you are going to be the hero who solves their problem. The answer to the Karpman drama triangle is it to make it a drama line, which is the victim is also the hero who advocates for themselves and works it out with the quote unquote villain. Who also believes that they're the victim and that the other victim is actually the villain. And you know how it goes.
But I don't want to be in this drama triangle and I need to be very wary about getting sucked in. And a lot of people are listening and just putting their hand on their forehead and going, “I am the hero. I am the hero all day long, every day.”
And what I'm saying to you right now is that's never going to end. That's your life. That's your job. Because you have trained people that you'll be the hero, like Batman. How tired does Batman get of that stupid bat signal getting turned on? How often is he like, “Why can't you people just solve problems for yourself?”
It's got to be every night. He's been going on call for years.
And I joke, but think about it for a second. Like, don't worry about it, Batman will show up. You are Batman. I'm Batman. But it's not as cool as you thought it would be. It's exhausting.

Stephanie Goss:
It's true. And I would actually say that I definitely put myself in that space in that instance that I was talking about, because I trained the team. So my thought process in the moment talking about headspace was, okay, if I solve this problem, if I play the mediator, if I help them figure this out, this will go away and I can do the 25 things that were sitting in front of me that I need to do.
But to your point, I just was training them that they didn't have the tools to do it themselves. And so then there was never not a problem. There was always something. And it was a very, very painful lesson for me to learn as a leader, to recognize this is my life and I have created this life. And now how the hell do I get out of this life because I don't want it anymore?
I do not want to be Batman. I do not want to wear a cape. I do not want to have to solve their problems. I want you all to be grownups and solve your own problems.

Dr. Andy Roark:
So clearly this is where the episode ends and we just say the answer is they have to figure out themselves, don't get involved. Right. Wrong. And that is the distinction that I'm talking about making.
Now, there is a distinction between going to people and sorting out their problems and being the hero that fixes the issue. There's a difference between being that and being the coach who works with people on how exactly to solve their own problems because they don't have the tools to solve them.
But I'm going to coach you on how to solve this problem so that I can then step away and you have the tools. It's like if someone comes to you and says, “I'm hungry,” and you say, “Don't worry, I'll go catch you a fish.” As opposed to saying, “Okay, I'm going to go with you and teach you how to fish and then you're going to catch your own fish.”
But you have to go with them. You can't just be like, “Just go find food for yourself.” That doesn't help them. But there is a difference. You can be the person who coaches on how to find food without being the person who goes and finds food every day for these people who are not fighting for themselves.
And so anyway, that's the subtle distinction. I think a lot of people, and myself included, when this happens and I get frustrated, I'm like, I'm not fixing this problem for you, fix it for yourself. Because I don't want to continually be involved in “Dave won't tell me where he put the toilet paper and it's not where it's supposed to be.” Whatever the issue is.

Stephanie Goss:
How about “Dave didn't put the toilet paper roll on the roll holder.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
That's what it was, okay. But here's the thing. For headspace, you have got to frame this problem correctly. The problem cannot be, “Dave didn't do what he was supposed to do with the toilet paper and I need to fix it.” The problem has to be “Carol and Dave are not communicating, and I'm going to fix the Carol and Dave communicating problem.” And then the toilet paper, which is not a real problem, it's a symptom of the other problem which is communication, that's going to go away. And all the future symptoms are going to away.
Because if you keep focusing on what they're complaining about, you're playing whack-a-mole with symptoms that keep popping up again and again and again. And they will never end until you recognize the real problem is not that Dave parked in Carol's favorite parking space, it is that they don't know how to talk to each other and there's no end to the conflict they're going to have until they figure out how to talk to each other.
And that, my friends, that is a finite problem that you can involve yourself in, that you can set deliverables and timelines and metrics on. And you can attack it like a project, and you can do it and you can have it done, and then you can make it clear that the project has moved beyond your hands and they now have the skills to solve their own issues. And you can be out, but you have to recognize the distinction between those things or this is going to feel like a hopeless, frustrating thing.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes, and I think part of it from a headspace perspective is recognizing… I liken it a little bit to being a parent and that your job is never done. And I think one of the mistakes that I made from a headspace perspective was thinking, okay, if I teach them all these skills, then at some point I can brush my hands and walk away and I won't have to deal with the problems.
And you're spot on, that when we teach them how to communicate, then the job becomes significantly easier. And I think that need to be a coach sometimes is never going to go away.

Dr. Andy Roark:
No, never.

Stephanie Goss:
And I think that there are a lot of people who lean into, oh well, if I teach them these things, then I won't have to do this part of the job. It'll take care of itself. And the reality is that's part of your job. It will always be there. There will always be the need to be the guardrails and be a support system. And there will be times where you will have to say, what are your tools? Let's review them. Let's go through this. Because it's like being a parent. It never stops. It's always there. Even when they grow up and leave the house, you're still worried about it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, when we were talking earlier, so you and I started off this podcast and we were talking about having a potty mouth. And how sometimes it gets bad and sometimes it's not so bad. And then we talked about the frustration that you feel when people come and they're like, they're having this problem, and it's really easy to not be kind or to be really angry.
And sometimes we're in a good headspace and we just handle it. And I was really thinking, you know what's true? And I was trying to be really honest at the beginning and say, “I have 100% screwed this up.” And I do these headspace things because I have to get into this headspace. The analogy now that I'm thinking about it is a lot of management, a lot of people management, a lot of leadership, a lot of communication, it's like eating healthy.
Where you can get into the habit of it and it's good and you can know all the things, but eating healthy every day all day is really, really hard.
And most of us, we have times when we're doing a good job and we're eating healthy, and then we have other times when we're not eating, we fall off the wagon a bit. I think that that's leadership and I think that's honest. And the idea that we're going to do this and then we're not going to have to manage anymore, that's like saying I'm going to eat healthy and then I'm not going to have to worry about it anymore.
It's like, no, it's an ongoing constant thing that you're going to have to pay attention to and you're going to have to have some discipline. And you're going to fail sometimes, and you're going to have to not beat yourself up. And get back up and just say, “Hey, I'm going to get back on to eating a little bit better.”
Same thing with our patients and our people. It really never goes away. And I think that's good in setting expectations so that we can be kind to ourselves.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. And I think the other piece of that from a bright light perspective as a leader is that the good news is is that when we actually take the time to tend and nurture this and we teach the team the skills and they become over time masters at those skills themselves, you create that cultural foundation where now instead of you being the person who has to do all the teaching, now you have multiple teachers who can help bring new people into the fold and teach them those same skills. And now it's not all on your shoulders.
And so for me, that was the driving force for me. It's like I don't want to have to be the only one to do this anymore or feel this way. I want to be able to teach them, not only these two who might be having the problem right here, right now, I want to teach them those skills, but I want to create a foundation where the expectation from within the team is we are going to use these skills and they are going to help create and drive that culture moving forward.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, and that is the positive. I don't want anyone to think that I'm saying you're on a hamster wheel, and you're going to work really hard at being a good leader and good communicator and a good listener, but ultimately it doesn't go anywhere and it never gets easier. And you're always going to be struggling.
You're always going to be working hard. I heard this thing recently that I really like, where life is uncertainty, pain, and hard work. And it just is, and it never goes away. And that's always part of it. And I do think that that's important for just to recognize that that's what it means to be alive. And at the same time, when you do a good job in these regards, when you eat healthy, if you will, ultimately you build healthy habits in your team and people around you. And you train other people how to treat each other.
And so when you fall off the wagon, it's not that big a deal cause other people didn't. You know what I mean? It's not systemic. If you have good relationships with your people and you've trained them to be autonomous and you've trained them to be responsible and good communicators, and then you have a bad day, the wheels aren't going to fall off. You have a bad month, you have a bad quarter, you have a tough year, which some of us have tough years. If you have manifested your values for long enough and you've got good people, and got them to buy into how we treat each other and our values, you can have a bad year.
And that doesn't mean you're a jerk every day, but it means you have hard days. Things won't fall apart. But you have to build that and you build that with a consistency.
So anyway, that's where I want to try to get my head in this is I don't want to blow my face off by getting really frustrated. This is probably going to happen when other things are happening and when I'm already stressed, it just is. That's not imaginary, that's how it is. And I need to accept that this is not the Karpman drama triangle, because I'm not going to fix their problem. I'm going to figure out what the underlying issue is, which is communication.
And I'm going to coach them and help them solve their own problems. But my part, I'm going to go in, I want to fix this issue, and I'm hoping that it's going to stay fixed. And I know that there's going to be breakdowns, there's going to be setbacks, there's going to be times that we may still need some attention on this problem, but for the most part I really want to try to address this as teaching them how to fish for themselves as opposed to me showing up every day and fixing problems and feeding them.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, I love that.

Dr. Andy Roark:
There's a lot of food metaphors going on right now, and they're mixed. There's some fishing.

Stephanie Goss:
My stomach is healthy growling. You're making me hungry.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I know. It's like you go, “Oh, is fish health food? Is that what he's talking about?”
It's not that deep. I'm mixing metaphors. I'm sorry.
Okay, let's take a break here, and then we're going to come back and let's talk about how we actually do this.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay, sounds good.
Have you done it yet? Have you headed over to the Uncharted website? The one that's at unchartedvet.com/events, and have you clicked on that link for the April conference?
If you haven't, friends, you need to head over and click on that link, and then you need to hit the register button. Because I want to see you with us in sunny Greenville, South Carolina.
In less than 80 days, we are going to be diving deep into tackling internal communications this spring. We want to talk about how do we improve our communications amongst our teams in a whole myriad of ways. How do we set boundaries? How do we have conversations about affordability of pet care and communications outwardly towards our clients as a result? How do we use language and maybe think about changing some of the language we're using to have better communication as a team?
Just previews of some of the awesome stuff that we're going to be talking about. So if you haven't done the thing, if you haven't put your fingers to your keyboard and typed unchartedvet.com/events, go do it now. Because I have hugs waiting for you in Greenville and you should not miss out on this.
And now back to the podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, so let's go back and let's get into having this conversation. So we need to help these guys communicate with each other.
And you do this really well, Stephanie, as far as setting ourselves up for success and having conversations that are going to work with people. The first thing that you need to do, and this is where a lot of people get it wrong, be intentional about the time and the place that you do this. And it is really easy for, Dave comes in and goes, “Brad's doing the thing again and he won't stop.”
And I go, “Damn it, Brad.” And I jump up, I spin around in my chair, then I hop up, I charge out. And I go, “We're doing this now.”
And of course, Brad's trying to actively do something and this is no time to have this conversation. And it's a delicate conversation and I'm defusing a bomb with a hammer and then I make it worse. And then somebody's feelings are hurt and they feel unappreciated and unheard.
And then I got to sort that out before I actually get into trying to fix this going forward. I've literally made another problem for myself. And anyway, if this sounds like the voice of experience, totally not, I've never done anything like this. Never had an issue or a setback like this at all.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh man. Okay, so I love where you're going with this. I would love to take one step back from a starting point perspective and say, so the question was do we mediate? Do we let them talk it out themselves?
And I think where you're going is how do we teach them tools while mediating to get them to communicate with each other?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yes.

Stephanie Goss:
And I would say, I think one of the most powerful lessons that I ever learned about coaching and being a leader was the value in stopping, what you were saying, taking not right now, but still engaging with them. And so now the most useful tool for me is when someone comes in, I give them my attention.
So it is an interruption to me, but I'm going to give them my attention and then I'm going to ask them, did they have the conversation with the other person?
And now our colleague from the community said they've acknowledged that they're not talking to each other. But it is very powerful and impactful for me to be able to ask my team, “did you talk to the other person already?”
Because when they say, “No, I did not,” or, “No, I'm really mad and I can't talk to them about it right now.” Cool, let's talk through what you might want to say and how you might want to say it so that you feel prepared to have that conversation.
Because I think that for me, jumping into the mediating didn't remove me enough from the Karpman drama triangle. I was still jumping into hero mode because I was jumping in to help them solve the problem. And yes, I was doing the thing and teaching them the communication tools and ultimately making it better, but the road was significantly longer to get there because I was still trying to jump into that hero role and solve their problems.
And so I think one of the most powerful tools is recognizing that this can be a coaching opportunity one-on-one before it moves into a coaching opportunity you with the two of them together.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, interesting. Okay, I have to think about that. I hear what you're saying. I think my take would be, so the two options given were, do you let them work it out? Do you mediate the issue? And the answer to that is neither. It's neither.
You don't just let them go and work it out, because if they don't have the tools.

Stephanie Goss:
They won't work it out.

Dr. Andy Roark:
They're just going to damage each other more and it's going to get worse.
Mediating the issue of Brad parked in my parking spot, that's not of interest to me either. So in my experience, and you're not wrong. I guess it's probably your personal style. I have to think about it a little bit. I think for me, my take would be I'm going to bring them together and lay the foundation of trust. And I'm going to work on trust and start with ways of working, and then follow those with individual coaching as opposed to doing individual coaching and then bringing them together.
I don't think you're wrong. I think it's what you want to do. Let's explore this a little bit more and I want to figure out where our ideas differ here.
So for me, I want to bring them together and work on them. They're going to have to have this conversation. And so for me, time and place. I want to make sure that when we have this conversation of how are we working… It's a ways of working conversation. But when we have our ways of working conversation, do we have enough time? It should not be in between appointments. It should not be 15 minutes before the start. There should be some time.
And then also it's the place. I want to set them up for success, which means I really don't want other people walking in. I don't want other people coming into the conversation asking what's going on, things like that. This is an awkward conversation to have in a break room. You don't want to have it at the front desk and other people are walking up. The manager's office feels intense to me. I would get them out of there.
I would send them to Starbucks. Our friend Brian Conrad always did that. He would just send employees who are having problems together, he would send them, he'd give them a gift card and send them to Starbucks together. And tell them not to come back until you got this figured out.
And so I do think that there's value in get them offsite, get them out of there. They can be punched in because they're working through issues, but make sure they have time and make sure that they're in a place where they can focus and talk and not feel stressed out.
So that's the first thing that I would lay down to start getting my head straight.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, I agree with all of that. I think that you want to lower the stakes. They're already frustrated with each other, that's the reason that they came to vent or tattle or however it felt in your mind. That's the reason that they came to you in the first place is because they're frustrated. And so being intentional about giving space to be human and whatever that looks like, but lowering the stakes for them.
Like nobody's in trouble, we're just going to have a conversation. Because you guys need to figure out how to work together, because the reality is you're both employees and I value you both. And I want you to both be here, and we've got to figure out out a way to make this easier for both of you because you're frustrated, you're frustrated. I don't want to be frustrated, so I'm willing to help you. And we have to change this.

Dr. Andy Roark:
As I think about setting this thing up and going in and what I would say, I think I changed my position. I think that I do agree with you. I think what I would say to them before they had this meeting, I think my intention before this meeting would not be to coach them necessarily, but to try to get them to empathize with the other person.
And I would say, “How do you think Carol feels about this?” Or, “If I brought her in, what do you think she would say? How do you think she's feeling? What would her frustrations be?”
And I think that those are really valuable questions to ask one-on-one separately, because if they go into this meeting in a more empathetic headspace, I do think that you're loading the deck to be more successful.
And so when we first started talking about it, I'm like, how would I coach them before they talk to each other? Now, I think you're right, but I wouldn't aim for this is what we need to do. But I think my thrust ahead of time would be to talk to both of them and try to help them empathize with each other. And then if I can get them to empathize, then I say, “Let's get together and let's talk this out.”
And if I can bring them together in an open mind frame instead of having them come together with their arms crossed, I do think that that probably sets it up as successful. I think that you're probably exactly right, that that's a worthwhile investment of time before the meeting. I think that's a good call.

Stephanie Goss:
So part of it is in what you asked them to talk about. And so I think part of it for me is yes, what is bothering you? And getting to the root of it and figuring out, what are you actually upset about? Because a lot of the times the thing, it's a symptom, like you were saying. It's not actually the thing that you're frustrated about or upset about. And so getting them to ask themselves some questions, one of which I love what you said, one of which is what else could this possibly mean? What else could possibly be going on?
Is it possible that Carol lost her keys when she was trying to get out the door this morning and then she had a flat tire, and she has had a horrible morning and she is just in a really horrible mood? And so her response to you had nothing to do with you at all, but just was a byproduct of how horrible her morning was.
Can we get them into the empathy place? And the best question for that is what else could be going on? But also the secondary question to that is what story have I told myself in my head? And I think that's a big part of the communication toolkit for me, is recognizing, because we talk a lot about assuming good intent. And I think you can't assume good intent until you ask yourself, what am I actually thinking? What story am I telling myself here?
Because usually it's not one that starts with assuming good intent. Usually we're assuming wrong on behalf of the other person. And so getting them to think about what are they actually upset about, but also is it possible that there's something else going on here?
Could they hallucinate a place where there is an alternate reality, where it is happening and it has nothing to do with them? Because that's going to get them into a head space where they are more open-minded and they are more willing to empathize with the other person. And you can't problem solve with somebody until they have the capacity to get past the emotions that they're feeling.
And so sometimes it's having that conversation with them and sometimes it's like, oh, okay, you're really upset about this. And I'm here, we can totally vent about… This is a safe space. I want to listen to you and I want to actually help you solve this problem. And so if you need to call a timeout and you need to walk away from this, especially when team members are really angry at each other, there have definitely been times where I'm like, let's take a break and let's come back to this afternoon or tomorrow morning.
It's okay that you're mad. And this has to actually become actionable, so I want to help you do that. And you can't do that when you're amped up and you're in your feelings. And so I think getting them to think about that, to move them eventually towards the place of coaching in terms of what do you actually want to get out of this? How do you want to solve the problem?
And I think that kind of conversation, especially in the beginning when you're teaching everybody these skills, I think that's where it really has to start. Because it's so much more of an uphill climb to try and make that journey together in a group of three or a group of four than it is one-on-one. Even though you're repeating the process with them each individually, it's more time on your part as the leader. That has just been easier for me to do that kind of one-on-one with them.

Dr. Andy Roark:
So to restate this point maybe a different way, make sure we're on the same page. So I am on board 100% with having the conversation ahead of time. My goal in this conversation is not to convince them that they're wrong. It is to make them question if there's more to the story and to think about how the other person… They might not be a ruthless villain, they might also have a point. They might have a perception of the events, because they don't know things or maybe because they see things differently or how their experience is.
And so my point is not to make this person say, “Yeah, it's probably my fault.” It's like, nope, I just need to introduce the doubt, and make them say maybe this person isn't bad and maybe you guys just aren't communicating well.
And then that's where I would take it into a come together point. And so the way that I would do this in my mind is that encouraging, almost demanding that we assume good intent about people.
And say, “Hey, it doesn't sound like you're allowing good intentions on their part. You're assuming the worst in some ways. And how might this be a noble intention that's being misunderstood?”
And then I would set the time and the place, and say, “Let's go ahead and do this.”
So coming into this meeting, and I would bring them together. And then what I would probably do again, I'm saying this is a nagging problem. These people are not getting along. I'm assuming they've exhausted basic work it out strategies. For me, this meeting has the following agenda. And this is not something I would share with them necessarily, but for me it is.
I'm going in, the first thing is I want to state clear objectives. This is not a hangout session, it's not a therapy session. This is about us coming together to talk about how we're working. And I want us to figure out how to work together effectively and get along. And the way that I talk is going to be future facing. I'm not going to talk about what happened yesterday. I'm not going to talk about Brad and the toilet paper incident from two weeks ago.
My goal is not to be the judge of the case from last week. I'm not interested in that. I want to come along and talk about going forward, how do we communicate with each other? What's causing these issues so that we can not have them in the future. I'm not interested in guilt, I'm not interested in a fault, I'm not interested in justice.
And that's it. And I will be upfront about that. I'm going to pour a lot of praise on both of them and say, “You guys are great. I really want you here. I want you guys to work together.”
And so clear objectives, forward facing conversation. I'm going to start with the why. And I'm going to say we are here because you guys are both great. And I like you both, and I want you both to be part of our team. And I need you guys to get along and be able to work together.
And without me coming and being consistently involved, I can't be the referee for you guys. And so start with why. And beyond that we're going to move into commonality and values. And I'm going to start to say, “Look, you guys both do such a good job in these ways and you work so hard, and you're both a great fit for our practice. Because these are our practice values and you both have those values or serve those values. This is our mission and you guys both pursue that mission. You're part of the team, you do great stuff. How much you care is absolutely obvious for both of you.”
And what I'm trying to do is build this framework so they go, “Okay, I don't get along with this person, but we're not entirely different. And we do want a lot of the same things and we both want very similar outcomes at the end of the day. We both want to have a good place to work. We both do not want to be stressed. We both don't want to have to watch our backs all the time. We both want to believe we're making a difference for the pets that come in. We both want to believe that we're providing a good experience for pet owners who need us. We have a lot in common.”
And what I'm really trying to do is make the division between them feel small compared to all the things they have in common.
And so those are the things that I start laying down as I open this conversation up. And so just you know, this is what mediation with Andy looks like. What are we doing here? How are we going to go forward? I don't care about what happened in the past. I'm not going to tell them I don't care. But I'm going to say, “Look, the past is done. It's behind us. I want to go forward.”
And then I'm going to talk about why I want to go forward, it's because I think you guys are great. I'm going to talk about the values that we all share, the things we have in common. And I want to talk about those things, and that's why we're here. And so that's how I'd set this thing up to open it up. What do you think about that?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. No, I love it. I think that it is a great framework. And like you said, it doesn't have to be an agenda that they both have, but I think you have to try and work them towards feeling heard and then work them towards finding the commonality between the two of them.
And sometimes the reality is I don't have to like everybody that I work with. Sometimes you have people that you work with that you actually don't like, and that doesn't mean that you don't care about each other. Because if you both care about the work that you're doing, there can be commonality in that. And so the reality is even if you don't like them, who they are as a person, and I can't imagine a place where you or I or any of our friends would have people on their team who truly were horrible people.
That's not what we're about. We're about having good culture. And so the reality is if somebody is truly doing something that is malicious or has the intent to be mean or harmful, that's the stuff, that's my lines in the sand. That's my I'm not going to tolerate that. So I think we're not talking about that. We're talking about two people who do care about what they're doing, and maybe even about each other.
But even if they don't like each other, they still care. And so there is that commonality. And so I think finding that middle ground where they can recognize, “Hey, look, I that you wouldn't intentionally hurt my feelings or that you wouldn't intentionally be mean to me, but yet when you did this thing,” and actually calling out, what are we actually upset about?
So that's where that pre-work comes into play for me is what are they actually upset about so that you can work them to that place, like you said, of leaning into the commonality and the values to solve the problem, which is okay, is this an instance where we just have hurt feelings and you both need to resolve your hurt feelings? Does somebody need an apology from somebody else?
Is somebody actually doing something wrong? Is a job not being done? What is the actual issue and what do they both need to resolve that issue? And that for me as part of that pre-work is figuring out what is actually going on here and what do they need? And that's a very personal thing, because there are times where I'm like, I am not going to ever feel good about this situation if I don't get an apology from this other person.
If I'm mad at you, Andy, and I might be like, “Dude, I'm not going to feel good about this situation until Andy gives me an apology.” And there are plenty of times where I'm like, oh, I just need to feel like Andy sees that he hurt my feelings and then I move on with it. And it varies situationally and it changes every time.
So part of it is asking them, what do they actually need to get out of this? How do we resolve this? And making it actionable on their part in terms of how do you guys want to solve this problem? I'm not you, it has to be something that is going to work for the two of you. Because ultimately once you find that commonality, you have to drive it forward. And I love your approach of it all being future facing.
And so how do we move forward from this? What does that look like? How do we work, to your point, how do we work together? What are those ways of working? Do we need to put some rules in place for how we communicate with each other? What do we need to resolve this situation? And I think there are tools from a communication perspective that we can teach them that help with all of these things, teaching them how to actually give apologies to each other.
The reality is we are taught as children how to say the words I'm sorry, but we don't actually get the knowledge and the learning, most of us, for what actually makes up a good apology. And how do we do that without… You can apologize, it's one of my favorite things to talk about is you can apologize always. There's never a situation where you couldn't apologize for the impact that whatever happened had on someone else.
It doesn't mean that I think I'm wrong. It doesn't mean that I am even taking it back. Although lots of times want to hear how I've made another person feel, I'm like, “Oh gosh, that was not my intention. I did not mean that. I truly am sorry.”
And at the same time, there's also been times where people have been hacked off and I'm like, “Oh dude, that was not my intention. I'm sorry that you felt that way. And I don't think that what I did was wrong.”
It doesn't mean that you're acknowledging you did something bad, which is something that I had to learn. You don't learn that in communication as a child. And so I think that's part of it for me is teaching them those ongoing tools so that they can start to recognize how they create that relationship together, even if they don't actually like each other, because they don't all have to be friends.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I completely agree. I think where we go after, so the commonality groundwork stuff is 100% dependent on what's going on. And I completely agree with you. I don't know how to make a structure to say, “And then you say this.”
I really like your idea of what's going on? What do we need to go forward? I will tell you there are a number of tools that can make this conversation so much easier. And I'm not saying you should have all of these, but you can. A few of the tools that I like and have had a lot of success with is we use DISC in Uncharted. Sure. We used it for our employees and Stephanie teaches it in some of our communication training stuff.
It's a thing that we use to help people work together. And we use it in exam room training and communication training. If you are having team members that are having hard times communicating with each other, DISC is great.

Stephanie Goss:
Super helpful.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's generally very affordable. It's a staff meeting. You can do it in a staff meeting.

Stephanie Goss:
Because it's not about right or wrong. That's what I love about DISC. It's not about right or wrong, it's about how we feel and learning how to take how other people receive information and change what we're doing to have a better approach. It's not a negative thing. That's part of what I love about it so much.

Dr. Andy Roark:
That's exactly right. Everyone's got different communication styles, and I feel like you can use DISC to unlock a lot. If you have that doctor that is just dominant or just bulldozes people, that person may be a high D personality. And if you say, “Hey, this is what you are and this is what other people are, and this is how they communicate and how they like to be communicated with. And because of that, they see you as an intimidating person or they're feeling bulldozed by your communication style.”
And then you can also say to the person who feels bulldozed, “Hey, you're not wrong. This is the style this person has. No, it's not because they don't like you. It's not because they think you're stupid. It's because this is their communication style.”
And that doesn't mean that's okay, but it does mean that this is where they're coming from. And it's a nice tool to open those conversations up about why we communicate in different ways. And so DISC, D-I-S-C, you can find it and check it out, but we use it for Uncharted in our team and we use it when we teach exam room communication stuff.

Stephanie Goss:
And I love, because it takes… When you have two people who have different communication styles, ultimately it goes back to what I was saying, which is how are we going to move forward? When you look at DISC and you look at the different styles, you learn, how do we meet in the middle, somewhere in the middle. Maybe it's more one-sided than the other, but how do we both move from where we are to move forward in the future?
It's like how do you take those differences and make something new with it? And I think it goes along with how do we solve this problem? How do we meet in the middle? And I think it's a super, super helpful tool.

Dr. Andy Roark:
The second tool I'd put out here is languages of appreciation. Being able to get positive reinforcement that other people feel, that's an important part of building a relationship. If nothing that you say to the person is seen positively, if you can't make them smile, then you're always starting at neutral. And it's really easy to go down, but you don't know how to make it go up. You don't know how to gain brownie points in that person's eye if you don't know how they like to be appreciated.
And so just having a general way in your staff where you try to assess how people like to be appreciated, it's just a smart investment. It's part of onboarding. I really like it a lot. And Stephanie and I have talked about this a number of times in different episodes, but it's questions like, tell me about a time that you felt really celebrated.
Tell me about a time that you felt really appreciated for a job well done. What did that look like? And I'm trying to figure out, is this an affirmation person? Is this a gift person? Is this a service person? Meaning if you want to make me feel appreciated, jump in and help me. My wife and I have two very different styles. I am a verbal affirmation person. I want you to tell me I'm doing a good job. And my wife is a service person. She wants you to jump in and help.
And I can't tell you how many times early in our marriage, I'd be like, “You're amazing.” And she's like, “Why don't you shut up and help me?” And not really that, but that was basically what it came down to was I am pouring out verbal affirmation for her, and all she wants is for me to come and be involved in the project that she's doing so she can get done.
And it's funny, I'm like, “Oh, I'm happy to do the work by myself. I just want you to tell me that you appreciate me and I'm doing great, and I'm awesome.
She's like, “I don't need you to tell me I'm awesome. I need you to come and help me do the thing, because that shows me that I'm appreciated.”
So anyway, I just used that as an example of different styles. And so anyway, languages of appreciation, if you're interested in that stuff there's a book called Five Languages Of Appreciation In The Workplace, and you can check that out.
But I do like to ask the staff how they like to be appreciated because that can help us to appreciate each other. And then the last thing is a good old fashioned ways of working conversation or a ways of working tool form kit thing, thingamajig.
Yeah, it's not a formal thing. This is a thing you make yourself. But basically it is worth the time to ask people, how do you like to receive feedback? What's important to you a when you about… When you do a good job, how do you want to hear about it?
If someone wants to give you feedback, how do you like to get feedback? Do you like to just get it directly? Do you like to have it come later on? What are the expectations that you like to have in and around your work and around how we communicate? And again, that plugs into the disc thing as well, but I just think anything that we can work on and just say, “Do you want to have one-on-ones? Do you like to have check-in meetings? How do you feel engaged? How do you feel informed? How much oversight do you have? How much do you like people to check over your shoulders?”
Things like that. If you can get some sort of a sense of how people work, a lot of times their ways of working can be very different. And you end up with someone who says, “I love when people check after me. I want to make sure I'm doing everything right.”
And you have someone else who says, “I hate when people check up after me. Just tell me what you want from me and leave me alone.” And those are not wrong. They're not bad people. But when we have someone who says, “I really like to have people check up on everything I do.”
I go, “Okay, how do I get this person to be able to work more autonomously so we don't have to do that?” And people who say, “I never want to be checked up on, how do I get this person to understand, I don't want you to go too far off the rails before anybody notices and comes along to have to make adjustments about things that maybe you just didn't know about.”
And so anyway, if I don't know that that's how you'd like to work or what your ways of working style is, it's really hard for me to help you. And so having those conversations ahead of time can be valuable.

Stephanie Goss:
Well, and I think it's really important, because they're all tools that help them develop empathy for one another, that you're asking them to look at things that help find the common ground. And imagine a place where they could put themselves in the other person's shoes, which is honestly the best tool that I have ever found for getting them to communicate better. Is what does middle grounds look like and how do we get there? And so I think all of those are great resources, because you got to get them to be able to empathize with each other.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I completely agree. And so that's what that conversation looks like. It's definitely, I'm not trying to get to the bottom of it. It really is, “Hey, so how do we go forward and communicate? And what do you guys need from each other?”
And honestly, at this point, I might leave the meeting and be like, “Hey, I want to leave you guys here. I want to let you guys just talk it through how you work together, what you need from each other, how you can be happy working together, how you guys can respect each other and collaborate? And when you guys get it all worked out or when you feel good and you guys feel like you have a groundwork for being collaborative and being happy together, then come on back.”
And at that point, because they do need to work through it on their own. And I don't want to be there holding their hand until the end. But I can facilitate this, get it started, talk about why we're doing this and what we need. Give them some tools, and then step away and let them work on it and work on how they want to communicate and how they want to work so that they feel good. And anyway, that's how I would set it up.

Stephanie Goss:
I think the two last pieces that go with that is then you have to know that there're going to be slip-ups; we're human. And you're not going to jump from radical miscommunication to perfection. And so recognizing when there are slip-ups, being able to come back to the foundation that they created together and remind them, “Hey, we talked about this before and this was what you guys agreed you were going to do. Have you done that thing?”
And then the last piece is you got to catch it when it's going good. And so it becomes your job as the leader to start to pay attention to this and call it out. And with the hope that they get excited about the wins. And that's the real Yoda place for me is when they come tell me, “Hey, this thing happened today and instead of getting pissed off at each other, this is what we did to solve it. And I just wanted you to know.”
Because when they feel proud of that, and that comes from training like we would any other simple animal, which is rewarding when the good happens. And so I think that as our job is not just to give them the tools and then walk away, and go, Jesus, take the wheel. That's not how we operate. We have to be able to say, “Hey guys, you guys did a great job today. How do you think this week went?” And have those follow-up conversations to keep that the good ball rolling.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree. All right, guys, that's all we got. I hope it's helpful.

Stephanie Goss:
Have a great week, everybody. Take care.
Well gang, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. And as always, this was so fun to dive into the mail bag and answer this question. And I would really love to see more things like this come through the mail bag.
If there is something that you would love to have us talk about on the podcast or a question that you are hoping that we might be able to help with, feel free to reach out and send us a message.
You can always find the mail bag at the website. The address is unchartedvet.com/mailbag, or you can email us at podcast@unchartedvet.com.
Take care everybody, and have a great week. We'll see you again next time.

I’m Drowning In Lengthy Patient Records

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast Episode 220 Cover Image

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice manager Stephanie Goss are answering a question you asked in the mailbag! That's right, this is going to be one of those episodes where everyone is asking “Are they talking about my practice? Are they talking about my doctors? *Gasp* Are they talking about… me??? Stephanie felt a bit seen too when they recorded this episode so fear not, you are all in good company. We received an email from a veterinarian who said “I’m drowning in records and it is the major source of my anxiety in life right now. I look at my colleagues to see how they do it, but I realized they literally just don’t do them. That’s not an option for me and I need help!”

Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 220 – I'm Drowning In Lengthy Patient Records

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.


Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


Upcoming Events

Do you struggle with team building? Does the mere mention of it make you break out in a cold sweat or make your team roll their eyeballs so far back in their head, you worry they might stick? Or do you LOVE playing games with your team and are looking for some new ways to have fun with them? No matter how you slice it, team building is Camp Counselor Stephanie's jam and we are going to have a blast digging in to team-building exercises that are fun, accessible for everyone regardless of physical abilities and won’t inspire eye rolls from the team. Get ready to learn quick, easy-to-execute games and activities you can lead with minimal prep time. Every exercise takes less than a 60-minute staff meeting to run – most of them topping out at 5 or 10 minutes!

March 5, 2023

Time: 4pm ET/1pm PT – 6pm ET/3pm PT

Learn fun, accessible and easy-to-execute team-building activities.

Calling All Practice Managers – The Uncharted Practice Manager Summit is Happening!

We know you are unique. Managing the business. Fielding never-ending questions from the team. Fixing broken printers, again. You wear more hats than anyone else in the practice. All of these look great on you, of course. But do you ever wonder “Am I actually in charge if I don’t own the practice? How do I manage the endless responsibilities of this job with limited power and resources? How can I keep growing professionally?”

If you’re itching to talk to people who really get what it means to be a manager, this is the event for you!

It’s time to connect with your fellow practice managers to share what gets you excited about your role, find solutions for what needs your focus now, and discover new ways to shine even brighter as a manager.

While Uncharted Membership is always encouraged, it is not required for event attendance! Non-members, here’s your chance to see what all the buzz is about and get a taste of the Uncharted experience. 

This 1-day virtual event on March 22, 2023.


Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:

Hey everybody, I am Stephanie Goss, and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I are diving into a question from the mailbag, from a doctor who finds themselves absolutely drowning in records. And they are struggling with their own mental health and well-being as a result of it. And it's complicated further by the fact that their partner is also a veterinarian who finds themselves in the same boat. And now, they've found themselves spending time that they want to be spending together outside of work, working on work. It just doesn't feel like a sustainable situation, and they are wondering, “How do I get out of this mess?” Let's get into it.

Speaker 2:

And now, The Uncharted Podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:

We are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark, and Stephanie Goss.

Did you hear that? Do you hear that? Behold the technological might of the Uncharted Veterinary Podcast. Didn't know we had power like that at our fingertips, did you, Goss?

Stephanie Goss:

I didn't know you had power like that at your fingertips.

Dr. Andy Roark:

I think if you said something and then sound effect, I think it would happen.

Stephanie Goss:

I've always suspected that Dustin Bays has that power at his fingertips.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Well, Dustin, who puts our podcast together because he holds the power. Yes. Cool. How are you doing here?

Stephanie Goss:

I am good. I am good. It is been a crazy busy morning. Yeah, it's like when you go away. So we just got back from VMX and this was the first time that we've traveled since the beginning of December. And so I actually felt really good about leaving this time. I felt like I had my little checklist, did I get all the things done? Did I give everybody they needed so that everything, the wheels can keep turning while you're gone. And even when you do all the things and then you come back and it's like you got to dig out of the email and the messages. And I got back yesterday and I was like, “Holy Batman, there's like 900 Slack messages to read.” And it's good, but it's just that busy, busy feeling of jumping back in. And I always feel guilty because I've gotten to this place where I usually block a day or two after coming back from something to catch up and dig out where my calendar isn't really open, I'm not doing things.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah. I did not feel good leaving, because my daughter turned 15 last week, and the Friday that we were leaving for VMX, she had Friday off, that was the Friday before Martin Luther King Day and she went for her driver's permit test and she did not pass it. And so as I'm trying to go to the airport, my daughter is coming home and she's devastated, because of course she's told her friends, getting my permit and she will not come out of her room. And I'm like, “See you in five days.” And it sucked so much.

So I thought on the teaching of Stephanie Goss and I was like, I want her to feel supported even though I got to go. And so I thought, what is her language of appreciation? What is her love language? And Jacqueline's love language is gifts. And so I sprinted to the grocery store and bought her a bouquet of flowers and sprinted back and I was like, “These are for you. I love you. Everything is going to be fine. I also failed my permit test the first time it happens to everybody. Here you go.” And I came with the flowers and I left, and she survived. And so I got home and she had gone to get her permit and so I get home the day that she actually went, she rescheduled, went in the morning next week when I got back from VMX and got her permit.

And so her mother, who's a rule follower, was like, “We're going to wait until this weekend and then we're going to go to a parking lot and we're going to let her drive the car that we think she's probably going to drive around and she's going to get acclimated to the brakes and things like that.” And her mother left last night and Jacqueline looked at me and she was like, “Hey, can you show me the buttons in your car?”

And I was like, “The buttons? Us? Let's go for a ride.” And so I took Jacqueline out and it's like nine o'clock at night is pitch black and we live in the country, but I'm like, “What could possibly happen?” And so I've got her on this road in our neighborhood and I'm letting her drive and she almost put us in the ditch about three times. But once I was in it, I couldn't be like, You know what? This is a bad idea. Just put it in park and get out because this is a mistake.” But I'm a smile on my face. Super dad. And I'm like, yep, no, it's okay. That tree came,

Stephanie Goss:

I changed my mind.

Dr. Andy Roark:

… out of nowhere. So anyway, we made our way down and back.

Stephanie Goss:

Okay. Yeah. In fairness. Wait, wait, wait. In fairness, I've driven on your road and I would not want to drive on your road as a brand new driver at night when it's pitch black. That's like you made the fatal mistake where you should have taken her to an empty parking lot.

Dr. Andy Roark:

That's what my wife said, and I am willing to consider the idea that my decision might have been bold. I will also say for the rest of her life, she'll remember the day she got her permit and she and her dad drove down the cul-de-sac by themselves.

Stephanie Goss:

Almost driving in the ditch.

Dr. Andy Roark:

I don't know that she knew how close we were. It's kind of like…

Stephanie Goss:

Fair. It's probably better for her that way.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Oh yeah. I didn't want to be like, “Oh, by the way, if that could have been really bad.” I was like, “Nope. We had it the whole way.” Basically the first three years of me being a practicing veterinarian have trained me to be like, everything's fine,

Stephanie Goss:

Everything's fine.

Dr. Andy Roark:

No, it's all good. I know exactly what I'm doing and everything is fine. And so I have those muscles and I used the heck out of them last night.

Stephanie Goss:

Oh, poor Jacqueline.

Dr. Andy Roark:

No, she was so happy. She was so happy. And it was absolutely worth the risk of property, life, limb and neighborhoods, and the neighbor's mailboxes. They were all worth the risk that was taken.

Stephanie Goss:

The parking lot at the school is usually a good choice. Not when school's in session but after hours because it's usually pretty wide open because of all the bus space and there's usually nobody around.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Well, we're going to do that, but it just…

Stephanie Goss:

Let's start on your road, which is narrow. It has lots of trees, ditches off to both sides. It sounds like a great idea. And to put this in perspective for you guys, I've been to Andy's house and I'm afraid to drive backwards down your driveway.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah, well I drove her out of the driveway and then just kind of let her go. But yeah, it's one of-

Stephanie Goss:

Like, Goss, you're not helping the story here.

Dr. Andy Roark:

No, you're not helping me at all. But it is one of those things too where after it's over, you look back and go, wow, that was a bold choice. There's a number of things in my life where I'm looking back, I'm like, I see how that could have gone badly, but it didn't. And so we're just going on. Everybody's going to be cool.

Stephanie Goss:

Oh, man. Oh, man. Well, I am excited about today's mailbag questions. This one is, it's funny because it is business related but also a little bit medicine related and I just thought it was a good one and one that we have gotten kind of repeatedly in different ways. So we got some mailbag questions about record writing because they basically all said, “Oh my God, I need tips because I am drowning in records, I'm drowning in records. How do you keep up with record writing, particularly as the veterinarian?” And we have seen several of these. And this, I thought I pulled out some pieces out of this one because it was so great. They were just, “Records are a major source of anxiety in my life right now I'm looking at my colleagues to see what they're doing because they're all leaving at the end of the night. They finish their cases and they walk out the door and I'm there for hours. And so I was looking to them to see what could I learn from them. And what I realized is that they just aren't writing the records.

And so this vet was like, that's not an option for me and I need help because I find myself working all day and then I'm staying late. I spend days off doing them and I'm still behind. And their partner is also a veterinarian and they are also in the same boat. And they both feel like they're spending so much of their free time that they should be spending together. They are spending it together, but they're spending it together, writing up their charts, which is miserable. And as they were saying, it's straining us both. And I don't think that it's sustainable. So they were like, “It seems like a easy answer should be work stays at work and home time is home. But we can't seem to manage that while being overwhelmed with patients at the clinic.” And so they were like, “I know this is a common problem, I've talked to some of my peers and other people are having it too. But is this just something that I need to accept? How can I balance and try and keep up with the record writing?”

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah. I love this topic. I love this. I could speak very passionately about it and I'm going to, and I'm going to.

Stephanie Goss:

Is this is going to be a soapbox episode for Andy.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Okay, let's begin. Because writing up charts is part of being a doctor. It is a big part of being a doctor. People don't recognize how big a part of being a doctor it is. And God, a lot of people really suck at it. I mean I don't come on here and say, boy, people suck a lot, but this kills me.

Stephanie Goss:

That's a truth.

Dr. Andy Roark:

People suck at this and the vet schools train people in a crap way to do this thing. And it starts at the vet schools and people are like, “This is how you do it.” And I'm like, “That's a terrible way to do it.” And I'm going to talk about why it's a terrible way to do it, but I'm not telling saying the vet schools should do it differently and I'll impact that in a second. But here it comes here. So we just came to-

Stephanie Goss:

They do it terrible. But don't James the way you're doing it.

Dr. Andy Roark:

It's terrible. It's terrible and, okay here's why it's terrible. The point of medical records in a vet school are to teach people. It is basically like you writing an essay about the case that you're on for your attending clinician to read and understand your thought process and see if you understand what we're doing. And so for that reason, a robust medical record of your thoughts and feelings and emotional journey with this case is valuable.

Stephanie Goss:

Ok. Fair.

Dr. Andy Roark:

That is not the point when you're in general practice and you're trying to push cases through your clinic and get care to people on a deadline, right? It is, you're not being graded by anyone. The robustness of your entries is a negative, it's not a plus. But we're trained in vet school to write more. There were times in vet school I was a hundred percent hammered for not writing more, giving more possible differentials, explaining more what could be done and when. And I go, I get that in vet school they were trying to get me to extrapolate on what I knew. In practice, that's a massive problem and I'll walk through that. But that's why I say, I'm not saying the vet schools should do it differently. I think the vet schools should say, “This is how you do it in vet school.” And before you leave vet school, here's how you do it in practice. And that's what I think. So anyway, it's a bit of a racket.

Stephanie Goss:

This is going to be a feisty episode because I feel like I disagree.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Okay, well let me lay out my position-

Stephanie Goss:

Go for it.

Dr. Andy Roark:

… before you start to disagree.

Stephanie Goss:

Go for it.

Dr. Andy Roark:

But here's the thing.

Stephanie Goss:

All right.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Medical records are important and we were just at VMX and I talked to a veterinarian who works for the AAVSB, American Association of Veterinary State Boards. And these are the people who review your medical license when there's a board complaint made against you. And she was wonderful. I'm so glad we got to meet. She was very kind, but basically she was like, “Help us to help you. If it's not written down, if you don't have a medical record, we can't help you. You're toast and we can't help you. But if you have a basic functional medical record that says a couple of things, you are probably going to be okay in most board complaints, assuming you didn't do anything obviously medically negligent.” The chances of someone's mad at you and you didn't really do anything wrong. If you don't have a medical record, the chances are good that you're going to be in trouble. And if you do have a medical record just are good, you're going to be just fine.

But these are a big thing. They're also obviously a big thing for patient care. And I don't have to tell you the importance of writing up your chart with care. But anyway, let's start with head space. Okay, so we got a question, how do we do this? And my husband and I are both tapping out and other doctors just aren't doing it. And what do we do? Okay, so the first thing in head space, and I challenge doctors that are working in practice to do this. I need you to sit down and think of for a second and think about your medical records and then think to yourself what is the point?

I mean seriously, what's the point of a medical record? What is the point in vet school, which I already said. The point in vet school is a lot of times a learning opportunity and they're trying to teach the most legally sound approach to medicine. I get it. Okay, what is the point in emergency medicine? And in emergency medicine, the point of a medical record is different than in GP because you are not going to see this patient again. They are going back to their regular veterinarian, and part of your medical record is communication back to the doctor of what did I see? What did I say, what did I do? So that you can pick this case back up tomorrow and you feel comfortable about what was done and you know what expectations have been set.

And the last is what the point in general practice. So let's just say that you're a general practice vet like myself and you're seeing case patients, what's the point? The point of the medical record is to, in an accessible way, and that's critically important, in an accessible way to document key findings, to document recommendations that were made, to document client decisions and to lay out the plan going forward. That's it. That's it. Those are the things. That's the whole point.

And so put aside the novels that you were taught to write in vet school and just say, if this is the point, document key findings, document recommendations, document client decisions, and lay out the plan. You should think about how you're going to accomplish that and stop just doing things the way you've done them in the past. And so that's the head space for me is stop. Stop if you're doing it and it's not working for you, you need to stop and you need to say what is the point in this? And then get a clear point in your mind. And now let's come up with a new way to do your records. So that's where I go in head space first.

Stephanie Goss:

Okay. I'm kind of on board there. I'm with you. It has to be accessible and I think your points about the key findings, the recommendations, the client decisions and the plans going forward are great. And I think that what you said about the point in emergency medicine is, for a lot of us in general practice, is also somewhat the point in general practice. Because gone are the days where you're the solo vet and you're picking up after yourself. Right?

Now somebody else, whether it's a member of your front desk team who then is faced with talking to the client and trying to interpret what you did or why you did it, or another doctor who's picking up because the pet's back two days later or whatever, were for me, what I think about it from the business perspective and the manager perspective and having been on both sides as the patient care team, the technician, and on the client care team, as a front desk person, I have to know where your head was at. That's where I love your bullet points. What were the key findings? What were the recommendations? What did you talk about with the client and what did they decide and what is the plan moving forward? That's it. Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:

So almost there. The other thing I want to make a couple other pushes here to rethink the way you're doing medical records. So the first one is a time benefit, okay? Think about how many medical records you touch in a day. Okay? You're in practice. How many medical records come through your hands? Now think about how many times you log into your system and open that record back up, right? So one is, how many patients did you see? How many records did you look at? And then how many times from different computers did you log into this record, right? It's a huge amount of time. It's a huge amount of time.

Stephanie Goss:

How many do you think you touch on an average shift?

Dr. Andy Roark:

So this is the question of how many appointments should a doctor see? Which is a dangerous question because practices are very different. I would say in a day, I'm probably somewhere in the mid-twenties, you know what I mean? Of how many patients I see versus also people calling in to talk to the doctor, making recommendations on the phone. Things like that. You started thinking about, and I'm not talking about repeat visits to a record, I'm talking about how many different records pass through my hands.

Stephanie Goss:

A single record that gets open. Yeah. No, that's why when you said that, that was where my head was going. And I would say, like you said, everybody's clinical structure is set up and we have clinics that our colleagues work at that they might see seven to 13 patients in a day. And we also have other practices where they are seeing 25 or 30 patients in a day or ER, which I could imagine could be way more than that in a super busy shift. But then you think about to your point, what about the prescription refills and that where the client had a question and all this. It's probably upwards of a hundred or more that the average team member touches in a day.

Dr. Andy Roark:

It could be. It's a lot.

Stephanie Goss:

It's a lot.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Okay. So it's a lot. And when you're dealing with a lot in a day and every day, think about how that adds up. Now think about the difference that one minute per record makes. That's huge.

Stephanie Goss:

I'm with you.

Dr. Andy Roark:

That is huge. It's big in a day. It's real big in a week. It's enormous in a month. It's a lot. It's a lot of time. So the idea of getting intentional and smart about how you're doing your records, this is work-life balance, my friend. This is a significant thing for opening up time, is in this medical records. And people just, they refuse to think critically about how they do their records. And it's dumb when you think about how many you do. There's a communication benefit. I am a big believer of putting tangible pieces of information about what was happening into a client's hands. Give them something they can see. I like to print it off and give it to them because it's tangible. They paid their money, they have something they can hold in their hand.

It empowers the person who came in and deals with you to be able to defend their purchase decisions to people at home. Like think about the percentage of people who like, there ain't a lot of us that are the sole financial decision makers in our family and nobody questions how we spend the family money. That's not most of our realities. And so I like to equip pet owners who were there to go home to their spouse and say, “This is what we did. Yes, we paid that money and this is what we got and this is what we did. And here's a thing that you can hold that we learned.” It's a CYA by providing it to the pet owner in writing. And so if you said, “I strongly recommend heartworm. Told owner that heartworm disease is extremely prevalent in our area. Owner declines heartworm at this time.” And you give it to them, worst case scenario, push comes to shove. I wrote it down, I told you, yeah, I wrote it down and I gave it to you. And you even have a copy of it.

It's just a quick CYA. And the last thing is signposting for the next visits and for follow-ups. It is so nice to say to people, you say, “Great, you've elected to treat this patient empirically. If this patient does not get better in 24 hours, you're going to come back and you can expect to do, or at that time we will do radiographs, blood work X, Y, and Z.” And they come back in and I told them what was going to happen, and it's in print what was going to happen. And they come in and they're like, “Well, I guess this is what's going to happen.” And it's just really easy for getting compliance and getting them on board and it saves me time, but it's a big motivational thing for them coming in and doing the diagnostics that we need to do. And so that's called signposting.

And the last thing is the tech leverage benefit that a lot of people don't think of. If you want to leverage your technicians, if you want to work collaboratively with your paraprofessionals, they need to know what is going on and what your plan is. And the medical records are a far superior way than you individually telling each one of them with your mouth while you're doing other things, what the plan is. And so your technicians are prepared to do callbacks to see tech appointment follow-ups, to do rechecks, to do so much communication for you. But they can't do it if they don't know what the plan is. So just the ability to get good use out of your techs comes from doing a good medical record that's accessible to them. And so getting medical records right and doing them efficiently is really, really important. There's huge benefits to stopping what you're doing and stepping back and going, “Okay, we can do this differently.” And it's worth thinking about how we do it and to make some workflow changes.

Stephanie Goss:

I would agree with all of that and I think most of my argument probably is going to come in the action steps part.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Okay. All right.

Stephanie Goss:

Because I'm still with you. I agree in all of that.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Okay, well then we will take a break here and we'll come back and we'll get into the action steps of what exactly should we do according to Andy in this situation. And then you can tell me where I'm wrong.

Stephanie Goss:

Have you done it yet? Have you headed it over to the Uncharted website? The one that's at unchartedvet.com/events and have you clicked on that link for the April conference? If you haven't, friends, you need to head over and click on that link and then you need to hit the register button because I want to see you with us in sunny Greenville, South Carolina in less than 80 days. We are going to be diving deep into tackling internal communications this Spring. We want to talk about how do we improve our communications amongst our teams in a whole myriad of ways. How do we set boundaries? How do we have conversations about the affordability of pet care and communications outwardly towards our clients as a result? How do we use language and maybe think about changing some of the language we're using to have better communication as a team.

Just previews of some of the awesome stuff that we're going to be talking about. So if you haven't done the thing, if you haven't, put your fingers to your keyboard and typed unchartedvet.com/events, go do it now because I have hugs waiting for you in Greenville and you should not miss out on this. And now back to the podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:

All right, so let's get into how we actually start to do these medical records. Okay? Now, I'm going to break this down the way that we break down efficiency and core processes in a practice. So the first thing I'm going to do is step back and look at the system as a whole. And so bear with me, this is really honest to God how I think about appointments, okay? Let's step back when we're going to look at the system as a whole. And so medical records are part of the workflow of the doctor. My belief and I can back this about a number of different ways is, one of the mistakes that doctors make and it isn't just how we're trained, but it's true. They think of an appointment as a single unit. I see 13 appointments a day. That's what I see.

I think that that's a really limited way to think about what you do and it's limited in how efficient you can make yourself if you think of an appointment as a unit, right? Appointments should be thought of modularly. There's admission of the pet owner, there is the patient history, there is the physical examination, there is the recommendation, there is the diagnostics, there is the treatment, there is the follow-up diagnostics after the first diagnostics. And you can break this thing all the way down into being a couple of modules. I like to break an appointment up into modules and then I like to look at who does what. So for example, when an appointment comes in for me, my technician gets a TPR and gets the client history and then Andy comes in, does the physical examination, makes the recommendations, steps out, technician does the diagnostics, does any treatments that are needed, and then I return with diagnostic results and recommend additional diagnostics or additional treatments, based on those results.

Or we move to discharge, which is done by the technician. And so really when you look at an appointment, it's not one block. It's technician, me, technician, me, and then that repeats if we need to do advanced diagnostics and then discharge is by technician with my medical records in their hands. Okay? So that's the workflow. If you break your appointment apart like that, you can really start to make this thing go. You can dial into training your technicians specifically on history taking. I can dig into how long am I spending doing a physical examination? How long am I spending doing recommendations? And then when I'm done with recommendations, how long is my team taking to take pets out to get diagnostics done? I can drill into the specific efficiencies of each of those steps and you guys can see, I'm really serious about making this thing flow.

But if you're doing 25 appointments a day, every day, for the rest of your career, shaving three, four minutes off of your appointment time, buddy, that pays real dividends in you getting things done and you getting out on time, on you being able to help more people. And the medical record is part of that. While my technicians are doing the treatment or the diagnostics, I am writing up the medical record. That's where I go. And so I know that I go in, physical exam, out, medical record, in to report, out, update medical record, and then off with a discharge and it goes out. So I really believe you have to understand that's how I think about appointments. I'm not messing around, they don't kind of willy-nilly get done. But that approach is it allows me to really leverage my techs, which is why I'm such a huge fan of techs and to pull people in and for us to run a well-oiled machine. Okay?

Stephanie Goss:

Yes, I'm with you on that.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Cool. So when we talk specifically about the medical record part of this, this is a module in that system. And so I want to drill into this like it's an efficiency exercise.

And so when we have efficiency exercises and you want to go faster, the first thing you do is document your current workflow. And so you need to look at how this is actually happening. What is going on? And what happens is people say, “Well, what do you mean what's going on? I sit down, I think about the thing and I write it down.” And I say, “No, you don't. No, you don't. Touched this medical record three different times at three different computers, logging in each one, navigating your way to find the patient to open that file up. You're waiting for it to load, then you're getting over to the soap and you're doing this three different times. That's wildly inefficient.” You want to minimize the number of touches you have on any project. That's just across the board.

I don't want to go over to the pharmacy four different times to get one appointment out the door. That's not efficient. I want to think about going to the pharmacy one time, grabbing the four things that I need, getting them done, packaged and out the door. And so that's what we talk about when we start to really drill into the efficiency. So think about the number of times that you're that you're touching this. And so I want to minimize the number of touches I have on the record. I want to open it up and I want to largely get it done as fast as I can with as few engagement with it as possible. And the last thing is inside that record, I want to automate as many steps as possible. It's amazing how many of us basically do the same physical exam for every patient and we type that physical exam in every time.

That's bonkers. Automate, automate, automate that thing. And it's amazing, I don't have a problem with doctors saying to the management, “Hey, would you be okay if I set up my own template for physical exam findings and just be like this? It'll be Andy's wellness exam and I can pop it up and I can use it.” Think about the number of appointments or charts we see in a day and then think about how much time over the course of a year you would save by having this thing generate your objective findings, and then also your plan. Even just in a template of how do you write your plans if you're always like, these are the next steps, these are the follow-up things, whatever. The more of that stuff you can just auto-generate so you're quickly filling it out, the better off you're going to be. And this matters because of how many records we touch.

Stephanie Goss:

So I don't disagree with any of that. Where I think for me, I zoom out even further and it's actually something you taught me, when you think about it, and this works for, I really do believe all branches of veterinary medicine, including ER. If you zoom out and you think about in an average day what kind of cases we see. It's going to be easier, if you are a cat-only practice, you might have a handful of things that you see wellness appointments for cats, you might see dentistry appointments for cats, you might see sick cats. And then your sick cat, you might have five or six different things that you see really commonly. And there's going to be zebras, there are always zebras. But on your average day, what are those things that you see? If you think about that from a clinical perspective, you can probably count on two hands everybody, the kinds of cases we see.

We've got vomiting, we've got diarrhea, we've got the ADR.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Skin, yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

You've got itchy skin or itchy ears, you got itch factor of some variety. So if you start at the beginning and think about what kind of cases does your practice see, no matter what type of practice it is, and what I mean by even the ER, like ERs see some crazy, crazy things. And there are things that they see every single day just like GP, right? So what are those things? Hit by car, broken bone, things like that. If we zoom out and we think about what are those things and make a list and then we start by thinking, okay, to your point, I love your point Andy about it doesn't even have to be the same across the board because each doctor's approach to those things might be different.

But, and if I ask you Andy, “Okay, take a vomiting pet, a pet with diarrhea, an itchy pet, and write down, think about the most high-maintenance client that you could see with a pet with that issue, what would your chart look like?” And if you take the time to sit down and think about what would that look like, how would I hold their hand? How would I communicate those things? And you write it out, it takes time to do that process and you're doing it once and then you're done. And what I mean by that is if you think about that case and a high-maintenance client, chances are you can use that template to cover 99% of the bases, because then it's just deleting. Then it's just taking out things that might not be applicable, adding in some things that might be applicable to this case and now you're just editing, instead of writing.

And I every day, hear from people who are like, it used to happen to me in the practice and I would have doctors who would sit there, they're seeing the same things, but they're literally doing what you said, which is typing out the whole thing every single time. And it blows my mind that that's still where we are as a field, because to your point, we have the technology to fix that problem. Even if your PIMS is not the most advanced of PIMS, there is nothing to stop you from opening a Google Doc and writing your templates in a single Google Doc, and making a table of contents for yourself so that you can pull out of that what you need when you need it. But I think when we, I've done this exercise with my practice multiple times with multiple doctors, and what we found was they all were like, “We all write our charts differently.”

Fair. You all went to different medical schools, you all have different backgrounds, you all have different things that you feel more strongly about than others. And the reality is for most practices, there is an average in there somewhere. And so it is once you start this process to look at, what are we writing and how are we writing it? It becomes easier to make the template and then look for those commonalities. And in some practices, it works for there to be one template that works for everybody. And in other practices, it works because there's a system, to your point, for each doctor to have it individualized. And your practice management software can do that. You can do it with a push of a button. I can literally hit three keys in Avimark and drop in my customized, I've written this out as technician notes that are different from my team members' notes.

It's not hard to do, but I agree a hundred percent. I think we have to zoom out from a starting perspective and it's a worthwhile exercise to your point about shaving tons of time off in the long run, to sit down, make a list of the cases, the kind of cases you see, and start working your way down it. And what I found when I did this process, most of my doctors, if I said to you, “Hey Andy, what's the last super itchy pet you saw?” You probably could have a patient that would come to mind.

And then I could say, “Great, I'm going to pull up that chart. I'm going to take, going to cut and paste. Here's what you wrote for that case. Is there anything else? If you are making this your standard, is there anything else you would want to add to this? Anything you want to change?” Now, instead of you having to sit down and say, “Oh, Stephanie wanted me to think about what I would write for an itchy pet.” Now you're taking something that you've already done and now you're just editing the work, which makes the process exponentially easier. I think a lot of us are like, “Oh gosh, I have to.” It's this huge bit. We make it into a mountain when it really can be really easy to start with a molehill, because those patients stick out in our minds.

Dr. Andy Roark:

So the way I handle this, okay, and there's you got to be a little bit careful here, because I can get on board with this, but going all the way back to the beginning where I say, “What is the point?” Right? If the point is client education, we need to be upfront about that, because I didn't put that in my list, but it's not wrong. You know what I mean? To be like if you say, I want to write this in a way that my most demanding client is going to get it. I think you can do that. But I think that, and here's exactly why I rant about the vet schools and maybe I was unfair, but I don't think so.

Stephanie Goss:

I don't think you're unfair.

Dr. Andy Roark:

When I do a medical record, it is for my techs and my other doctors, and I know that they are super busy. And what kills me is I have worked with veterinarians who are great veterinarians, but they write four pages in their medical record and it makes me angry every time I look at what they did. And I know they're like, I'm such a good doctor. I wrote 3000 words on that thing. And I'm like, “You know what? I'm not reading this crap. I'm going to skim it as fast as I can, and then I'm going to go look at what you invoiced so I can see what you actually did because this is ridiculous.” I don't have eight minutes to read that they had an ear infection last time they were here. And again, I know this is heresy and people go, “What? My four-page description of an ear infection is a masterpiece.”

And I go, “It's wildly inconvenient for me. You are slowing me down when I am overbooked and trying to get to an emergency because you did not communicate efficiently.” And so I think you can do that client education part and write up a robust template that you say, “Aha, here's the thing.” I would say you should put that at the bottom of your medical record so that everyone else on staff can immediately skip it. They'll say, “Here is important points for the pet owner.” Or “Have your plan and have your real plan and then below it have your templated in plan that clearly explains everything, but I can ignore that and just look at your assessment and your actual plan and know where we're going and what we're doing.” And so that's my sticking point.

The vet school teach you to take, in my opinion and experience with a limited number of vet schools, they take all the information, they put it in one place, which makes it confusing for the pet owners and overwhelming for busy practitioners and technicians who have just been handed a telephone and said, “Talk to this person.” And they're like, “I'm sorry, I'm going to have to call you back when I get to chapter three because that's where we are.” So anyway, I think I do love your point about you doing your client communications on a template. My point is I have strong feelings that separating the intra-hospital communications and the client-facing communications, if you're going to go into great depth, I think that's important.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes, I am a hundred percent with you. I think we've come to this place in veterinary medicine where, and like you were saying, I don't know if it comes from the vet schools or because we're just living in a litigious world now. We've just come to this place where the patient care side of the chart and the client care side of the chart have melded together for a lot of us. And I am absolutely a huge advocate, and my number one rule in my team, if it isn't written in the chart, it didn't happen, right? Because that's like to the point about the medical board, that's how they look at it. What is written? Because we can only go off of what is written in the chart. And so I, a hundred percent agree with you, and I love setting up a practice management software so that you have that separation because I'm with you.

It used to drive me crazy when I would be the tech and I would have the client on the phone and I'm digging through four or five paragraphs trying to figure out what you actually said. I want the high level and I want to make sure that the important pieces are called out. And that's where I think our technology allows us to do that. And so many of us underutilize our practice management software to leverage that and make it easier for the team. Because I think your point about minimizing those touches and thinking about how do we automate those steps, is really, really important. Because if I can think about how do I, nine times out of 10, how do my doctors treat an itchy skin case? And I think about the bullet points that I would want that record to include, that's what I'm talking about from a template perspective.

Like what does that say, so that if I'm picking it up, you Andy, were in my practice as a relief doctor two weeks ago and we haven't talked to you since, and now Mrs. Smith is on the phone asking questions? I want to be able to go pick up that record as a technician and go, “Yeah, I could get inside Dr. Roark's head because it's all here. I know what he was thinking. I know what those major concerns were. I know what he recommended to you. I know what the plan was and I know what your decision was as the client at that point in time.”

Dr. Andy Roark:

The last part of this that I think is really important, and this is a hill I will fight and die on. The filling out the medical record is part of the appointment, right? It is a module and it is there. Separating the time that you do medical records from when you see patients is a mistake. A doctor should dig their heels in and push against it. And your practice might not like that, and I think you should tell them to stick it. And you don't hear me say that a lot, but you should. This is me coming down on the part of the doctors. You should tell them to stick it. And it's because first of all, it's not good medicine for you to see an appointment and then three hours later use your recall to remember what you talked about and put yourself in there, is not good medicine.

And the other part is, this is a way, it's a subtle way, and I don't think people mean to, they don't think about it. It's not an evil plan. But it is a way of making doctors take work into their lunch breaks and take them home with them. And when we're dealing in major burnout, that's not okay. That needs to change. We never say to someone who worked at a fast food restaurant, “Hey, go ahead and make french fries while you're at home tonight, so they're ready for tomorrow.” It's like, “No, that's part of the job. And I do it at work on the clock.” The same thing is true with your medical records. The thing that needs to happen here is, the doctors need to dig their heels in and say, “My appointment is not over until I finish this medical record.” And I think that you should fight that fight and just say, “That's how it is.” And that's how you get out of here on time.

The fact that if the practice says to you, “But if you write up your medical records, we can't see all the patients that we want to see.” I would say, “Then we don't have capacity to see the patients that you want to see.” Because writing up the medical record is part of the job. So again, I don't think it comes from a bitter place. I don't think that practitioners are trying to take advantage of doctors. I don't think they're like, “Ha ha, let's make them spend their nights writing these things.” They are just trying to see all the patients and to do all the work. And one way to stuff it into a certain number of hours is to just not ask questions about when the charts are getting done because the doctors are going to do it, because they have a moral obligation to it, and they're good people and they also want to protect their license, so they're going to do it.

So that's how that kind of gets set up. And I just feel really strongly it's time to push back against that and say, “No, these things go together.” Now to be fair, and on the flip side, if you have a doctor that takes 22 minutes to write up a chart, and I know those doctors. Yes, I understand why the clinic would say, “This is not okay for you to take 50 minutes to see a 30-minute appointment.” That's not hard to understand, and the staff's going to get frustrated and everything. That means that there has to be some flexibility on the side of the doctor, which goes back to efficiency, which is, I'm going to write these charts up, but I'm going to do them in an efficient way that doesn't involve me writing 5,000 word essays on every one of them. And if the doctors are unwilling to make that concession, then none of this stuff that I'm talking about is going to work.

Stephanie Goss:

And I think, I have been there working with doctors who have the mini novel for the records, and to your point, from the vet school lens, they were beautiful. If I sat there for 25 minutes and read through their whole mini novel, I would have a fantastic idea of what they were thinking, why they were thinking and what's coming next for this patient. I would. They're so thorough and complete and beautiful. And if you are that doctor, it's also not wrong to figure out how to make that for yourself and make it replicable, because you can't expect yourself to have to have to write that out over and over and over again. Because otherwise you're going to be this doctor who's there till 10 o'clock at night, writing up their charts. You have got to figure out a system. So I'm totally with you, I think.

And I think if we're not doing our jobs as managers, if there isn't some sort of process to look at this and evaluate this and make sure that we're supporting all of our doctors. So for me, that conversation would look like, “Look, I get it. Maybe I can't ask you to change right now.” Because especially when you're working with newer grad doctors, that is how they sometimes get to their thoughts. Or when you're standing there, I remember being a new technician and thinking, if I don't talk through in my head all of the possibilities, how will I know that I'm not missing something? So I know what that feeling feels like, and that's where you have to be willing to accept help from your team. And so you have to figure out a system that is going to allow the rest of the team to help you. But this is not a healthy place to be where you're sitting there until 10 o'clock at night.

And so if you're like, “This is the only acceptable way for me to do it.” Totally fair. You have to be willing to work with me to create a system. Because as the manager, I also have the responsibility to the rest of the team, to the business, to our patient care model because there's other patients waiting for you that also need your attention, to say, “I have to help hold you accountable to being able to move this along because it does not work for you to take 50 minutes to do a 30-minute appointment and constantly be making your clients wait 20 to 30 minutes and be running behind.” That's not fair to the patients. It's not fair to the clients, so I need you to help me. And it's about finding that middle ground.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Well, I'm glad you said that, and I'm glad you brought that up because I just want to really emphasize, I don't think I said this very clearly before. When I'm looking at my systems and my workflows, there are other people besides me, the veterinarian making $75 an hour or whatever. There's other people besides me that can do 80% of the medical record for me and my assistants can, my technicians can. And so I didn't say that super clearly, and I think I've been talking as if the doctors is the one king and all this. That's part of the system of the workflow is to go, “Okay, how do we do this and where are other people and how this, can be broken up.” I mean, I know doctors that are a high-producing doctors and they have a scribe chasing behind them. When I go see my doctor, the GP, every one of them now has a scribe in the room and they're doing the records and they're making it happen.

The economics of vet medicine are a little bit different, maybe a little bit. But I do know that I do have, I've worked at those practices. I've worked at a practice that I had the doctor, the technician and the assistant all go into the room, and it's this really beautiful rotation of, the technician is asking questions while the assistant is getting the pet ready, and then the doctor is in, and the doctor is doing the physical exam, and the technician has rotated over to the keyboard and they're serving as the scribe, and then the technician is doing the diagnostics and feeding them back to the doctor. And it's this beautifully coordinated dance. But that record is done every time they're done in that room. And it's impressive. It's super impressive.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah. No, I'm on that page. That was my preferred method in my own practice because it makes you be able to be leveraged to, as a team member to your skillset. The doctor is putting their hands on the patient and diagnosing and answering the client questions that need to be answered to make a diagnosis or move forward. And then I want to be able to help the doc. I want to be able to take all of the patient care pieces off of their plate. I want to be able to help drive that forward. And also, I'm the tech that love client education, so why should my doctor stand in the room and answer some of those questions that I'm totally capable of answering for that client? Because then I also can not only answer the question, but I can have the financial conversation.

So I'm with you. I'm a big fan of figuring out what that dance looks like. And look, this is where, should is a very dangerous word because it's different in every practice. What works in my practice is not necessarily what's going to work in Andy's practice or your practice. Everybody is going to have something different, and everyone needs to have a system and a process. And the fact that we, as an industry, spend hundreds and hundreds of thousands of hours doing this over the course of a year in practice and years in practice, and so many of us don't take the time to on this as a team and figure out those systems, is really, really sad because it is a part that is, it is broken. And it should not be up to just the doctors to say, “Hey, I'm drowning, and this doesn't work for me on a personal level because I'm spending all of my time off work, working on work.” The whole of the team should look at this and say, “How do we make this better for each other and also for our patients and our clients?”

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah. I just have really strong feelings about this is you can tell it's because I have seen my good friends burn out and quit. I mean, I know veterinarians that work at IDEXX because they couldn't go home before nine o'clock, and not that working at IDEXX is bad. It's great, but it hurts my soul because I want my friends to be in practice. I know that's what they want to do, and I feel like I'm bashing IDEXX. I love IDEXX. I don't seeing my people burn out in the trenches in vet medicine. I love clinical practice and I don't like seeing people leave for burnout.

And I've seen good friends break their marriages for this exact reason. And I go, “I'm sorry if your marriage is breaking down because you don't come home before 9:30 at night because you're writing up records. That's not okay.” And that's the emotional driver for me to say, “Nope, the record gets done when the appointment gets done, and I hand the record to the pet owner because that stops me from falling back into that habit of, I'll fill these out later on.” But to me, it's a wellness strategy to say, “Nope, I'm tying these things together. I'm not interested in breaking them apart because I don't want to live that life.” And just, I've seen that too much.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, no, I agree with you a hundred percent. It hurts when you have people on your team who truly love clinical practice, and I think that's what I heard you say when you were talking about somebody leaving and going to work in industry. There are people who are suited for industry. They try clinical practice and they are not happy and they go elsewhere. That is not the problem. It's when people who genuinely love clinical practice but leave for an alternative, whether it's industry or leaving the industry altogether, because they can't figure out how to find that work life balance, that's the one that hurts them. That hurts. Right? That's the one where you look at it and you feel like, this isn't good.

Dr. Andy Roark:

I agree.

Stephanie Goss:

And I think it's our job as leaders to help fix that. And so this is an elephant, and if your practice has no system and everybody is doing it a different way, especially if you have multiple doctors and multiple techs, and each different team does it differently, this is not a thing where you're going to be like, “All right, we're going to call a huddle and in the next 15 minutes we're going to solve this problem.” That is not a thing that's going to happen.

Dr. Andy Roark:

You have to do the math. You have to do the math and recognize how many appointments you see in a day and how many people log in and search for a pet and pull them up. And just think about how much time you spend logging in and pulling up a pet on one computer, and then five minutes later you log in and you pull it up on a different computer and oh, you can't access it because it's still open on the first computer, and so you have to go figure out where you open up. It's just ridiculous. But those things, especially across a three-doctor, five-doctor, 10-doctor practice, they're bonkers. Also, I feel like we going to need to do some sort of hiring push for IDEXX because I'm like, I wasn't trying to use them as a bad example, and now I'm really torn with guilt. I'm like, so if you're thinking, if you are burned out-

Stephanie Goss:

I understand what you were saying.

Dr. Andy Roark:

If you are burned out and you're thinking about leaving a clinic, consider IDEXX because I do have friends who have gone there, but they're very happy. And so just think about it.

Stephanie Goss:

I think you're just digging the hole for yourself.

Dr. Andy Roark:

This episode not sponsored by IDEXX.

Stephanie Goss:

Not brought to you by IDEXX.

Oh man, I love it. I love it so much. If you're sitting here and you're listening and you're just like, “Okay, guys, this sounds fantastic, but how do I actually do this?” This is the kind of thing that I love about the Uncharted community because we ask these of kind of questions. We are asking our peers, I have no idea how to do this. I know I need to do it because I have doctors who are sitting here until 10 o'clock at night. I want to fix this problem, and this is the kind of conversation that I love seeing happen in our community because it's where we dig into the weeds of what are we actually doing? What are the different styles of doing it? How do you approach this? What are people's different perspectives to how do you project managements this?

Because it is an elephant and you have to eat it one bite at a time, and there's no better way, I think to do that than to sit down with some of your peers and say, “How might I approach this and how may I also be able to ask for help?” Because it will be a process. It is an undertaking. I have done it with multiple practices. At my last practice, it took us a year once we identified like, “Hey, we need to solve this.” Because we did it in stages. And it started like everybody's going to write up, let's take a wellness appointment. What does that look like? And you just chip away at it, little by little by little.

But you know what? When we got there and when the wheels started churning faster and faster and that train started chugging down the track, it feels really good because there is a world that exists where you can go into an exam room, you can see an appointment, and you can walk out of that exam room and the client can leave the building and your chart is done. And all of the client communication is in the client. Like you said, the client left with a copy of whether it's a report card or copy of the record or whatever. They leave with that in their hands. There is a world where that can exist. I'm here for that world.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Yeah, I agree. Awesome. Well, thanks for talking through with me, Steph.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, this is a good one. Have a fantastic week everybody.

Dr. Andy Roark:

Thanks, everybody.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast, and as always, this was so fun to dive into the mail bag and answer this question, and I would really love to see more things like this come through the mail bag. If there is something that you would love to have us talk about on the podcast or a question that you are hoping that we might be able to help with, feel free to reach out and send us a message. You can always find the mail bag at the website. The address is unchartedvet.com/mailbag, or you can email us at podcast@unchartedvet.com. Take care everybody, and have a great week. We'll see you again next time.

Our Practice Leader is Driving People Away!

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice manager Stephanie Goss are answering a question you asked in the mailbag! We received an email from an associate veterinarian who joined their practice after working in at as a regular relief vet. They thought they found their home clinic but now that they have settled in, they are finding almost the entire team has turned over since they started. Some left on their own and recently, even though the team was down to a skeleton crew, the practice owner made the decision to fire 2 more team members. This associate is struggling hard with the decision and wondering how they go about addressing their concerns with the practice owner that if they don't figure out how to make some changes, there won't be any team left. They are also wondering how to tell when it might be time to give up and find a new home clinic, if this really isn't the right place for them. Andy and Stephanie really enjoyed talking through this one from a variety of angles. Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 219 – Our Practice Leader Is Driving People Away!

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Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


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We have TWO amazing events coming up – one virtual just for managers and one in person that anyone on the team can attend! Don't miss your chance to join us either virtually or in person in beautiful Greenville, SC.

The Practice Manager Summit – March 23, 2023

We know you are unique. Managing the business. Fielding never-ending questions from the team. Fixing broken printers, again. You wear more hats than anyone else in the practice. All of these look great on you, of course. But do you ever wonder “Am I actually in charge if I don’t own the practice? How do I manage the endless responsibilities of this job with limited power and resources? How can I keep growing professionally?”

If you’re itching to talk to people who really get what it means to be a manager, this is the event for you!

It’s time to connect with your fellow practice managers to share what gets you excited about your role, find solutions for what needs your focus now, and discover new ways to shine even brighter as a manager.

While Uncharted Membership is always encouraged, it is not required for event attendance! Non-members, here’s your chance to see what all the buzz is about and get a taste of the Uncharted experience. 

The Uncharted Veterinary Conference – April 20-23, 2023

Our flagship three-day live conference event in Greenville, SC. Come join us in Greenville!


Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:
Hey friends, this is Stephanie Goss and I'm bringing you another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I are diving deep in the mailbag. We had so much fun doing this one. It was a question that has come to us from an associate doctor who is really struggling with some of the decisions that their practice owners is making in the recent past about terminating some of the members of their team. They've had a lot of turnover and this doctor is really struggling with why this turnover is happening. They understand that it is the owner's private practice and they can, at the end of the day, do exactly what they want with it. They're really wondering when and how do I speak up about this because it's really bothering me. We've got some great stuff to unpack here. Let's get into it.

Meg:
And now the Uncharted Podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And we are back. It's me Dr. Andy Roark and the one and only Stephanie should I stay or should I go now Goss?

Stephanie Goss:
That is very, very good one. How is it going Andy Roark?

Dr. Andy Roark:
If I stay there will be trouble. And if I go it might be trouble maybe it's switched around anyway-

Stephanie Goss:
Maybe it's always trouble when I'm involved.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's definitely, that's a song about picking the better of two bad options it's what I think it is.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, how's it going?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh boy, it's crazy talk. It's wild.

Stephanie Goss:
I feel like I've seen your face a lot lately.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yes. You and I just spent five days together from sunup until well past sundown-

Stephanie Goss:
Well past sundown.

Dr. Andy Roark:
At the VMX conference, yeah, yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
It was so fun. It was so good to see everybody back in person and to feel that pre-pandemic energy and excitement about veterinary medicine, about change and growth in our community. And I had a great time.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I had a mixed time. There were things that were great and there were things that were hard for me. And one of the things that was hard for me was that Stephanie Goss was packing lecture rooms until people could not get in. I'm talking, it's like, rooms that seat 800 and they're turning people away. I'm not kidding. I went up to the door and they were like, “You can't go in there.” And I said, “Do you know who I am?” And they were like, “We do not know or care at all.” And so I saw Eric Garcia, who's the program chair, and I was like, “Eric, they won't let me get in there.” And Eric Garcia goes, “Official NAVC business, we're just going to check a room count, oh, and he's with me.”
So that's how I got in to see, the only way I could get into Stephanie Goss was to phone a friend and get him to essentially lie to the security people so that I could watch you do your thing. And then no less than two dozen people stopped me in the hall to say, “I didn't see you in the program. Are you not in the program?” And I wasn't. I did not do any speaking as the first time in forever. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but it just shaped up that way. And then I'm watching, basically what it was, you know when your friends are like, “Hey buddy, you want to come and do this awesome thing?” And you're like, “No, I'm going to be responsible because I have a lot of things going on in my life and my plate is really full and I'm going to stay in tonight and get my work done.” And then they send you drunken selfies from the greatest party in the history of the world. That's basically my experience with this conference watching Goss just crush-

Stephanie Goss:
Poor Andy.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I know. I literally asked someone at one point is like, “Are popup lectures a thing?” They're like, “Like flash lectures?”

Stephanie Goss:
Flash mob in the hallway. Andy Roark lecture in the middle of the hallway. There were plenty of opportunities because there were some lines and you could have just done a flash mob in the hallway.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I could have lectured to people in line for other things. I said that to somebody and they looked at me and they were like, “Yes, that's a thing, it's called street Street preaching.” And it's like, “That's not what I'm going for.”

Stephanie Goss:
That's not the level that you've reached.

Dr. Andy Roark:
No, but once they said it, I was like, that is exactly a picture in my mind. I was just imagining street preaching that went really well which is probably what every street preacher imagines and how they get started.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, man. Yeah, we had a good time. It was good to see everybody and meet some new people. And the future of veterinary medicine is bright and I'm here for it. I'm excited, it's going to be a good year. It's going to be a real good year.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I am super optimistic for this year. I really am. Last year was a tough year in a couple ways, but man, things are looking pretty darn good. Life goes on, one foot in front of the other. I see a lot of opportunity ahead for vet medicine. I think my wife and I have gone through some health stuff and man, we're on the other side. All that stuff is done. It's all behind us. It's looking good, buddy.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, I know. And April is just a few short months away and we're going to get to see our whole Uncharted crew in Greenville and it's just creeping closer and closer. Florida was just a little taste of sunshine. And then we're going to be in Vegas in a few weeks and it's like there's all these little milestones creeping towards being all back together with our Uncharted crew in April. And I'm so excited for that.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Boy, it's almost, it's half sold out already.

Stephanie Goss:
I know.I know. That is crazy to me. We have sold out every year, but this is the fastest that it has moved.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, and we pushed the capacity up this year. We're like, if we open the door to this closet and then we let people sit in there, we can get more like that's what we did.

Stephanie Goss:
Andy's going to put me in the closet.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It still hurts, Goss can get over here.

Stephanie Goss:
You do it when I'm working from home, you put me back in the closet. So how is that different when we're at the Westin?

Dr. Andy Roark:
And it's not my fault the best acoustics in your house are in a closet.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh man, we're off the rails already.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, okay, now let's start to get into this. This is a fun one. This is a good one.

Stephanie Goss:
But if you want to come hang out with us in April and meet the Uncharted community, you should sign up because we are already halfway sold out and it's only January 20th when we're recording this. So if you've been thinking about coming and you haven't already bought a ticket, you definitely should.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, you don't even have to do that because you and I are doing our development path where people work with us every other week. If you're an Uncharted member, you can jump in with me and Stephanie and Maria Pirita. Every other week we get together and we work on a topic and we work on part of the practice and it's us. So I'm super excited about, again, talk about 2023 being a great year, we've never done this before, but if you're an Uncharted member, you can jump on a Zoom call with me and Stephanie and just we're getting to work and it'll be every two weeks. And yeah, we're going to be with you through the summertime at least trying it out, seeing how it goes. But my plan is to hopefully keep doing it for a long time.

Stephanie Goss:
All right. So today we've got a good one I think in that we had somebody write into the mailbag and when I read this one I was like, oh, this is one of those you can lead horse-to-water conversations. So we had a vet who was super excited, they had been doing some relief work and found a practice that they really thought that they gelled with. And so they decided, okay, I've done the relief vet thing maybe I want to go back to being an associate vet. And so they agreed to work with one of the practices they had been working with and that started last year and since that start, middle of last year, not like the end of December last year. And so they've been there a while. And in that time almost the entire team has either been let go or has chosen to leave and new team members hired.
So they've had a turn almost completely in the team since this doctor came on board. They went from multi-doctors, multiple licensed technicians, down to only two licensed technicians. And so recently one of the techs quit and one of the CSRs was let go. And the conversation with the team was about personality conflicts with these people from the practice leadership. And this is a private practice, it was a practice owner, but you and I were talking about this before we started and it's totally applicable to any leadership in the hospital really. It doesn't have to just be a private practice because we've both seen this happen in situations where you've got a medical director or non-practice owner leading the helm. But basically this practice owner is having personality conflicts left and right with people and has been choosing to part ways with people. And in this case, the technician and the CSR were putting in effort to take feedback, get better at their jobs, try and meet the expectations that were being set with them.
And so this associate doctor is like, “Look, I am really struggling here.” Because these are two people who both brought great skills to the table. They were outgoing, they wanted to help, they wanted to bring more clients in the door, they wanted to take care of their patients. The tech in particular was great with aggressive patients. And so this associate's like, “Look, I understand that it's a practice owner's practice and they can basically do whatever they want, but firing somebody for what feels like perspective-wise to the associate doctor, mild personality disagreements feels like a really poor choice, especially when we're in a place where good team members are hard to find right now.”
And so they were like, “Why aren't we training? Why aren't we counseling? Why aren't we doing some management?” And so this associate was like, “Look, I've had a lot of leadership training and I've done a lot of CE in this area because it's something I'm interested in and everything about this does not sit well with me.” And so they were like, okay, would you address the practice owner about these things as an associate vet? And if so, how do you go about basically questioning their management decisions and if the staffing of the hospital seems to be based on how well you get along with the practice owner, whether you can become buddy-buddy or not, versus their skills and what they bring to the table. If this was you, would you guys be looking for another practice?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. All right. This is a great question. There's a lot to unpack here. So let's start with headspace as we do. So the first thing that I would say here is assume good intent. And this is a good healthy way to think about it. The truth is why does this happen? We don't know. I don't know why these people got let go. I don't. Is it possible that there was that they-

Stephanie Goss:
More to the story?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, that there's more to the story? Of course there is. Is it possible that they mildly irritated this practice owner and he or she let them go? It's possible. It's hard for me to really get my head around in today's labor shortage and stuff, but that doesn't mean it's not true. I've seen people do some things I can't figure out. I can't get my brain around. I think the kind thing is to say, I don't know what happened and for HR reasons, this person, I don't expect that they're going to tell me exactly what happened. So I don't know. And I think the reason for that and I say I don't know, is it just stops me from making assumptions and jumping to conclusions that might not be correct. And that's just a safe place for me to pragmatically look at the situation. And at the same time, there's a saying, once an accident, twice a coincidence, three times a pattern. And so if there was an employee that I was like, “Man, that person's great, I have no idea why they got let go.” It's a whole lot easier for me to say, “There's more to this story.” Then that would be my first thought is there's more to the story.
But if it seems to be happening again and again and again, it gets harder and harder for me to be like, “There's more to this story and there's more to that story and there's more to the other story.” At some point there's a common denominator when I go, “Interactions with the practice owner are not going well.” But I think you can balance both of those things of assuming good intent and then also starting to say, “I'm not concerned about this because of it happening once, I'm concerned about a pattern that I'm seeing there.” I think those are both healthy things to hold in your mind at the same time.

Stephanie Goss:
I think that's super fair. And I think the reality is most practices at some point or another go through a complete turn of their team. There are absolutely practices out there that have a longtime team, the whole team has been the same for 10, 20, even 30 years or the vast majority of the team. And for the average multi-doctor practice, the reality is turnover happens. It happens for a whole lot of reasons that have nothing to do with performance. People move, people have babies, people leave the field, all of those things. So it's not atypical even for your average practice of size to go through a turn. And for this associate vet, they're sitting in the position where the turn happened, and they're wondering was this a one-time thing? Like you said, was this once an accident? This is a thing, it happened, we're moving on.
And now they're continuing to see things that make them think that it's a pattern. And so I can totally understand being in this headspace of like, this doesn't look so good. And I think this associate is in a good headspace because they're asking great questions and they are like, “I don't want this to be the case. I want it to be different. I don't know if I can make it different, but I want it to be different. And so I'm asking the questions.” Which I think even if you can't completely assume good intent because you are noticing some patterns, I think it's a good healthy head space to be.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree. And I think the other part of perspective is a little bit different, but kind of the same. You do and I'm just I'm so happy with this letter, just the perspective of the person's writing I think is just so good. But they're very measured and they're looking at it in a very smart non-emotional way, which I think is exactly how you want to approach big questions like this. But it is possible to hold in your mind and recognize this is not my circus and that's going to happen whether you're in private practice or corporate practice as well. It's like there's going to be decisions that are made that you are not invited to the table to make. And you have to be okay with that. And you have to say, “That decision was made above my pay grade.”
Exactly. And so you need to make peace with that. And at the same time you can also be honest and own the fact that the decisions made above your pay grade will affect you and therefore you do have a reason to care about this. And so just saying, “It's not my business. I am out.” You might be out of the decision and that's true and you have to be comfortable being out of this decision. However, to your practice owner, I would say, yeah, you don't need to include your associate in this decision, however, you do need to be painfully aware that the decision you make will affect your associate veterinarian. And I expect he or she to make decisions based on what their circumstances are. So I don't know if I'm explaining that very well, but basically I'm saying from a perspective standpoint, I would not be resentful that I was not included in these decisions. I think that that's to be expected and I can also have a strong opinion on this based on how I am affected by the decisions that are happening.

Stephanie Goss:
Sure, sure. Yeah, it impacts your ability to do your job and so it makes sense that you would potentially have feelings about the impact that it has to you for sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Exactly. Yeah. And so going on from there in the head space, I get to ask myself, how do I feel about this and what do I want to do from here? And I think that's exactly where the associate should be. It's not resentful that I was included, not assuming bad intent, but still saying, “I am looking at reality around me and I have concerns, and so I am going to strategically plan for myself.” And I think that that's a healthy headspace is kind of where we need to get to.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, totally, totally. That makes sense. And to look at it from the perspective of, okay, this does impact me. I am interested in leadership because I've done some self-development here. I like what I'm doing, I came here for a reason and all of those things adding up to, okay, this impacts me. Is there a place where I can have some influence? And that I think is a good healthy headspace to be because that is a place of hope. It's a place of maybe I could influence or change this situation, which is better, is a place I like to live more than feeling like not my circus, not my monkeys, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it except sit here and be miserable which is certainly a place from a headspace perspective that you could be sitting at this point in time.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Sure. I've seen a lot of people there and so have you. There's a lot of people who feel helpless in these situations and that may sound simplistic, but I promise you it's easy, especially when it happens over time. At some point people started leaving and you got in your head, I have to carry the load and people continue to leave, and you just doubled down on that thinking without ever stepping back and going, “Wait a second, have my situations changed to a place where just carrying the load might not be a good strategy anymore?” I think that that's really important. I also think that there's not a right answer here just on the information that we have, and I want people to know that, and it's going to be different for everybody in that how exactly are you being affected? Is it people in my practice are leaving, but the main technicians that I work with are the same and my actual work day-to-day is largely unaffected or is it people are leaving and they're the people that I rely on and my work is radically changing?
Those are different scenarios. The other thing is how do you feel about those changes? I know some doctors who want to work highly leveraged across multiple technicians and if their techs start leaving, they're going to be really unhappy. And I know other doctors that don't leverage their technicians, wrongfully so in my mind, but, and going from two technicians down to one technician or going from a technician assistant down to just an assistant, it might not really bother them that much. And we're not here to adjudicate how you use your support staff. My point is just some people are going to feel very differently about that than other people. It's not right or wrong, it's how do you feel? The last part of this really is, so much of it is about the relationship with the decision maker and perceptions of what the future looks like.
And say I'm the associate vet and the practice owner is having these interactions that people are leaving, and I don't really know why, the truth is on the scales do I think this practice owner, this leader is doing their best? Do I think that they're probably making decisions for the right reasons? And if I think that they're, sometimes things are hard, but I'm following a leader who's doing her best and who I believe is truly making these hard decisions. She's making them for the right reasons. I'm more likely to stick with that person than someone who's doing it because they want to bump profitability for the third quarter. You know what I mean? And that's what their driving decision is in my mind. Dude, does the person appreciate me? It's one thing if people are leaving and nobody says anything to me other than, “I guess you got more appointments to see.” Versus them saying, “Hey, I know this is challenging time and I appreciate you and I appreciate the work you're putting in.”
Man, that stuff matters when we're doing the math of what am I going to do? Do they value my input? You don't have to follow my decisions, but I do like to be heard. And I'll just tell you, we teach leaders all the time that making people feel heard and making them feel like they have input that's truly listened to, even if you go a different way, that's a huge part about people being okay with the hard decisions that were made. And you don't have to do what I say, but I pay attention to, did you communicate with me? Did you ask me what I thought or did you check in on me? That stuff matters. Is this somebody who's just had shit luck? And we all know people who have hit a real streak of bad luck. And I go, man, if we're in a tough place just because of bad luck, which happens, that makes me feel different, then we're here because of negligence.
We're here because this person is apathetic, because they checked out, because they're purely focused on personal gain. That stuff matters. And the last thing in all of this is, and I'll just tell you, when you go through periods of really hard work, especially in this case, you're shorthanded and everybody's working hard, I will tell you that one of the biggest difference makers is, do the people in the trenches with you, do they see a light ahead? And if they're like, “Nope, we're shorthanded and I have no reason to believe that that's going to change and this is my new reality.”

Stephanie Goss:
We're going to be shorthanded until the end of time, there's no change.

Dr. Andy Roark:
That is a different emotional experience than we are shorthanded and I believe that we will not be for long and the future will be better and we are going through this period of offloading people who needed to come off of our bus for some reason, and we are actively going to load back on some good people and the days ahead will be brighter. All of those things factor into the equation of how do I behave and what decision do I make going forward? And so I know that's a lot to unpack, but I really just want to say there's not one where I say, “In this situation, the answer is you leave.” I would say, “Boy, there's a lot of nuance here.” But just try to get those things in your head. It can be someone else's decision and you can be affected by it. You can-

Stephanie Goss:
Because I think what you were saying about how it's easier to stick with somebody through the hard stuff when you feel some of those things, when you feel that somebody's appreciating you, when you feel like they're hearing you. And even sometimes I remember vividly a point where I literally had four people quit at the same time within two weeks of each other, all different reasons, I could not control it. And I was devastated. And my team looked at me and they were like, “It's okay. We'll figure it out.” Because they could look at it through that filter you said of sometimes you just have shit luck. Sometimes the person who's been trying to have a baby for two years finally gets pregnant and is like, “I'm not going to work anymore.” Those things happen. And so I think from a head space perspective for me that this is head space and action because when it comes to your point, what are you going to do next?
Are you going to quit? Are you going to leave? Are you going to stay? Are you going to do something about all of those things we're going to talk about when we get to action steps? Looking at it through that lens and figuring out, how do I feel about my relationship with this person and the rest of the team I think is really, really important because you're going to need to, no matter what happens next, no matter what choice this associate vet makes, it's going to be hard. And so being able to look at, I'm doing this and I believe in this, and being able to hold that as your little flame of hope is so so important.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I completely agree. Let's take a break here and then we'll come back and we'll get into the actual action steps of what do we say and how do we say it.

Stephanie Goss:
That sounds great.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, so I love that this person made this job really easy for us by giving us two specific questions numbered one and two. I'm like, I like the way you work. You have clearly put some thought into this. So the first question was, would you address the owner about these decisions as the associate veterinarian and how would you go about questioning their decision? So to me the answer is absolutely yes. If we have so little trust in our relationship that I can't ask you go, “Hey, I couldn't help but notice that no one else works here anymore.” Then you don't have a relationship anyway. And what are you doing there? I'm sorry, at some point this is the elephant in the room and it would be weird for me to not ask you about it. And so I always say, I treat jobs like a relationship and I expect to be treated in a certain way and I plan to treat other people in a certain way. And I expect to be able to ask some questions about where we go.
And I don't take it personally if other people ask me questions about, “Hey, where are we going?” It's just a basic common understanding of what it means to work together with other people. And so no, just me. The big thing is, there's a couple big parts here. There's a difference in challenging the decision that was made and trying to understand what happened.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes, I would totally agree with that.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And it's funny how often people screw themselves right there. I'm not going to walk in and make demands. I really don't want to walk in and make assumptions. The two most powerful words in management, and this goes to managing up as well, are what happened? And I just seek first to understand, what happened? And so that I would say absolutely you have the conversation. Absolutely. Because how can you make a decision to go forward without asking some basic questions?
You're totally flying blind. And so I think that's a no-brainer. And so then the question becomes how exactly do you talk to them without them feeling that as they put, you're questioning their decision. The big thing for me is I use phrases like, help me understand, like “Hey, I noticed that we've had another one of our paraprofessionals go out. It feels like there's been a trend of people leaving and I'm wondering if you could help me understand what's going on.” And that's it. And then I would stop talking and that's it. And I would say it exactly like that, “Hey, I just want to want to know what's up and first of all, what's going on and then what the plan is. Can you help me understand and then stop talking?” And let them go.
After I try to get this open up and they say, this is what happened or this is where we are or whatever, the next part for me is going to explain how I am being affected or how I've been affected and what my concerns are about not being able to keep the staff. And I'm not going to say you firing people has done this or that. I'm going to say, “Hey, I know you know this, but it's not easy seeing appointments with half the support staff that we usually have.” And this is me communicating where I'm at because remember, I truly believe this is a relationship and if you and I are in a relationship together, I want you to tell me where you're at and how you're feeling. And I also am going to tell you where I'm at and how I'm feeling.
I'm not going to play the guess what I'm thinking game. And so, “Hey, I'm concerned that this work is getting harder to do and that we might lose more people just because without support around them, their job is harder. I'm worried about us being able to keep people that we have now that we're so shorthanded.” And the last part, the way I frame it is, I'm going to ask for advice or I'm going to ask for guidance on how I should go forward to best support the practice. And so that I know what to expect. So I'm going to say things like, “Hey, can you give me some guidance on what I should be trying to do to keep the staff that we have or to support the practice or help me have a clear expectation of what the plan is from here.” And that's it.
And I just tried to use as much of the actual wording as I would use, but that's exactly how I would say it. It's very soft. It's not argumentative. I'm not trying to put this person on the defensive. I want to know what happened. I want you to know how I'm feeling so that I can just say, “Hey, just giving you the information so you can make future decisions. This is where I'm at, what's the plan? What should I expect? How can I support you in going forward?” And then see what they say and actually really listen to them. And for me, that's the end of the conversation. A lot of people will say, “But then we needed to talk about what if I leave?”
I said, “No, no, no, no, no. You got the information, you got what you need. Go home. Just go home and sit with it and just process. There's no need to have this one conversation this one time. Just sit with it.” And there's nothing wrong with coming back in three days or 10 days and saying, “Hey, I've been thinking a lot about what you said and I just want to be transparent in what my thoughts are.” That's how I would do it. If you decide going in that you would like to be more involved in these decisions, you can even say, “Hey, I think it's important to me going forward, just that I feel like I know what's going on because I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me in some ways. And I'm not saying that what happened didn't need to happen, but it would really help me if I had a little bit more, I don't know, lead time before changes were made, if that's possible.” And just ask for what you need. I guess that's me telling you where I am, but I don't know, what do you think about that? How does that sound when I say it?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, no, I love that. I think for me that my framework is super, super similar. So it's really hard for someone to be immediately on their defense when you start the conversation by asking for help. So whether it's help me understand or “Hey, I need your help, I am struggling, I feel like the team is struggling and I'm sure you must be struggling because we've had a lot of change and we've had a lot of turnover and this seems to be affecting all of us and I want to help you. And so I thought the best way to do that would be for us to start with a conversation, which is why I'm here. I want to understand what is going on and how I can help you and in turn help myself and the rest of the team.” And then to your point, you have to shut up and listen because especially if we have nerves about having conversations like this, our natural tendency is to just keep talking.
But if you don't sit back and let them actually answer, you are missing your opportunity. Because this first, I agree with you, this is not one lengthy conversation. This is a multi-part conversation in that part one is about info gathering because one of the things that you taught me is that there are defining moments in our relationship building with people and people always eventually show us who they are. And so if you have a situation where somebody is under a lot of stress and this practice owner might be in a place where they're just like, I've got a lot. There's a million reasons why this could be happening. And they could take the opportunity to so they could apologize. This is one direction it could go. They could say, “I'm really sorry, I know that this is a lot. This is not where I was intending for it to go, here's what's going on.” And they could fill you in.
They also could be like, “Hey, it is what it is. We're moving on. Thanks for your ask, but I've got a plan and we're working on it. And they could totally shut you out like that.” And it could go a million different shades of gray between those two points. The whole point of this conversation is for you to info gather because I gather from the questions that the associate vet was asking, and this is why I said I love the headspace that they were in. At the start of this, they haven't already quit. They haven't already made up their mind. And so this first conversation is about info gathering. And I think that while we all have moments where we are not our best selves, when you start a conversation with somebody and you ask them how you can help, it tends to be a situation that is going to put someone into a better possible light than others might.
And so take this as a info gathering opportunity and just hear what they have to say and then offer what help you might be able to give like, “Hey, I would love to help with trying to find new team members.” Again, info gathering. And to your point, you might have to marinate and say, “You know what? I would love to really think on this because I'm up for helping. I want to fix this. I like what we're doing. I think that we have some great people and I would like to see us keep the great people that we have and continue to add great people to this team.” There are lots of ways that you can easily walk out of this conversation no matter what is said, but I agree with you, spot on, just hear what they have to say and then close the door to conversation number one.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, exactly. It's amazing how often people say, “All right, what do I do? Option A, I stay option B, I leave.” And I'm like, “How about option C? I get more information about what's going to happen in the near future.” I vote option C. And then ask me again. And that's exactly what we're doing. And then the second question that they ask is, if staffing based on being buddy-buddy with the owner versus skills and merit continues, would you look for another practice? I'd say, all right, first we have made the assumption here that the reason people are leaving is because they're not buddy-buddy with the owner. Which I would say you might be right.

Stephanie Goss:
You have to info gather first.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I would assume good intent and I would info gather to stress test that assumption. But it may be that that's what happens. And so the first thing is I would check that assumption and see if it's really true. The answer to the question is at some point I would do some math. I would look at the pros of staying and subtract the cons of staying. And if I got a negative number, meaning the cons are bigger than the pros, I would leave or if the pros and the cons were about a wash, but there was a pattern towards steady decline, a trend downward, I would say, I know I'm worried about this. And so I would do some math and then, so we talk about this all the time, so much of management, and this is about personal management, this is career management, it's picking your poison.
It's summing up, okay, if I stay here, these are the bad things and if I leave, these are the bad things. And it's looking at, it's not just the bad things today, but it's the bad things going forward. I don't know if that really helps, but really, I guess my basic thing is just at some point you have to sit around and say, “How much do I like being here? And how hard is this?” And then subtract how hard is it to go find another job? And that's why another thing, I can't tell you what the answer is. You are the only one who could say, “There's 10 other practices in a five mile radius that I could absolutely go to. In fact, one of them is trying to hire me and they seem amazing.” That's very different from, “I live in a middle of nowhere and if I leave, I have to move my family to a different place.” There's just different things. And so you have to do that math for yourself, but what are the pros of staying versus what are the cons of staying? What are the pros of leaving and the cons of leaving and see how all that stuff sorts out. The last part I want to say on the math part is, what? What are you smiling at?

Stephanie Goss:
Keep going, keep going. I'll hop in when you're done. Keep going.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Okay. The last part of it, and this goes back to what we said before of don't get confused and think that your options are, I leave now or I stay forever and the options are really, I stay for a while and I don't say anything. I stay for a while and I work to improve the situation I'm in. I stay with a commitment of reassessing my decision in three months and that helps me sometimes to say, “I'm going to say something and then I'm going to wait until June 1st.” And on June 1st, if my situation is not better than it is now, I am going to leave, I'm going to plan to leave. Sometimes just putting that pinned in the calendar where you're like, “I'm not trapped. I am going to make a decision in the future. Right now I'm going to say something and then I'm going to give it some time to see what happens. That's not a bad strategy and I'm going to make a plan to leave, which is I'm not giving my notice right now, but I'm going to go ahead and start investigating my options.”
And then your last option is leave, “Yeah, I'm out.” You have a lot of options and that's my point in this. And so I think where people screw themselves up is they make assumptions about what's happening and they say, I'm in or I'm out and I go, oh buddy, there's so much more nuance to this. But anyway, that's how I would look at it and lay it down. And generally I tend to come somewhere down around, I do my math, but I'm going to say something and we're going to talk about it and I'm going to ask what the plan is and then I'm going to give them enough time to see if the plan works or if it's actually getting implemented. And then I'm going to circle back around. And when I do my math again, one of the cons of staying is, based on previous performance, I do not believe that things are going to get better and that may be a big knock in the cons side. Anyway, but that's how I would do it.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, no, I love it. I love that you were looking on the bright side and I think you're, I agree 100% about doing the math and I think being able to sit back and work those steps depends entirely upon how your info gathering goes. Because again, those are steps that require you to be able to be in a place of positive head space and assuming good intent. Because if you are not, it's really hard to look at it and say, “How am I going to stay?” To working your way through even staying and thinking about the three, I love your idea of three months or giving yourself a timeframe and when you feel like you have a super negative outlook on a situation is really hard to do that. So I love that you looked at it from that perspective of you got to do the math and make the pro list and make the con list. I think it's funny because when I read the question, my answer was radically different from yours in that-

Dr. Andy Roark:
You're like, “Get out of there.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, so yes, so the question was if staffing is based on being buddy-buddy with the owner versus someone's skills and merit, and if that trend continues, would you look for another practice? And my answer is absolutely hell yes. Because what I would say is hell yes with a caveat. So if the staffing being, is if you have done your info gathering and there is actually a trend and you have assumed good intent and you have seen a pattern that is undeniable, and there are hospitals out there where this is 100% the case. We've had episodes where we've talked about when one of the techs is really good friends with the practice leader and so they get good opportunities or they're the bias of being friends or being buddy-buddy is undeniable.
So there are situations where that is totally the case. If that was the case on a personal level, I would absolutely look for another practice because to me there are so many great practices out there that need great people and it is, maybe it's just the place that I'm at in my career, but I have come to this place where it is important to me to work with good people who want to do good work and who believe good things. And if I felt like I was in an environment where the staffing was solely based on whether somebody could get along with a practice owner or not, hell yes, I would be gone. And I love what you said because it's a significantly better answer in the sense of you should still do that math. And I guess I say hell yes, because I agree with you.
I would have done the mental math and I am that person. I believe the best in people. And I have had, can think of two instances in my own career where I was really struggling with things that were happening with our practice leaders. And I felt like I had some significant skin in the game, obviously as a practice manager. And it was not my practice in either situation. And so I was in the place exactly where you talked about where I sat down and I literally made pros and cons lists and I looked at the math and then I looked at all of those options and thought through them similar to what you just said, which is, okay, I could stay and not say anything and be miserable and I see people on my team and that's the choice they're making and I don't want to be that person, so what's the next thing?
And I moved my way down and ultimately I am a big fan of the camp in the middle, giving, staying, and here's the commitment, I'm going to reassess this. And so in both of those situations, I gave myself a timeframe and I was like, this is the timeframe. And I did exactly what you said, at home, I wrote it on my calendar and I circled the date in red and I was like, I'm going to give it until this day and I'm going to give 110% as I have been until this day, and then I'm going to reassess and I'm going to look at it with fresh perspective. And if I still feel the same way that I do now or I don't feel significant change, then it'll be easier for me to make my decision one way or the other.
So I think you look at it from a very pragmatic perspective, and I think that that's important. And I'm going to advocate, I feel like almost always on the side of there are so many great practices out there and I see so many people and this letter reminded me of that, of people who are good people who want to do good in the world and are in these practices that, and again, we only hear one perspective. And the truth is funny, man. There are always at least two sides to every story and the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle. And so we only have one tiny filtered-down view from the email that we get in the mailbag. And when we zoom out and we talk through all the things we talk through on this episode, it's really easy to imagine a place where this is reality and maybe this practice owner is toxic and this is what's happening. And then I'm a big advocate for being the cheerleader for my fellow colleagues to say, “Heck yes, man, don't stay in a toxic place. Don't let yourself feel trapped like that.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I'll put a little bit of spin on this as well, just so you look at, because I think you'll appreciate it, what if it's not that the practice owner wants people they're buddy-buddy with? What if they're a weak manager and they're not able to manage people that are not very similar to them? Does that change the way you look at the situation? It doesn't change the outcome if people are getting chased away but again, it just goes back to assuming good intent.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. And so the info gathering, because if we were info gathering and that practice owner said what you just said, I'm struggling, this last person who left was radically different from me. If I got that out of the conversation, hell yes, I would be willing to help and look at it completely differently.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's just interesting. It's just a thing I've done for years and years and years. People will say, “I have a bad boss.” And I'll listen to them and I'll say, “It sounds to me like you have a struggling boss.” And they're like, “Yeah.” And now that does not mean that you have to sacrifice yourself. It does not mean that you should be miserable or that you need to stick with this because the boss is struggling to lead people. You didn't marry this person, you just took a job. But it does help me to feel better about my decisions and put things into some context that I don't know. It just for me, when my heart is open like that, it can help me pick my way through it.
I think your point is also really good is when we do some math, ease of leaving right now with so many hospitals that are desperately looking for people, especially really good, that does swing the math equation. If you're like, I'm pretty confident I could go to a place that is really good. Ultimately I go back to the very beginning, which is they're not obligated to include you in their decisions, but you are affected by the outcome of those decisions and you are therefore empowered and you should not feel bad about making the decisions that are best for you because that's what they did as well.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, and I think to your point there, I think some of it is self-reflection on what do you want in your role? And I have worked with associate veterinarians who are like, “I want nothing to do with being a leader, whether it's from within the team or in a position of power. I want to come to work, I want to take care of my patients, I want to do a good job, and then I want to go home.” If you are an associate veterinarian who likes management, who is interested in leadership, who is interested in growth and development, which is the sense that I got from the mailbag letter that we got, then this is also a good opportunity for you to look at what you want. So it was so easy for me to say, hell yes, I would look for another practice because I did that reflection on what do I want in my own career path?
What is important to me? What are the values that are important to me in a practice? What's the environment? And if you told me you were going to go work in a practice every day and you wouldn't be able to have a conversation or have any impact from even within the team, that would not be a fit for me and it would be easier for me to do that math. And so I think that's that for this associate that I think some of it is thinking about what do they want in the bigger scheme of things and then maybe what they want and what the practice owner is struggling with, talk about it feels maybe like lightning in a bottle, but what if you have a practice owner who is struggling to manage people and you have an associate who is interested in managing? What if you guys can work together, could you turn this around? Hell yeah, you could. So I think coming at it from that inquisitive state and info gathering is the most important part because I don't think you can make your decision without that.

Dr. Andy Roark:
No, I completely agree. Well, then that's what I got. I think that's all I got with this one.

Stephanie Goss:
This was a fun one. Take care everybody. Have a fantastic week.

Dr. Andy Roark:
See you everybody.

Stephanie Goss:
Well gang, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. And as always, this was so fun to dive into the mailbag and answer this question. And I would really love to see more things like this come through the mailbag. If there is something that you would love to have us talk about on the podcast or a question that you are hoping that we might be able to help with, feel free to reach out and send us a message. You can always find the mailbag at the website. The address is unchartedvet.com/mailbag, or you can email us at podcast@unchartedvet.com. Take care everybody, and have a great week. We'll see you again next time.

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