• Skip to main content

Uncharted Veterinary Conference

Revolutionary veterinary marketing & business conference for those forging their own paths and telling their own stories.

  • Community
    • UVC Membership
  • All Upcoming Events
  • Conferences
    • The Practice Manager Summit 2023
    • The Uncharted Veterinary Conference 2023
    • The Uncharted Culture Conference 2023
    • Practice Leadership Summit 2023
  • Store
  • Podcast
  • Register
  • Account
    • Log In/Out
  •  

culture

Is it Venting, Decompressing or Gossiping?

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice manager Stephanie Goss are answering a question from the mailbag being asked by one practice leader who has a problem with gossip and negativity on the team. They have been facing it head on and working on their culture. And they are still wondering how to help themselves and the team balance the “need” to talk about a situation and/or interaction that impacted you while still following the expectation that there is no gossiping allowed. How do you walk the line between the “need” to vent/decompress and commiseration/gossiping. This one is spicy, let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 223 – Is It Venting, Decompressing Or Gossiping?

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.


Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


Upcoming Events

Turning Clients Into Fans

What makes someone a loyal customer and what makes someone a fan? How do businesses achieve the same level of loyalty as major sports teams and what does it actually mean? In this workshop, attendees will explore how companies create enduring fanship with their customers, discuss their customers' experiences, and brainstorm how to take these concepts and apply them to veterinary practice.

In this workshop you will learn:

  • What makes a fan a unique kind of consumer?
  • What types of business practices make an impact on turning clients into fans?
  • Brainstorm ways to bring these to your veterinary practice to build an enduring client fanbase

When: March 29, 2023, 8:30-10:30 PM ET/5:30 – 7:30 PM PT

$99 to register, FREE for Uncharted Members


Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:
Hey, everybody, I am Stephanie Goss, and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I are heading to the mailbag. Know that this was a really fun episode for us to record. Not super confident that Andy was bought into this question when we started, but by the end, I think we landed on the same page and we were in alignment, as we say, about how to tackle gossiping, negativity, negative talk, and the need for decompression in our practices. Let's get into this one.

Announcer:
And now, the Uncharted Podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And we are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark, and the one and only, Stephanie, let's give them something to talk about, Goss. Oh, man.

Stephanie Goss:
Aren't you going to sing it for me?

Dr. Andy Roark:
(singing)

Stephanie Goss:
I love it so much.

Dr. Andy Roark:
No, very nice.

Stephanie Goss:
How's it going?

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's crazy. It is crazy. Spring is springing here. I know it's not where you are, but-

Stephanie Goss:
It is not. That is a true story.

Dr. Andy Roark:
But yeah, I got tulips coming up. It's Friday, I got a dump-truck load of mulch dumped in my driveway, and I am psyched about it. I am going to spend the week, the weekend just wheelbarrowing mulch around. When we get done with this, I got one more meeting to do, and then I'm going to pump up the tire on the wheelbarrow for maximum mulch efficiency. I got pitchforks, I got some of the vet assistants at Traveler's Rest Animal Hospital. We're like… I told them, I was like, “Ah, man, shoveling mulch. I really wish I could find some guys that would…”

Stephanie Goss:
[inaudible 00:01:45].

Dr. Andy Roark:
Guys, people, not gendered, of course. “I wish I could find some strong backs to come and-

Stephanie Goss:
To come and help?

Dr. Andy Roark:
… and help me. And Bryant just looks at me and then he goes, “Is this like a goodness-of-our-heart thing?” And I was like, “I'll buy you Subway sandwiches.” And he was like, “No.”

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, that's really, really funny.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Going to try to tempt him and David. I'm going to send them pictures of the mulch pile and then maybe like… I think I may… I'm either going to have to pony up some cash and be like, “You guys can come and…” or I'm going to text them a picture of me holding my back and looking really old and broken, like, “I don't know how I'll finish this job.”

Stephanie Goss:
Oh my gosh.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And see if I can play… I don't think it's going to work, though. They rather… They're dead inside. They're tenured-

Stephanie Goss:
You're so ridiculous. Wait, wait, wait.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… vet assistance, they are dead inside.

Stephanie Goss:
I highly doubt that they are dead inside. But don't you have two kids that you can put to work? Like, what's up with not using the readily-available-

Dr. Andy Roark:
The Roark girls?

Stephanie Goss:
… child labor at the Roark house?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. No. Well, I've got one of them. Jacqueline has already said… She was like… She's so smart. She was like, “I'll be there, Dad.” And I was like, “That's great. You are going to be there anyway, but the fact that you stepped up and said it before I told you it was going to happen, like, good politicking there, kiddo.” You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:
Oh my gosh.

Dr. Andy Roark:
She read the room, she saw where this was going, and she was like, “I'm going to volunteer and take credit for volunteering.” And like, bam, Daddy's girl.

Stephanie Goss:
That's funny.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Hannah, meanwhile, is home from school sick. She's laid out on the couch, and I'm like, “You know, you just stay on the couch.”

Stephanie Goss:
“You just keep your germs away from the rest of us.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Totally. Exactly.

Stephanie Goss:
That's my house too. Well, Riley called me yesterday afternoon, and she is at the gymnastics gym, and she is like… She would live at the gym if I let her. And she texts me at like 3:45, and she was just like, “I have chills and my whole body hurts.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, no.

Stephanie Goss:
She's like, “Can you come get me?” And I was like, “Oh, God. Yeah, okay.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, I hate hearing… Oh, man.

Stephanie Goss:
I know. And it just… She is tough, and she is just like, “I feel crummy.” And I picked her up, and I just took one look at her and I was like, “Oh, she does not feel good.” And so-

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, I hate that feeling.

Stephanie Goss:
… I feel you.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, they're so pitiful too.

Stephanie Goss:
I know.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Like, all of this gets right at you.

Stephanie Goss:
It makes me so sad. So she is here and she's really bummed, because they had their… It's funny because my kids love their school. Like, they actually ask to go to school on breaks, like Christmas vacation and summer break. All of the kids, not just mine. But they love their school. And so, today was book report day, and they've been working on these book reports for the last six weeks. And so, she was really bummed she didn't get to go and present her book report, so. But she's going to do it over their class Zoom, so she's-

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, well, that's good.

Stephanie Goss:
… in her room. I'm like, “Keep your germs in here, please. But also, don't forget to get on your Zoom.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I do wonder about my parenting. And I feel like I have a great relationship with my kids, and also, when they're sick, I do not go near them. I do not go near them. I'm like… And then they're like, “You guys are welcome to stay home from school. I'll be in the basement working on stuff, except when I've gone to the vet clinic for the first half of the day, and then I'll be in the basement, but…”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, that is their dad's MO. He is definitely not the sick caregiver. And when we were in… So we're recording this, and we had just got back from Western Vet Conference in Vegas, and I got a text while we were in Vegas that Jackson barfed in the middle of the night, one of the nights we were gone. And I was like, “Oh, no,” because their dad is not the…

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And he especially doesn't do puking. And so, it was just like… You know, as a parent, all the thoughts that are going through my mind are, “Okay, I hope Jackson feels good, and I hope he's being nurturing and not like, ‘Keep your germs away from me,'” but also, all the thoughts are going in my head, like, “Did the laundry actually get started then, or is there going to be a pile of-“

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
“… vomit sheets waiting for me when I get home?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
That's what Alison says to me. She's like, “You need to be nurturing.” And I'm like, “Look, I'm just… Look, it's time to look at cold hard numbers here.”

Stephanie Goss:
Kids are Petri dishes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's like, “We're past nurturing. We're down to survival, and it's me or them, and let's-“

Stephanie Goss:
“And I choose me.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
“Let's do a cost benefit analysis here, Alison. What's the benefit of me hugging that child? Really? Really? What's the cost of me going down for three days? It's significant. You need to harden your heart, make the… That's why I run the business and you're in academia.”

Stephanie Goss:
And just in case anyone is wondering this, this parenting style extends to his relationship with his employees too, because… Well, I will say that we went to Vegas, and I did not try and kill you this year. Every time we go to Vegas now, Andy's like, “Okay, we made it through a year, and you didn't try and kill me with COVID.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
You are… Well, you're just like… You're like that snotty kid that just has sticky hands, and whenever they're around, you're like, “That kid's carrying-“

Stephanie Goss:
10-foot pole.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, exactly right. You're like, “Don't… Just don't let that kid touch my face.”

Stephanie Goss:
“Stay out of my space bubble.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
“If that kid touches my food, I'm going to go hungry. And I don't go hungry.”

Stephanie Goss:
I'm like, “Hey, Andy, let's take a selfie,” and he's leaning.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, totally. I'm like, “Yeah, just-“

Stephanie Goss:
Leaning away.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Why don't you take a picture of you and then take a picture of me and then we'll-

Stephanie Goss:
And put them together.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… Photoshop them together. How's that?

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, man.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, it's true, all right?

Stephanie Goss:
Like, “Yeah.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
I do have a cold, pragmatic streak. It's not that I don't care about you, it's just that I don't feel the need to care about you while you're sick. There's 360 other days out of the year that I can care about you and you can have my love.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, God.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, let's do this. Let's do this episode.

Stephanie Goss:
All right. I love this one. So we got a mailbag question that is, I think, fantastic. So they don't actually know what their position is. I assume that it's someone in practice management, but the questions that we're working on, we're constantly working on our practice culture and areas of improvement for us. And two of the big challenges that we have been tackling have been gossiping and negative talk amongst the team, like talking negatively about their co-workers or talking negatively about clients or patients. And so, they said they recognize that the negativity and the negative talk kind of goes hand in hand with gossiping. And so, “We've talked about it as a team, and we've set the expectation that those two things are not going to be tolerated,” which is great. The question comes from, “How do you balance the need to talk about something that happened to you or an interaction that you experienced that affected you?” So like, how do you have something happen and talk about it while still following the expectation that you're not going to gossip and you're not going to talk negatively? How do you walk that thin line between needing decompression and commiseration versus it actually turning into gossip? And this was a great question.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I thought this is an interesting question. I thought this is interesting.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I had to really sit and roll this around.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I wonder… It feels to me… This feels to me like a position that my children put me in when they get me to agree that something is true, and they get me to agree that something else is true, and they get me to agree that something else is true, and every step is a little bit more of a stretch until ultimately they end up at a ridiculous position. They were like, “And that's why I need to have a candy jar in the bathroom.” I'm like, “What?” Like, you heard them-

Stephanie Goss:
“How did I agree to this?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. You're like, “What?” And so, I do… I have that experience when people are like, “But Andy, sometimes we need to talk (censored) about a (censored).” And like, they'll… We need to bleep that out. But they'll say things to me that are that off the wall, and I'm like, “What did you say?” And they're like, “We have to say bad things about these people.”

Stephanie Goss:
Sometimes you just need to.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, like, “We need to serve the tea.”

Stephanie Goss:
Sometimes you just have a doodle that's so bad that you just need to talk smack about doodles.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, exactly. They're like, “And some people just need to be judged by us.” And I'm like, “What?”

Stephanie Goss:
I'm reserving all my judgment for you, Andy Roark.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. I could… I'm interested in your thoughts on this too, and when we need to have negative talk.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And I am being honest when I say I'm struggling a little bit with this need to have negative talk.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And I do wonder how much truth there is to it. I think I understand what they're saying, in all seriousness. I think I understand what they're saying.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
But I just… I need to work through it a little bit. I wonder if there's not other ways to approach the situation that don't involve us having this negative talk, but still making sure everybody feels heard and supported.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay, I'm with you. It's funny because I read this and I immediately was able to put myself in their shoes in a specific context, and so I'm… I could be totally in the wrong context, but I read it and I was like, “Oh, I know those moments.” And for me, there was a very clear definition on what it is and how it manifests. And so, yeah, let's talk about it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. All right, cool. So let's start with some sort of headspace here. So the first thing, I just… I always have to throw out, whenever we have negative talk, we have gossip, we have things like that, I've always got to get… And just, headspace for me is, “Just remember, remember, remember that you got to check your diagnostics here. Like, make sure that you know what this problem is.” And I just say that because a million times I have seen people wrestling with a gossip problem, a negativity problem, and the truth is they had a toxic team member problem, they had a bully problem-

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… they had some sort of a engagement buy-in problem, and the negative talk was coming out of frustration or out of bad behaviors from some other problem. And it's funny, I have seen a lot of, lot of, lot of practices say, “How do we fix the gossip? How do we fix the gossip? We're talking to the team about the gossip. We're coming together about the gossip. We've got a workflow on the gossip. We had a vision session about what a practice without gossip looks like.” And it's like, “How did it end?” “Well, we fired Donna, and it went away.” “Oh, okay. I got it. I see that.” And a lot of times-

Stephanie Goss:
So you didn't really have a gossip problem.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… that's how it goes. You didn't.

Stephanie Goss:
You had a Donna problem.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It was like, “Ah, turns out it was just Donna.” And I do see that. So in all seriousness, the first part of this is, make sure you run your diagnostics, root cause analysis. Where is this negativity coming from?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Are we really having this many negative client interactions, like over-the-top client interactions that require negativity? You know, are people… Is it all different people and everybody's responsible for this, or are there chronic offenders that are driving it and who are not changing their behavior because they're not getting that feedback or just because they don't want to?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. So I think that what you just put your finger on is this, and when you said, “Is this chronic people or chronic behaviors?”, that was a fundamental difference-maker for me in the conversation. So my question when I read this was, “Okay, are we gossiping? Are we talking directly about another person to other people? Are we venting, like a situation happened, a thing occurred?” And this is where I could easily put myself in their shoes that like, you know, you have a client who comes in who is super rude or who is really hurtful to a member of the team or to yourself. It is human nature to want to let that out, because bottling up the frustration or the emotions is also not good, and so I recognize that. And the third piece of it for me is this, “Is this is a one-and-done, like, I need to vent because I'm frustrated or I'm angry, I have emotions about this situation, or is this complaining? Is this a constant chronic thing that is happening with one or two people?”
And so, to your point, like, is this a Donna problem or Donna is having repeated behaviors that are complaining or gossiping or other that is impacting it? And so, for me, the headspace starts with some self-reflection and analysis of the situation to try and figure out, to your point, like what is actually happening here, and then be able to do the root cause analysis on the problem itself.

Dr. Andy Roark:
There was a definition of a toxic person that I saw a long, not long time ago, but a little while ago, and I really liked it. And basically it was something along the lines of, “A toxic person is a person who participates in negative activities and has no interest in improving them.”

Stephanie Goss:
Mm-hmm, okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Like, something along the lines of, if a person switches from just being a regular person who has a problem to a toxic person, a regular person who has a problem wants to fix that problem.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
A toxic person does not want to fix that problem.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
They are happy to make the problem persist or even to grow, even to spread, to have more people involved with it. That's what a toxic person wants.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
They want to light the fire, and they don't want to put it out. They want it to grow and they want it to spread. And I've thought a bit about that as well. And so, anyway, when we start thinking about these types of behaviors, I'm always going like, “Just root cause analysis, make sure we understand the diagnosis here. Where is this coming from? Make sure that we don't have a toxic individual or a small group of people who are just driving these behaviors. And if we do, we need to manage them, manage them, manage them, and possibly manage them out if it continues on.”
So anyway, that's kind of my opening place. My opening place here is that. So it sounds like… Let's take this letter at face value and say, “Hey, they work a lot on culture. We don't think it's a toxic person. We just continue to have this sort of negativity.” And the question is really about, what do you do about keeping a positive communication culture while still recognizing that sometimes we need to have an outlet for negative thoughts, emotions, frustrations, things like that?

Stephanie Goss:
Sure. Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. All right. So I think that that's an okay question to ask, and we'll sort of get into it. So I don't know, just in general headspace, seek first to understand, “Where is this coming from? Am I understanding the problem that I think I'm understanding?” And then, “Where are we going to go from here?” is the next sort of question philosophically that I like to talk about. I think it's important when you start to look at problems like this, is, “What does done look like? What does the end look like?” So in a headspace, they go, “Okay, well, if we want to make our practice into a good, wholesome, positive practice, what does that look like when it's finished? Where does that go? Does that mean that people don't say negative things, or does it mean that they say them in a certain way?”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
“What is that way?” And once we have that kind of figured out, of what a healthy practice looks like, then we can put steps into place to get there.

Stephanie Goss:
Yep. Yeah, I love that. And I think that is super… To me, it has always been an indicator of a really healthy culture when the team understands what that looks like and what done is. Because for me, part of having a code of conduct that the team has agreed to… And I'm assuming that no gossiping or no negative speech that was talked about here is part of a code of conduct. Everybody has to understand not only what does that mean, like really, truly, “What is the definition of that for us and the team?” But also like, to your point, “What does done look like? What is not? What is the end? What is not tolerated?” And what is the expectation for how you handle the negative interactions or the conflict when it arises or the frustration that happens. You know, “How are we going to handle that?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. So you said you had an idea in your mind of kind of what this looks like of having some negativity that sort of needed to come out. Can you give me more of a clearer context of what that looks like in your mind?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, totally. So for me, the question was, “Okay, decompression and the commiseration gives me pause, for sure.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right.

Stephanie Goss:
Because those two things are very different. Needing to have an outlet, get something out, not bottling up the emotions. And this is years of my own therapy coming out here. So as humans, it is far healthier, at least for me, it is far healthier to deal with emotions and get them out than to stuff them down and not deal with them, right? So, a long time ago, I recognized that there are situations where I need an outlet and I need to express those emotions safely. And that can look a bunch of different ways. That, to me, is decompression, like, that letting off the steam.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie Goss:
Commiseration, to me, falls into the line of negative talking, gossiping. Because when you are… To me, commiserating means finding someone who is going to agree with you and participate in what you're doing. That feels radically different than, “This thing happened, and I'm insert-whatever-emotion-here, angry, sad, frustrated, whatever, I just need to get it off my chest,” right? That feels very different to me. Gossiping, to me, feels like saying something about someone else, when there are other people present, that you are not saying straight to their face.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, I think, for me, I could totally see situations in the practice when a team member maybe has not interacted with me in the best way possible, or I interpreted how they interacted with me in a way that frustrated me or triggered me in some way. And before I'm ready to have a conversation with them, I need to get out those emotions and process, right? That, to me, feels like the decompression, versus commiserating, like, “Oh, hey. Oh, God, I was just in room B with Mrs. Jones, and she's so snotty, she always comes in and treats us like we're her hired help. And don't you hate having to do appointments with her?” Right? That feels like commiserating, where I'm looking for somebody else to get into that space with me and join me in that negativity. And then the gossiping would be like, “Oh, hey, Andy, did you see what Jamie brought for lunch today? There was so much junk food in her lunch,” right? Something like that, where you're talking about somebody or you're saying, “Hey, did you hear how drunk Sarah was at the bar this weekend?” Those kind of things, where you're talking specifically about another person to another person.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
Do those illustrations kind of help?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And you can imagine those things happening, I think, in a practice, right?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, definitely. So I think the thing for me, I don't… I still struggle a little bit with the idea that we have to do negativity, but I'll flesh it out a little bit. And I guess maybe this is the part I should put into headspace right here, at the front.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
So, to me, communication should be intentional. Professional communication should be intentional.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Which means you should know what you are trying to accomplish. And when you seek commiseration, that's not intentional usually. What that really is, that's code speak for, “I'm angry, and I need to vent anger out into the world.”

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And even when we talk about decompression, guys, the research is pretty clear. Venting, it does not help you. It really… It helps you maybe feel more satisfied, but venting and putting negativity out in the world actually does not make you better able to handle problems. It just ends up sort of perpetuating negativity. And so, you can look at happiness and satisfaction and outcomes when we talk about venting and we say… This sort of spewing of negativity, it genuinely does not make us more effective, I think. So this is where I push into intentionality. And so, what I would say to people really when I start talking about headspace as negativity is, “Communication should be intentional,” which means, if you're angry and frustrated, I think that you can say, “I'm really angry and frustrated about this thing,” and then we need to state our intention. “I need help processing this,” or, “I am seeking validation of the scenery,” or, “Can you tell me if I'm off base?”

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And guys, that's just an evolution of how we communicate. And I think a lot of times we get mad or we get angry, and we open our mouths, and we don't really know what we're trying to do. And I would say the evolution of these communication issues is to say, “Before I vent, I need to understand, what am I trying to accomplish?” And if I'm not trying to accomplish anything other than to hurt somebody or to take the anger or the pain that I feel and try to make someone else feel pain, that's not something that I want to actually do. And it's not healthy as much as we want to think that it is.It's just not.
And so, anyway, I think that that's just the big thing for me as we start to look at this, is, the rollover here, and honestly, this is a big part of professional communication as you move up into corporations and companies, this is corporate training, we don't vent. You don't make angry statements, you speak intentionally. And I will tell you that if you stop and process it, you can generally be much more productive and also expressive of the problem that you're facing without negative talk. You can 100% say, “This client who came in earlier was really nasty, and he said these things that I thought were very hurtful. And my question is, what do I do about this? Is there a way that I can escalate it? What steps can I take? Am I supposed to shake this off?I'm feeling vulnerable. Have other people had these experiences?” Those are the sort types of ways that I can talk about this thing in a way that I'm not client-bashing. I'm being honest about, “This person came in, and what they said was really… It seemed to me to be very out of line, and I'm looking for validation here. Has this person acted this way in the past?” And anyway, I can still 100% turn and get support and also not just lean into the negativity on the issue. Do you agree with that?

Stephanie Goss:
I do. And I also… And maybe this is just because I have a temper, and I am by no means perfect when it comes to communicating. And I will also say that there have been plenty of times where I have, in the heat of the moment, said things or done things that, if I had stepped away and taken the time to get the clarity that you're talking about, it would've been way better off, right? And also, I'm human, and we don't always do that. And so, I think what you were talking about, for me, has been a very healthy guardrail to recognize that, in order for processing emotions… Because I used to… There was a long period in my life where, especially as a leader, I just stuffed it down and I didn't process, and I would get mad or I'd get frustrated, and I just wouldn't say anything, and it would build up, build up, build up, and then I would explode.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie Goss:
And going to therapy, I recognized how unhealthy that is and how much I need to process things more in real time.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Sure.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, for me, what that turned into was, “Okay,” going in the direction that you're talking about, recognizing that there are going to be times where I trip up. Nobody is perfect. And having a system like you're talking about, having someone, and I think this is really, really important, especially from a leader perspective, having people who are the right people for you to be able to have that conversation and do that processing with is really, really important.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yes.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, it has… But that isn't a natural… I don't think it's a natural inclination. Our natural human-nature, caveman brains, it is far easier to be like, “Oh, hey, Andy, did you… Like, this happened, and I'm super irritated about it,” right? Because you're right in front of me and it's easy to commiserate with you versus to take the time and intentionality to be like, “I need to step away, and I'm going to go outside of the building so nobody else can hear me, and I'm going to call someone who is not immediately involved in this situation,” right?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
That takes intentionality, it takes self-awareness. And I think a lot of us have to learn how to do that. And so, I'm all-in with you on that being a healthy process, and it is certainly one that I have adopted now, but it took me a long time to get there. And I also think it's really important to recognize that we're all human, and no matter how-

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, of course.

Stephanie Goss:
… good we get at it, you're going to screw it up, and you're going to have to…

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And there are things like… Immediately, when I was thinking about this episode, I was thinking about times where I was like, “Oh, dude, we have a straight-up no gossip rule in my teams, and I really try really hard to adhere to it. And also, I can think immediately of times where I broke that rule.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yes.

Stephanie Goss:
And do I feel good about it? No. And so, you know, but how we deal with it and what we do also matters.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, I think creating that goal… I think, good on this team for working on trying to create the culture to change the expectation. I think having the expectation that this will never happen just because you have the rules and systems in place is unrealistic, because we're people, and there's going to be slip-ups. I think having the expectation of what comes next is the really healthy part, and that's the part that I would love to see more teams get to.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. So yeah, I agree with that. And I also think that you're right about being human. This is hard. It is a real challenge, and we all get it wrong. And I'm not going to be like, “Oh, no, I don't get mad.” Of course I do.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
But the hard professional truth, though, is that getting angry or getting nasty feels good, and it's generally self-damaging.

Stephanie Goss:
For sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Like, think about a time that you got angry or you got nasty and it turned out great, and that was the exact right move-

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, no.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… and it opened doors for you, and good things happened. You might have a time, I assure you there's a lot of times that you got angry, you got nasty, and you did damage that you don't even remember or know about, but other people remember it.

Stephanie Goss:
For sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I mean, it's one of those things about being the better person, about being the leader, is carry this. There's the old saying too, and this is kind of a Buddhist meditative thing, is, “Between every action and a reaction, there's a pause,” you know? And I was reading an article recently about this guy who had gone to anger management, and he talked about anger management. One of the big keys in anger and anger management was taking ownership of how he would communicate and being intentional. And so, he said that one of the big things that happened for them is he switched the way of his thinking from thinking things like, “Man, that guy made me mad,” to, “That guy behaved in this way, and I got mad.”

Stephanie Goss:
Mm-hmm. Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And that gave him so much more ownership of like, “Oh, I got mad. He did this thing, and I got mad.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
“And it's understandable that I would get mad, but getting mad was a choice that I made.” And that can be extremely hard, but it is what I think that we should aspire to.

Stephanie Goss:
For sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Cool.

Stephanie Goss:
For sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Let's take a break and come back and get into some action steps in kind of how we start to lay these things out, and how we can set ourselves and our team up to be successful in this regard.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay, sounds good.
Hey, friends. You have less than one week, six days, in fact, to head on over to unchartedvet.com/events and sign up for the workshop that is taking place next week on Wednesday, March 29th at 8:30 PM Eastern Time, so 5:30 for my Pacific friends. My dear friend, the amazing and wonderful veterinary technician turned colleague at Uncharted, Tyler Grogan, is going to be leading a workshop on turning clients into fans. Now, Tyler had this thought. She wanted to know what turns someone from a loyal customer and makes them a fan. She was thinking about sports teams and the rapidness of some of their fanbases, and she set out to answer the question of, “How do businesses do that? How do businesses create a space where their clients are raving fans the same way that sports teams are?” And so, she is going to share some of what she learned, talk about how companies create enduring fanship with customers, talk about customer experience, and brainstorm how we can take these concepts and apply them to veterinary medicine. I am pumped for this workshop. I think you do not want to miss it. It is free to our Uncharted members, and it is $99 if you are not currently an Uncharted member. So head over to the website now. Don't miss your chance to sign up. I want to see you there next Wednesday night. And now, back to the podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right. You said in the first half, Stephanie, you talked about having leaders that can help you process or are willing to process with you was really important. I really like that a lot. If we want to get to the place where we get this negative culture, and we're not talking about gossiping, we've done episodes on that stuff before, but really talking about how do we support people who have legitimate complaints, problems, things they're working through, while still trying to keep our clinic positive, I think there's a number of things that we need to do. First of all, culture comes from the top, you know?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And that's really… Our leadership needs to behave in a professional way and communicate in a professional way. It's funny how often the doctors talk to me about negativity of the staff, and the truth is they're showing that behavior, that they do it just as much and it trickles down from them. But a big part of it is to say, “Okay, we know that people are going to get frustrated. We know they're going to have problems. We know they're going to be angry.” Have you given them appropriate avenues to communicate-

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… those frustrations through?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And so, if you say, “Yeah, you know what? Sometimes the clients come in and they're horrible, and we don't want to feel alone. We want support,” I think that's totally understandable. Do we have avenues for people who have had those experiences? Do they know that they can come and talk to someone? Do they know that they can go to the head technician and say, “Hey, I need a minute. This happened, and I'm really upset about it.” And what's funny is the difference in coming and saying, “This happened, this guy behaved this way, and I'm really hurt, or I'm really upset about it, or I'm really angry, and I need a moment,” that's an entirely different experience from walking out of the room and going-

Stephanie Goss:
“That guy's a dick.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
… “This a-hole over here…” You know?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It is.

Stephanie Goss:
100%. 100%.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's an entirely different experience, but the feelings are the same. And I think you get better support in the first example, where you say, “I'm really hurt by this, and I need need a moment.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I think you get better long-term outcome and support if you go that way. But people should know, if the staff feels like a client was abusive to them, do they feel like there's a place they can go?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Is there an open door? Do they know that they can come right into the practice owner's office, or the medical director, or the practice manager, or the head CSR, that they can come straight to her and say, “I want you to come and tell me if this happens. I want you to come and tell me what happened, and let me support you.” But do they have appropriate avenues for bringing these things up?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, I love that. And I think that goes to what this mailbag letter started with, which was like, “Hey, this is a thing we're working on, and we have talked about it.” And so, when I first read it, I was like, “What does ‘talked about it' mean?” Because I think that it could mean, “Hey, we said this thing is happening, it can't continue to happen, full stop,” and that was the conversation, which feels very different from, “We've come together as a group and we've talked about, ‘Hey, we want to have a code of conduct, and we want to have a set of rules that we hold each other accountable to. And one of those things is we care about each other, and so, therefore, we don't want to talk about each other. We also don't want to talk about our clients.' And so, here's what that looks like, good and bad, right?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
Examples. And also, “When the situation occurs,” to your point, “here's what we can do about it instead,” right? Those two things feel very different. So I'm all-in on having a code of conduct. I think it's super, super important. And I think, for me, the only way that I've had it truly be successful in my teams has been for the team to be a part of it, because if they're not bought into it, it won't work, it won't be successful.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And the best way to get them bought in is to have them be a part of that process.

Dr. Andy Roark:
You know, our friend Maria Pirita, who works with us and who is magical and amazing, she has an exercise that she uses with teams. And so, it's the high-performing team exercise, where she would work with her teams and she would say, “Okay, guys, I want to talk about and I want a list from you guys about what a high-performing team looks like, what they sound like, and what they feel like.” And she would have the team make a list of what a high-performing, happy team looks like, sounds like, and feels like. And then, from them, she would write down the things that they thought that a high-performing team would do, and say, and act like, and how it'd feel to be a part of that. And then, once she made the list from them, she would ask them, “How do we achieve this? What are the things that we want to change to do this?” But they're creating the vision of what it feels like to be on a great team or have a great place to work.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And then Maria just ties them to their aspirational goal that they created there together. And I just… I've always thought that that was really… I thought that that was really good, and so I… But I completely agree with you as far as like, they need to be a part of what this future looks like.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And it also is funny when you say, “Stop doing this.” I know we're talking a lot about kids today. I don't exactly know why. Probably because Hannah's here sick, and I'm acting… Because I have a glass wall, and she's on the other side of it, and I've sealed myself. She's beating on the glass. I'm podcasting. Go lay down.
See, but I was talking a lot about kids, but it's like when you start to turn around, you yell at your kids, like, “Stop fighting!” But you don't actually give them a mechanism to resolve the complaint-

Stephanie Goss:
Right, the conflict.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… which is maybe a genuine problem they have-

Stephanie Goss:
Right, right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… and they don't have the tools to not come to blows. And you're like, “Just stop fighting!” And they're like, “Okay, Dad. But how, then, shall we resolve the issue of Roark vs. Roark in the case of the missing hair clip?”

Stephanie Goss:
Right. Yeah, no, it's totally true that we have to give our kids the tools, we have to teach them the tools, and we also have to give our teams the tools, because we don't… These are learned things, and we don't often… We don't focus on it enough. And I love the idea of the exercise that you shared for Maria. And I think the other piece of that for me is that I want the team also to define what great looks like and feels like.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie Goss:
I want them to define what it doesn't look like and feel like to help us figure out some guardrails and some things that we want to steer away from. And then the last piece of it for me is that they have to be a part of, “Then what does accountability look like?” Because accountability cannot look like me, as the manager, momming everybody all the time and doling out the punishments, because that's not how I want my team to work. I want it to be something that they're bought into, and I want them to be able to solve their own problems. And the only way that you get there is to teach them, and give them those tools, and equip them to solve those problems themselves. And that is not an easy thing. It's not a one-and-done conversation. That's a journey.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I completely agree. And so, taking exactly what you said, because I agree with every word of it, and dial it down more tightly to what we got through the mailbag where they say, “well, you know, it sounds like we've got gossip and stuff under control, but what about these specific circumstances when we need to be negative?” I think, to… The way I go with this is, it sounds like we feel like we've addressed the gossip thing pretty darn well, and so I suspect they… And they said they're always working on their culture. I suspect they've done a lot of these things.

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And so now it's like, “Great, you've got the tools, and you've taken care of these big pieces. Now it's time to dial in on these little pieces.” And the way that I would do that is, if it's a consistent enough problem that you're writing to Andy and Stephanie and saying, “What do we do about these specific little things?”, what I would say is, the tools that got rid of gossip will help you get rid of these things. Put them under the microscope, which means go to your team and say, “Guys, I recognize that we have this tendency, or these are the trends. And what I want to do is talk with you guys about how we would handle different circumstances and what it looks like for a high-performing, positive team to handle these circumstances. So last week, we had a case where a client behaved this way…”
Or I would change it up and say, “Let's just pretend that we have a client who comes in and they do this thing, and it's really awful. Guys, how does a high-performing team handle this? What do we say, and how do we say it?” And then… And this may sound silly. I promise you there's nothing more powerful than some role play like that to get them to talk about, “What is a positive way to process this? What is a way to get support or get the help that you need, and feel good about it, and not resort to, ‘The client was mean to me, and so I'm going to put meanness out into the void around me.'?”
And that's the definition of toxicity, is that someone is in a bad spot, and they radiate this darkness out of them that then infects other people and spreads. That's why it's toxic. And so, they don't want to be in a toxic place either. And I think that this is a great collaborative way that we can give them the tools they need and say, “Hey, I've paid attention to times that we've had problems. I'm not going to maybe use those exact problems, because I don't want people who were there to feel judged, but I'm going to recreate those problems in a different way, and then ask the team to break into teams and to figure out what they would say, or what they would do, or how a high-performing team handles these problems or processes them without turning it into a toxic dump.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Or without allowing… And again, I wouldn't put it on them and say… And this is really important. I would not be like, “You guys are screwing up, and you are making it toxic.” I would say instead, “You guys are working hard, and I know how much you want to have a really positive place to work. And I feel like we're a really positive team.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
“When people bring this negativity into our practice, I want us to talk about how we can handle it so that we don't become that negative team.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And so, then we're not doing this because it's punitive.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
We're not doing this because they messed up and they failed.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
We're doing this because I want us to have the tools to handle adversity when it comes to us.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. I love that. And I think part of… I agree with everything that you just said, especially the part about making it forward-facing and not punitive, right? It's disconnected from them, because the reality is we all have bad days. Even the sunniest, most positive person sometimes has interactions that really make you feel things, right? And so, for me, it was about talking to the team about, “Okay, what does safe space look like?” And recognizing that we're all going to have bad days, and we're all going to have moments where we maybe need some support from each other as a team. And so, my team was like, “Okay, what are our safe spaces within the practice?” And so, one of the rules that we agreed on as a team was that we needed a way for anybody to take a timeout. Like, whatever it was, whether you're having a bad day at home, or you're getting super frustrated with a difficult patient or a client or whatever, that there was a way for us to recognize, “Hey, I need a timeout,” and then we defined what are those safe spaces in the practice, like, “Can we go for a walk? Like, go in…” We had a backyard in the clinic. And so, that outside was a great safe space.
We also had a team bathroom that was in a part of the building. This is going to sound crazy, but we had a team bathroom that was in a part of the building that the clients didn't access. And so, we kind of made it into half rage room, half positive space. So we had all of these memes and positive quotes that the team had brought and stuck up on the wall, like things that made them happy. And then that was also the dark room that you could just go in there and scream if you needed to scream into the void for a minute. Look, it worked for us. It's not going to work for every practice, but it worked for us. And then the third space was the office space.
And so, it was… The conversation was, “Look, my door is always open, except when it's closed, but it is always open, and it is a safe space. And you can come in here, you can just sit and have a moment. You can say, ‘Hey, I just need five minutes to myself.' Totally fine. I'm going to ignore you. I'm going to keep working. You also can come in and say, ‘I'm feeling feels, and I need to talk, but I need to process it.'” And so, my golden role for the team was, “You can come in my office and you can say whatever it is that you need to say. You're going to have to deal with it, and I'm going to ask you what your plan is for making it actionable before you walk out the door. You don't get to just come in and go off without there being a forward-facing, ‘What is the plan and how are we going to deal with this?'”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, if you were not ready to get to that stage where you could talk about it with somebody else, maybe going and screaming into the void was the good choice, or going and taking a walk out in the backyard, but it allowed everybody to be met where they were in that moment, right? Because we created the safety as a team to say, “Okay, I need to take a timeout.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, I think that that's really important, figuring out, as a team, what are those safe spaces? What does it look like? And I love your example from Maria. What does it look like? What does it feel like?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie Goss:
And making them be able to see and recognize, “This is the expectation.” So to your point, when a client comes in and somebody is really struggling with the way that they interacted with that client, instead of being like, “God, Mrs. Smith was such a jerk in room two,” they have the ability to be like, “Hey, that was a really hard appointment for me, I need to take five,” right?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And then they can go and do with it whatever it is that they need, because sometimes you just need a moment.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Sure.

Stephanie Goss:
And sometimes I can go take a moment, and I can come back and be like, “Okay, I'm good now.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And other times, I need to go have a moment and be like, “Hey, this is… I actually need help with this, because it's more than a moment, and I need to deal with it,” right? And so that is the second part of it for me, is setting the expectation honestly for myself of… One of my hard and fast personal rules is like, “I need to deal with the emotion and let the emotion out in a safe space, in a safe way.” And then the second piece of that is, “What do I need to do with this?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And sometimes the answer is, “I'm going to let it go.” If I'm going to let it go, I'm really going to let it go.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm.

Stephanie Goss:
And the accountability piece is, for me, with my bosses, was, “Hey, if I tell you that I'm choosing to let something go, and then I bring it back up again, I need you to hold me accountable and be like, ‘Hey, you told me yesterday you were going to let this go, and now we're having a follow-up conversation about it. This sounds like you need to do something about it, so I'm holding you accountable. Let's have the conversation about what you're going to do about it.'” Right?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, figuring out, are you actually going to let it go, or are you going to action it and figure out how do you deal with it? And then, if so, the safe space continues. I will totally help you. We can talk it out, I will role play with you, I will just listen while you talk out loud if that's what you need. Everybody processes those things differently. But my role as a manager, as a leader in the practice is not to be a therapist.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree.

Stephanie Goss:
I want to give professional support to all of my team to have access to, because counseling should be something that everybody on our team can access. And at the same time, my role is to listen, but then I also want to help you grow. And so, as a leader, creating that safe space, helping them create that safe space, but also setting the expectations for, “How do we deal with it?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree. I think there's a couple good leadership phrases that push people this way. And I'm just going to warn you, if you use these people, they'll stop venting to you, which is real good for you, but if they just take it somewhere else, it cannot be good. But the basic soft things, I agree, to Stephanie's point, is again, it's about intentionality, right? And so, if I assume intentionality on the other person's part and they go, “Ah, this thing is happening, and God, I hate it so much,” the most productive thing you can do is say to them, “How can I support you in this?” or, “What is your plan for addressing this and going forward?”

Stephanie Goss:
Yep.

Dr. Andy Roark:
“What are you going to do with this?” But the big, like, “How can I support you?”, that's the one that I use a lot, is, “How can I support you?” And they'll look at you like you're dumb, and then they'll go, “I just… No, I was just… No, I mean…”

Stephanie Goss:
“I just wanted to bitch.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
“I was just mad.” And you're like, “Oh, okay, okay. So you don't want to take action on this?” And I'm really honestly not trying to say this in a jerk way.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I'm not doing it in a condescending way. But generally the real truth is, if you come and you tell me that something is terrible, my honest, well, question to you is, “Okay, how can I support you? What can we do to either correct this or try to address this situation, or at least to make you feel like you can accept the situation and go on in a good place?”

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
“What is our plan?”

Stephanie Goss:
Yep.

Dr. Andy Roark:
You know, it's that, “Can we change it, or can we accept it? Those are sort of our options.” And so, anyway, I put that stuff forward. I think the last thing I want to make clear here is, I think you already pointed it out pretty well, but when I do the role play and things like that, I really do like making this forward-facing about, “What are we going to do in the future? How we can we handle this? What should we do?” Not about what we should have done last week or how we didn't handle it well.

Stephanie Goss:
Right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And the reason I say that, one is, that's just a good growth mindset position, but number two, how many times have you been angry, and then your spouse criticizes you because you're angry? And how did that go? You know what I mean? Like, it's like, when you are like… Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I'm like rage cleaning the kitchen, and my wife is like, “Look, if you don't stop banging those dishes around, they're going to break.” And I'm like, “I'm rage cleaning, and you are critiquing my rage cleaning, and it's terrible.” And so, all that to say, giving feedback to someone who's having an angry, negative response, is something you should do at your own peril. It's much, much easier to do things that are forward-facing and encouraging about where we're going. And I'm joking, but if people continue to have these reactions, we're definitely going to have to talk about them.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Like, we're going to have to give feedback, and we're going to have to coach them out of that.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah.

Dr. Andy Roark:
But it's a whole lot nicer to try to give them the tools in a forward-facing away, not in a, “Hey, you got really angry, and that was the wrong thing to do, and now I'm going to make you embarrassed about the thing that you did or said when you were angry.” I'd like to avoid that if possible.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. I think the last thing for me is just sharing one of the most impactful rules, honestly, for code of conduct with my team that I ever learned, and I learned it at my very first practice. But there's the golden rule of “Do unto others,” right? But for us, the golden rule really became, “Take it to the person who can do something about it.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I like that.

Stephanie Goss:
And what that meant was different things in different times, but when it came to gossiping, or it came to talking about other people, when it came to negativity, because we had that rule, it enabled us to listen, because, look, if I am mad at Maria, and I'm having a conversation with you, Andy, about how I'm mad at Maria, if we have the rule to take it to the person who can do something about it, me talking to you about Maria does nothing, because you can't do anything about the situation. You weren't there, you weren't a part of it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Right.

Stephanie Goss:
You can help me, you can listen to me, you can ask me what my plan is, but you ultimately can't solve the problem.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Right.

Stephanie Goss:
And so, part of that rule was, “Hey, look, I can't do anything about this. I can help you practice this conversation, but ultimately you need to go have that conversation with Maria, because the two of you are the only ones who can work this out.” And it applies with clients, it applies with the team, it applies with our bosses. And so, setting that role and then really deciding, as a team, who are those people on the team? And it's going to look different for everybody, but this goes back to your defining what the expectation is, right? Like, who are those people on the team that are going to shoot you straight, who are going to help you identify what is happening in this situation, who are going to help you brainstorm ideas, and then who are going to ask you what the next move is to encourage you to go back and talk to that other person who can actually do something about it?
And as a leader, a lot of the times you have positional power. And so, sometimes talking to your manager, your floor lead, your practice manager, whatever the situation is, sometimes talking to your leader is still talking to the person who could do something about it, because maybe you've already had that conversation. Maybe Maria and I have been beefing, and I have had that conversation with her, and I'm like, “Okay, I don't like the way you're talking to me, and it's really hurtful to me when you use this tone of voice. Can we figure out how to make our communications go better? Because this is not feeling good for me, right?” Maybe I've had that conversation with her, but it's continuing to happen, and now there's that kind of toxicity happening between the two of us. If I have had that conversation once, twice, three times, then it makes sense that I would say, “Hey, Andy, I've had this conversation with Maria three times, and just today, this was another situation that occurred. I'm at the point where I need help, because I don't know what to do next. I've already tried talking to her as the person who can do something about it. It's not working, I need your help.” Right? So it still allows them the space to go to someone who maybe can do something about it.
But that golden rule made the biggest impact for me probably in my entire career in terms of team communication and how we eliminate a lot of the talking about each other, the gossiping, the negativity, because it was something that we all came up with as a team. Someone suggested it, but we all got on board and bought into it, and then we bought into, what does that look like accountability-wise? And it made the biggest difference.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Mm-hmm. Yeah. No, I love that. I think that's great. I think that's all I got. You got anything else?

Stephanie Goss:
No. I think this is… Now that we're at the end of it, do you see why I thought this would be a fun one?

Dr. Andy Roark:
It is a fun one. It is a fun one. Yeah, it is a fun one. Again, I'm not saying that people shouldn't get mad. We're human beings and we do get mad. I really do think that there might be a problem with the idea that everyone has to get negative and angry in public, and so we should give them an outlet for that. I think that we need to figure out what the intention is and what people need, and give them avenues to get what they need so that sort of negativity out into the team is not necessary. So anyway, I think that that's how… I think this has been a really… It's been a really interesting one for me.

Stephanie Goss:
I want to know, after people listen to this episode, what is safe space? What does the timeout look like in your practice? I cannot be the only practice who had the rage room. I have peers who have giant coloring things up on the wall, and you need to take a timeout and go color, right? I'm super curious, what are people doing to give their teams that outlet? Because there are times where we all just need to take a timeout, whether it's someone on the team is frustrating us, or there's a bad client interaction, and I think creating that safe space is really important, and I'm super curious. I always love when we get messages after the fact. So if you're listening to this and you're like, “Ooh, this is what we do” in your practice, I would love to hear from you in the mailbag, because I think that's a fun part of making our practices unique.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, everybody, thanks for being here.

Stephanie Goss:
Take care, everybody. Have a great week.
Well, everybody, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. Thanks so much for spending your time with us. We truly enjoy spending part of our week with you. As always, Andy and I enjoyed getting into this topic. I have a tiny little favorite ask. Actually, two of them. One is, if you can go to wherever you source your podcast from and hit the Review button and leave us a review. We love hearing your feedback and knowing what you think of the podcast. And number two, if you haven't already, hit the Subscribe button. Thanks so much for listening, guys. We'll see you soon.

Airpods and True Crime at Work?

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice manager Stephanie Goss are answering a couple of questions about what is professional in the practice. At first glance, these two things might not appear to go together. Hang in there with us because Stephanie and Andy tie them together to have an fun conversation about professionalism and how we draw those lines at work. We've got a manager who has CSR at the front desk wearing airpods and listening to podcasts while they work and a front desk team at another practice who are using the front desk Alexa to listen to true crime podcasts while they work. The managers involved are worried that maybe they are just too old to get it because they feel like it when they view it through their lens – this feels like a hard no due to lack of professionalism. Is that the right answer? It might be. And we talk about why we might want to redefine professionalism in the context of our individual teams, today. Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 222 – Airpods And True Crime At Work?

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.


Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


Upcoming Events

Calling All Practice Managers – The Uncharted Practice Manager Summit is ALMOST HERE!

We know you are unique. Managing the business. Fielding never-ending questions from the team. Fixing broken printers, again. You wear more hats than anyone else in the practice. All of these look great on you, of course. But do you ever wonder “Am I actually in charge if I don’t own the practice? How do I manage the endless responsibilities of this job with limited power and resources? How can I keep growing professionally?”

If you’re itching to talk to people who really get what it means to be a manager, this is the event for you!

It’s time to connect with your fellow practice managers to share what gets you excited about your role, find solutions for what needs your focus now, and discover new ways to shine even brighter as a manager.

While Uncharted Membership is always encouraged, it is not required for event attendance! Non-members, here’s your chance to see what all the buzz is about and get a taste of the Uncharted experience. 

This 1-day virtual event on March 22, 2023 – don't miss your chance to join us!


Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:

Hey, everybody. I am Stephanie Goss and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I are tackling a couple of questions that at first glance, I wasn't sure actually went together. And when we boiled it down, we decided that they all had to do with what professionalism looks like in our practices. This one was so much fun, we might take the latest set break that we've ever taken in a podcast episode, but we had so much fun and laughed so much doing this. This one might not be so safe for work, although we did try and edit ourselves, but just a warning. Let's get into this one.

Speaker 2:

And now, The Uncharted Podcast.

Andy Roark:

And we are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark and Stephanie, hiding in my headphones, Goss.

Stephanie Goss:

Oh, I was laughing when we started because Andy asked me, “Are you ready?” And I said, “Yes”, and then I was not ready.

Andy Roark:

You were not ready at all.

Stephanie Goss:

I was not actually ready.

Andy Roark:

You just clearly reflexively said, “Yes” when you were not –

Stephanie Goss:

Yes, I'm giving you the answer that you want to hear.

Andy Roark:

And I was like, “All right, we're going”.

Stephanie Goss:

Oh, man. How's it going?

Andy Roark:

It's good. Yeah, it's good. I cannot complain. This year is off to a pretty darn good start. Pretty happy with where we are, that's for sure.

Stephanie Goss:

It is busy. It was like the craziness of holidays and then we immediately launched into the craziness of the new year and travel, and I can't believe it's February already.

Andy Roark:

I know. I was just thinking, I was like it, “It's the new year”. I'm like, “Nope, it's February now as we record this” so yeah, it's flying by.

Stephanie Goss:

It is. It's crazy. Well, it's interesting. We have got some great asks that have come in and I've had some conversations with some managers recently. I think this is going to be one of those episodes where there are going to be some people who are like, “Are they talking about my clinic?”.

Andy Roark:

Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

But they're two radically different things, but they are two radically different examples and they have a lot of commonality and so you and I decided we're going to do these together.

Andy Roark:

Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

So the first one was some asks about team members, and I've heard it from a variety of different positions, from really honestly, the front desk to the doctors to the kennels wearing earbuds or AirPods while they work. And one of the asks was about specifically their front desk, and it had been other people in the hospital in areas where there were no clients who had been wearing earbuds while they did laundry, out in the kennels, no problem, right?

But then it came up that there was a CSR who was wearing AirPods and they have long hair so when their hair was down, it wasn't noticeable for a while. And then someone noticed and the conversation happened and it was, “Well, I'm listening to music or I'm listening to podcasts or whatever while I'm working and if I have to answer the phone or have a conversation or whatever, I take it out. But otherwise, why can't I listen to something while I work? It helps me focus, it keeps me paying attention to what I'm doing”, but the message came from a manager and they were just like, “I feel like this is… Maybe I'm just old, but I feel like this is really not professional, but I also want to gut check, is this the new normal? Everybody just looking at their phones and am I just old?”

And I resonated with that because I was like, I have had plenty of times where I've asked myself, “Am I the crochety old man yelling, ‘Get off my lawn' here?” And then the other one was quite interesting to me, which was some team members, who happened to be younger, all working at a front desk and they were apparently listening to true crime podcasts at the front desk. And so it wasn't over the lobby loudspeaker stereo system, but they had an Alexa or Google or whatever that was playing a podcast for them. And this manager was like, “People come in and come up to the front desk and no one has said anything. We don't have a lot of clients hanging out in the lobby because we do checkouts in the room. And so it's really just the people who are coming in to pick up meds or checking out the front desk, but still, if a client comes up, nobody said anything, but is it wildly inappropriate? Do I need to solve this problem because will a client eventually say something?”

And it was interesting because they were like, “I talked to everybody to see how did they all feel about it? And apparently none of them seem to mind”, but this manager was like, “This seems wildly unprofessional to me”. And so you and I were like, “Ah, this is fun”.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. I think this is interesting. I think shifting social norms are always an interesting conversation. This reminds me of, I mean, I'll tell you other things that people have reached out to us over the years, were tattoos.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

I had someone email a while back, and before anybody reacts, they are in a rural town in Texas, and this was a practice owner reaching out, and her perception was that they had a very conservative client base and there was an older area and they had seen us celebrating a practice in downtown Boston and there were lots of tattoos in that practice. And they said, “My staff showed me these pictures that you guys had shared in this practice that you really liked and celebrated, and all these people have tattoos and nose rings and things. And they're saying that I'm a fuddy-duddy for not letting them have it”.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And my response was, “I'm not saying that things that are totally normal in downtown Boston are going to be totally normal in rural Texas”.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And even in Boston, if you're serving one clientele in Boston, something might be totally fine, but if you're serving a different clientele in Boston, it might not be totally fine with that clientele, so there's not an answer is what I'm getting to. But when we talk about the true crime, I thought that was interesting. I think the AirPods are interesting. I lump them together and I would lump the tattoos in with that as well, of things that are socially normal that we see a lot of places. But I think that there can be some concerns about how are these things being perceived. And I think the conversation on tattoos has evolved even more in the last couple years as they continue to become more and more common, but you get the point of changing social norms and that's why I lump these things together.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah. Okay. So where do we start? Both of these ask questions about, as the manager, “Am I just old to be worried about this?”

Andy Roark:

Yeah, “Am I just old?”, yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

Which is also your ask was the, “Am I the fuddy-duddy?”, right? That, I think it's a legit question and also have to do with defining professionalism, which I thought was a really interesting question.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. So okay. Let's start with Headspace.

Stephanie Goss:

Okay.

Andy Roark:

First thing that I would say is the idea of a professional-level agreement on what it means to be professional does not exist and is not going to exist.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And there are things out there that I see some of our colleagues advocating for that I would say, “I would never do that”. That's wildly unprofessional.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

But they are out there beating the drums and saying, “This should be totally normal”. I'm not saying they're wrong and that I'm right, I'm just… At some point, it comes down to what are your values? What are your goals? What are you trying to accomplish or create? And I really think that therein lies the answer. And I think… I'll give you an example that will get us immediately into hot water. The term vet nurse is a thing.

Stephanie Goss:

Sure.

Andy Roark:

And at the national level, there is no end of this debate coming. It is like there are people who hate the term vet nurse, they hate it.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And there's people who love it and think that it is the path forward for the profession. And at this point, it is absolutely clear that this whole thing is a toxic soup that is just a quagmire. There is no forward progress in this discussion at the professional level.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

Quietly, at the practice level, people are doing what they want. They are coming up with the terms that work in their practice, that match their goal and their clientele, and they are moving forward with making decisions at a local level or a practice level based on their culture and their values and what they think is important and what they want to do and what their needs and desires are. And so I put that forward as this thing where you say, “There are some things that we are never, as a profession, going to agree on” and I think we need to be okay with that and just say, “Yep, I'm going to be respectful of all people and all views and know that other people have their own opinions for me and that's fine”.

But I want to look at what I'm doing and what my practice is, and I'm not beholden to what the practice in downtown Boston does or to what the practice in rural Texas does. Those people are going to make their decisions. And so I think that's the first place of headspace is say, there's not a right or a wrong. There's really not. There's just us and what we decide to do with our little team, and that's it. So that's the first thing I put forward. The other thing that I want to put forward too, classic leadership when we talk about professionalism is, and this is really hard, but it is a is Headspace thing, the old, “Because I said so” is not a valid reason in the eyes of your team as to why they can't wear headphones or have tattoos exposed on their arms or whatever. That doesn't work.

Neither does, “Because it's unprofessional” because there's not a written-down description of what professional is and what you think is professional, what they think is professional could be entirely different. And so it's such a subjective term. It doesn't move things forward, you know what I mean? It's not going to be a motivating idea for them. And so I just think you need to get comfortable with that, of you can say no. And I think when we get into this, there are some things I'm going to be like, “I wouldn't do this and I would be strongly opposed to it happening”, but I'm not going to tell my team, “Because I said so” because that's not fun. That's using that authority lever to lead that I really don't like to use. I'm a big relationship lever guy, which means I want people to feel heard and I want them to understand where I'm coming from and I want them to be on board with where we're going, but I don't want to say, “I'm your boss” and “I said so, so you're not wearing headphones”. I really like to avoid those things.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

So anyway, that's this opening Headspace for me. What do you think about that?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, no, I agree. I do not think that, I think we have changed culturally, we have changed societally. I don't think we're in a place anymore where that top-down leadership style of, “I say you do because I said so”, right? I even find myself at home with my kids. I can't use, “Because I said so” because then, when they ask me, “Well, but why?”, I don't actually have an answer for them, right? And so it's… I think that that era has shifted in the world and I think it's compounded by all of the changes that we've gone through as a world over the last few years where we have experienced this blend of our personal and professional lives in a way that we never had previously as a whole because we were working from home and now, all of a sudden, you could be on a Zoom and your suit and tie, and if your toddler that's at home comes running into your camera or your cat jumps up and there's cat butt in the picture, those are things we can't control.

We never had to face that before. And so I think even just in the last three years, we've gone through this tremendous shift of trying to redefine, define, redefine, redefine again, what does professionalism mean, and I think it's not just us in veterinary medicine, I think it's the world as a whole. And when I think about, I think about it from a Headspace perspective. I think part of it, for me as a leader in trying to find the right answers for myself and my team always was asking myself some questions about what do I think that this looks like? But also really drilling down into what are the things that are important to me. And you were talking about what works in one place doesn't necessarily work in another, and I do believe that there is absolute truth in that. And I think about Disney as a classic example of that as an employer. They have, for years, had very clear-cut dress code rules.

And if you didn't like it, that was totally fine, but you didn't work at Disney like that. It was just that it was who they are, and there was no hiding it. It was like, “This is who we are. If you don't want to do this, fine”. And they have gone through dramatic shifts in the last few years about really wanting to accept their people as wholes and starting to loosen up as whole people and loosening up some of their standards as well. And so I think we're looking at things like that as employers, and like the tattoo example was a good one. For me. It was tattoos, it was piercings.

I remember, there was a time where I literally had to write myself up because I violated our policy for hair color and found myself laughing at the absurdity of that. And also looking at why do we have these rules? And so when I think about it, and I would say from a Headspace perspective, it's a worthy exercise to ask yourself, “What do we think defines professionalism?” Because for me, the answers, I found a lot of answers in what that actually meant to me and what it meant to my team.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. So I agree with this very much. I think this is a great example of shifting definitions of professionalism and shifting social norms. I think that that's really good.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

I also think if you are a little bit cynical, you could look at Disney and say, “Did they make those adjustments because they wanted to accept people or because they realized it's a tight labor market and they really want to not be excluding people based on things like, ‘Do they happen to have a tattoo?'”

Stephanie Goss:

Could be, could be both. Right.

Andy Roark:

But I'm sure it's about loving everyone and not capitalistic hiring practices. I get it. I'm sure. So anyway, but regardless of the reason, I mean, I'm sure it's some of both –

Stephanie Goss:

Well, you have a cynic Andy hat on today.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. Look, I'm like, “Yeah, is it because you love everybody or because you need labor? I don't know. Maybe some of both?” Maybe some of both, I think that's probably the answer. So anyway, but you get the point. Regardless of the reason, these things change and they evolve. And so I want to start with that. Okay. So that's where I want to start. Now, I also want to say there's a difference between people having tattoos and having headphones.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

What? There are a lot of differences. They're different things.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes. Yes, they are.

Andy Roark:

They're different things.

Stephanie Goss:

They are.

Andy Roark:

All right. So Headspace in this is at some point, you have to step back and say, “Because I said so” and “Because it's unprofessional”, those aren't valid rules, or that this in and of themselves don't make a difference.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And so I challenge people to step forward and say, “Okay, seriously, what is my problem with this?”

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And yeah, and it shouldn't be about morality, it shouldn't be about what's proper, it should be, honestly, give me a case against these behaviors. And so cases that I would consider is what is the goal that we, as a team, are trying to achieve?

What are we doing here? Right? What is our brand? Especially things that are client-facing, what is our brand? Are we telling people that we are a fun place to be and we love pets, or are we telling them that we are a white glove, highly-attentive practice that prides itself on communication and listening?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

They're not wrong and one's not better than the other, but they're different brands.

Stephanie Goss:

Right. Yes.

Andy Roark:

And the last thing is, what is the client experience that we're trying to create? And how much emphasis do you put on that client experience?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

What do we want it to feel like when you're a pet owner coming in to our practice? And the last part is what is the worker experience that we're trying to create? What do I want it to feel like when I come to work here?

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

Right?

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

And so I think all of those are really important questions that I would sit down and put these behaviors against. So it's having True Crime podcasts playing. Are they playing in the lobby? Are they playing in the treatment room?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

Or it's someone at the front desk with headphones in? I go, “Well, what's your brand? What client experience are you trying to create? What worker experience you're trying to create?” And just like everything in management, Stephanie, this is going to come down to balance.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

It is. There's going to be like, well, the people at the front desk like to listen to this music and it may help them focus. And at the same time, some clients are going to come in and they're going to feel ignored or they waited on hold earlier today and they showed up and somebody's got headphones in and they're going to make assumptions about how seriously their call was taken earlier. And that's a real thing that could potentially happen. And maybe it won't happen, but maybe it could.

And so anyway, there's a lot of that, “Well, there's this and there's this” and it is not going to be a one side is a clear obvious thing, it's going to be a balance. And I think honestly, if we talk to the staff, we should be transparent about that balance and recognize that yeah, I get that people will enjoy this or that there's a reason that people behave this way. And I would not try to shame anybody by being like, “How could you not be this professional?” But I would also be realistic about what my concerns are on the other side. And I would be willing to hear what other people's concerns, pros and cons are. And I would also really want to make sure, from a Headspace standpoint, that I gave people a confidential way to express their concerns because we have all been around things that were happening that other people seemed on board with, and we really didn't feel super comfortable expressing our true opinion, so we went along with it.

Stephanie Goss:

Right. Yes. It's very easy.

Andy Roark:

Well, we decided it wasn't that big a deal, so we're not going to say anything, but we didn't really care for it. And I don't want to be the person who raises their hand and gets headphones banned or gets the true crime turned off that one of the doctors really loves.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

That is a risky political move for me, and you should just be wary about that when you start to have these conversations.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes. Yes, I agree. I think the Headspace piece there for me has to do with the fact that when we think about whether it's professional, the definitions of professionalism often lead to conversation about appropriateness and inappropriateness, and I think the Headspace piece, for me, is recommending or remembering that whether something is appropriate or inappropriate is truly subjective. And so to your point about creating safe space, that is a risk factor. As a leader, you have to recognize the fact that that subjectiveness is a risk factor because there might be people who are swept up in that peer pressure and just didn't say anything, but really aren't actually comfortable with what is happening. And so you really need to really do your job well here. I think you're spot on in creating a space that is private where you're eliminating the risk factors for them, the political risk factors of speaking up and saying, “Hey, I actually don't feel comfortable with this” or “I have concerns and here's the concerns that I like about the earbuds”.

I might look at it and go, “I don't know that I can really come up with any strong objections or reasons why I wouldn't be okay with this, but you may have a team member who has a valid concern that you don't think about”. And so I think from a Headspace perspective, it's really important to just really hold on to remembering that what is appropriate, what is professional is subjective on our parts and on the parts of our clients, like you were saying.

Andy Roark:

Sure.

Stephanie Goss:

There could be clients who were like, “I don't have a problem with it”. There will be other clients who will be like, “I have a big problem with it and here's why”. And so thinking about it from those different perspectives is important. And I think to your point, doing what we can to see how does the team actually feel about this is really important.

Andy Roark:

Yeah, no, I completely agree. I'm going to take this a whole, I'm going to take this, what is appropriate is subjective and turn it up to 11. We got a letter. We got a letter, it's been a couple years and we didn't do it. And it's funny, I was talking to you about this before and you didn't remember it.

Stephanie Goss:

No.

Andy Roark:

I don't know if it just came to me. It must have been, maybe it's an email that I got, but I got a letter from a practice owner that had an associate veterinarian that was listening to an explicit podcast. Explicit.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

It was called Guys I Blanked or Guys We Blanked, and the blanked was not blanked. And it was.. And so I was familiar with the podcast because it was in the top 10 on the Apple iTunes Store podcast.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

It was very big because it was explicit and people are dirty.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

But it is what you think it is, it was that. But here's the thing that was interesting, is the doctor was listening to this in the surgery room and the techs didn't want to say anything to the doctor because apparently, the doctor was not open to suggestions or feedback, really, but they were like, “Hey, she's listening…” “She's listening to this stuff and it is obscene in surgery”, and I have to sit there and monitor this pet for anesthesia for an hour. And the person reached out to me and was like, “Have you ever heard of this?” And I was like, “No, I'm sorry, I haven't”.

And so I thought about it later on. I was like, “In what world would you be like, ‘Let's put some porn on'?” And so I always try to argue things in the other direction, right? I always try to take the other person's side and see if I can argue their position effectively and what would that look like? And it helps me empathize. And so I think what I would say on the other side is I would say, this was number three this week on the Apple iTunes podcast list.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

And so clearly, it's not obscene or pornographic because this is mainstream media.

Stephanie Goss:

Culturally. Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And culturally, this is there. And of course, again, I was just like, “This is an HR nightmare. There are so many bad things here. This cannot fly”, but it was just amazing to me. One, that it happened, and I'm sure it's happened a number of times in different places, stuff like that. But it just goes to your point of clearly, this person did not think this was obscene or bad. And I go, “It used to be when…” And again, let me talk about back in the day when I walked to school in the snow.

Stephanie Goss:

Barefoot?

Andy Roark:

Barefoot, yeah. Things that were obscene were clearly labeled as such, and you didn't have ready access to them.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And I feel like there was much more agreed-upon norms of this is socially acceptable, and this is not, and I'm not saying it's bad that things have changed because we have definitely diversified and broken out and the world is different and richer and more robust in a lot of ways, but we are now in a place where a lot of things that people don't like or don't agree with are readily available over the counter, if you will.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, it was-

Andy Roark:

And so I just think it's an interesting shift, but the True Crime podcasts, I'm not likening them to The Guys We Blanked podcast, but I do use that as example of content that is put out through easily accessible channels that some people might feel is okay and feel has been culturally validated. And other people would say, “I don't know about this”.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, it's funny because when you were asking me before we started recording about the letter, and I was like, “I do not remember this” and I looked it up and I was just like-

Andy Roark:

You immediately subscribed.

Stephanie Goss:

I was like, “This is 100% something that Stephanie Goss would listen to. Why is this not on my radar?” And also, the flip side of that was I was like, when I read the email about the True Crime Podcast, I was like, “Absolutely not” because I'm one of those people where I am highly sensitive to suggestions. And I do not watch horror movies, I do not like true crime and forget true crime stuff, I do not watch violent movies. I really struggle mentally with a lot of that, and I intentionally go out of my way to remove that. And so to me, I would have found that radically offensive and would have really struggled as a team member because I would've felt like, okay, now I either have to sit here and know that I'm going to go home at night and have nightmares, or put earplugs in so that I don't hear it just to be able to work with my team members.

And I would've really struggled with that. And it was interesting because I was like, “Oh, okay, wait a minute. This is a really good empathy moment from the perspective of what about team members who would find the other podcasts wildly inappropriate and uncomfortable for them to be listening to?” And I think for me, that was that moment of, “Oh, I could put myself in somebody else's shoes”. And as the leader, our job is to think about the fact that it is subjective and what would other people think. And I told you, I remember at my first practice, I'm going to date myself. It was back when satellite radio first was a thing and came out and I vividly remembered one of our technicians getting a satellite radio and bringing it into the practice and was just like, “I want to listen to the Howard Stern podcast”.

And we had a fairly young team at the time, but that also was one of those things that some people are going to find it wildly inappropriate. But the team was like, “Yeah, this is great. Let's listen to it”. And you immediately brought up the concern, as a practice owner, that if you have team members who are doing something like that and you know about it, what happens if somebody doesn't find it appropriate or is offended by it? How does that look on paper, in a lawsuit if somebody sues you?

Andy Roark:

Yeah. I have three things that spring into my head. Again, and we've talked before about I can catastrophize, I can take a situation and tell you how it's going to end in my financial ruin and me living in a box next to the stream in the forest. I can take that. And here's how you listening to Howard Stern ends up with me in a box.

Stephanie Goss:

Okay.

Andy Roark:

Right?

Stephanie Goss:

Okay.

Andy Roark:

[inaudible 00:28:45] living in the forest. Right.

Stephanie Goss:

We're in our imaginary vet clinic. Tyler will find this out. Okay.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. So there's three things that I go to, is what does a one-star review look like? What does a court reporter, or reporting look like? And what does the euthanasia experience look like?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And that's it, is like, I can be like, “What if you are…” And again, bear with me here for a second, but what if someone said, “I went in to get my faithful pet of 18 years euthanized, and I could hear Howard Stern through the wall”. I would go “Ooh”, and it depends on what's going on, but you get my point, right? You go, “Ooh”.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes, absolutely.

Andy Roark:

What does a one-star review look like when someone says, “I was in the waiting room or I was in the treatment room and I was listening to Howard Stern and they were having this conversation while I was waiting for my pet to come out”? I go, “Okay”. I don't like that necessarily, and there are some things there, but the biggest thing is what does the court reporting look like? What happens when you get sued for a hostile work environment and the court reporter reads out the transcripts from these sections-

Stephanie Goss:

What was playing on Howard Stern.

Andy Roark:

… from Howard Stern and said, “This is what, this is examples of things that were played in the treatment room when I worked there”. I go, “Oh”, and that does sound extreme. Like I said, I can catastrophize, but as soon as you said that, I was like, “Hostile work environment”, and I'm like, “I can 100% see that”.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, and as soon as you spelled it out like that, that was the mind-blown moment for me as the manager of like, “Oh, God” because I actively, in the moment, I was like, “We're a young team, everybody is like, ‘Yeah, let's listen to it'”, didn't think twice about it, right?

Andy Roark:

Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

And didn't think about it from that context, but as soon as you said that, I was like, “Okay, mind-blown. This is an opportunity for putting yourself in somebody else's shoes, but also thinking about it”. I love your comment about the bad review, but also the euthanasia perspective. And I think a lot of us think about it in that way. And so the comment from the manager who asked about the True Crime Podcast was like, “It's not full volume, it's not over the lobby stereo system. It's quiet, and they're just listening to it” and they had concerns because they were like, “What if a client approaches the front desk and hears this? So far, nobody has said anything, but what happens when someone does?” Right?

Andy Roark:

Sure.

Stephanie Goss:

And then the question becomes, it is assuming that it is our responsibility as leaders to help the team navigate these waters, like where do we even start with defining what that looks like in our practices?

Andy Roark:

Yeah, totally. So I would tell you with the True Crime thing, I had two thoughts from a Headspace. So True Crime for me, number one is what about that person in the waiting room who's here for euthanasia and there's True Crime stuff on?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And again, I was telling anybody, bear with me. I'm not saying, “Oh, I can imagine this thing, so the answer is clearly ban it, ban it, ban it”. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying I'm still going through the process of processing and balancing.

Stephanie Goss:

When you asked that question, I immediately had that heart… It immediately pulled at my heartstrings. And I can't imagine in the almost 20 years that I've been in veterinary medicine, I can't imagine a single person that I have ever worked with, including people that I really didn't like. I can't imagine any one of them not being able to empathize with that client and go, “Oh gosh, I would never want a client to experience that”.

Andy Roark:

Yeah, sure.

Stephanie Goss:

That is who we are as a people and so I think if you asked your team that question, it would hit them in those feels.

Andy Roark:

And again, I'm not trying to bully them, but I am honestly trying to think through this and be positive because here's the other thing, I want my people to be happy. And if there's things I can do to make them happy that don't negatively affect the client experience, I want to have as good a workplace as possible. So you better believe, I want to root for them and I want to be cool, fun Andy, but also, it's my job to balance these things. The other thing I would say is this, and it goes back to what you said earlier, but my wife, the only podcast she listens to are True Crime. And the only podcast I don't listen to are True Crime. I don't like True Crime. And again, no shade on people who do.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

I'm not saying anything, but that stuff is upsetting to me. I don't like to hear about those things really happening in the world. You know what I mean? And as a parent, and again, I know I'm a softie, but I don't want to hear about, as the parent of a 15-year old daughter, I don't want to hear about the college girl or the high school kid getting butchered. I don't, that's really upsetting to me. And so I just don't engage with that stuff, but I'm not opposed to other people like, “Go on, do your thing”. And I don't think it makes other people bad people or anything at all. I just, it's upsetting to me and so I step away from it. If I came in and the whole staff was listening to True Crime, and I'm an associate vet or a relief vet, I'm not going to say anything. You know what I mean? Because I don't want to be the guy who's like, “Hey, all you people who are into this, I don't like it and so I'm turning it off” and I'm just being honest about that.

It's like I would just suck it up and be like, “It's not that big a deal, but I don't like it”. And if I had to do it every day, I think my perception might change over time, or I think at some point, I'm not a shrinking violet. At some point, I would say, “Guys, I don't like this. Let's listen to something else”, but a lot of other people would not do that. And I would have to be pretty sure about how I felt before I played the fun police because I don't like to be the fun police.

Stephanie Goss:

Right. Well, and I-

Andy Roark:

But it would bother me.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, and I think about it on really… The same thinking about it and listening to you say that, I'm thinking back to when I first started in veterinary medicine, and it was not dissimilar. The feelings that you got when we did put on… Clients were all out of the building. We weren't allowed to play music that was not classical or elevator music. When clients were in the building or when clients were out of the building, we could put on whatever we wanted and it's not dissimilar to that feeling that I got when everybody was like, “Let's listen to heavy metal” and I was like, “This is not my thing”, and it's really hard for me to concentrate and I can't finish doing the day-end deposit. And so I would literally put in earplugs and it's that same, it's a much hipper, newer version I guess, of that than old Stephanie, but it's that same argument of how do we make sure that we're providing, to your point, a comfortable work environment for everybody?

And I think it feels, I remember then feeling like maybe I'm just the fuddy-duddy, like really, I'm the only one who doesn't want to listen to this. But I think it is an important point as leaders that we have to think about. And it's funny because when I was thinking about the True Crime piece, and I said at the beginning, I promised these two things tied together because my solution was, okay, if that's what is happening and everybody else is okay with it, I'm going to want to stick my EarPods in and tune it all out so that I can actually keep working and get the work done.

And then does it become a problem if I'm sitting there at the front desk trying to do the end-of-day reports or trying to get through chart audits and I have earbuds in, and then I am now becoming the person or the persons in the first example of, well, still is this professional if people are wearing earbuds and listening to whatever their choice is because they're then not affecting anybody else on the team because it's streaming straight into their ears, but how does that affect the client experience? How does that impact their interactions with their teammates? Do they hear the phone ring? Do they hear when people are trying to talk to them, but they have something else happening in their ears? So I think they're good questions to ask.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. And now, we're spinning up too, because of this behavior, these other things are now happening, which are also things. And at some point, you get this weird cacophony of different things happening, all that come from this underlying thing. And you go, “I don't know. I don't know if this is a good idea”. Okay. So I want to try to… I'm going to try to make one more pass at this and I want to frame it up a little bit more to try to give it some structure. Okay, cool. So the first thing I want to put down is remember what we said about, “Because I said so” and “It's unprofessional”? Those are not arguments that hold water with your people. And so you need to work beyond that. And also, the world has changed. And I think this is important just for thinking about how we provide work environments.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

We made a lot of our work habits back when people did the work that is now automated by machines, right? When they worked on assembly lines, things like that, they showed up, they did manual labor or things that are largely replaced by machines at this point. And when that used to happen, we got into the habit of tracking time as an outcome, right? We're like, “I'm going to pay you for an hour of your labor”, and you could do that because people were on assembly line making widgets. You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

But if you look at the goal of our business, which is to provide care and to get pets taken care of and people taken care of, tracking people's time, boy that's really removed from actually taking care of people. It's a really sloppy, crappy metric, right?

Stephanie Goss:

Sure.

Andy Roark:

And so I've been enjoying recently thinking a lot about what do we really do? And so one of the things that's interesting about Uncharted that I really like about the way that we work is we're all remote. Everybody works from home. I have no idea what you guys do. Also, I don't track your hours. You don't clock in, you don't clock out, and you have unlimited vacation. You can just go, if you want Wednesday off, you can just take Wednesday off. That's how we work at Uncharted.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And people go, “That's bonkers” and I go, “Well, why would I do it any differently?” Because I know what work we do. You know what I mean? I know what our projects are, I know what our deliverables are, I know what timetables we need to meet. I know you guys are working hard. And if you can get a day's worth of work done in five hours, I'm not going to make you sit at your desk for three hours. You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:

Right. Yes.

Andy Roark:

That's good, that's good for you for being efficient and getting things done, but the work is getting done.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

And so I flipped my mind a long time ago to paying people for the work that they do and the outcomes that they create, the effects they have, the impacts they make instead of the hours that they work. Now, I know that's a different part and our business is weird, and it's not a vet clinic where we have to have people there at certain times when the pet owners come in, but I want to make this point because I think it's really important, the idea that the only way to compensate people is for the hours that they put in behaving in very specific structured ways, I don't think that makes a lot of sense and I think the younger generations are really not on board with that.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes, I would agree with that. And I think it applies to the vet clinic. I remember young manager Stephanie, I remember thinking about those days where a team member would come up to me and they'd be like, “We're done with appointments. We've gotten all the stuff done. Can we go early?”, and feeling this pressure of like, “I can't let them go early. They haven't worked their eight hours” because that is the mentality of we're trading the time. And so I remember times when I said yes and then felt guilty, and I also remember times that I said no and felt guilty because I can see both sides of that argument, right? And I think that it has to do with the fear as a leader of not knowing how we're defining things and how we're defining that value.

Andy Roark:

Yes, and that's exactly where I'm going. That's exactly my point, is how do you measure success? How do you measure value? How do you measure the outcomes? How do you define the experience that you want to create?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

Is it the amount of time that people are clocked in? Is it whether or not they have tattoos? Is it whether or not they have headphones in their ears or not? Right?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

How are defining success? Right?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

I'm a huge believer in hiring good people and training them and then giving them as much autonomy and freedom as possible so that they can innovate, create, do good work, control their own life and schedule. People are not automatons, they're not robots, they're not widget makers, they're people. And so I want to give them this freedom, and I want to pay attention to what the outcomes that I want to create are, okay?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And so I'm putting that down because that's really important with where we're going. All right? Now, that said, I'm also, I'm realistic, right? I can't be 100% hands-off. Everybody needs support, everybody needs clear expectations, everybody needs boundaries, everybody needs to know what is required of them, right? But I do try to balance those things.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And so as we start to think about what is this? What is unprofessional? Is it unprofessional? I would say to you, what is your outcome? What does success look like? And so then my questions really are, when you look at what it means to be successful working in the kennel, is that impacted by wearing headphones?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

And it might be that, yes, you can't hear anything and we call for help and you don't come because you have your headphones in. And I would say, that's it. That's the answer. Right there. We're done.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

The experience is not being created the way that if one of the ways that we measure the work quality of our kennel is how quickly they can appear to interact with the medical team when needed, and headphones are reducing their effectiveness in that way, I would say headphones are hurting their performance and hurting the outcomes.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

And so that makes that decision for me, but it's not about what's professional, it's about what is the impact.

Stephanie Goss:

And?

Andy Roark:

One of the impacts… I know, I see where you're going. I'll say one more.

Stephanie Goss:

Go for it.

Andy Roark:

One of the other parts too is, I said before, success for me is a lot of times about how it feels to work in our hospital. And if people have headphones in, do they feel like their coworkers are inaccessible, or that they're not being heard or that they're being ignored? You know what I mean? That they're not getting the attention that they need. And if that's true, then that's a problem. And if the answer to all those things is you know what? It makes zero difference if someone in the kennel has one headphone in listening to a podcast. They're responsive, they listen, the work is getting done, there's no slowdown in our output, then for God's sakes, go have fun. Listen to your podcast.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

If are the clients, they're not engaging with the clients or they're popping them out of their ear before they go talk to the clients, then go with it.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

So that's that. The last thing that I want to say, and this is where all this is coming down to, as the Buddhists say, the answer's generally in the middle. And so we're like, do we say, “Go forth and crank up your True Crime podcast and everybody has headphones or they're banned, don't speak of them again, or you'll have to sit in the corner”? That doesn't have to be the answer. There can be some middle ground here. And it doesn't have to be that because the kennel tech can listen with one earphone, the front desk can listen with an earphone while they're answering phone calls and talking to clients face to face, it's a different job. It's like, that's basically the front desk being like, “Why can't I do surgery?”

Stephanie Goss:

Yes.

Andy Roark:

That's because it's just not your job. It's a different job, it's a different person with different credentials, different skills handling different problems. And just because you can't listen to headphones at the front desk doesn't mean that you can't listen to headphones when you clean the kennels. And that may not mean that you can't listen to headphones after we lock the door and the clients aren't allowed in the building, I don't know, or that that… Anyway, it's nebulous, but the answer is usually in the middle. And there are ways that we can bend. As long as we know what's important, what our values are, what success looks like, what outcomes we're trying to measure and create, what the client experience is, what our concerns are and how people feel, a lot of times, we can try to be reasonable and compromise while still protecting the things we care about.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah. No, I love that. And what I was going to say is I think if, to your point about, okay, if you have a team member who is in the kennels and is wearing earbuds and they're not responsive because they can't hear, I think it is very easy to go to the black and white answer of, “Okay, then the answer means you can't wear headphones or you can't wear earbuds”. And I would also say that I'm glad you brought up about finding the middle ground because that young manager Stephanie would have been like, “It's black or it's white”, like it is one end of the spectrum, or it is the other. And currently where I am in my career is very much about how do we find that middle ground.

And so the question that I asked back was, okay, well, I asked the questions you did, which is are they responsive? Are they still interacting with their teammates? Are those other things still happening? Because if they are, then what's the problem? If they're not, is there still a middle ground? Are they responsive to a… I'm going to date myself here. Are they responsive to a page? And I don't necessarily mean with a pager, although yes, I had.

Andy Roark:

When their beeper goes off?

Stephanie Goss:

Yes. When their beeper goes off, do they come?

Andy Roark:

Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah. When the beeper goes off, do they come?

Andy Roark:

When the landline rings and they have to go pick it up off the wall, do they answer?

Stephanie Goss:

Hey, we actually had wall phones in our kennels, so don't knock it. And-

Andy Roark:

When a fax comes in, do they grab it?

Stephanie Goss:

I can't. Oh my God, I can't. Okay. Where I was going with that though is are there modern versions of that? This is not their beeper, but if they get a page on their Apple Watch and it vibrates on their wrist and then they come when somebody needs them, is it still accomplishing the same thing? And so where current manager Stephanie would lean very much into, how do I find that middle ground where we can still do the job? Everybody is getting… We're serving the clients, we're serving the patients, and I want people to be happy at work. I want them to… We're spending so much time together. At work, I want there to be opportunities where they do interact with each other. So I don't want to remove and intentionally disconnect them from each other. And I've been that, like my kid wears her earbuds all the time and she's usually listening to a podcast and I'm fine with that some of the time, but some of the time, I want to sit there and have a conversation with her, right?

Andy Roark:

Yes.

Stephanie Goss:

And so I think it's about finding that middle ground so that if the team can still interact with each other and they can still build those relationships and there are times, to your point, throughout the day where they can pop their earbud in and listen to it, I don't care. I'm cool. I am fine with that because I want them to be happy to be at work. And so, to me, part of the gift, if you will, that Covid has given us is that blurring of our personal and professional lives to the sense of, this is something that makes me happy. If I'm the True Crime junkie and the new episode comes out on Thursday, can I create a space for them to do that at work and still get the work done? Why do I care? Right? I shouldn't, I don't want to. I want them to be happy.

If we can blend those things together and support each other as human beings, great. There is also still, to your point, I think they were three great questions, which is how does this impact the client experience? What would a client, who is here to euthanize their pet, what does that look like to them? And if it impacts that in any way, it's going to be a hard no for me, right?

Andy Roark:

Yeah.

Stephanie Goss:

And I'm okay with drawing that line in the sand. Also, what would it look like? What would it look like on a court report? And I think that that's a really great HR safety mechanism for, could anybody possibly read anything into this? If so, then how do we do that? Now, if somebody wants to sit there and listen to The Guys We Blanked podcast in their earbud during their time in the kennel, great. Go for it. That is to me, finding that safe space where like, “Okay, it's not impacting other people”.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. If it doesn't affect anybody else and yeah, there's no downside, yeah, sure.

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

No, I agree with that. That's why I am in favor of employees having tattoos on one arm and half of their face is because it's like middle ground. We let them do it, but not so much. And they know which employee gets to only look at the right side of their body or which staff, which clients see the right side of their face, which side see the left.

Stephanie Goss:

Stop it.

Andy Roark:

All right, let's take the latest break we've ever taken just for a moment and then we're going to just bang out action steps real fast because I'll tell you how I think about this. All right.

Stephanie Goss:

Have you done it yet? Have you headed over to The Uncharted website, the one that's at unchartedvet.com/events? And have you clicked on that link for the April conference? If you haven't, friend, you need to head over and click on that link. And then you need to hit the register button because I want to see you with us in sunny Greenville, South Carolina. In less than 80 days, we are going to be diving deep into tackling internal communications this Spring. We want to talk about how do we improve our communications amongst our teams in a whole myriad of ways. How do we set boundaries? How do we have conversations about affordability of pet care and communications outwardly towards our clients as a result?

How do we use language and maybe think about changing some of the language we're using to have better communication as a team? Just previews of some of the awesome stuff that we're going to be talking about. So if you haven't done the thing, if you haven't put your fingers to your keyboard and typed unchartedvet.com/events, go do it now because I have hugs waiting for you in Greenville and you should not miss out on this. And now, back to the podcast.

Andy Roark:

And we're back for the fastest second half of a show ever. That's right. It's the second half in-

Stephanie Goss:

10 minutes or less.

Andy Roark:

10 minutes or less. All right, here we go. So what do we say to the staff when they're talking or when they got the True Crime stuff or they got headphones, or number one, clear is kind.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

I think what most of us do is we're like, “I don't want to deal with this-“

Stephanie Goss:

“So I'm just going to ignore it”.

Andy Roark:

“… so I'm just not going to say anything” and then half of them wearing headphones and the other half are resentful and there's no system at all. And the clients are like, “What is this? My tech's got one earbud in when she's talking to me about my pet. That seems weird”. And we just don't engage. At some point, clear is kind.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

Tell people what the expectation is and we'll talk about how to figure it out in a second.

Stephanie Goss:

I think the other alternative to that is we avoid it or we want to push it up the chain and make it somebody else's decision because we don't know how to make the decision. We're like, “I don't know how I feel about this. I feel conflicted”, and so in talking to one of the managers, she was like, “I just want to give this to the practice owner and dump it in her lap and say, ‘You figure this out because I have no idea how I feel about it'”.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. Yeah. I agree. So clear is kind. We need to talk about this. Putting your head in the sand and just going, “I don't want to deal with this, so I'm just going to let them figure it out themselves”, that's probably about enough.

Stephanie Goss:

Right. Not a strategy.

Andy Roark:

The big question to the team is, “Hey guys, what's important about this and what are the impacts? And so I like to ask the team, what are the pros of headphones? Why do you guys want them? Why do they make… Tell me, articulate to me why they're good. Articulate to me what's important to you about them” because otherwise, I'm just guessing. But they need to tell me why do they want this thing and what's good about it and when do they use it and how do they use it? And then I'm going to ask them, what are the cons? What are the ripple effects? If we do this, how could it go badly for us? And I said before, I really like the idea of giving people a mechanism to confidentially share concerns they have.

Stephanie Goss:

Yes. Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And so the ripple effects are, “I don't feel like people are hearing me”. We worry about what if the true crime stuff is on and you can hear it through the euthanasia room wall?

Stephanie Goss:

Right.

Andy Roark:

That's a thing. We need to talk about what those cons are because a lot of times, they just don't think about what the concerns are. But I just think honestly putting them out and saying, what are concerns that people have? How could this be problematic? And I say, “I'll tell you what some of my concerns are, they're these things”. And then say, “Are there ways that we can address these concerns and still let people do what they want to do? Is that possible to try?” And I will, again, always, always frame up as pilot programs, pilot programs, pilot programs, which means I want it, I want you guys to be able to do what you want to do, but these concerns need to be addressed. And so if there's a way that we can address these concerns and still do some of this stuff, I'm open for trying it, but if it's a problem, we're going to be right back here again and we might not be able to do this.

Stephanie Goss:

I love it.

Andy Roark:

So last part, clear expectations. I don't have to necessarily decide this in front of the team, but I need to hear them and what the concerns are. I would really like to have their input on how we might try to move this forward. I'll open the floor to those guys, let them come by the office and tell me, let them put forward suggestions, concerns, complaints, things like that. And then finally, tell them what the policy is. Clear expectations.

Stephanie Goss:

Yep.

Andy Roark:

This is how we're going to go forward, this is how we're going to try it. These are the things that I'm going to be really watching. And if response time in the back drops down, if we have people waiting up front, if we get a single client complaint, if any of the clients feel like they don't feel like they're being heard or we're not being attentive to them because of headphones, then that's going to be the end of the pilot program.

And I want you guys, I don't want you to be surprised. I want you to know, going in, what my lines are and let's see how this goes. And the last thing is remember, balance is key. It doesn't have to be ban them or it's the wild west, it can be a little bit of what's important to you guys, how can we make the things that are important to you happen while making sure the concerns that other people have are addressed? And guys, that's just what it means to manage a team that's healthy, that we try to support while also balancing the needs of the pets and the clients in the practice.

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah, I love it. I love it. That was the first [inaudible 00:56:01].

Andy Roark:

That's all I got. I told you it was going to be a short second half. By definition, not a half, but you get the point.

Stephanie Goss:

Oh, man.

Andy Roark:

One half was significantly smaller than the other half.

Stephanie Goss:

We landed.

Andy Roark:

Those are not halves, Andy.

Stephanie Goss:

We landed the plane. That's the point. I think, no, I'm with you there. And it was interesting because your action steps are all of what I watched unfold in some of the conversations with a group of managers where somebody had asked the question, and it was the shades of gray, right? The perspectives and everybody is going to have a different perspective and so making them feel heard I think is really important. And I love your three questions about what is the client experience, especially from the euthanasia perspective, because I think that is the ultimate empathy tool for everybody on your team. From a leadership perspective, what does it look like potentially in a court document? Because it's a super valid question to ask yourself.

Andy Roark:

Yeah, the what's the euthanasia experience? What is a complaining client with euthanasia?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

What does the one-star Google Review look like?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

And what does it sound like if a lawyer reads it back to you?

Stephanie Goss:

Yeah.

Andy Roark:

Those are three just general guidance questions.

Stephanie Goss:

I love it. I love it. This was fun. I have a new podcast to listen to this weekend.

Andy Roark:

Yeah. Just not, this is why we're virtual. So you can look, you can go listen to it.

Stephanie Goss:

It's not going to impact anybody else.

Andy Roark:

You can listen to it on headphones at work because nobody's there.

Stephanie Goss:

I'm in my closet. Have a good week, everybody.

Andy Roark:

See you, everybody.

Stephanie Goss:

Well, gang, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. And as always, this was so fun to dive into the mailbag and answer this question. And I would really love to see more things like this come through the mailbag. If there is something that you would love to have us talk about on the podcast or a question that you are hoping that we might be able to help with, feel free to reach out and send us a message. You can always find the mailbag at the website. The address is unchartedvet.com/mailbag, or you can email us at podcast@unchartedvet.com. Take care, everybody, and have a great week. We'll see you again next time.

Conflicting Team Members Who Won’t Talk To Each Other

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice manager Stephanie Goss are answering a question you asked in the mailbag! That's right, this is going to be one of those episodes where everyone is asking “Are they talking about my practice? Are they talking about my front desk team? We had a manager reach out and ask us some questions about front desk team members who are butting heads and seem to be at each other's throats. They both have been coming to the manager or the practice owner or both and complaining about the behaviours from their teammate. Both of these team members fully admit they are horrible about talking to each other about the issues first. This manager is at their wits end and wanting to know “do we mediate, do we let them talk it out themselves?” Andy and Stephanie loved these questions. Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 221 – Conflicting Team Members Who Won't Talk To Each Other

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.


Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


Upcoming Events

Calling All Practice Managers – The Uncharted Practice Manager Summit is ALMOST HERE!

We know you are unique. Managing the business. Fielding never-ending questions from the team. Fixing broken printers, again. You wear more hats than anyone else in the practice. All of these look great on you, of course. But do you ever wonder “Am I actually in charge if I don’t own the practice? How do I manage the endless responsibilities of this job with limited power and resources? How can I keep growing professionally?”

If you’re itching to talk to people who really get what it means to be a manager, this is the event for you!

It’s time to connect with your fellow practice managers to share what gets you excited about your role, find solutions for what needs your focus now, and discover new ways to shine even brighter as a manager.

While Uncharted Membership is always encouraged, it is not required for event attendance! Non-members, here’s your chance to see what all the buzz is about and get a taste of the Uncharted experience. 

This 1-day virtual event on March 22, 2023 – don't miss your chance to join us!


Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:
Hey everybody, I am Stephanie Goss, and this is another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I are continuing a conversation that started in our Uncharted community where a manager was asking for some help dealing with two team members who are butting heads. And they keep coming to this person as the manager or it's the practice owner and complaining about each other.
And this manager was like, “How do I deal with this? Do I mediate it? Do I make them talk it out? What do I do?”
And Andy and I had a lot of fun talking about this. I admitted some of my own greatest mistakes as a practice manager when it came to dealing with this in my-not so-recent path actually. We talk a little bit about my lack of poker face and we have a lot of fun. So let's get into this one.

Meg:
And now the Uncharted podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And we are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark and Stephanie I'm way too fine to feel this stressed Goss.

Stephanie Goss:
I don't even know what song that comes from, but I appreciate it very much.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's from your anthem that you didn't know you had called “It's About Damn Time” by Lizzo. “It's About Damn Time.”

Stephanie Goss:
That's fantastic.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's funny, my kids play it. And I refuse to admit that there's bad words in songs, even though it's obvious. And so I just sing really loudly, it's about that time. And they're like, “That's not the words.” And I was like, “I'm certain those are the words.” But the name of the song is “It's About Damn Time”.

Stephanie Goss:
So clearly this episode needs an explicit warning right off the bat.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, we come honestly, right off the bat.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, it's so funny, because we had some community members this week who had the stories of their clinics get published. A friend of mine, Robin Brockton, was writing an article for today's Veterinary Business and was featuring some independent practices and some of the things that they're doing differently to live their truth and be their own people in our field, which is becoming increasingly consolidated in some ways.
And so we had two Uncharted community members who had their clinics featured as part of it, or three of them, excuse me. And one of the doctors, I shouted her out in the community because she's new and she just joined.
And she was like, “Oh yeah, there was a lot of listening to the Uncharted podcast to get to the place where I am and where we filled this culture.”
And I was like, “Uh-oh.” She's like, “I listened in the car with my kids a lot.”
And so I was like, “Oh, I'm really sorry for any swearing we did without a warning on it.” And she was like, “Oh, that's okay. They've heard far worse when I'm gardening at the house.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
We've talked about that before. We're pretty darn clean in our nature. So then people are like, “Sure, the kids can listen to this.”
And then every and now, and there's one bad word an episode, and I'm like, “We're probably in the worst place. We probably swear just enough to bother people who are listening with kids, but not enough to be cool for people who are really hardcore like us.”

Stephanie Goss:
Because let's be clear, when we're not recording podcasts.

Dr. Andy Roark:
So hardcore.

Stephanie Goss:
I definitely, yeah, I'm a swearer. And I told her the story. I said, “I'm that mom. My kids learned swear words from Broadway albums in the car when they were toddlers.” And I would sing the bad words and Jackson would go, “Mama, that's a word you shouldn't say.”
He was that kid though who would refuse to repeat them. He wasn't the kid who heard it, learned it, and went to school and was using the words. He was the kid who was like, “Oh, that's a bad word. You shouldn't use that word.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
I am not that way at all. I am the closet smoker of bad words. I sneak outside. I'll be on the phone outside and I'll be swearing, like, “Oh, you got to be kidding me.” But then in the house it's like, “Nope.”

Stephanie Goss:
It does. It sneaks out and you're just like, “Oh, Andy's on fire.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
I do, when I get fired up, there's something about a couple of bad words to really carry some weight. But I don't know. I keep going. I should just stop. I should be done with profanity altogether. But I don't know, I never quite do it. I wax and wain too. I'll get really good and then I'll just get really bad.

Stephanie Goss:
It makes my world a more colorful place.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I'll tell you why I had bad words just starting this episode off, because I talked to the credit card company today. And of course they're just jerking me around with like, “Oh, you have to provide this information.” I'm like, “No, I don't. What are you talking about?”

Stephanie Goss:
You're like I am me. It's been a very Monday, for a Friday.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And they're like, “We don't believe you.” They were like, “You have to fax us this documentation.” And I laughed. I was like, “Where am I going to get a fax machine?”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, who faxes?

Dr. Andy Roark:
I'm sorry.

Stephanie Goss:
Hi, it's 2023.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I'm just going to head down to 1990 and then I'll be reaching out to you. Anyway.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh man. It has been a Monday. It has been a Monday on a Friday, that is for sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's been a Monday on a Friday, I agree.

Stephanie Goss:
But I'm excited because we had some conversation happening in, speaking of the community, they're awesome and doing amazing things. And we had some conversation about someone was struggling because they have some team members who are really struggling to communicate well and butting heads a lot. And both have independently come to their department leads or the practice manager or the practice owner and voiced concerns about the other person and working with them.
But they are not talking to each other. And they both admit it. They both admit like, no, I haven't had the conversation with them. They have different styles of just in general personality styles. One is really upfront and vocal, and the other one tends to be more passive and afraid of conflict. And gets really easily flustered when there is conflict.
And so the community member was asking like, Hey, how do we help this? Do we mediate between the two of them? Do we let them talk it out themselves and figure it out? Do we just hope that it resolves itself?
And they were like, I feel like maybe you guys did a podcast on this that I should listen to. And you and I both went, “That is a great podcast that we have not done yet.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I looked for it. I went back and looked. I'm like, surely we've done this? And I literally went back, and I was like, I don't think we have, I never found anything that looked like it.

Stephanie Goss:
No, I love it. So I'm excited. I'm excited.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, yeah, I am too. We get a lot of questions like this.
All right, cool. So let's go ahead and start to lay this thing down. We've got two people not getting along. They're both tattling on each other up to the leadership, and we got to figure out what to do with this. So as we do, let's start with headspace.
Where's your head at when you're looking at this?

Stephanie Goss:
My head immediately went to empathy in two ways. One is I have been this team member, I was this team member early on in my career and in a practice. And then also empathy on the leadership side, because oh boy, I have been there. And I think it is really common, this is the episode where everybody goes, “They're talking about my team, they're talking about my practice.”
And so I think that it's one of those things that we can easily recognize the emotions in. The frustration, the irritation, all of the emotions. I read the question and was like, oh yeah, I recognize this. I recognize this tree. I've seen it before.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I went immediately to frustration. This immediately frustrates the heck out of me. Because I'll just tell you, my emotional reaction immediately is “why can't you just grow up and fix it? Talk to each other like you're not six-year-olds.” And that is the crotchety, immediate frustration [inaudible 00:08:33].

Stephanie Goss:
Old man, “Get off my lawn.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, exactly right. Figure it out like you are not infants. And go on. And that is, I'm just being totally honest, with the emotional reaction I have, because I'm a human being and I have dealt with this many times. But it is wildly frustrating. And that's why it's worth talking about because it's easy to blow this up. And that's why headspace is so important.
And so when we talk about headspace guys, I want you guys to know I like to lay down headspace. It is not because I live in a zen world, it's because I do not live in a zen world and I need to get my head straight so that I don't blow my face off when I load into this.

Stephanie Goss:
So you don't come down the crotchety Clint Eastwood and yell, “get off my lawn.” Because that's how you're feeling in your head.

Dr. Andy Roark:
That's exactly what's in my head, is figure this out. What are you, seven? But that's not fair. It's not fair.

Stephanie Goss:
But it's human.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, to empathize with the leader you've got… Here's the thing, here's where this blows me up. This is where I get blown up as a leader, is I have 87 things on my plate. And I have some real fires burning, like real things that need to get fixed. And then I've got Donna and Dave and they're like, “Dave is not talking to me.” And Dave's like, “Donna's just being a nag.”
And I'm like, “Look at my face. What on my face says I'm excited to handle this and I have time for it? Do you see that on my face? Would you look at me, because it's not there. Because I don't.”
And it always gets dropped on top of things that are actively burning. And so the self-control part of this is so important because it really does. It really does needle. It really does needle me.

Stephanie Goss:
It is huge, and I'm going to tell you guys a story. At one point in the not so distant past as a manager, I hit a place where I was feeling really burned out and I was not my best manager self. And I was doing a lot of things very, very wrong. And I was having some conflict amongst my team. And like you Andy, I was like… I'm laughing so hard because I can picture my face, and you have given me the feedback that I have a very expressive face.

Dr. Andy Roark:
You do have it, an overly expressive face.

Stephanie Goss:
I do not have a poker face.

Dr. Andy Roark:
You need to tone down your transparency a little bit sometimes.

Stephanie Goss:
I do not have a poker face. And I will tell you. So I was really struggling with my team and I was really struggling with some of the tattling. And to your point, it would always be when there was fires flaming. And I could not control my face and I could not control the epic eye roll that wanted to happen the second somebody opened their mouth to start tattling on somebody else.
And so I rearranged my office so that my desk, my back was to the door. So that when they came to the door and started to tell me about the thing, I had a few moments to pull my face together so that they wouldn't see my face, which was not, definitely not my best manager moment. And at the same time I get it, and I empathize so hard with that.

Dr. Andy Roark:
First of all, sometimes we need a crutch. It's like if you can't control your face, then maybe you should face away from the door. Just at some point you have to accept that me trying to control my face is not working. I need help.
The other thing is when you said that, I imagined you doing that so that when they come in and go, “Dave is really is being a jerk.” You could slowly turn your chair around.

Stephanie Goss:
That was the other thing that I learned.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Like a high back Dr. Evil chair and you could just slowly turn it around and say, “What did you say?”
Anyway.

Stephanie Goss:
The ultimate passive aggressive physical behavior right there, but I will admit, I leaned into it because it's hard. It's really hard not to be frustrated by that. So I empathize with your statement of immediately going to frustration.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I think that's hilarious. I wouldn't do it. But the idea of your employees coming to you and saying, “Donna is making me crazy.” And then you just slowly turn your chair around away from them so that the high back chair is hiding you. That's funny.
Also, Stephanie's [inaudible laughter 00:13:07], is shaking.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh my God. We're off the rails.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Okay, so hold on. We are and we're not. Let me pull this back around to make the point. What happens is we're busy and everybody's busy, and things are stressful and tensions are high. And that is when the interpersonal relationships break.
So you're not imagining that these things happen when other fires are burning, it's because other fires are burning that these things are happening. It's the overall tension and hustle and pace that cause breakdowns in communication. It's easy to communicate when nobody cares and nothing is at stake, and we're largely bored and got more time than things to do. That's an easy time to communicate.
It's like getting along with your significant other on vacation. That's not super hard. It's getting along with your significant other when you're both trying to go to work and the kids are doing things and the bills are coming due, that's a different beast.
Same thing. And so anyway, I know that felt like a fun tangent, but it also is meant to make the point of that frustration is very real. And that's when people blow themselves up, is because generally the leader is stressed by the hustle and bustle. And the same things that are stressing these people who are communicating are also sitting on our shoulders, so now this feels like a new problem.
And unlike the fact of, I don't know how to get all these pet owners in, I don't know how to get people the raises that they want. You complaining to me about Dave is a very tangible problem, and there's someone who's responsible for it and they're standing in my office right in front of me. And so it's easy to take frustration out on this situation, and I've seen a lot of people get in trouble when they do it.
So the first part of headspace is recognize that this is going to come at an inconvenient time. It always comes at an inconvenient time. And it's just part of the actual underlying drama. First thing is recognize that frustration is a real problem that blows this thing up.
And it's not going to be like, oh, they're going to come to me when I have lots of free time and I'm in a good headspace and I'll deal with it then. Know that that's probably not going to happen. They're going to come to you this time. Okay, so that's it.
All right. Now, there's a significant headspace question that we really need to parse through that I think cause a lot of people problems. And it's separating out two similar but different things. So let me go ahead and put some pieces on the board.
So the first thing, whenever I have two people that are not getting along in the practice and they come to me, we have to talk about the Karpman drama triangle. And so Karpman drama triangle is one of my favorite things. But it's this dynamic, it's called the hero-villain-victim triangle.
And so whenever you have conflict in your practice, look, and you'll see three roles being played. There is a victim who is the person who is being wronged, and there's a villain who is the person who is doing the thing that they're not supposed to do. And there's a hero, which is the person who comes in and saves the victim.
Now, you need to know this if you're a leader, because people will try to graph you into that hierarchy. And you don't want to be there.
What happens often is the victim comes to you, the manager, the doctor, the owner, the medical director, and they say, “There's a villain.” And they want you to go vanquish the villain and save the victim. And that makes you the hero. And so you want to do it because we all like to be the hero. Don't do it. Don't do it.
Because what happens is you train people to be victims and you train them that you are going to be the hero who solves their problem. The answer to the Karpman drama triangle is it to make it a drama line, which is the victim is also the hero who advocates for themselves and works it out with the quote unquote villain. Who also believes that they're the victim and that the other victim is actually the villain. And you know how it goes.
But I don't want to be in this drama triangle and I need to be very wary about getting sucked in. And a lot of people are listening and just putting their hand on their forehead and going, “I am the hero. I am the hero all day long, every day.”
And what I'm saying to you right now is that's never going to end. That's your life. That's your job. Because you have trained people that you'll be the hero, like Batman. How tired does Batman get of that stupid bat signal getting turned on? How often is he like, “Why can't you people just solve problems for yourself?”
It's got to be every night. He's been going on call for years.
And I joke, but think about it for a second. Like, don't worry about it, Batman will show up. You are Batman. I'm Batman. But it's not as cool as you thought it would be. It's exhausting.

Stephanie Goss:
It's true. And I would actually say that I definitely put myself in that space in that instance that I was talking about, because I trained the team. So my thought process in the moment talking about headspace was, okay, if I solve this problem, if I play the mediator, if I help them figure this out, this will go away and I can do the 25 things that were sitting in front of me that I need to do.
But to your point, I just was training them that they didn't have the tools to do it themselves. And so then there was never not a problem. There was always something. And it was a very, very painful lesson for me to learn as a leader, to recognize this is my life and I have created this life. And now how the hell do I get out of this life because I don't want it anymore?
I do not want to be Batman. I do not want to wear a cape. I do not want to have to solve their problems. I want you all to be grownups and solve your own problems.

Dr. Andy Roark:
So clearly this is where the episode ends and we just say the answer is they have to figure out themselves, don't get involved. Right. Wrong. And that is the distinction that I'm talking about making.
Now, there is a distinction between going to people and sorting out their problems and being the hero that fixes the issue. There's a difference between being that and being the coach who works with people on how exactly to solve their own problems because they don't have the tools to solve them.
But I'm going to coach you on how to solve this problem so that I can then step away and you have the tools. It's like if someone comes to you and says, “I'm hungry,” and you say, “Don't worry, I'll go catch you a fish.” As opposed to saying, “Okay, I'm going to go with you and teach you how to fish and then you're going to catch your own fish.”
But you have to go with them. You can't just be like, “Just go find food for yourself.” That doesn't help them. But there is a difference. You can be the person who coaches on how to find food without being the person who goes and finds food every day for these people who are not fighting for themselves.
And so anyway, that's the subtle distinction. I think a lot of people, and myself included, when this happens and I get frustrated, I'm like, I'm not fixing this problem for you, fix it for yourself. Because I don't want to continually be involved in “Dave won't tell me where he put the toilet paper and it's not where it's supposed to be.” Whatever the issue is.

Stephanie Goss:
How about “Dave didn't put the toilet paper roll on the roll holder.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
That's what it was, okay. But here's the thing. For headspace, you have got to frame this problem correctly. The problem cannot be, “Dave didn't do what he was supposed to do with the toilet paper and I need to fix it.” The problem has to be “Carol and Dave are not communicating, and I'm going to fix the Carol and Dave communicating problem.” And then the toilet paper, which is not a real problem, it's a symptom of the other problem which is communication, that's going to go away. And all the future symptoms are going to away.
Because if you keep focusing on what they're complaining about, you're playing whack-a-mole with symptoms that keep popping up again and again and again. And they will never end until you recognize the real problem is not that Dave parked in Carol's favorite parking space, it is that they don't know how to talk to each other and there's no end to the conflict they're going to have until they figure out how to talk to each other.
And that, my friends, that is a finite problem that you can involve yourself in, that you can set deliverables and timelines and metrics on. And you can attack it like a project, and you can do it and you can have it done, and then you can make it clear that the project has moved beyond your hands and they now have the skills to solve their own issues. And you can be out, but you have to recognize the distinction between those things or this is going to feel like a hopeless, frustrating thing.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes, and I think part of it from a headspace perspective is recognizing… I liken it a little bit to being a parent and that your job is never done. And I think one of the mistakes that I made from a headspace perspective was thinking, okay, if I teach them all these skills, then at some point I can brush my hands and walk away and I won't have to deal with the problems.
And you're spot on, that when we teach them how to communicate, then the job becomes significantly easier. And I think that need to be a coach sometimes is never going to go away.

Dr. Andy Roark:
No, never.

Stephanie Goss:
And I think that there are a lot of people who lean into, oh well, if I teach them these things, then I won't have to do this part of the job. It'll take care of itself. And the reality is that's part of your job. It will always be there. There will always be the need to be the guardrails and be a support system. And there will be times where you will have to say, what are your tools? Let's review them. Let's go through this. Because it's like being a parent. It never stops. It's always there. Even when they grow up and leave the house, you're still worried about it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, when we were talking earlier, so you and I started off this podcast and we were talking about having a potty mouth. And how sometimes it gets bad and sometimes it's not so bad. And then we talked about the frustration that you feel when people come and they're like, they're having this problem, and it's really easy to not be kind or to be really angry.
And sometimes we're in a good headspace and we just handle it. And I was really thinking, you know what's true? And I was trying to be really honest at the beginning and say, “I have 100% screwed this up.” And I do these headspace things because I have to get into this headspace. The analogy now that I'm thinking about it is a lot of management, a lot of people management, a lot of leadership, a lot of communication, it's like eating healthy.
Where you can get into the habit of it and it's good and you can know all the things, but eating healthy every day all day is really, really hard.
And most of us, we have times when we're doing a good job and we're eating healthy, and then we have other times when we're not eating, we fall off the wagon a bit. I think that that's leadership and I think that's honest. And the idea that we're going to do this and then we're not going to have to manage anymore, that's like saying I'm going to eat healthy and then I'm not going to have to worry about it anymore.
It's like, no, it's an ongoing constant thing that you're going to have to pay attention to and you're going to have to have some discipline. And you're going to fail sometimes, and you're going to have to not beat yourself up. And get back up and just say, “Hey, I'm going to get back on to eating a little bit better.”
Same thing with our patients and our people. It really never goes away. And I think that's good in setting expectations so that we can be kind to ourselves.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. And I think the other piece of that from a bright light perspective as a leader is that the good news is is that when we actually take the time to tend and nurture this and we teach the team the skills and they become over time masters at those skills themselves, you create that cultural foundation where now instead of you being the person who has to do all the teaching, now you have multiple teachers who can help bring new people into the fold and teach them those same skills. And now it's not all on your shoulders.
And so for me, that was the driving force for me. It's like I don't want to have to be the only one to do this anymore or feel this way. I want to be able to teach them, not only these two who might be having the problem right here, right now, I want to teach them those skills, but I want to create a foundation where the expectation from within the team is we are going to use these skills and they are going to help create and drive that culture moving forward.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, and that is the positive. I don't want anyone to think that I'm saying you're on a hamster wheel, and you're going to work really hard at being a good leader and good communicator and a good listener, but ultimately it doesn't go anywhere and it never gets easier. And you're always going to be struggling.
You're always going to be working hard. I heard this thing recently that I really like, where life is uncertainty, pain, and hard work. And it just is, and it never goes away. And that's always part of it. And I do think that that's important for just to recognize that that's what it means to be alive. And at the same time, when you do a good job in these regards, when you eat healthy, if you will, ultimately you build healthy habits in your team and people around you. And you train other people how to treat each other.
And so when you fall off the wagon, it's not that big a deal cause other people didn't. You know what I mean? It's not systemic. If you have good relationships with your people and you've trained them to be autonomous and you've trained them to be responsible and good communicators, and then you have a bad day, the wheels aren't going to fall off. You have a bad month, you have a bad quarter, you have a tough year, which some of us have tough years. If you have manifested your values for long enough and you've got good people, and got them to buy into how we treat each other and our values, you can have a bad year.
And that doesn't mean you're a jerk every day, but it means you have hard days. Things won't fall apart. But you have to build that and you build that with a consistency.
So anyway, that's where I want to try to get my head in this is I don't want to blow my face off by getting really frustrated. This is probably going to happen when other things are happening and when I'm already stressed, it just is. That's not imaginary, that's how it is. And I need to accept that this is not the Karpman drama triangle, because I'm not going to fix their problem. I'm going to figure out what the underlying issue is, which is communication.
And I'm going to coach them and help them solve their own problems. But my part, I'm going to go in, I want to fix this issue, and I'm hoping that it's going to stay fixed. And I know that there's going to be breakdowns, there's going to be setbacks, there's going to be times that we may still need some attention on this problem, but for the most part I really want to try to address this as teaching them how to fish for themselves as opposed to me showing up every day and fixing problems and feeding them.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, I love that.

Dr. Andy Roark:
There's a lot of food metaphors going on right now, and they're mixed. There's some fishing.

Stephanie Goss:
My stomach is healthy growling. You're making me hungry.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I know. It's like you go, “Oh, is fish health food? Is that what he's talking about?”
It's not that deep. I'm mixing metaphors. I'm sorry.
Okay, let's take a break here, and then we're going to come back and let's talk about how we actually do this.

Stephanie Goss:
Okay, sounds good.
Have you done it yet? Have you headed over to the Uncharted website? The one that's at unchartedvet.com/events, and have you clicked on that link for the April conference?
If you haven't, friends, you need to head over and click on that link, and then you need to hit the register button. Because I want to see you with us in sunny Greenville, South Carolina.
In less than 80 days, we are going to be diving deep into tackling internal communications this spring. We want to talk about how do we improve our communications amongst our teams in a whole myriad of ways. How do we set boundaries? How do we have conversations about affordability of pet care and communications outwardly towards our clients as a result? How do we use language and maybe think about changing some of the language we're using to have better communication as a team?
Just previews of some of the awesome stuff that we're going to be talking about. So if you haven't done the thing, if you haven't put your fingers to your keyboard and typed unchartedvet.com/events, go do it now. Because I have hugs waiting for you in Greenville and you should not miss out on this.
And now back to the podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, so let's go back and let's get into having this conversation. So we need to help these guys communicate with each other.
And you do this really well, Stephanie, as far as setting ourselves up for success and having conversations that are going to work with people. The first thing that you need to do, and this is where a lot of people get it wrong, be intentional about the time and the place that you do this. And it is really easy for, Dave comes in and goes, “Brad's doing the thing again and he won't stop.”
And I go, “Damn it, Brad.” And I jump up, I spin around in my chair, then I hop up, I charge out. And I go, “We're doing this now.”
And of course, Brad's trying to actively do something and this is no time to have this conversation. And it's a delicate conversation and I'm defusing a bomb with a hammer and then I make it worse. And then somebody's feelings are hurt and they feel unappreciated and unheard.
And then I got to sort that out before I actually get into trying to fix this going forward. I've literally made another problem for myself. And anyway, if this sounds like the voice of experience, totally not, I've never done anything like this. Never had an issue or a setback like this at all.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh man. Okay, so I love where you're going with this. I would love to take one step back from a starting point perspective and say, so the question was do we mediate? Do we let them talk it out themselves?
And I think where you're going is how do we teach them tools while mediating to get them to communicate with each other?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yes.

Stephanie Goss:
And I would say, I think one of the most powerful lessons that I ever learned about coaching and being a leader was the value in stopping, what you were saying, taking not right now, but still engaging with them. And so now the most useful tool for me is when someone comes in, I give them my attention.
So it is an interruption to me, but I'm going to give them my attention and then I'm going to ask them, did they have the conversation with the other person?
And now our colleague from the community said they've acknowledged that they're not talking to each other. But it is very powerful and impactful for me to be able to ask my team, “did you talk to the other person already?”
Because when they say, “No, I did not,” or, “No, I'm really mad and I can't talk to them about it right now.” Cool, let's talk through what you might want to say and how you might want to say it so that you feel prepared to have that conversation.
Because I think that for me, jumping into the mediating didn't remove me enough from the Karpman drama triangle. I was still jumping into hero mode because I was jumping in to help them solve the problem. And yes, I was doing the thing and teaching them the communication tools and ultimately making it better, but the road was significantly longer to get there because I was still trying to jump into that hero role and solve their problems.
And so I think one of the most powerful tools is recognizing that this can be a coaching opportunity one-on-one before it moves into a coaching opportunity you with the two of them together.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, interesting. Okay, I have to think about that. I hear what you're saying. I think my take would be, so the two options given were, do you let them work it out? Do you mediate the issue? And the answer to that is neither. It's neither.
You don't just let them go and work it out, because if they don't have the tools.

Stephanie Goss:
They won't work it out.

Dr. Andy Roark:
They're just going to damage each other more and it's going to get worse.
Mediating the issue of Brad parked in my parking spot, that's not of interest to me either. So in my experience, and you're not wrong. I guess it's probably your personal style. I have to think about it a little bit. I think for me, my take would be I'm going to bring them together and lay the foundation of trust. And I'm going to work on trust and start with ways of working, and then follow those with individual coaching as opposed to doing individual coaching and then bringing them together.
I don't think you're wrong. I think it's what you want to do. Let's explore this a little bit more and I want to figure out where our ideas differ here.
So for me, I want to bring them together and work on them. They're going to have to have this conversation. And so for me, time and place. I want to make sure that when we have this conversation of how are we working… It's a ways of working conversation. But when we have our ways of working conversation, do we have enough time? It should not be in between appointments. It should not be 15 minutes before the start. There should be some time.
And then also it's the place. I want to set them up for success, which means I really don't want other people walking in. I don't want other people coming into the conversation asking what's going on, things like that. This is an awkward conversation to have in a break room. You don't want to have it at the front desk and other people are walking up. The manager's office feels intense to me. I would get them out of there.
I would send them to Starbucks. Our friend Brian Conrad always did that. He would just send employees who are having problems together, he would send them, he'd give them a gift card and send them to Starbucks together. And tell them not to come back until you got this figured out.
And so I do think that there's value in get them offsite, get them out of there. They can be punched in because they're working through issues, but make sure they have time and make sure that they're in a place where they can focus and talk and not feel stressed out.
So that's the first thing that I would lay down to start getting my head straight.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, I agree with all of that. I think that you want to lower the stakes. They're already frustrated with each other, that's the reason that they came to vent or tattle or however it felt in your mind. That's the reason that they came to you in the first place is because they're frustrated. And so being intentional about giving space to be human and whatever that looks like, but lowering the stakes for them.
Like nobody's in trouble, we're just going to have a conversation. Because you guys need to figure out how to work together, because the reality is you're both employees and I value you both. And I want you to both be here, and we've got to figure out out a way to make this easier for both of you because you're frustrated, you're frustrated. I don't want to be frustrated, so I'm willing to help you. And we have to change this.

Dr. Andy Roark:
As I think about setting this thing up and going in and what I would say, I think I changed my position. I think that I do agree with you. I think what I would say to them before they had this meeting, I think my intention before this meeting would not be to coach them necessarily, but to try to get them to empathize with the other person.
And I would say, “How do you think Carol feels about this?” Or, “If I brought her in, what do you think she would say? How do you think she's feeling? What would her frustrations be?”
And I think that those are really valuable questions to ask one-on-one separately, because if they go into this meeting in a more empathetic headspace, I do think that you're loading the deck to be more successful.
And so when we first started talking about it, I'm like, how would I coach them before they talk to each other? Now, I think you're right, but I wouldn't aim for this is what we need to do. But I think my thrust ahead of time would be to talk to both of them and try to help them empathize with each other. And then if I can get them to empathize, then I say, “Let's get together and let's talk this out.”
And if I can bring them together in an open mind frame instead of having them come together with their arms crossed, I do think that that probably sets it up as successful. I think that you're probably exactly right, that that's a worthwhile investment of time before the meeting. I think that's a good call.

Stephanie Goss:
So part of it is in what you asked them to talk about. And so I think part of it for me is yes, what is bothering you? And getting to the root of it and figuring out, what are you actually upset about? Because a lot of the times the thing, it's a symptom, like you were saying. It's not actually the thing that you're frustrated about or upset about. And so getting them to ask themselves some questions, one of which I love what you said, one of which is what else could this possibly mean? What else could possibly be going on?
Is it possible that Carol lost her keys when she was trying to get out the door this morning and then she had a flat tire, and she has had a horrible morning and she is just in a really horrible mood? And so her response to you had nothing to do with you at all, but just was a byproduct of how horrible her morning was.
Can we get them into the empathy place? And the best question for that is what else could be going on? But also the secondary question to that is what story have I told myself in my head? And I think that's a big part of the communication toolkit for me, is recognizing, because we talk a lot about assuming good intent. And I think you can't assume good intent until you ask yourself, what am I actually thinking? What story am I telling myself here?
Because usually it's not one that starts with assuming good intent. Usually we're assuming wrong on behalf of the other person. And so getting them to think about what are they actually upset about, but also is it possible that there's something else going on here?
Could they hallucinate a place where there is an alternate reality, where it is happening and it has nothing to do with them? Because that's going to get them into a head space where they are more open-minded and they are more willing to empathize with the other person. And you can't problem solve with somebody until they have the capacity to get past the emotions that they're feeling.
And so sometimes it's having that conversation with them and sometimes it's like, oh, okay, you're really upset about this. And I'm here, we can totally vent about… This is a safe space. I want to listen to you and I want to actually help you solve this problem. And so if you need to call a timeout and you need to walk away from this, especially when team members are really angry at each other, there have definitely been times where I'm like, let's take a break and let's come back to this afternoon or tomorrow morning.
It's okay that you're mad. And this has to actually become actionable, so I want to help you do that. And you can't do that when you're amped up and you're in your feelings. And so I think getting them to think about that, to move them eventually towards the place of coaching in terms of what do you actually want to get out of this? How do you want to solve the problem?
And I think that kind of conversation, especially in the beginning when you're teaching everybody these skills, I think that's where it really has to start. Because it's so much more of an uphill climb to try and make that journey together in a group of three or a group of four than it is one-on-one. Even though you're repeating the process with them each individually, it's more time on your part as the leader. That has just been easier for me to do that kind of one-on-one with them.

Dr. Andy Roark:
So to restate this point maybe a different way, make sure we're on the same page. So I am on board 100% with having the conversation ahead of time. My goal in this conversation is not to convince them that they're wrong. It is to make them question if there's more to the story and to think about how the other person… They might not be a ruthless villain, they might also have a point. They might have a perception of the events, because they don't know things or maybe because they see things differently or how their experience is.
And so my point is not to make this person say, “Yeah, it's probably my fault.” It's like, nope, I just need to introduce the doubt, and make them say maybe this person isn't bad and maybe you guys just aren't communicating well.
And then that's where I would take it into a come together point. And so the way that I would do this in my mind is that encouraging, almost demanding that we assume good intent about people.
And say, “Hey, it doesn't sound like you're allowing good intentions on their part. You're assuming the worst in some ways. And how might this be a noble intention that's being misunderstood?”
And then I would set the time and the place, and say, “Let's go ahead and do this.”
So coming into this meeting, and I would bring them together. And then what I would probably do again, I'm saying this is a nagging problem. These people are not getting along. I'm assuming they've exhausted basic work it out strategies. For me, this meeting has the following agenda. And this is not something I would share with them necessarily, but for me it is.
I'm going in, the first thing is I want to state clear objectives. This is not a hangout session, it's not a therapy session. This is about us coming together to talk about how we're working. And I want us to figure out how to work together effectively and get along. And the way that I talk is going to be future facing. I'm not going to talk about what happened yesterday. I'm not going to talk about Brad and the toilet paper incident from two weeks ago.
My goal is not to be the judge of the case from last week. I'm not interested in that. I want to come along and talk about going forward, how do we communicate with each other? What's causing these issues so that we can not have them in the future. I'm not interested in guilt, I'm not interested in a fault, I'm not interested in justice.
And that's it. And I will be upfront about that. I'm going to pour a lot of praise on both of them and say, “You guys are great. I really want you here. I want you guys to work together.”
And so clear objectives, forward facing conversation. I'm going to start with the why. And I'm going to say we are here because you guys are both great. And I like you both, and I want you both to be part of our team. And I need you guys to get along and be able to work together.
And without me coming and being consistently involved, I can't be the referee for you guys. And so start with why. And beyond that we're going to move into commonality and values. And I'm going to start to say, “Look, you guys both do such a good job in these ways and you work so hard, and you're both a great fit for our practice. Because these are our practice values and you both have those values or serve those values. This is our mission and you guys both pursue that mission. You're part of the team, you do great stuff. How much you care is absolutely obvious for both of you.”
And what I'm trying to do is build this framework so they go, “Okay, I don't get along with this person, but we're not entirely different. And we do want a lot of the same things and we both want very similar outcomes at the end of the day. We both want to have a good place to work. We both do not want to be stressed. We both don't want to have to watch our backs all the time. We both want to believe we're making a difference for the pets that come in. We both want to believe that we're providing a good experience for pet owners who need us. We have a lot in common.”
And what I'm really trying to do is make the division between them feel small compared to all the things they have in common.
And so those are the things that I start laying down as I open this conversation up. And so just you know, this is what mediation with Andy looks like. What are we doing here? How are we going to go forward? I don't care about what happened in the past. I'm not going to tell them I don't care. But I'm going to say, “Look, the past is done. It's behind us. I want to go forward.”
And then I'm going to talk about why I want to go forward, it's because I think you guys are great. I'm going to talk about the values that we all share, the things we have in common. And I want to talk about those things, and that's why we're here. And so that's how I'd set this thing up to open it up. What do you think about that?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. No, I love it. I think that it is a great framework. And like you said, it doesn't have to be an agenda that they both have, but I think you have to try and work them towards feeling heard and then work them towards finding the commonality between the two of them.
And sometimes the reality is I don't have to like everybody that I work with. Sometimes you have people that you work with that you actually don't like, and that doesn't mean that you don't care about each other. Because if you both care about the work that you're doing, there can be commonality in that. And so the reality is even if you don't like them, who they are as a person, and I can't imagine a place where you or I or any of our friends would have people on their team who truly were horrible people.
That's not what we're about. We're about having good culture. And so the reality is if somebody is truly doing something that is malicious or has the intent to be mean or harmful, that's the stuff, that's my lines in the sand. That's my I'm not going to tolerate that. So I think we're not talking about that. We're talking about two people who do care about what they're doing, and maybe even about each other.
But even if they don't like each other, they still care. And so there is that commonality. And so I think finding that middle ground where they can recognize, “Hey, look, I that you wouldn't intentionally hurt my feelings or that you wouldn't intentionally be mean to me, but yet when you did this thing,” and actually calling out, what are we actually upset about?
So that's where that pre-work comes into play for me is what are they actually upset about so that you can work them to that place, like you said, of leaning into the commonality and the values to solve the problem, which is okay, is this an instance where we just have hurt feelings and you both need to resolve your hurt feelings? Does somebody need an apology from somebody else?
Is somebody actually doing something wrong? Is a job not being done? What is the actual issue and what do they both need to resolve that issue? And that for me as part of that pre-work is figuring out what is actually going on here and what do they need? And that's a very personal thing, because there are times where I'm like, I am not going to ever feel good about this situation if I don't get an apology from this other person.
If I'm mad at you, Andy, and I might be like, “Dude, I'm not going to feel good about this situation until Andy gives me an apology.” And there are plenty of times where I'm like, oh, I just need to feel like Andy sees that he hurt my feelings and then I move on with it. And it varies situationally and it changes every time.
So part of it is asking them, what do they actually need to get out of this? How do we resolve this? And making it actionable on their part in terms of how do you guys want to solve this problem? I'm not you, it has to be something that is going to work for the two of you. Because ultimately once you find that commonality, you have to drive it forward. And I love your approach of it all being future facing.
And so how do we move forward from this? What does that look like? How do we work, to your point, how do we work together? What are those ways of working? Do we need to put some rules in place for how we communicate with each other? What do we need to resolve this situation? And I think there are tools from a communication perspective that we can teach them that help with all of these things, teaching them how to actually give apologies to each other.
The reality is we are taught as children how to say the words I'm sorry, but we don't actually get the knowledge and the learning, most of us, for what actually makes up a good apology. And how do we do that without… You can apologize, it's one of my favorite things to talk about is you can apologize always. There's never a situation where you couldn't apologize for the impact that whatever happened had on someone else.
It doesn't mean that I think I'm wrong. It doesn't mean that I am even taking it back. Although lots of times want to hear how I've made another person feel, I'm like, “Oh gosh, that was not my intention. I did not mean that. I truly am sorry.”
And at the same time, there's also been times where people have been hacked off and I'm like, “Oh dude, that was not my intention. I'm sorry that you felt that way. And I don't think that what I did was wrong.”
It doesn't mean that you're acknowledging you did something bad, which is something that I had to learn. You don't learn that in communication as a child. And so I think that's part of it for me is teaching them those ongoing tools so that they can start to recognize how they create that relationship together, even if they don't actually like each other, because they don't all have to be friends.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I completely agree. I think where we go after, so the commonality groundwork stuff is 100% dependent on what's going on. And I completely agree with you. I don't know how to make a structure to say, “And then you say this.”
I really like your idea of what's going on? What do we need to go forward? I will tell you there are a number of tools that can make this conversation so much easier. And I'm not saying you should have all of these, but you can. A few of the tools that I like and have had a lot of success with is we use DISC in Uncharted. Sure. We used it for our employees and Stephanie teaches it in some of our communication training stuff.
It's a thing that we use to help people work together. And we use it in exam room training and communication training. If you are having team members that are having hard times communicating with each other, DISC is great.

Stephanie Goss:
Super helpful.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's generally very affordable. It's a staff meeting. You can do it in a staff meeting.

Stephanie Goss:
Because it's not about right or wrong. That's what I love about DISC. It's not about right or wrong, it's about how we feel and learning how to take how other people receive information and change what we're doing to have a better approach. It's not a negative thing. That's part of what I love about it so much.

Dr. Andy Roark:
That's exactly right. Everyone's got different communication styles, and I feel like you can use DISC to unlock a lot. If you have that doctor that is just dominant or just bulldozes people, that person may be a high D personality. And if you say, “Hey, this is what you are and this is what other people are, and this is how they communicate and how they like to be communicated with. And because of that, they see you as an intimidating person or they're feeling bulldozed by your communication style.”
And then you can also say to the person who feels bulldozed, “Hey, you're not wrong. This is the style this person has. No, it's not because they don't like you. It's not because they think you're stupid. It's because this is their communication style.”
And that doesn't mean that's okay, but it does mean that this is where they're coming from. And it's a nice tool to open those conversations up about why we communicate in different ways. And so DISC, D-I-S-C, you can find it and check it out, but we use it for Uncharted in our team and we use it when we teach exam room communication stuff.

Stephanie Goss:
And I love, because it takes… When you have two people who have different communication styles, ultimately it goes back to what I was saying, which is how are we going to move forward? When you look at DISC and you look at the different styles, you learn, how do we meet in the middle, somewhere in the middle. Maybe it's more one-sided than the other, but how do we both move from where we are to move forward in the future?
It's like how do you take those differences and make something new with it? And I think it goes along with how do we solve this problem? How do we meet in the middle? And I think it's a super, super helpful tool.

Dr. Andy Roark:
The second tool I'd put out here is languages of appreciation. Being able to get positive reinforcement that other people feel, that's an important part of building a relationship. If nothing that you say to the person is seen positively, if you can't make them smile, then you're always starting at neutral. And it's really easy to go down, but you don't know how to make it go up. You don't know how to gain brownie points in that person's eye if you don't know how they like to be appreciated.
And so just having a general way in your staff where you try to assess how people like to be appreciated, it's just a smart investment. It's part of onboarding. I really like it a lot. And Stephanie and I have talked about this a number of times in different episodes, but it's questions like, tell me about a time that you felt really celebrated.
Tell me about a time that you felt really appreciated for a job well done. What did that look like? And I'm trying to figure out, is this an affirmation person? Is this a gift person? Is this a service person? Meaning if you want to make me feel appreciated, jump in and help me. My wife and I have two very different styles. I am a verbal affirmation person. I want you to tell me I'm doing a good job. And my wife is a service person. She wants you to jump in and help.
And I can't tell you how many times early in our marriage, I'd be like, “You're amazing.” And she's like, “Why don't you shut up and help me?” And not really that, but that was basically what it came down to was I am pouring out verbal affirmation for her, and all she wants is for me to come and be involved in the project that she's doing so she can get done.
And it's funny, I'm like, “Oh, I'm happy to do the work by myself. I just want you to tell me that you appreciate me and I'm doing great, and I'm awesome.
She's like, “I don't need you to tell me I'm awesome. I need you to come and help me do the thing, because that shows me that I'm appreciated.”
So anyway, I just used that as an example of different styles. And so anyway, languages of appreciation, if you're interested in that stuff there's a book called Five Languages Of Appreciation In The Workplace, and you can check that out.
But I do like to ask the staff how they like to be appreciated because that can help us to appreciate each other. And then the last thing is a good old fashioned ways of working conversation or a ways of working tool form kit thing, thingamajig.
Yeah, it's not a formal thing. This is a thing you make yourself. But basically it is worth the time to ask people, how do you like to receive feedback? What's important to you a when you about… When you do a good job, how do you want to hear about it?
If someone wants to give you feedback, how do you like to get feedback? Do you like to just get it directly? Do you like to have it come later on? What are the expectations that you like to have in and around your work and around how we communicate? And again, that plugs into the disc thing as well, but I just think anything that we can work on and just say, “Do you want to have one-on-ones? Do you like to have check-in meetings? How do you feel engaged? How do you feel informed? How much oversight do you have? How much do you like people to check over your shoulders?”
Things like that. If you can get some sort of a sense of how people work, a lot of times their ways of working can be very different. And you end up with someone who says, “I love when people check after me. I want to make sure I'm doing everything right.”
And you have someone else who says, “I hate when people check up after me. Just tell me what you want from me and leave me alone.” And those are not wrong. They're not bad people. But when we have someone who says, “I really like to have people check up on everything I do.”
I go, “Okay, how do I get this person to be able to work more autonomously so we don't have to do that?” And people who say, “I never want to be checked up on, how do I get this person to understand, I don't want you to go too far off the rails before anybody notices and comes along to have to make adjustments about things that maybe you just didn't know about.”
And so anyway, if I don't know that that's how you'd like to work or what your ways of working style is, it's really hard for me to help you. And so having those conversations ahead of time can be valuable.

Stephanie Goss:
Well, and I think it's really important, because they're all tools that help them develop empathy for one another, that you're asking them to look at things that help find the common ground. And imagine a place where they could put themselves in the other person's shoes, which is honestly the best tool that I have ever found for getting them to communicate better. Is what does middle grounds look like and how do we get there? And so I think all of those are great resources, because you got to get them to be able to empathize with each other.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I completely agree. And so that's what that conversation looks like. It's definitely, I'm not trying to get to the bottom of it. It really is, “Hey, so how do we go forward and communicate? And what do you guys need from each other?”
And honestly, at this point, I might leave the meeting and be like, “Hey, I want to leave you guys here. I want to let you guys just talk it through how you work together, what you need from each other, how you can be happy working together, how you guys can respect each other and collaborate? And when you guys get it all worked out or when you feel good and you guys feel like you have a groundwork for being collaborative and being happy together, then come on back.”
And at that point, because they do need to work through it on their own. And I don't want to be there holding their hand until the end. But I can facilitate this, get it started, talk about why we're doing this and what we need. Give them some tools, and then step away and let them work on it and work on how they want to communicate and how they want to work so that they feel good. And anyway, that's how I would set it up.

Stephanie Goss:
I think the two last pieces that go with that is then you have to know that there're going to be slip-ups; we're human. And you're not going to jump from radical miscommunication to perfection. And so recognizing when there are slip-ups, being able to come back to the foundation that they created together and remind them, “Hey, we talked about this before and this was what you guys agreed you were going to do. Have you done that thing?”
And then the last piece is you got to catch it when it's going good. And so it becomes your job as the leader to start to pay attention to this and call it out. And with the hope that they get excited about the wins. And that's the real Yoda place for me is when they come tell me, “Hey, this thing happened today and instead of getting pissed off at each other, this is what we did to solve it. And I just wanted you to know.”
Because when they feel proud of that, and that comes from training like we would any other simple animal, which is rewarding when the good happens. And so I think that as our job is not just to give them the tools and then walk away, and go, Jesus, take the wheel. That's not how we operate. We have to be able to say, “Hey guys, you guys did a great job today. How do you think this week went?” And have those follow-up conversations to keep that the good ball rolling.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree. All right, guys, that's all we got. I hope it's helpful.

Stephanie Goss:
Have a great week, everybody. Take care.
Well gang, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. And as always, this was so fun to dive into the mail bag and answer this question. And I would really love to see more things like this come through the mail bag.
If there is something that you would love to have us talk about on the podcast or a question that you are hoping that we might be able to help with, feel free to reach out and send us a message.
You can always find the mail bag at the website. The address is unchartedvet.com/mailbag, or you can email us at podcast@unchartedvet.com.
Take care everybody, and have a great week. We'll see you again next time.

Our Practice Leader is Driving People Away!

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice manager Stephanie Goss are answering a question you asked in the mailbag! We received an email from an associate veterinarian who joined their practice after working in at as a regular relief vet. They thought they found their home clinic but now that they have settled in, they are finding almost the entire team has turned over since they started. Some left on their own and recently, even though the team was down to a skeleton crew, the practice owner made the decision to fire 2 more team members. This associate is struggling hard with the decision and wondering how they go about addressing their concerns with the practice owner that if they don't figure out how to make some changes, there won't be any team left. They are also wondering how to tell when it might be time to give up and find a new home clinic, if this really isn't the right place for them. Andy and Stephanie really enjoyed talking through this one from a variety of angles. Let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 219 – Our Practice Leader Is Driving People Away!

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.


Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


Upcoming Events

We have TWO amazing events coming up – one virtual just for managers and one in person that anyone on the team can attend! Don't miss your chance to join us either virtually or in person in beautiful Greenville, SC.

The Practice Manager Summit – March 23, 2023

We know you are unique. Managing the business. Fielding never-ending questions from the team. Fixing broken printers, again. You wear more hats than anyone else in the practice. All of these look great on you, of course. But do you ever wonder “Am I actually in charge if I don’t own the practice? How do I manage the endless responsibilities of this job with limited power and resources? How can I keep growing professionally?”

If you’re itching to talk to people who really get what it means to be a manager, this is the event for you!

It’s time to connect with your fellow practice managers to share what gets you excited about your role, find solutions for what needs your focus now, and discover new ways to shine even brighter as a manager.

While Uncharted Membership is always encouraged, it is not required for event attendance! Non-members, here’s your chance to see what all the buzz is about and get a taste of the Uncharted experience. 

The Uncharted Veterinary Conference – April 20-23, 2023

Our flagship three-day live conference event in Greenville, SC. Come join us in Greenville!


Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:
Hey friends, this is Stephanie Goss and I'm bringing you another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I are diving deep in the mailbag. We had so much fun doing this one. It was a question that has come to us from an associate doctor who is really struggling with some of the decisions that their practice owners is making in the recent past about terminating some of the members of their team. They've had a lot of turnover and this doctor is really struggling with why this turnover is happening. They understand that it is the owner's private practice and they can, at the end of the day, do exactly what they want with it. They're really wondering when and how do I speak up about this because it's really bothering me. We've got some great stuff to unpack here. Let's get into it.

Meg:
And now the Uncharted Podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And we are back. It's me Dr. Andy Roark and the one and only Stephanie should I stay or should I go now Goss?

Stephanie Goss:
That is very, very good one. How is it going Andy Roark?

Dr. Andy Roark:
If I stay there will be trouble. And if I go it might be trouble maybe it's switched around anyway-

Stephanie Goss:
Maybe it's always trouble when I'm involved.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's definitely, that's a song about picking the better of two bad options it's what I think it is.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, how's it going?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh boy, it's crazy talk. It's wild.

Stephanie Goss:
I feel like I've seen your face a lot lately.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yes. You and I just spent five days together from sunup until well past sundown-

Stephanie Goss:
Well past sundown.

Dr. Andy Roark:
At the VMX conference, yeah, yeah.

Stephanie Goss:
It was so fun. It was so good to see everybody back in person and to feel that pre-pandemic energy and excitement about veterinary medicine, about change and growth in our community. And I had a great time.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I had a mixed time. There were things that were great and there were things that were hard for me. And one of the things that was hard for me was that Stephanie Goss was packing lecture rooms until people could not get in. I'm talking, it's like, rooms that seat 800 and they're turning people away. I'm not kidding. I went up to the door and they were like, “You can't go in there.” And I said, “Do you know who I am?” And they were like, “We do not know or care at all.” And so I saw Eric Garcia, who's the program chair, and I was like, “Eric, they won't let me get in there.” And Eric Garcia goes, “Official NAVC business, we're just going to check a room count, oh, and he's with me.”
So that's how I got in to see, the only way I could get into Stephanie Goss was to phone a friend and get him to essentially lie to the security people so that I could watch you do your thing. And then no less than two dozen people stopped me in the hall to say, “I didn't see you in the program. Are you not in the program?” And I wasn't. I did not do any speaking as the first time in forever. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but it just shaped up that way. And then I'm watching, basically what it was, you know when your friends are like, “Hey buddy, you want to come and do this awesome thing?” And you're like, “No, I'm going to be responsible because I have a lot of things going on in my life and my plate is really full and I'm going to stay in tonight and get my work done.” And then they send you drunken selfies from the greatest party in the history of the world. That's basically my experience with this conference watching Goss just crush-

Stephanie Goss:
Poor Andy.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I know. I literally asked someone at one point is like, “Are popup lectures a thing?” They're like, “Like flash lectures?”

Stephanie Goss:
Flash mob in the hallway. Andy Roark lecture in the middle of the hallway. There were plenty of opportunities because there were some lines and you could have just done a flash mob in the hallway.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I could have lectured to people in line for other things. I said that to somebody and they looked at me and they were like, “Yes, that's a thing, it's called street Street preaching.” And it's like, “That's not what I'm going for.”

Stephanie Goss:
That's not the level that you've reached.

Dr. Andy Roark:
No, but once they said it, I was like, that is exactly a picture in my mind. I was just imagining street preaching that went really well which is probably what every street preacher imagines and how they get started.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, man. Yeah, we had a good time. It was good to see everybody and meet some new people. And the future of veterinary medicine is bright and I'm here for it. I'm excited, it's going to be a good year. It's going to be a real good year.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I am super optimistic for this year. I really am. Last year was a tough year in a couple ways, but man, things are looking pretty darn good. Life goes on, one foot in front of the other. I see a lot of opportunity ahead for vet medicine. I think my wife and I have gone through some health stuff and man, we're on the other side. All that stuff is done. It's all behind us. It's looking good, buddy.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, I know. And April is just a few short months away and we're going to get to see our whole Uncharted crew in Greenville and it's just creeping closer and closer. Florida was just a little taste of sunshine. And then we're going to be in Vegas in a few weeks and it's like there's all these little milestones creeping towards being all back together with our Uncharted crew in April. And I'm so excited for that.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Boy, it's almost, it's half sold out already.

Stephanie Goss:
I know.I know. That is crazy to me. We have sold out every year, but this is the fastest that it has moved.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, and we pushed the capacity up this year. We're like, if we open the door to this closet and then we let people sit in there, we can get more like that's what we did.

Stephanie Goss:
Andy's going to put me in the closet.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It still hurts, Goss can get over here.

Stephanie Goss:
You do it when I'm working from home, you put me back in the closet. So how is that different when we're at the Westin?

Dr. Andy Roark:
And it's not my fault the best acoustics in your house are in a closet.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh man, we're off the rails already.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, okay, now let's start to get into this. This is a fun one. This is a good one.

Stephanie Goss:
But if you want to come hang out with us in April and meet the Uncharted community, you should sign up because we are already halfway sold out and it's only January 20th when we're recording this. So if you've been thinking about coming and you haven't already bought a ticket, you definitely should.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, you don't even have to do that because you and I are doing our development path where people work with us every other week. If you're an Uncharted member, you can jump in with me and Stephanie and Maria Pirita. Every other week we get together and we work on a topic and we work on part of the practice and it's us. So I'm super excited about, again, talk about 2023 being a great year, we've never done this before, but if you're an Uncharted member, you can jump on a Zoom call with me and Stephanie and just we're getting to work and it'll be every two weeks. And yeah, we're going to be with you through the summertime at least trying it out, seeing how it goes. But my plan is to hopefully keep doing it for a long time.

Stephanie Goss:
All right. So today we've got a good one I think in that we had somebody write into the mailbag and when I read this one I was like, oh, this is one of those you can lead horse-to-water conversations. So we had a vet who was super excited, they had been doing some relief work and found a practice that they really thought that they gelled with. And so they decided, okay, I've done the relief vet thing maybe I want to go back to being an associate vet. And so they agreed to work with one of the practices they had been working with and that started last year and since that start, middle of last year, not like the end of December last year. And so they've been there a while. And in that time almost the entire team has either been let go or has chosen to leave and new team members hired.
So they've had a turn almost completely in the team since this doctor came on board. They went from multi-doctors, multiple licensed technicians, down to only two licensed technicians. And so recently one of the techs quit and one of the CSRs was let go. And the conversation with the team was about personality conflicts with these people from the practice leadership. And this is a private practice, it was a practice owner, but you and I were talking about this before we started and it's totally applicable to any leadership in the hospital really. It doesn't have to just be a private practice because we've both seen this happen in situations where you've got a medical director or non-practice owner leading the helm. But basically this practice owner is having personality conflicts left and right with people and has been choosing to part ways with people. And in this case, the technician and the CSR were putting in effort to take feedback, get better at their jobs, try and meet the expectations that were being set with them.
And so this associate doctor is like, “Look, I am really struggling here.” Because these are two people who both brought great skills to the table. They were outgoing, they wanted to help, they wanted to bring more clients in the door, they wanted to take care of their patients. The tech in particular was great with aggressive patients. And so this associate's like, “Look, I understand that it's a practice owner's practice and they can basically do whatever they want, but firing somebody for what feels like perspective-wise to the associate doctor, mild personality disagreements feels like a really poor choice, especially when we're in a place where good team members are hard to find right now.”
And so they were like, “Why aren't we training? Why aren't we counseling? Why aren't we doing some management?” And so this associate was like, “Look, I've had a lot of leadership training and I've done a lot of CE in this area because it's something I'm interested in and everything about this does not sit well with me.” And so they were like, okay, would you address the practice owner about these things as an associate vet? And if so, how do you go about basically questioning their management decisions and if the staffing of the hospital seems to be based on how well you get along with the practice owner, whether you can become buddy-buddy or not, versus their skills and what they bring to the table. If this was you, would you guys be looking for another practice?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. All right. This is a great question. There's a lot to unpack here. So let's start with headspace as we do. So the first thing that I would say here is assume good intent. And this is a good healthy way to think about it. The truth is why does this happen? We don't know. I don't know why these people got let go. I don't. Is it possible that there was that they-

Stephanie Goss:
More to the story?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, that there's more to the story? Of course there is. Is it possible that they mildly irritated this practice owner and he or she let them go? It's possible. It's hard for me to really get my head around in today's labor shortage and stuff, but that doesn't mean it's not true. I've seen people do some things I can't figure out. I can't get my brain around. I think the kind thing is to say, I don't know what happened and for HR reasons, this person, I don't expect that they're going to tell me exactly what happened. So I don't know. And I think the reason for that and I say I don't know, is it just stops me from making assumptions and jumping to conclusions that might not be correct. And that's just a safe place for me to pragmatically look at the situation. And at the same time, there's a saying, once an accident, twice a coincidence, three times a pattern. And so if there was an employee that I was like, “Man, that person's great, I have no idea why they got let go.” It's a whole lot easier for me to say, “There's more to this story.” Then that would be my first thought is there's more to the story.
But if it seems to be happening again and again and again, it gets harder and harder for me to be like, “There's more to this story and there's more to that story and there's more to the other story.” At some point there's a common denominator when I go, “Interactions with the practice owner are not going well.” But I think you can balance both of those things of assuming good intent and then also starting to say, “I'm not concerned about this because of it happening once, I'm concerned about a pattern that I'm seeing there.” I think those are both healthy things to hold in your mind at the same time.

Stephanie Goss:
I think that's super fair. And I think the reality is most practices at some point or another go through a complete turn of their team. There are absolutely practices out there that have a longtime team, the whole team has been the same for 10, 20, even 30 years or the vast majority of the team. And for the average multi-doctor practice, the reality is turnover happens. It happens for a whole lot of reasons that have nothing to do with performance. People move, people have babies, people leave the field, all of those things. So it's not atypical even for your average practice of size to go through a turn. And for this associate vet, they're sitting in the position where the turn happened, and they're wondering was this a one-time thing? Like you said, was this once an accident? This is a thing, it happened, we're moving on.
And now they're continuing to see things that make them think that it's a pattern. And so I can totally understand being in this headspace of like, this doesn't look so good. And I think this associate is in a good headspace because they're asking great questions and they are like, “I don't want this to be the case. I want it to be different. I don't know if I can make it different, but I want it to be different. And so I'm asking the questions.” Which I think even if you can't completely assume good intent because you are noticing some patterns, I think it's a good healthy head space to be.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree. And I think the other part of perspective is a little bit different, but kind of the same. You do and I'm just I'm so happy with this letter, just the perspective of the person's writing I think is just so good. But they're very measured and they're looking at it in a very smart non-emotional way, which I think is exactly how you want to approach big questions like this. But it is possible to hold in your mind and recognize this is not my circus and that's going to happen whether you're in private practice or corporate practice as well. It's like there's going to be decisions that are made that you are not invited to the table to make. And you have to be okay with that. And you have to say, “That decision was made above my pay grade.”
Exactly. And so you need to make peace with that. And at the same time you can also be honest and own the fact that the decisions made above your pay grade will affect you and therefore you do have a reason to care about this. And so just saying, “It's not my business. I am out.” You might be out of the decision and that's true and you have to be comfortable being out of this decision. However, to your practice owner, I would say, yeah, you don't need to include your associate in this decision, however, you do need to be painfully aware that the decision you make will affect your associate veterinarian. And I expect he or she to make decisions based on what their circumstances are. So I don't know if I'm explaining that very well, but basically I'm saying from a perspective standpoint, I would not be resentful that I was not included in these decisions. I think that that's to be expected and I can also have a strong opinion on this based on how I am affected by the decisions that are happening.

Stephanie Goss:
Sure, sure. Yeah, it impacts your ability to do your job and so it makes sense that you would potentially have feelings about the impact that it has to you for sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Exactly. Yeah. And so going on from there in the head space, I get to ask myself, how do I feel about this and what do I want to do from here? And I think that's exactly where the associate should be. It's not resentful that I was included, not assuming bad intent, but still saying, “I am looking at reality around me and I have concerns, and so I am going to strategically plan for myself.” And I think that that's a healthy headspace is kind of where we need to get to.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, totally, totally. That makes sense. And to look at it from the perspective of, okay, this does impact me. I am interested in leadership because I've done some self-development here. I like what I'm doing, I came here for a reason and all of those things adding up to, okay, this impacts me. Is there a place where I can have some influence? And that I think is a good healthy headspace to be because that is a place of hope. It's a place of maybe I could influence or change this situation, which is better, is a place I like to live more than feeling like not my circus, not my monkeys, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it except sit here and be miserable which is certainly a place from a headspace perspective that you could be sitting at this point in time.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Sure. I've seen a lot of people there and so have you. There's a lot of people who feel helpless in these situations and that may sound simplistic, but I promise you it's easy, especially when it happens over time. At some point people started leaving and you got in your head, I have to carry the load and people continue to leave, and you just doubled down on that thinking without ever stepping back and going, “Wait a second, have my situations changed to a place where just carrying the load might not be a good strategy anymore?” I think that that's really important. I also think that there's not a right answer here just on the information that we have, and I want people to know that, and it's going to be different for everybody in that how exactly are you being affected? Is it people in my practice are leaving, but the main technicians that I work with are the same and my actual work day-to-day is largely unaffected or is it people are leaving and they're the people that I rely on and my work is radically changing?
Those are different scenarios. The other thing is how do you feel about those changes? I know some doctors who want to work highly leveraged across multiple technicians and if their techs start leaving, they're going to be really unhappy. And I know other doctors that don't leverage their technicians, wrongfully so in my mind, but, and going from two technicians down to one technician or going from a technician assistant down to just an assistant, it might not really bother them that much. And we're not here to adjudicate how you use your support staff. My point is just some people are going to feel very differently about that than other people. It's not right or wrong, it's how do you feel? The last part of this really is, so much of it is about the relationship with the decision maker and perceptions of what the future looks like.
And say I'm the associate vet and the practice owner is having these interactions that people are leaving, and I don't really know why, the truth is on the scales do I think this practice owner, this leader is doing their best? Do I think that they're probably making decisions for the right reasons? And if I think that they're, sometimes things are hard, but I'm following a leader who's doing her best and who I believe is truly making these hard decisions. She's making them for the right reasons. I'm more likely to stick with that person than someone who's doing it because they want to bump profitability for the third quarter. You know what I mean? And that's what their driving decision is in my mind. Dude, does the person appreciate me? It's one thing if people are leaving and nobody says anything to me other than, “I guess you got more appointments to see.” Versus them saying, “Hey, I know this is challenging time and I appreciate you and I appreciate the work you're putting in.”
Man, that stuff matters when we're doing the math of what am I going to do? Do they value my input? You don't have to follow my decisions, but I do like to be heard. And I'll just tell you, we teach leaders all the time that making people feel heard and making them feel like they have input that's truly listened to, even if you go a different way, that's a huge part about people being okay with the hard decisions that were made. And you don't have to do what I say, but I pay attention to, did you communicate with me? Did you ask me what I thought or did you check in on me? That stuff matters. Is this somebody who's just had shit luck? And we all know people who have hit a real streak of bad luck. And I go, man, if we're in a tough place just because of bad luck, which happens, that makes me feel different, then we're here because of negligence.
We're here because this person is apathetic, because they checked out, because they're purely focused on personal gain. That stuff matters. And the last thing in all of this is, and I'll just tell you, when you go through periods of really hard work, especially in this case, you're shorthanded and everybody's working hard, I will tell you that one of the biggest difference makers is, do the people in the trenches with you, do they see a light ahead? And if they're like, “Nope, we're shorthanded and I have no reason to believe that that's going to change and this is my new reality.”

Stephanie Goss:
We're going to be shorthanded until the end of time, there's no change.

Dr. Andy Roark:
That is a different emotional experience than we are shorthanded and I believe that we will not be for long and the future will be better and we are going through this period of offloading people who needed to come off of our bus for some reason, and we are actively going to load back on some good people and the days ahead will be brighter. All of those things factor into the equation of how do I behave and what decision do I make going forward? And so I know that's a lot to unpack, but I really just want to say there's not one where I say, “In this situation, the answer is you leave.” I would say, “Boy, there's a lot of nuance here.” But just try to get those things in your head. It can be someone else's decision and you can be affected by it. You can-

Stephanie Goss:
Because I think what you were saying about how it's easier to stick with somebody through the hard stuff when you feel some of those things, when you feel that somebody's appreciating you, when you feel like they're hearing you. And even sometimes I remember vividly a point where I literally had four people quit at the same time within two weeks of each other, all different reasons, I could not control it. And I was devastated. And my team looked at me and they were like, “It's okay. We'll figure it out.” Because they could look at it through that filter you said of sometimes you just have shit luck. Sometimes the person who's been trying to have a baby for two years finally gets pregnant and is like, “I'm not going to work anymore.” Those things happen. And so I think from a head space perspective for me that this is head space and action because when it comes to your point, what are you going to do next?
Are you going to quit? Are you going to leave? Are you going to stay? Are you going to do something about all of those things we're going to talk about when we get to action steps? Looking at it through that lens and figuring out, how do I feel about my relationship with this person and the rest of the team I think is really, really important because you're going to need to, no matter what happens next, no matter what choice this associate vet makes, it's going to be hard. And so being able to look at, I'm doing this and I believe in this, and being able to hold that as your little flame of hope is so so important.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I completely agree. Let's take a break here and then we'll come back and we'll get into the actual action steps of what do we say and how do we say it.

Stephanie Goss:
That sounds great.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, so I love that this person made this job really easy for us by giving us two specific questions numbered one and two. I'm like, I like the way you work. You have clearly put some thought into this. So the first question was, would you address the owner about these decisions as the associate veterinarian and how would you go about questioning their decision? So to me the answer is absolutely yes. If we have so little trust in our relationship that I can't ask you go, “Hey, I couldn't help but notice that no one else works here anymore.” Then you don't have a relationship anyway. And what are you doing there? I'm sorry, at some point this is the elephant in the room and it would be weird for me to not ask you about it. And so I always say, I treat jobs like a relationship and I expect to be treated in a certain way and I plan to treat other people in a certain way. And I expect to be able to ask some questions about where we go.
And I don't take it personally if other people ask me questions about, “Hey, where are we going?” It's just a basic common understanding of what it means to work together with other people. And so no, just me. The big thing is, there's a couple big parts here. There's a difference in challenging the decision that was made and trying to understand what happened.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes, I would totally agree with that.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And it's funny how often people screw themselves right there. I'm not going to walk in and make demands. I really don't want to walk in and make assumptions. The two most powerful words in management, and this goes to managing up as well, are what happened? And I just seek first to understand, what happened? And so that I would say absolutely you have the conversation. Absolutely. Because how can you make a decision to go forward without asking some basic questions?
You're totally flying blind. And so I think that's a no-brainer. And so then the question becomes how exactly do you talk to them without them feeling that as they put, you're questioning their decision. The big thing for me is I use phrases like, help me understand, like “Hey, I noticed that we've had another one of our paraprofessionals go out. It feels like there's been a trend of people leaving and I'm wondering if you could help me understand what's going on.” And that's it. And then I would stop talking and that's it. And I would say it exactly like that, “Hey, I just want to want to know what's up and first of all, what's going on and then what the plan is. Can you help me understand and then stop talking?” And let them go.
After I try to get this open up and they say, this is what happened or this is where we are or whatever, the next part for me is going to explain how I am being affected or how I've been affected and what my concerns are about not being able to keep the staff. And I'm not going to say you firing people has done this or that. I'm going to say, “Hey, I know you know this, but it's not easy seeing appointments with half the support staff that we usually have.” And this is me communicating where I'm at because remember, I truly believe this is a relationship and if you and I are in a relationship together, I want you to tell me where you're at and how you're feeling. And I also am going to tell you where I'm at and how I'm feeling.
I'm not going to play the guess what I'm thinking game. And so, “Hey, I'm concerned that this work is getting harder to do and that we might lose more people just because without support around them, their job is harder. I'm worried about us being able to keep people that we have now that we're so shorthanded.” And the last part, the way I frame it is, I'm going to ask for advice or I'm going to ask for guidance on how I should go forward to best support the practice. And so that I know what to expect. So I'm going to say things like, “Hey, can you give me some guidance on what I should be trying to do to keep the staff that we have or to support the practice or help me have a clear expectation of what the plan is from here.” And that's it.
And I just tried to use as much of the actual wording as I would use, but that's exactly how I would say it. It's very soft. It's not argumentative. I'm not trying to put this person on the defensive. I want to know what happened. I want you to know how I'm feeling so that I can just say, “Hey, just giving you the information so you can make future decisions. This is where I'm at, what's the plan? What should I expect? How can I support you in going forward?” And then see what they say and actually really listen to them. And for me, that's the end of the conversation. A lot of people will say, “But then we needed to talk about what if I leave?”
I said, “No, no, no, no, no. You got the information, you got what you need. Go home. Just go home and sit with it and just process. There's no need to have this one conversation this one time. Just sit with it.” And there's nothing wrong with coming back in three days or 10 days and saying, “Hey, I've been thinking a lot about what you said and I just want to be transparent in what my thoughts are.” That's how I would do it. If you decide going in that you would like to be more involved in these decisions, you can even say, “Hey, I think it's important to me going forward, just that I feel like I know what's going on because I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me in some ways. And I'm not saying that what happened didn't need to happen, but it would really help me if I had a little bit more, I don't know, lead time before changes were made, if that's possible.” And just ask for what you need. I guess that's me telling you where I am, but I don't know, what do you think about that? How does that sound when I say it?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, no, I love that. I think for me that my framework is super, super similar. So it's really hard for someone to be immediately on their defense when you start the conversation by asking for help. So whether it's help me understand or “Hey, I need your help, I am struggling, I feel like the team is struggling and I'm sure you must be struggling because we've had a lot of change and we've had a lot of turnover and this seems to be affecting all of us and I want to help you. And so I thought the best way to do that would be for us to start with a conversation, which is why I'm here. I want to understand what is going on and how I can help you and in turn help myself and the rest of the team.” And then to your point, you have to shut up and listen because especially if we have nerves about having conversations like this, our natural tendency is to just keep talking.
But if you don't sit back and let them actually answer, you are missing your opportunity. Because this first, I agree with you, this is not one lengthy conversation. This is a multi-part conversation in that part one is about info gathering because one of the things that you taught me is that there are defining moments in our relationship building with people and people always eventually show us who they are. And so if you have a situation where somebody is under a lot of stress and this practice owner might be in a place where they're just like, I've got a lot. There's a million reasons why this could be happening. And they could take the opportunity to so they could apologize. This is one direction it could go. They could say, “I'm really sorry, I know that this is a lot. This is not where I was intending for it to go, here's what's going on.” And they could fill you in.
They also could be like, “Hey, it is what it is. We're moving on. Thanks for your ask, but I've got a plan and we're working on it. And they could totally shut you out like that.” And it could go a million different shades of gray between those two points. The whole point of this conversation is for you to info gather because I gather from the questions that the associate vet was asking, and this is why I said I love the headspace that they were in. At the start of this, they haven't already quit. They haven't already made up their mind. And so this first conversation is about info gathering. And I think that while we all have moments where we are not our best selves, when you start a conversation with somebody and you ask them how you can help, it tends to be a situation that is going to put someone into a better possible light than others might.
And so take this as a info gathering opportunity and just hear what they have to say and then offer what help you might be able to give like, “Hey, I would love to help with trying to find new team members.” Again, info gathering. And to your point, you might have to marinate and say, “You know what? I would love to really think on this because I'm up for helping. I want to fix this. I like what we're doing. I think that we have some great people and I would like to see us keep the great people that we have and continue to add great people to this team.” There are lots of ways that you can easily walk out of this conversation no matter what is said, but I agree with you, spot on, just hear what they have to say and then close the door to conversation number one.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, exactly. It's amazing how often people say, “All right, what do I do? Option A, I stay option B, I leave.” And I'm like, “How about option C? I get more information about what's going to happen in the near future.” I vote option C. And then ask me again. And that's exactly what we're doing. And then the second question that they ask is, if staffing based on being buddy-buddy with the owner versus skills and merit continues, would you look for another practice? I'd say, all right, first we have made the assumption here that the reason people are leaving is because they're not buddy-buddy with the owner. Which I would say you might be right.

Stephanie Goss:
You have to info gather first.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I would assume good intent and I would info gather to stress test that assumption. But it may be that that's what happens. And so the first thing is I would check that assumption and see if it's really true. The answer to the question is at some point I would do some math. I would look at the pros of staying and subtract the cons of staying. And if I got a negative number, meaning the cons are bigger than the pros, I would leave or if the pros and the cons were about a wash, but there was a pattern towards steady decline, a trend downward, I would say, I know I'm worried about this. And so I would do some math and then, so we talk about this all the time, so much of management, and this is about personal management, this is career management, it's picking your poison.
It's summing up, okay, if I stay here, these are the bad things and if I leave, these are the bad things. And it's looking at, it's not just the bad things today, but it's the bad things going forward. I don't know if that really helps, but really, I guess my basic thing is just at some point you have to sit around and say, “How much do I like being here? And how hard is this?” And then subtract how hard is it to go find another job? And that's why another thing, I can't tell you what the answer is. You are the only one who could say, “There's 10 other practices in a five mile radius that I could absolutely go to. In fact, one of them is trying to hire me and they seem amazing.” That's very different from, “I live in a middle of nowhere and if I leave, I have to move my family to a different place.” There's just different things. And so you have to do that math for yourself, but what are the pros of staying versus what are the cons of staying? What are the pros of leaving and the cons of leaving and see how all that stuff sorts out. The last part I want to say on the math part is, what? What are you smiling at?

Stephanie Goss:
Keep going, keep going. I'll hop in when you're done. Keep going.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Okay. The last part of it, and this goes back to what we said before of don't get confused and think that your options are, I leave now or I stay forever and the options are really, I stay for a while and I don't say anything. I stay for a while and I work to improve the situation I'm in. I stay with a commitment of reassessing my decision in three months and that helps me sometimes to say, “I'm going to say something and then I'm going to wait until June 1st.” And on June 1st, if my situation is not better than it is now, I am going to leave, I'm going to plan to leave. Sometimes just putting that pinned in the calendar where you're like, “I'm not trapped. I am going to make a decision in the future. Right now I'm going to say something and then I'm going to give it some time to see what happens. That's not a bad strategy and I'm going to make a plan to leave, which is I'm not giving my notice right now, but I'm going to go ahead and start investigating my options.”
And then your last option is leave, “Yeah, I'm out.” You have a lot of options and that's my point in this. And so I think where people screw themselves up is they make assumptions about what's happening and they say, I'm in or I'm out and I go, oh buddy, there's so much more nuance to this. But anyway, that's how I would look at it and lay it down. And generally I tend to come somewhere down around, I do my math, but I'm going to say something and we're going to talk about it and I'm going to ask what the plan is and then I'm going to give them enough time to see if the plan works or if it's actually getting implemented. And then I'm going to circle back around. And when I do my math again, one of the cons of staying is, based on previous performance, I do not believe that things are going to get better and that may be a big knock in the cons side. Anyway, but that's how I would do it.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, no, I love it. I love that you were looking on the bright side and I think you're, I agree 100% about doing the math and I think being able to sit back and work those steps depends entirely upon how your info gathering goes. Because again, those are steps that require you to be able to be in a place of positive head space and assuming good intent. Because if you are not, it's really hard to look at it and say, “How am I going to stay?” To working your way through even staying and thinking about the three, I love your idea of three months or giving yourself a timeframe and when you feel like you have a super negative outlook on a situation is really hard to do that. So I love that you looked at it from that perspective of you got to do the math and make the pro list and make the con list. I think it's funny because when I read the question, my answer was radically different from yours in that-

Dr. Andy Roark:
You're like, “Get out of there.”

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, so yes, so the question was if staffing is based on being buddy-buddy with the owner versus someone's skills and merit, and if that trend continues, would you look for another practice? And my answer is absolutely hell yes. Because what I would say is hell yes with a caveat. So if the staffing being, is if you have done your info gathering and there is actually a trend and you have assumed good intent and you have seen a pattern that is undeniable, and there are hospitals out there where this is 100% the case. We've had episodes where we've talked about when one of the techs is really good friends with the practice leader and so they get good opportunities or they're the bias of being friends or being buddy-buddy is undeniable.
So there are situations where that is totally the case. If that was the case on a personal level, I would absolutely look for another practice because to me there are so many great practices out there that need great people and it is, maybe it's just the place that I'm at in my career, but I have come to this place where it is important to me to work with good people who want to do good work and who believe good things. And if I felt like I was in an environment where the staffing was solely based on whether somebody could get along with a practice owner or not, hell yes, I would be gone. And I love what you said because it's a significantly better answer in the sense of you should still do that math. And I guess I say hell yes, because I agree with you.
I would have done the mental math and I am that person. I believe the best in people. And I have had, can think of two instances in my own career where I was really struggling with things that were happening with our practice leaders. And I felt like I had some significant skin in the game, obviously as a practice manager. And it was not my practice in either situation. And so I was in the place exactly where you talked about where I sat down and I literally made pros and cons lists and I looked at the math and then I looked at all of those options and thought through them similar to what you just said, which is, okay, I could stay and not say anything and be miserable and I see people on my team and that's the choice they're making and I don't want to be that person, so what's the next thing?
And I moved my way down and ultimately I am a big fan of the camp in the middle, giving, staying, and here's the commitment, I'm going to reassess this. And so in both of those situations, I gave myself a timeframe and I was like, this is the timeframe. And I did exactly what you said, at home, I wrote it on my calendar and I circled the date in red and I was like, I'm going to give it until this day and I'm going to give 110% as I have been until this day, and then I'm going to reassess and I'm going to look at it with fresh perspective. And if I still feel the same way that I do now or I don't feel significant change, then it'll be easier for me to make my decision one way or the other.
So I think you look at it from a very pragmatic perspective, and I think that that's important. And I'm going to advocate, I feel like almost always on the side of there are so many great practices out there and I see so many people and this letter reminded me of that, of people who are good people who want to do good in the world and are in these practices that, and again, we only hear one perspective. And the truth is funny, man. There are always at least two sides to every story and the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle. And so we only have one tiny filtered-down view from the email that we get in the mailbag. And when we zoom out and we talk through all the things we talk through on this episode, it's really easy to imagine a place where this is reality and maybe this practice owner is toxic and this is what's happening. And then I'm a big advocate for being the cheerleader for my fellow colleagues to say, “Heck yes, man, don't stay in a toxic place. Don't let yourself feel trapped like that.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I'll put a little bit of spin on this as well, just so you look at, because I think you'll appreciate it, what if it's not that the practice owner wants people they're buddy-buddy with? What if they're a weak manager and they're not able to manage people that are not very similar to them? Does that change the way you look at the situation? It doesn't change the outcome if people are getting chased away but again, it just goes back to assuming good intent.

Stephanie Goss:
Yes. And so the info gathering, because if we were info gathering and that practice owner said what you just said, I'm struggling, this last person who left was radically different from me. If I got that out of the conversation, hell yes, I would be willing to help and look at it completely differently.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's just interesting. It's just a thing I've done for years and years and years. People will say, “I have a bad boss.” And I'll listen to them and I'll say, “It sounds to me like you have a struggling boss.” And they're like, “Yeah.” And now that does not mean that you have to sacrifice yourself. It does not mean that you should be miserable or that you need to stick with this because the boss is struggling to lead people. You didn't marry this person, you just took a job. But it does help me to feel better about my decisions and put things into some context that I don't know. It just for me, when my heart is open like that, it can help me pick my way through it.
I think your point is also really good is when we do some math, ease of leaving right now with so many hospitals that are desperately looking for people, especially really good, that does swing the math equation. If you're like, I'm pretty confident I could go to a place that is really good. Ultimately I go back to the very beginning, which is they're not obligated to include you in their decisions, but you are affected by the outcome of those decisions and you are therefore empowered and you should not feel bad about making the decisions that are best for you because that's what they did as well.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, and I think to your point there, I think some of it is self-reflection on what do you want in your role? And I have worked with associate veterinarians who are like, “I want nothing to do with being a leader, whether it's from within the team or in a position of power. I want to come to work, I want to take care of my patients, I want to do a good job, and then I want to go home.” If you are an associate veterinarian who likes management, who is interested in leadership, who is interested in growth and development, which is the sense that I got from the mailbag letter that we got, then this is also a good opportunity for you to look at what you want. So it was so easy for me to say, hell yes, I would look for another practice because I did that reflection on what do I want in my own career path?
What is important to me? What are the values that are important to me in a practice? What's the environment? And if you told me you were going to go work in a practice every day and you wouldn't be able to have a conversation or have any impact from even within the team, that would not be a fit for me and it would be easier for me to do that math. And so I think that's that for this associate that I think some of it is thinking about what do they want in the bigger scheme of things and then maybe what they want and what the practice owner is struggling with, talk about it feels maybe like lightning in a bottle, but what if you have a practice owner who is struggling to manage people and you have an associate who is interested in managing? What if you guys can work together, could you turn this around? Hell yeah, you could. So I think coming at it from that inquisitive state and info gathering is the most important part because I don't think you can make your decision without that.

Dr. Andy Roark:
No, I completely agree. Well, then that's what I got. I think that's all I got with this one.

Stephanie Goss:
This was a fun one. Take care everybody. Have a fantastic week.

Dr. Andy Roark:
See you everybody.

Stephanie Goss:
Well gang, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. And as always, this was so fun to dive into the mailbag and answer this question. And I would really love to see more things like this come through the mailbag. If there is something that you would love to have us talk about on the podcast or a question that you are hoping that we might be able to help with, feel free to reach out and send us a message. You can always find the mailbag at the website. The address is unchartedvet.com/mailbag, or you can email us at podcast@unchartedvet.com. Take care everybody, and have a great week. We'll see you again next time.

Performance Reviews That Don’t Suck

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast Episode 218 Cover Image

This week on the podcast…

This week on the Uncharted Podcast, Dr. Andy Roark and practice manager Stephanie Goss are answering a question you asked in the mailbag! We received an email from a practice leader who was asking questions about employee reviews. They wanted to know what are some of the best and most effective questions that should be asked. They were also curious about our take on who should be answering those questions, especially to help give the best overall picture of an employee. And lastly, they wanted to know should management be reviewed and if so, who should review them? If you have listened to the podcast before, you might already know that Stephanie and Andy both think should is a dirty word. This was a fun episode, let's get into this…

Uncharted Veterinary Podcast · UVP – 218 – Employee Reviews

You can also listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.


Do you have something that you would love Andy and Stephanie to role-play on the podcast – a situation where you would love some examples of what someone else would say and how they would say it? If so, send us a message through the mailbag!

We want to hear about your challenges and would love to feature your scenario on the podcast.

Submit it here: unchartedvet.com/mailbag


Upcoming Events

We have TWO amazing events coming up – one virtual just for managers and one in person that anyone on the team can attend! Don't miss your chance to join us either virtually or in person in beautiful Greenville, SC.

Calling All Practice Managers – The Uncharted Practice Manager Summit is Happening!

We know you are unique. Managing the business. Fielding never-ending questions from the team. Fixing broken printers, again. You wear more hats than anyone else in the practice. All of these look great on you, of course. But do you ever wonder “Am I actually in charge if I don’t own the practice? How do I manage the endless responsibilities of this job with limited power and resources? How can I keep growing professionally?”

If you’re itching to talk to people who really get what it means to be a manager, this is the event for you!

It’s time to connect with your fellow practice managers to share what gets you excited about your role, find solutions for what needs your focus now, and discover new ways to shine even brighter as a manager.

While Uncharted Membership is always encouraged, it is not required for event attendance! Non-members, here’s your chance to see what all the buzz is about and get a taste of the Uncharted experience. 

This 1-day virtual event on March 22, 2023.

April 20-22, 2023: The Uncharted Veterinary Conference

Our flagship three-day live conference event in Greenville, SC. Closed event. Only available to Uncharted members. Come join us in Greenville!


Episode Transcript

Stephanie Goss:
Hey everybody, this is Stephanie Goss. I'm coming at you with another episode of the Uncharted Podcast. This week on the podcast, Andy and I had so much fun diving into a question from the mailbag about how do we do reviews that don't suck. Now, fair warning, we did this episode right after I had just done a session at VMX on performance reviews and things that are better than a performance review. So I was super fired up. Andy got fired up as well. There's some soapbox moments, a lot of fun. And we talk about the mailbag question, which was, what are some of the most or effective and or best questions that should be asked on a performance review? Who should be answering those questions and should management get reviewed too? This was a lot of fun, let's get into it. And now, the Uncharted Podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And we are back. It's me, Dr. Andy Roark, and the one and only Stephanie-I-made-you-look-Goss. I made you look.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, you actually did your job that time.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I did. I remember. I was like, what song? We're talking about performance reviews today. And I was like, “That kind of fits.” Also, my 11-year-old daughter is very into the Meghan Trainor song, I made you look.

Stephanie Goss:
I was going to say is that playing regularly at your house.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, yeah. It plays regularly and there's lots of strong eye contact and dance moves. Like it plays and she just locks eyes with me and breaks it down. And I'm like, “What is this?”

Stephanie Goss:
If you have not seen the Instagram Reel, I think it's called… I need a social media lesson from Tyler and Kelsey. I don't know what any of the things are called. I'm not on TikTok, so I know it's not TikTok. But if you have not seen the video on Instagram of Kevin Bacon and his daughter doing a dance to that song, you have got to watch it. I have watched it probably 25 times. It makes me smile so big every time I watch it. When I need to smile, I'm like, “Well, let's watch Kevin Bacon dance to this because it is…” Especially if you're a parent, I think you'll find it funny. It was hilarious to me.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Man, I have a resolution for the New Year that I've been keeping so far. I know this sounds familiar.

Stephanie Goss:
Are you going to join TikTok?

Dr. Andy Roark:
No, that's the resolution a lot of people have been hoping for.

Stephanie Goss:
I thought you were about to make Tannetje's day and then we could have an announcement on the podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… you need to do TikTok. And I'm like, “Ah, don't hold your breath.”

Stephanie Goss:
Not TikTok. What is your resolution?

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's the opposite of TikTok. I'm not kidding in this, but my resolution for 2023 is to be more bored. Not more boring, but more bored. I mean that because I noticed about myself that I sort of seek constant distraction, you know what I mean? And I listen to a lot of podcasts. Generally, I have a bunch of podcasts I listen to, I listen to audiobooks. I'm always reading multiple books and that's not bad. In fact, most people are like, “Oh, that's really good because it's not junk,” but I'm feeding my brain and blah, blah, blah. But Stephanie, what I realized about myself at the end of the year was I kind of live in this perpetually distracted state. I'm always listening to something, I'm always thinking about something. I'm always doing something. And I think it's contrary to being present in the moment in a lot of ways.
And so, what I mean, when I say that is I found that it's been my resolution so far, is just not having that phone in my hand all the time or even on my body and to not put my headphones in whenever I have a moment. And so, I like to wash the dishes and listen to podcasts or listen to audiobooks. But I decided it's like, you know what? I'm just going to take a break from doing that for a little while. And what I found is that when I don't have my headphones in and I'm washing the dishes, my kids come and talk to me and they don't come and talk to me when my headphones are in. And my wife walks in and she didn't say anything, but I'm just standing there washing dishes. And so, I say, “How was your day?” And I'm genuinely asking, not just a perfunctory greeting, but how's your day?
And so I've found that I'm having these conversations and I'll go walk the dog and I won't listen to my audiobook or I won't make a phone call just to talk. I'll just walk. And I feel like I get good time just to think. And then the neighbors come out and talk to me. And so, I'm talking to the neighbors now and I'm like, “I've only been doing this for a couple of weeks. But I feel like I'm really connecting to people in a lot of ways.” And I think I do feel like my level of mental fatigue has kind of gone down. But I just say that because my daughter has been dancing at me a lot, but it's because I'm just there and I'm goofing off and I'm not doing anything. And she'll start dancing and you know what I mean? And then it just kind of turns into this thing-

Stephanie Goss:
She's engaging with you.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… when I'm on my phone. And so, I don't know, it's just when we were talking about dancing fathers and daughters, it made me think about being bored.

Stephanie Goss:
I like it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And it was funny though, I had this thought as far as we're talking about performance evaluations and stuff. So I was in the kitchen and I had my headphones out and I was just washing dishes. And my wife came in and we were talking and I said something about trying to be more bored. And she was like, “Oh, is that why you don't wear your headphones?” And I was like, “Yeah.” And she goes, “I think it's really great that you're doing that.” And I was like, “Ah, well, thanks for saying that.” She was like, “I hated when you had your headphones at all time. It made me so mad.” And it was funny because my language of appreciation is affirmation. Like that's my love language, affirmation. And so, tell me that I'm doing something good and you'll make me really happy. It's funny because I felt really happy and then I felt really not happy. And I just wonder how much positive feedback is given on the way to negative feedback. You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:
A lot.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, I really love how you handled that client. Usually, you're kind of a jerk and you know…

Stephanie Goss:
It's the poop sandwich.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It is. It's the poop sandwich, but it's without a top bun. It's like, “Oh, I wonder how many of us are like, I'm saying something nice and he seems really appreciative. Now, it's my chance to say the mean thing or just the critical thing.” Now's my chance to be critical because I said this nice thing and I'm like, “How much maturity does it take to say the nice thing and then not say the critical thing that you have in your pocket and just be done?” And I think that's really funny, but I was just thinking about it when I was like, “Oh, speaking of performance reviews…”

Stephanie Goss:
I just got one from my wife.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I got one from my wife that sounded like praise. And then quickly turned into, let me tell you how, I hate when you wear your headphones and wash dishes.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, so funny.

Dr. Andy Roark:
She's not wrong. But just all the joy from her initial praise of my resolution just went right down the toilet.

Stephanie Goss:
So it's funny that you say that because we've been fighting that. We've been fighting the same thing. Both of the kids are, and they're same as you. They're listening to audiobooks, they're reading, they're listening to podcasts, and they're really smart kids. And they share stuff with me and I'm like, “I didn't even know that, that's history.” They constantly teach me things. And at the same time, it totally bugs me that they're constantly having earbuds in or have their headphones on. And we'll be in the same room, we're sharing space. But we're all listening to something separate. So on New Year's, I intentionally put my phone down and took my ears out and I was like, “Hey, you two, tiny people, let's have a conversation about what we want to do this year.” And so, we did some bucket listing and some goal setting, but it came about like we were talking about things that we wanted to learn this year.
And I told the kids one of my goals for myself this year, which was to work on my fluency in Irish. So I lived in Ireland and taught high school there and taught in a bilingual school. And so, I can read a decent amount, but my conversational Irish has never been great. And I would love to improve that because I really want to take the kids to Ireland and have them be able to see all of my old haunts and all of that kind of stuff. And so, that was a goal that I set for myself. And I was talking to them about languages and they both were telling me, I was kind of surprised. They were like, “I want to also learn a second language.” And my daughter was like, “I want to become fluent in ASL.” And I've been teaching her ASL since she was little and she actually has quite a good grasp on it.
Honestly, her skills in fluency is surpassing mine at this point, which she was like, “I want to actually be able to converse with people and have total conversations.” And my son was like, “I want to learn Russian.” And I was like, “Where did that come from?” But really, he's like, “I think that I actually want to learn Mandarin.” He's like, “Because it is one of the most commonly used languages in the whole world.” And he starts spouting off about statistics and being able to converse with people. And I was like, “This is great.” And so, we were talking about different ways to learn language, and I was telling them, and I've been using an app and they have been quietly watching me apparently the last three days. Because I started using a language app and was doing my 15 minutes a day and sitting there and practicing. And last night, I come in the front room and they both have their headphones in and I'm like, “Oh, not again.” But I stopped for a second. They're both freaking working on languages.

Dr. Andy Roark:
That's cool.

Stephanie Goss:
And I was like, “This is awesome.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
That's very cool. I like it.

Stephanie Goss:
So yeah, I'm a fan.

Dr. Andy Roark:
The takeaway is there's a balance. It is about intentionally doing things and using your time and then also making some space to just unplug. So like I said, I'm not saying I'm giving up podcasts. I enjoy that stuff, but I think I'm going to be more intentional about when I am listening to audiobooks and when I am intentionally not listening to audiobooks-

Stephanie Goss:
And being bored.

Dr. Andy Roark:
… and I'm just being bored.

Stephanie Goss:
Well, let's talk about intentions a little bit because we got a mailbag question about employee reviews. And it's really funny because we're recording this. By the time this comes out, VMX will be done and over. But I'm actually speaking at VMX with our friend, Megan Brashear, and we're doing a session about employee evaluations. And so, I was really excited for us to talk about this on the podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Get it, Stephanie. Get it.

Stephanie Goss:
I can't wait. And Megan is so fun, it's going to be a great session.

Dr. Andy Roark:
She's amazing. She's absolutely an amazing person.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, she is.

Dr. Andy Roark:
She's so great.

Stephanie Goss:
And we both feel passionately about this subject, so I'm super excited. But we got a question in the mail bag about being effective with reviews. And specifically they were asking about questions that are effective for being asked. But they were also specifically asking about who should answer questions on a review? How do you get the best overall picture of an employee? And then they were also asking, should management be reviewed? Like as a manager, should I be getting an annual review? And if so, who should be reviewing me? And I just thought it was a great collection of questions that could go in you and I's hands, could go in a million different ways. But I just thought this would be such a fun one to talk about on the podcast.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, this is hard. And I'm not sure how we're going to talk about this exactly. Because it's like where do we talk about what should be and where do we talk about what is in making the best of it? You know what I mean? It's like if someone said, I want to eat ice cream for all three meals and a hot fudge and caramel on top, which flavor of ice cream should I have for breakfast? And you're like, “I think we should back up past what flavor should I have for breakfast and talk about the underlying plan.”

Stephanie Goss:
Should we eat ice cream for all three meals?

Dr. Andy Roark:
You know what I mean? I don't know if that made any sense at all. But that's how I feel when people are like, “What question should we ask in this annual evaluation?” I'm like, “What flavor of ice cream should we have under the chocolate syrup at breakfast?” I'm like, “Wait, how did we get here?”

Stephanie Goss:
That is such a great analogy. I love it so much.

Dr. Andy Roark:
This can just spin wildly out of control. But that's how I feel, I'm like, they swept up somewhere along the way.

Stephanie Goss:
I love it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And now we're in this bad place asking the final question.

Stephanie Goss:
Well, people get frustrated because I get asked this question a lot as a manager and as someone who speaks as a manager in our industry, I get asked this question a lot or a lot of should questions about reviews. And if you have listened to the podcast, you know that Andy and I both feel like should is a very dangerous word. And my question back to them is, what's the point? Why are you doing a review? What are you trying to do with it? Because that will shape the answer or the opinion that you get. And the why has to be at the forefront of this question. And I feel like the why is almost always the afterthought.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, completely.

Stephanie Goss:
And it's the how, that's the first questions.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Exactly. How do you do this? And not the question of, why do you want to do this and what is the point? And it doesn't shape how you do it, it completely defines how you do it. And so, when people say, “What question should I ask?” My response to them is, “What do you want to know? What is the purpose of this exercise?” And they're like, “I don't know. To perform an evaluation.” I'm like, Well, then, ask whatever you want.”

Stephanie Goss:
Because someone told me that I had to check a box once a year.

Dr. Andy Roark:
The point is to perform a review, ask whatever the hell you want. And then really, this is a scheduling exercise. But on the schedule, wait until the time has passed and the person has appeared and then you're done and that's it. You have performed a review and that's it. But I'm not kidding. And again, this is why I go off the rails. I'm like, “what are we doing here?” Anyway, but as we know, there are some people who are like, “I am required to do this evaluation. And so, now, cocky, just tell me now that I have to do this, what do I ask?” But my answer is still the same. “What do you want to know and what are you trying to accomplish?” And so, I don't believe that there is a right way to do an evaluation because there's not a right goal you should be aiming for.
The questions I would ask you, Stephanie Goss, if we sat down together and I was going to do your employee evaluation, they're night and day different from what I would ask Maria Pirita, who works with us as well. And you're both wonderful and you both have similar jobs or do kind of similar things, but you're in wildly different places in your development and in your skillsets and in what your interests are and where you're going and how you're developing, and what's important to you and who you interact with. And all of those things are going to dictate what I would ask you in an evaluation. And that's not even taking into the fact or the idea of, “Is a once a year evaluation a good idea as a format?” And I go, “Well, no.”

Stephanie Goss:
Well…

Dr. Andy Roark:
But inside of it, it would be very different.

Stephanie Goss:
I think because that answer speaks to why you would give us evaluations in the first place. So the why for you would be to have a developmental conversation and talk about goals and the vehicle would be asking us different questions based on who we are, what our interests are, where we are in our career, what we're working on. When you give that answer, you are looking at it from that perspective. And when it comes to employee reviews as a whole, a vast majority of managers and business owners are taught to, and or choose to look at it as a box that has to be checked, number one. Something that has to be done on a prescribed timeline, number two. And is being done, the why is documentation to cover their ass really.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, yes.

Stephanie Goss:
Or to figure out how to pay their people. Both of those two things are inherently stupid and messed up systems that I am absolutely against. And so, it is a wild soapbox for me. And it's funny because Megan and I got together and were talking about our session for VMX, and she's like, “How do you feel about annual performance reviews?” And I was like, “Oh, okay, you just handed me a soapbox. Like 10 feet high and said, climb up.”

Dr. Andy Roark:
45 minutes later, you stopped talking. And she was like, ‘Well, that's our presentation, then I'll ask you that question and then I'll go have lunch and you'll just go off.”

Stephanie Goss:
No, but really, that is really unfortunate because it is leftover from where industry and work and employment started in the stone ages. And that is one of those things that has not progressed anywhere near along with wages anywhere near the rate of inflation. We haven't changed this process. We're still trying to apply this process that has been used forever and ever and ever to what we're doing now.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Well, and a lot of it is driven, and you said this before. A lot of it's just driven by HR. If you're a corporation and not only in corporation in a Megan sense, you'd be a small business. Especially your employment lawyer will tell you, you should be evaluating people and documenting their performance because this is required. So anyway, the frustration, it's not real frustration, but a little bit that you hear is, I am super pragmatic. I want to get things done. And the idea of having an annual evaluation or even these scheduled formal evaluations, I go, “I think they're largely counterproductive to actually growing human beings and leaders and developing people.” But I get that, again, I think it's an HR liability legal thing.
And then also, it's a way when people say, “We want to give raises and we need a formal structure to do that.” That feels fair, and in some way objective. Then evaluations and some sort of a formal grading scales come into that. And so, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying don't do them. I'm just saying that the way they're usually put forward is not only not super helpful, it's often counterproductive. It drives anxiety levels and cortisol levels through the roof. It makes people really uncomfortable.

Stephanie Goss:
The team hates it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
The team hates it.

Stephanie Goss:
They're driven by anxiety. The managers hate it because I will tell you, having run bigger practices, who wants to spend three to four weeks of their life, trying to think back on the last year for my entire team and actually make that actionable and individual? It's an impossible task and it gives everybody anxiety.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree. That's our general philosophy on evaluations, the better way… So here's what should happen in Andy's magical world that doesn't exist. In Andy's magical world, that doesn't exist, you would talk to your people in an ongoing basis and you would trust them. And when they did things that were good, you would say, “Hey, that was really great.” And you would not say it on your way to telling them what they had done before that you didn't like.

Stephanie Goss:
It would be a complete full sentence.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It would be a complete…

Stephanie Goss:
You did this thing and it was wonderful, thank you.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Exactly. It would even be a full sentence. It would be a full interaction. That would be the stop and then we would leave. We would go to other places and stop communicating for a certain amount of time.

Stephanie Goss:
All right.

Dr. Andy Roark:
But we would tell them what they did that was good. And then when there was room for improvement or we as a mentor or colleagues saw a place where they could develop, we would say, “Hey, I noticed that you did this thing. Can I give you some feedback on it?” Or, “Hey, this is what you did really well. This is what I need you to work on going forward. Can you do that for me?” And that's the whole interaction there. It's not, “Here's nine things and here's a running history.” It's, “Hey, I saw this go down. Did you see it? Do you agree that that's kind of what happened? Let me tell you what the perception was, looking at it from the outside. Can you do that differently next time?”
And you just give them the feedback right then, not with a pen and paper in your hand. Not in a scary way with a door closed. You just say, “Hey, I need you to work on this. You are really good at this thing. This is what I need you to work on going forward.” And then you go on with your life and you don't treat them like a pariah. You don't avoid talking to them for the rest of the day. You just say it and then they go, “Okay.” And then you go on. And ideally, when the boss says something that hurts their feelings, they say, “Hey, yesterday when you said this, it hurt my feelings.” And you'll say, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. That makes sense that you would hear it that way. That's not how I intended it, but I understand how you heard it. I'm sorry. I'll do that differently next time.” And that's how this whole thing should work. And doesn't that sound like a beautiful, wonderful place to be? Like, does that make sense?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes, it totally does. And then it leads to the question of, well, if we're doing that, what is the point? Because it still asks the question, what's the point of having a review structure? And I would argue that in that hallucinatory world, there is true power. The power gets unlocked in terms of the employee review because then you have the ability to say, “Let's look at where we've been. Let's review the journey.” The word review means let's look back. So what is the look back? Where did we start the year? Where did we end the year? And you have the ability to look at it in the context of the good and the challenges. And what I mean by the challenges is what progress did we make on the challenges? Not these are the things you screwed up and it feels punitive, but these were the challenges you had and this is how you overcame those challenges.
This is the progress you made around those challenges. So it is positive and it is forward focused in the sense of, what are we going to continue doing to continue to change this or improve? And so, for me, when people ask me this question, I ask them, what's the point? What are you trying to do there? Because for me, I as an employee want to exist in Andy's hallucinatory kind of world where the review process and the structure from an HR sense exists to support an employee driven process where I am engaged in my work. Where I get to set goals, where I get to have conversations with you, Andy, that says, “Hey, this is the thing I'm super interested in. This is why I'm interested in it, and why I think it can benefit me and why I think it can benefit the company.”
And we have had those conversations and then we're monitoring the progress of that work. That's the kind of review process I want to be a part of. I hate feeling like I have a system and a structure and I have to check the boxes. And I recognize that myself included in both private and corporate practice, the expectation was set that this is a box you're going to check and you're going to check it once a year. And for a lot of my career, it was tied to money and it was tied to pay evaluations for the team. And that is the thing that I hate more than anything. And I won't soapbox because I could do a whole episode on that alone, not alone. But I recognize that that is a structure that a lot of people have to live within. And so, I think that's really asking the question of what is the point? What are we trying to achieve so that we can manage expectations as best we can is the best possible thing we can do When it comes to reviews.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I just like the term evaluation and I think you're hitting around that as well. I don't want to be evaluated, like weighed, judged, measured. I don't like that.

Stephanie Goss:
Because it puts the power in somebody else's hands.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Exactly right. You, Stephanie Goss are going to tell me my worth in some way in, and it's not. It's like there's a judge, but no ability for me to say, “Well, this is what was going on,” or “This is the context in which I made decisions,” or “This was going on in my personal life.” And again, I know I'm thinking a little bit far, but not really. I don't like that term, evaluation. You and I do a lot of work with leaders at Banfield and they have their PDP, which is their personal development plan. And I'm like, “I will a 100% show up for my development plan meeting where we talk about what I have done, what I'm doing well, and what I could do in the future or how I could grow and develop going forward.” I'm much more on board with that meeting than we're going to evaluate your performance in the last year and tell you your worth.

Stephanie Goss:
Well, and I think that's the thing that a lot of people wrestle with because for a lot of companies, that was the structure in theory for me in the corporate environment that I worked in. And at the same time, it was still tied to my compensation. It was still the evaluation. And to your point, I think a lot of people try and combat the evaluation by saying, “Well, we're going to have a self-assessment as part of this.” So you get a voice and you get a say. And most of the time, that voice and that say isn't really factored in to balancing out the scale and equaling out the scale. They're giving you the chance to say what you have to say, but how much of that is weighted into your score? And so, I think the system and the structure is inherently flawed and it's something that I love to fight against in terms of veterinary medicine.
But the whole point of the podcast is like, okay, how do we actually make this actionable? What do we do with it? And there's two sides to this. One is the place where you get to live in Andy's hallucinatory world because there are people who are the boss or who are in a position where their practice owner says, “I don't care what you do, as long as you do it and you get to make it all up.” That's the best seat to be in because you get to ask the question, what's the point? What are we trying to do here? What questions are we trying to answer? And you get to make it up, or you're in the camp where there is a structure you maybe don't have say in it, and you still have to do the thing. And so, then how do you make it the most least anxiety driven for you and for your team and how you make it the most effective within the constraints that are placed upon you.

Dr. Andy Roark:
What I want to do, let's take a break here.

Stephanie Goss:
I love it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And then we're going to come back and we're going to talk about, given the constraints that we're in, let's talk about how we do this. Let's talk about, great, we've told you what we think. That doesn't change the fact that it has to get done. Let's come back and let's talk about how to do it. But one thing I do want to say just before I forget, I think we need to separate the idea of compensation tied to evaluations. That's too much, it's too big to-

Stephanie Goss:
It's a whole soapbox.

Dr. Andy Roark:
You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, it's a whole soapbox.

Dr. Andy Roark:
The whole other thing. So we're going to put aside anything about how compensation is tied to evaluation. Just how do you do evaluations that don't suck. That's our plan, all right?

Stephanie Goss:
Okay. I like it.

Dr. Andy Roark:
All right, so we are back. Let's go ahead and start to lay this thing down. Now though, I want to talk about this chronologically. I said before the break, Andy's fantasy world where we give feedback on an ongoing basis. Do that thing, and the fact that you have to do an annual evaluation, that should not change. It's not like, well, I'm not going to give feedback in the moment because they're going to get it later on. We all know the idea of giving someone feedback on something they did three months ago is dumb.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, oh, totally. I think the trick that a lot of us miss, myself included, for a really long time was that I would give that feedback and then I wouldn't document it. And so, then, if you are doing some sort of evaluation structure, then you sit down and you're like, “I don't remember what happened over the last year, but I remember the last thing they did that annoyed me.” And that's what we focus on, it's whatever. That's how our human brains are conditioned to look at that negative. So the trick is that documentation. And you're not going to write every little thing down, but you have to have a system for yourself as a leader and as a manager to capture the big things, good and challenging and document it on an ongoing basis.

Dr. Andy Roark:
There's a million ways to do this. I use Notion, I love the app Notion. It's just a great brainstorming app. I'm not talking about sharing with a team. I have it for myself. I have a team gallery, it has all of my people and they have their pictures there and it has their contact information and it has personal things that I want to remember about them, their birthdays, spouse names, kids names, things like that. That I'm like, “I want to just make sure I have all stuff.” And then for each one of them, when I have an interaction with them or something, and I do it when they crush it too. And that's a big point I want to make is do not go around and record all the bad stuff and ignore the good stuff. And then you're like, “What's this evaluation about?” And you look back and you have all the crap, all the bad stuff, all the bad days. Don't be that person.
When they do something great, write it down. And when they do something that needs to be corrected or something you want to work on or an ongoing pattern of behavior, jot that down. But the big thing with this is just have a system. And honestly, I make sure it's on your phone and I say your phone because you're going to think about it when you are at the post office and you're like, “Oh man, that was really great.” And when you get that idea of that person, what they just said was really kind. Pull your phone out, jot the date down, jot down what you saw. And then when you come around to the end of the year, you're like, “Hey look, here's a couple of things I just want to call out. One of the things that I admire most about you is this characteristic.”
And I saw it multiple times through the year. I remember on this date, I saw it here on this date, I saw it here and this day I saw it here. And people go, “Oh wow, you really have been paying attention.” We always think that we're going to remember things. No, you're not going to remember it. You got to have a system to write it down. The evaluation doesn't happen at the evaluation. It should be working throughout the whole year to build a fair and helpful picture of what we're trying to do.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah, I do very similar except for I am the kind of person where I have to actually write it. So I use a reMarkable tablet and it's basically like a digital notebook. And when I was at the practice, I had a folder for the practice and there was a folder for the team. And just like you with Notion, everybody had their own notebook and I would write it down and you can index the pages. It's like super cool, it's one of my favorite work tools. But it has to be something where you are recording it on an ongoing basis, whether it's your phone or handwriting, but remembering if you're handwriting things, that's what I love about the reMarkable, is that I can then digitally upload it because so many of our hospitals are using HR software.
And the last thing you want to have to do is write it down for yourself in multiple places or then have to spend the time uploading it to the place where it's supposed to go. So looking at your own individual hospital and your own individual systems and figuring out how do I organize this in a way that is not, I have to go unlock a cabinet, pull out Andy's employee file, find the section, and then insert my page here. That should not be your system.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And so, start your system way in advance and start gathering information so you have real examples. The other thing to do at the same time, probably even before that is figure out what you're doing here. What's the point of this evaluation? Is it, I'm going to bring my employees together so they all know what I think of them? That's arrogant and stupid and not helpful. Who cares what you think of them? Is it so that you can reap justice upon them? And all the people who got away with things will be held accountable. That's a terrible twisted system. Is it so that I can help mentor them and help them grow and help them enjoy their time here and help them be more successful in their career and where they want to go? I mean, the thing is the point of the evaluations, it's not for me.
If I have a problem, I'm going to call you or I'm going to walk up to you and I'm going to tell you about it. And that's how I'm going to handle it. And it will get handled. And so, if we're going to have this sit down meeting, it's not because I need something. Because if I needed something, I would've told you about it already so that I can help you to be happy here and to grow. Because I really feel like as leaders, we have a personal responsibility to try to grow the people underneath us. And sometimes that means we grow them and they outgrow us and I think that that's a good problem to have. That means you're doing good in the world and what are we trying to do here? And you can't hold a meeting if you don't know what you're trying to accomplish.

Stephanie Goss:
And for me, that is the place that I settled that allowed me to sleep at night as a manager was to say, okay, even if I have a system and a structure and I have to live within this, my own personal drive for reviews was to look at how can I help grow this person? What are their goals? What do they want? And so, for me, it was about making it goal driven in whatever form that took with an individual employee because it actually allowed me a lot of freedom and flexibility to say, well, this person has professional development goals like, they want to become a certified tech. Or maybe there was something that they were working on that fit the ladder developmentally.
But it also allowed me the freedom and flexibility to take the people on my team who were like, “I don't actually know what I want to do.” Or, “I really love my job, and yet, I don't want to grow up the ladder, but I still want to learn.” Maybe it's about, I want to learn how to be… I mean, I had one of my team members who was CSR and she was older and I remember the first time we sat down and she said to me, she's like, “I'm probably going to cry.” And she's like, “But you asked me what my goal was going to be for myself in this next year.” And she's like, “I want to learn how to get faster with the computer.” She's like, “Because I feel like I'm always holding everybody up.” And it was so funny because everybody looked at her through that lens of she was the older person who didn't love the computers and she saw that in herself and wanted to fix that.
And it took huge cahonés for her to say that and be vulnerable. And I was like, “Oh my gosh, we can totally help you with that. That's a great goal. It benefits you because it's something that you want and you desire, but it also benefits the team as a whole. Hell yeah, let's come up with some goals around that and a plan to help you get better.” And what does better mean to you? How do we define that? It gives you that flexibility as a manager. And that was where I kind of sat with the whole process is like, how can we make this about where do people want to grow?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I love it. I think there's three pieces to what we put into this evaluation, right?

Stephanie Goss:
Okay.

Dr. Andy Roark:
So when I'm putting together and I go, “What's going to happen in this evaluation?” So I've generally got an idea of what I'm trying to accomplish. I've been hopefully documenting behaviors that I want to talk about or things that I feel like are capstone moments for this person throughout the year. Three things. Number one, the questions to ask what I'm trying to figure out what they are. Because I can't tell you what they're, because they're different for everybody.

Stephanie Goss:
Sure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I, Andy Roark as the leader, what do I want or need to know so that I can help this person to grow and develop? So what are those questions? What do I need to understand so that I can better serve you as a manager, as a boss, as a leader, as a grower and mentor of people?

Stephanie Goss:
What do you love about your job? What do you find most challenging about your job? What feels like the biggest success you've had in the last whatever time period?

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, and remember, I love positive inquiry. When you think back on the last year, what have been the highlights for you? When you think about the best day that you can remember working here, what was it? Tell me about your dream day. And again, I'm trying to figure out what you love. Why? Because if I know what you love, I can open up doors for you. I can put you in positions, I can give you opportunities that are going to make you happy. As opposed to being like… And we've all seen things where you're like, “I'm going to give this person opportunity.” And they're like, “Why did you punish me this way?”

Stephanie Goss:
I didn't want that opportunity.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I know this is the worst thing ever. I've had people on our team. I'm like, “You're going to do a one-hour presentation at the conference.” And they're like, “What did I do to you?”

Stephanie Goss:
Oh-oh.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I mean, you've got great things to share and I thought you would, and they're crying. And anyway, all right, what do I need to know so that I can support you? If I was getting evaluated, what would I want to have happen? It's the golden rule. And so, people are like, “What should we ask in the evaluation?” I would say, “I don't know. If you were getting evaluated, what would you hope that they asked you?” Or “What would you want to be asked?” And then, bam. And that's it. So part of it is give the evaluation that you would like to have. And that doesn't mean from a grading standpoint. But it's like, well, I don't know, evaluation should benefit the employee. They shouldn't be a punishment they have to go through. And so, it's the golden rule. If you were them, what would you hope happens at this evaluation?
And then number three, what would be beneficial to that actual person? And that involves asking them before the evaluation, “Hey, is there anything that you're hoping to talk about at the evaluation? Is there anything that you're looking for? Is there anything that you're going to want to discuss about the coming year?” And ask them. And they might be like, “Oh, I would like to talk more about opportunities for me to learn new skills that I don't have.” And I would say, “Great, I will look around. It will be top of mind for me. Maybe I'll try to get some ideas and then you can come and we'll discuss that then.” And then when they say, “Hey, in this evaluation in the next year, I would really like to do more of this. I'm not caught flatfooted. I've got some ideas.” I'll be like, “Cool, tell me more about what that means.”
And I can at least know what they're going to be interested in and just do a little pre-thought on what questions do I have for them? What do I need to understand to be supportive there? So anyway, just to summarize, what do I need to support this person? What do I need to know? If I was this person, what would I want to have happen? And then number three, just straight up asking them, what do you hope to get out of this meeting? And ask them ahead of time so that I can incorporate that into their evaluation. And I feel like if you ask yourself those three questions and you find that, you can figure out what questions to ask that are going to get you what you need. Between those three things, you've got a multi-hour evaluation session that you're never going to be able to get through anyway.

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, yeah. So the format that I ultimately kind of settled on for myself, and you have to make, find what works for you. For me, it was splitting it into three parts as well. The first was where have we been? So the look back. And when I say that, our natural human brain wiring is to go to the negative a lot of the time, and what were the things that stand out? Well, the things that stand out are the client who came into the lobby and got shouty, right? Because that's an event that triggered our brain. And so, when we look back, we often look for those negative things. And so, my own challenge for myself was that if I was going to put anything on the lookback list that was constructive or was a challenge for every one of those, I had to have four other positive landmarks.
So 4-to-1 rule. So for every five things that I looked back at, four of them had to be positive. And I mean really solid concrete examples, not just, “Oh, I said one negative thing. So now I have to come up with four good things to outweigh that.” Because I've been in that position in a structure where I felt like I had to say positive things just to say positive things. But I want to look back at the last year and I want to ask the team member to do the same. What was the last year like for you? And if we're doing our job and we have the documentation, you should have a whole notebook full of positive things that have happened over the last year. Let's pick out some of those highlights and look at it on a developmental curve.
Where has the growth been over the last year versus the last year has been not so great? Which is where review processes tend to focus, I think a lot of the time. And then the middle part is where are we right now? So current state, how are things going? How do you feel about your job? What do you love the most about your job right now? What are you finding most challenging about your job right now? Present state, how are things going? State of the Union on both sides. And this is a conversation, this is not, I've thought about all these traps to catch you in this conversation. It is about really how do you feel about your job? Are you happy? Are you not happy? And where are you going? And there's tons of resources out there for specific questions that you can ask your team in terms of one-on-ones and asking them how they feel about their current state at work.
And then the last part for me is where I try and spend the bulk of the time in a review, which is where are we going? Where do you want to go? What do you want to do in the future? Having it be as future-facing as possible, and looking at it very much from the perspective of what excites them? What do they love about their job? What do they want to do more of? And I love that you ask that question, how can I help them do more of the things that they love, Andy? Because that's really where you get the excitement and the enthusiasm and then the structure, having to set goals, make them smart, figure out how to check those boxes.
That becomes easier to do when there's excitement and passion behind, and a why behind it. If somebody feels like they're doing it just to check the box, you're going to get BS. It's going to be crap in and crap out. And so, for me, it's about what actually excites them about their job, and then focusing on the questions that I want to ask to unlock that and drilling down into their why.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I agree with that. So quick pearls for doing these as well. So other things I want to put out, I agree with you and I are on the same page as far as figure out what you're trying to do. I liked your idea of past, present, and future. It's a good way to set and organize the thing.

Stephanie Goss:
The structure.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, the structure. It's a good structure. I like to sit and think about what is my purpose? What am I trying to create and accomplish here? That's just how my brain tends to work. I think you can put those two things together into something really beautiful and make something. Rules of thumb for me is ideally the person should not be surprised by anything they hear in the meeting. And if you're thinking about your structure and you're like, “Oh boy, they're not going to know that I'm going to say this.”
Then I would say, “Why haven't you communicated that to them before?” If you buy into the Andy idea of we talk about how things are going, not in a scary way, just in a matter of fact like, “Hey, I care about you. I want you to be successful. I want to support you. I'm really honest and transparent about what I need. I want you to be honest and transparent about what you need.” You shouldn't get to the evaluation and someone goes, “Andy, it's been a bad year for you.” And I'm like, “What? I know it's been a great year for me.” “No, it hasn't, Andy.” I don't want that, and nobody wants that. So they should not be surprised by what you're going to say. And if they're going to be surprised, then we have some communication challenges that have nothing to do with the meeting itself, and we need to work on that.
So number one, they should not be surprised. Number two, do everything you can to lower the stakes here. Try not to make this a big scary meeting that they're going to stress out about for a week. And they're going to walk in and their palms are going to sweat and their heart's going to race. That's not productive for actually accomplishing the goals that we talked about. If you're like, “I want to support and develop this person.” Okay, why don't you talk to them they're having a panic attack. That'll be a great approach to take. That'll really help. You're going to crush it, go ahead. It doesn't make any sense. So do everything you can to not make this scary. And the other way you do that is by not telling them things they don't already know.

Stephanie Goss:
Yeah. So what's your third? You said three.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, so keep them four.

Stephanie Goss:
I've got a third.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Oh, well, I mean, I'll have a four if I want.

Stephanie Goss:
So, well, the last big thing for me that we haven't talked about is for most people, the point of doing this is because there has to be some sort of scorekeeping. There has to be some sort of metric. And so, for me, when it comes to thinking about the questions and even just making it, looking back at the past, looking at the future state and the present state, the question for me is what kind of metrics am I going to use? How do I know what success looks like there?
And I mean, even if you have to use a scale, and I've been there where it's like you get one point for this thing. Then work together to figure out what that success looks like so that you can define a way for them to know what the scale is and how it applies to them. Because that is one of the biggest sources of anxiety when it comes to employee evaluations, is feeling like you don't actually know what the scale is. And whoever's giving you your evaluation is making up the rules as they go.

Dr. Andy Roark:
I know, I love that.

Stephanie Goss:
So it's as simple as smart goal setting. If somebody says, “I want to become a licensed technician in the next year,” well, that's maybe not an attainable goal depending on where they are. But it's a great goal because you can absolutely work backwards from there and break it down into a smart goal format where it's time bound and you can measure it. Have they met or have they missed the mark for each one of those steps? And so, for me, that future facing is about, let's dream big, but then let's take some time. And I like to make them two separate meetings because then your point, you're not sitting in a super long meeting. It's like, okay, look, we're excited about these things. How are we going to get there? What is the actual goal going to look like?
And sometimes you have team members who come in right off the bat and they know how to do that on their own. And you're also going to have team members that have no idea how to make that actually actionable and make a plan. But for me, that focus, that excites me, that's my jam. I love sitting there and helping them figure out how are we going to do this? What is that going to look like? And how are we together going to measure this at the end of the time period next month when I ask you, “Hey, how's it going working towards the goal? What is the scale that you are going to grade yourself on and that you would be okay with me grading you on as well?”

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah. I think that's great. Jumping back to the original question, there was how do we do these evaluations? What questions do you ask? Who should answer the questions? And I think the implication here is if you're trying to get a complete picture of someone in their performance, do you just ask that person or do you ask other people? And the last question is, should management get evaluated? And so, let's go ahead. I would take five minutes right here at the end, Stephanie Goss, should management get evaluated?

Stephanie Goss:
Oh my gosh, you're going to open up another soapbox at the end of the episode?

Dr. Andy Roark:
We're going to hammer this out in five minutes. I think another episode of how should leadership get evaluated? I think it's a whole episode, but let's just lay this down real fast. On the count of three, let's both say whether or not management should get evaluations. 1, 2, 3.

Stephanie Goss:
Hell yes!

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yes. All right. Oh God, I didn't know how that was going to go. I was like, “This is going to be awkward.”

Stephanie Goss:
No.

Dr. Andy Roark:
No. The answer is hell yes. And why? Because go back to what I said. What's the point? If the point is to support this person and develop this person, I'm sorry. Would you like to have one of these mystery things that supports and develops? You would say Absolutely. And so, if this thing is meant to support you and develop you, then you would want one. And if you don't want one, I think that's a really interesting thing for you to stop and think about and be like, “I tell people I don't want an evaluation.” And I go, “Okay, well, maybe we should change the evaluation.” You know what I mean?

Stephanie Goss:
Yes.

Dr. Andy Roark:
And so, anyway, so the answer is if you buy into what Steph and I have been saying about evaluations, first of all, I hate the name. But if you buy into a personal development plan meeting, a personal development checkup or whatever, if you buy into that, then it's more important that leaders get them than anybody. It's like, you need feedback just like the employees do. We're all human, we all have big blind spots. We're all doing our best, but we can't necessarily tell how we impact other people all the time. And so, yes, absolutely, leaders should have them.
And so, then the question becomes who should do them and how do we do them? And I think that that's a whole other episode. My basic thing is this, remember why we're doing this, right? Remember, it's about mentoring people and growing people. It's about getting feedback. It's about getting some guidance in how we develop basic things. If you want to pull in guidance from other people on your team to help get a more complete picture, you can do that. I have seen people blow their faces off doing this. And I'll tell you what you're not going to do-

Stephanie Goss:
The 360 anonymous review.

Dr. Andy Roark:
That's exactly it. You are not going to do a 360 anonymous review. That's a terrible idea.

Stephanie Goss:
That's a horrible idea.

Dr. Andy Roark:
It's a terrible idea. It's a great idea. It's a terrible, horrible, in practice reality thing. People, it is awful, we don't have time to get into it. It's awful, don't do it. And Stephanie, you've seen me ask for evaluation in our team, and you kind of know how I try to get that feedback and you can comment about how well it works or whatever. But one of my true beliefs is if you are going to get feedback on other people on your team from their coworkers, or if you are the leader and you are asking for feedback, you want to ask in a way that minimizes the chances of bad behavior and unfair analysis and things like that.
And so, one of the quick ways I'll say that I do is I'm a big fan of what I call stars and wishes. And so I'll say, “Hey guys, I'm looking for stars and wishes on Stephanie Goss.” And stars and wishes means a star is, tell me what she's great at. Tell me what she does that you appreciate. Tell me what she's wonderful about. And then a wish is, what would you like to see Stephanie work on in the future? And those are the two questions. Tell me, she's great at, tell me what you love about her. Tell me what you'd like to see her work on in the future. Do not tell me about what she did last week. Tell me about the time that she hurt your feelings. That that's it, just tell me that stuff. And honestly, I have never done anonymous evaluations just because God, I hope that my people trust-

Stephanie Goss:
Oh, I hope it's an awful…

Dr. Andy Roark:
… I hope my people trust enough to say, “Hey, this is a concern that I have,” and it's up to me to be a good steward of their trust. It's up to me. I hope that anyone on my team who had a problem with someone else would come to me and say, “Hey, I'm having this problem,” or “This is a concern that I'm having.” And if they wouldn't do that, I'm like, “Oh man, I have not been doing a good job as being a steward of the trust of my team and I need to work on that.” So anyway, that's in a nutshell, those are my big takeaways on those sorts of other-person reviews.

Stephanie Goss:
I think that that piece needs to be very targeted and very smart in the questions that you're asking because that is the most dangerous part of the evaluation process. It's where I see it blow up every single time where it's blown up on me as a manager, having used that framework and where it has blown up on me as a team member. Giving people an anonymous open-ended source to be able to just vent. “Don't do it. Don't blow your foot off.” That's all I'm going to say. But it is an area where it can be really useful. You have to choose the right questions. And so, asking about things that are objective is the key here. Because if you are asking questions that basically allow people to not be objective and to let their feelings and emotions weigh into it, it's going to get messy really quick.
And so, asking things that are truly objective and measuring, weighing it within the context of the relationship, I need to know. And that's why I hate it being anonymous, because I might have a kennel team member that has worked with me one day in a whole year. I want to be able to hear what they have to say, but weigh that differently than the feedback that might come from you, Andy, where we've worked together as doctor and technician side by side, three days a week for the last 12 months. I want that to be able to have weight, and I can't do that if it's an anonymous system.

Dr. Andy Roark:
Yeah, I completely agree. All right, well, that's what we've got…

Stephanie Goss:
We've created four other podcast episodes for ourselves on this conversation.

Dr. Andy Roark:
A lot of ranting in this podcast. I hope that there were some good actual useful tips, I hope there was.

Stephanie Goss:
I have ideas for three different blogs.

Dr. Andy Roark:
We got that going for us and that's nice. All right, everybody.

Stephanie Goss:
Take care everybody. Have a fantastic week.

Dr. Andy Roark:
See you everybody. Bye.

Stephanie Goss:
Well, gang, that's a wrap on another episode of the podcast. And as always, this was so fun to dive into the mail bag and answer this question. And I would really love to see more things like this come through the mail bag. If there is something that you would love to have us talk about on the podcast or a question that you are hoping that we might be able to help with, feel free to reach out and send us a message. You can always find the mail bag at the website. The address is unchartedvet.com/mailbag, or you can email us at podcast@unchartedvet.com. Take care everybody, and have a great week. We'll see you again next time.

  • Go to page 1
  • Go to page 2
  • Go to page 3
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Go to page 5
  • Go to Next Page »
  • Membership
  • Contact
  • Conferences
  • Register
  • Account
  • Cart
  • Privacy

Copyright © 2023 UNCHARTED VETERINARY CONFERENCE | WEBSITE BY OFFICETHUG

  •  

  •  

  •  

  •